by JoAnn Durgin
They alternated going to one another’s church worship services. Sawyer had introduced her to his family and Chase. As he knew they would, they all heartily approved. Ava and Allie had become fast friends. He and Ava babysat for Allie and Matt one night with Sophia as their more than capable pint-sized chaperone. His niece was relentless and caught him kissing Ava on the neck and acted appropriately shocked. He’d heard about that one from Allie and gotten the good influence vs. bad influence speech.
Ava had corrected him on the proper technique to change a diaper and he’d explained some of the finer points of his exercise regime at the gym. “Part of my job requires that I work out, you know,” he told her as he swirled spaghetti around his fork and fed it to Ava where she sat across the table during their babysitting stint. “I can deduct it as a business expense.”
Then he’d explained how he routinely worked with some of the same exercise machines that the Colts used. Maybe his ego led the way into that discussion. Maybe the fact that she’d caught him playing dolls with Sophia had something to do with it. He had to do something to make up for the shock of her seeing him kiss Ava. Heaven forbid.
“I’m enthralled.” After Ava fed him a bite of spaghetti from her fork, she’d proceeded to explain in excruciating detail some of the finer points of ballet, including a demonstration with Sophia of some of the basic positions. She was a natural with kids, and Jacob and Jason alternated throwing themselves on her lap, begging for “Aunt Ava” to read another story.
Sophia routinely followed Ava around like a puppy and seemed to find it beyond exciting that her Uncle Sawyer was dating her dance instructor. Their new secret password was “flower girl” since he’d promised Sophia that key role in their wedding. He’d worried Sophia would spill his intentions to Ava, but he’d promised her first babysitting dubs on any future babies they’d have. A little bold to promise such a thing, but foresight was important. And kept Sophia quiet for now.
Some might call it jumping the gun, but unless he’d misread every sign from Ava, she desired him and wanted to be his wife, his lover, the mother of his children. Hopefully by the end of the summer. Maybe they were moving fast, but they’d both known—exchanged words of love—a month after they began dating. If he’d had his way, he’d have married her within a few days of the first time he’d heard “I love you” from Ava’s lips, but he wanted to do it right and give Ava all the time she needed. Give her the church wedding, the white wedding dress she wanted, the perfect dream honeymoon to Hawaii.
The speed with which they’d fallen in love might concern him with any other woman but Ava. With her, he was playing for keeps, like he’d told Eric. The forever kind of love. He’d met some of her dancer pals at a surprise party for one of her former ballet friends. Definitely a different breed, but they’d seemed as fascinated by his pedicab business as he was impressed with the strength, dedication and discipline they exhibited.
Now, in Ava’s living room, they danced quietly together. Barely moving, neither one spoke. When he traced his fingertips along the side of her face, Ava leaned into it. Sawyer lowered his lips to hers, sinking into the scent of the perfume, the softness of her skin, the feel of her lips on his, and the everything of Ava.
With a deep sigh, Sawyer moved his lips to her forehead. “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.” Stepping back, he released Ava’