by JoAnn Durgin
He released a breath and cupped his hands around the coffee mug, hugging its warmth to ease the sudden chill. “Two weeks before she died in a car accident, we attended a Christmas concert. Inside the Hilbert Circle Theatre, in the middle of a performance by the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra, Darcy whispered in my ear. ‘Pedicabs. You should start a pedicab business.’ I laughed off the idea and figured she was just being Darcy—fun, whimsical, a little bit crazy, and a lot impractical.”
Sawyer blew out a deep sigh. Ava sat up straighter in her chair, her eyes wide. “After Darcy died, I started thinking about what she’d said at the concert. Then I started asking myself the hard but important questions about my future, starting with why I would give up my stable career with a downtown firm for the uncertainty of owning my own business. And why pedicabs, of all things?” He rubbed his hand over his chin, appreciating how Ava listened quietly. When she slipped her hand over his, he held on tight.
“The more I thought about it, and the more I discussed the pros and cons with Chase, Allie and my dad, the more I realized Darcy was right about me, as usual, and her suggestion was…well, it was perfect.” He rapped the knuckles of his free hand on the table, his other still intertwined with Ava’s soft, warm hand.
“I did my research, hired an attorney to file the necessary paperwork, ordered the pedicabs and equipment I needed, scouted out locations around town, and then hired a group of guys as my drivers. After all that, then I turned in my resignation at the firm. Quit the corporate life, traded in the BMW for my SUV, and exchanged the business suits for sweats and biker’s gear. I’ve been operating the pedicab business for almost two years now. I think I mentioned before that I still do some contract work, but the pedicab business takes up most of my time. I couldn’t be happier. For that, I will always thank Darcy.”
“And you’ll love her for it.”
“Yes.” He swallowed hard and squeezed her hand.
“I can see why. She sounds like a wonderful person, and it’s obvious how much she loved you and had your best interests at heart.”
“Thank you for saying that. She would like you, too.”
If she were still alive, Darcy would be the head cheerleader in his growing relationship with Ava. That idea gave him a weird comfort he hadn’t expected.
“I also realized something important about my relationship with Darcy,” he said, lowering his voice. “I feel the need to tell you now.”
Ava’s brown eyes, so beautiful and luminescent, searched his. “What’s that?”
Chapter 11
~~♥~~
“I loved Darcy enough not to marry her.”
When Ava tilted her head with a curious expression and seemed about to speak, Sawyer put two fingers over her lips, stilling them. “Being completely honest here, I didn’t feel the kind of physical desire for Darcy that would make for a good marriage. We were great friends first and foremost, and I finally realized that’s where our relationship needed to stay.”
Sawyer took a quick sip of his coffee. Lowering the mug to the table, he drummed the fingers of one hand on the table. “We were comfortable together, but that’s not what I wanted for either one of us.” He heaved a heavy sigh. “She deserved more than I could offer.”
Sitting back in her chair, Ava’s brow creased. “Did Darcy know this?”
“We hadn’t had a heart-to-heart about it, no. We were both busy, first with school and then in building our respective careers. Darcy probably died believing we’d eventually be married even though nothing had ever been said. I’d never given her a ring. Never made any promises about the future. Darcy was also uncommonly smart, and there’s a small part of me that suspects she might have known in her heart that we wouldn’t work long term.”
“Maybe she was afraid you’d lose the close friendship you shared if you broke up.”
“Could be, although I think we would have always remained good friends even if we moved on to other relationships.”
“You feel guilty you never had that talk.”
Sawyer nodded. This woman understood him as much as Darcy ever had in a remarkably short time. He couldn’t understand how that was possible, but Ava’s insightful comments clued him in that she could read him. Perhaps even more odd, it didn’t bother or scare him in the least.
Ava traced one finger around the rim of her coffee mug. “The way I see it, God brings people into our lives for a purpose. Like I was saying earlier, good or bad, and for however long we know someone, we can always learn and grow from the experience. Sometimes we’re stubborn and don’t want to see what we know God’s trying to tell us. Sometimes it takes us a little while to come around to His way of seeing things.”
Sawyer found that comment intriguing but didn’t want to push her to elaborate.
“How long did you actually date?”
“The lines are blurred because we’d gone out as friends for a long time but my best estimate is on and off for three years.” He straightened in his chair. “Unless you have any more questions for me, tell me about Cole.” Ava couldn’t have any idea how hard it was to say those words. While he didn’t look forward to hearing more details about Cole, it was necessary for the well-being of his budding relationship with Ava. So he’d suck it up and listen to this woman with whom he was falling in love as she told him about her love for another man.
Lord, help me.
Rising from her chair, Ava walked over to the side of the refrigerator. Lifting a magnet, she removed something and brought it over to him. “This photo was taken at a 5K run downtown the spring before he died. Cole placed tenth out of a field of more than three hundred. This is right after he crossed the finish line.”
Sawyer glanced at the photo of the man who’d once owned Ava’s heart. Irrational or not, he felt a stab of jealousy. He looked pretty much like he’d envisioned. Pretty boy handsome, dark-haired with an angular jaw and strong features. Blue eyes. Yuppie and from old money. He wouldn’t be able to explain it if he tried, but he could always tell and Cole had the look.
Athletic and muscular. Obviously gregarious. In the photo, he wore a yellow tank top with his race number affixed to the front and running shorts. Towering over Ava, Cole’s arm was draped around her shoulders. Even flushed with sweat after the race, the guy would attract the attention of any woman.
“You look happy. What was his last name?”
“Warner. His dad founded a successful PR firm downtown. Cole was the heir apparent.”
Laying the photo aside, Sawyer gave her his full attention.
“Cole was very talented and had the ability to write great ad copy as well as illustrate and design, so he was in high demand. Before he died, he was contemplating branching out on his own and opening a small advertising agency.”
Something about Ava’s tone hinted that she wasn’t fond of the idea. “He spent long hours working and there were times he broke our dates to finish up a campaign at the office. I didn’t quite understand because his dad had groomed him to take over the family firm. I guess Cole wanted to prove he could be successful on his own.” Lifting the coffee mug to her lips, Ava sipped from it, and her fingers shook a little. A frown creased her brow, tempting Sawyer to smooth it away.
“Cole started skipping church and making excuses. I wasn’t happy about it and voiced my concern. He basically accused me of being holier-than-thou and trying to dictate his relationship with the Lord.” She lowered her mug to the table. “More than likely, it was probably his guilt talking. I felt he was placing too much emphasis on his work and worldly things.”
Sawyer waited, wondering if she’d say more, a question lingering on his mind but one he wasn’t willing to voice. Asking if the relationship was on rocky ground when Cole died would be way too personal.
“Things were fine between us but, like most couples, we had issues to work through before the wedding. We’d just started counseling with our pastor, but Cole missed one of the first sessions because he had a meeting that he said he
couldn’t miss.”
Once again, Ava must have anticipated his unasked question.
“That’s one thing I admire about you, Sawyer. You’re settled. You’ve found your place in the world and you’re content.” The same sadness he’d glimpsed before surfaced in her beautiful features as she took another longer sip of her coffee. “Even with his success, I’m not sure Cole was content with what he had. He was so driven and always seemed to want and need more. Nothing was ever good enough. Sometimes I wondered how long I’d be good enough for him, and I suppose that’s what worried me most of all.”
Hearing the catch in her throat, Sawyer ached to soothe her heartache. He reached for Ava’s hand where it rested on the top of the table, hoping the action could somehow comfort her. “You’re more than good enough, Ava. You always will be.”
A tear streaked down her face and she started to brush it away with the back of her hand.
“Allow me.” With the pad of his thumb, Sawyer absorbed the moisture and allowed his hand to linger. Their eyes locked and held as Ava leaned into his hand.
Their lips were an inch apart. She finally inclined her head and touched her lips to his for the briefest of moments. “Thank you,” she whispered.
How long he sat—his hand intertwined with Ava’s—Sawyer had no idea.
Sometimes saying nothing was the best thing.
Chapter 12
~~♥~~
Ava kept one eye on Heather as her assistant flitted about the studio. While she’d been working out some rough spots in the choreography for a new dance she’d teach later that afternoon, Heather dusted, swept, and disinfected the barre. With her blonde ponytail swinging behind her, she twirled and pirouetted as she hummed am unrecognizable tune under her breath.
“My turn to ask what has you smiling, dancing and humming like a Disney character?” Ava said when Heather stepped back from the mirror, appraising her handiwork. After rubbing out one last stubborn streak, Heather carried the cleaning supplies to the small closet in the corner and stored them inside.
“I’m going to this big charity gala at the Omni Severin tomorrow night,” she called from inside the closet. “My personal version of a ball, I guess you could say.”
“That sounds like fun.” Ava continued dancing. She loved to challenge her students but didn’t want to attempt anything that would confuse and exasperate them. If they were frustrated, the kids would lose some of their enthusiasm. Frustrated kids being picked up by sometimes frazzled moms definitely wouldn’t work in her favor.
Heather came to stand beside her, watching Ava’s mirrored reflection. “Mom had an extra ticket since my stepdad doesn’t want to go. Last weekend, I went to that new little boutique downtown my mom told me about and found a fabulous dress—a beautiful turquoise sheath with some green sequin-thingies on it. Looks kind of like a mermaid dress, off-the-shoulder, and falls to mid-calf with a soft tulle skirt. Makes me look ten pounds skinnier than I am.” She laughed at Ava’s quirked brow. “I like to think it flatters me.”
“Then I’m sure it does.” She’d worried about Heather in recent weeks. Naturally thin, she’d dropped weight since Christmas. Even though Heather attributed it to nervous energy, who loses weight during the holidays? Ava had gained a few pounds herself. “What’s the event?”
Heather carried the broom to the closet and then closed the door behind her. “A benefit for one of the local children’s hospitals. Catered dinner and dancing. There’s also a celebrity auction or something.”
Ava stopped in the middle of practicing her footwork. “Oh?” Her pulse had picked up speed at the mention of the charity auction. “Is this benefit for Peyton Manning’s Children’s Hospital, by any chance?”
Heather scrunched her pretty features. “I think so, but I’m not sure. I can call Mom and ask. Why?”
“Sawyer’s sister is one of the event coordinators and coerced him into participating in the auction. It’s actually a bachelor auction. He told me about it.” She smiled at the memory of Sawyer’s lack of pretense when he told her about the event. “Let’s just say he’s not exactly fond of the idea.”
Heather moved one hand to her hip. “Well, how cute is that? From what I know of him, he’ll be a fantastic candidate for the auction.” She stopped and her blue eyes widened. “Are you upset or jealous about it? I mean, I know you’ve only just started seeing him. I’ve never been to a bachelor auction before, but isn’t that where…” Heather lowered her gaze and her cheeks flushed with color. “My big mouth runneth over. Again.”
“You’re fine. As far as I know, women bid money to go on a date with him. Not a real date, I guess. It’s all in good fun and for a great cause. That’s the reason Sawyer agreed to it.”
Okay, so I’m jealous. It’s for the kids, Ava.
“I think it’s very sweet that he told you about it,” Heather said. “The man obviously cares for you. He didn’t have to say anything. The fact that he did speaks highly to his strength of character and his confidence in the future of your relationship.” Facing the mirror beside her, Heather joined in with Ava’s dance steps.
“He’s a wonderful man.” Ava smiled as they both pirouetted in tandem. A few minutes later, she paused to change the music on the CD player.
“I can also tell Sawyer’s different. He’s not Cole,” Heather said as they resumed dancing. “He’s not a man to keep secrets.”
“I know. Arabesque.” Ava wasn’t sure she liked that statement. She didn’t stop dancing, but Heather did. “Keep dancing, please. Let me know if the sequence feels right to you.”
“Okay.” Heather turned up the volume of the music and resumed her steps beside Ava. They danced together in silence for a few minutes.
“Contretemps. Demi-plié. Port de bras,” Ava said as they neared the end.
“I’m sorry, Ava. What I said before didn’t come out right, either. I didn’t mean that Cole purposely kept anything bad from you.” Heather met her reflected gaze in the mirror. “I only meant that he could be…closed and he wasn’t as openly affectionate. Tell me if anything I’m saying isn’t true.”
“And hold.” Ava faltered only a moment in her final arabesque. She slowly lowered her leg. “I know what you’re saying, Heather. Almost from the moment I met Sawyer, I could tell he wasn’t the type of person to hold anything back.”
“A good quality. Holding it in never does anyone any good. You’ve got to release a little steam along the way or sooner or later it’s going to blow.” Heather performed a final pirouette. Ava watched, impressed as always by her best friend’s skill and athletic grace.
Heather smiled and gave her a nod. “Your sequence is fine. Not too challenging for our little upstart ballerinas but enough to keep them busy and out of trouble.”
Ava wiped her brow with a small towel and draped it across her shoulders as Heather mirrored her. “Interesting you should say that.”
“Is that a good or bad thing? What’d I say now?”
Ava smiled and gave Heather a quick hug. “You help me keep things in perspective, and I love you for it. After the fall and before I opened the studio, I was drifting. I was keeping myself busy but I wasn’t challenged. These kids are my life now, and I can’t imagine anything making me happier. Cole could see that, even more than me. At the time, I was too blinded by self-pity, and he took it upon himself to help me in his own way.”
“Right. In order to be content, you needed to pursue your passion. You just didn’t realize what it was at the time. Everyone should be so blessed. I’m thankful Cole was able to provide the means.”
“I’ll always love Cole for his selfless generosity.” Ava’s thoughts immediately shifted to Sawyer, as they had so often since she’d met him. Darcy helped Sawyer on the road to finding his purpose and passion, and Cole had done the same for her.
Heather smiled. “Sometimes, my friend, dreams do come true.”
~~♥~~
Sitting in her office late on Friday afternoon, the quiet almos
t overwhelmed Ava even though her iPod on the desk beside her played classical music. She’d stared at the same page of the dance costume catalog for twenty minutes while her mind wandered. Maybe she should change to jazz music or something more upbeat. Contemporary music might be more uplifting.
Heather’s words from the studio earlier that morning swirled in her mind, over and over again.
Sawyer’s not Cole. He’s not a man to keep secrets.
Of all the people she’d ever known, Heather could read people. Ava found it fascinating how after only a brief introduction to Sawyer, her best friend seemed to gain a good sense of who he was, what he was about, and the depth of the man.
One of the most difficult aspects of losing Cole had been the innuendos and whispers. Especially since he hadn’t died alone in that car. She’d never had any reason to suspect him of cheating on her even though he’d had that one previous relationship with another woman. He’d honored Ava’s wish to save physical intimacy between them for after they were married. They’d made promises to one another. She’d depended on him, trusted him, loved him. Defended him fiercely—in her mind and to others. How could people, especially those who hadn’t known him as well as she had, point fingers and make completely unfounded accusations? They didn’t know the man’s heart the way his fiancée did.
Now, a little more than two years later, the rumors floated through her mind again. She was no closer to the truth of what had happened on that fateful day. Would it be better if she let it go and treasured the sweet memories of him, memories that had faded with the passage of time but would always remain with her? No matter how many prayers she’d prayed, no matter how many times she’d surrendered Cole to the Lord, she still couldn’t shake that desire to prove him innocent once and for all. Not so much for anyone else but for her own heart. If only she knew a way to go about it, she would. Another truth she’d learned: people would believe what they wanted, no matter what the facts said.
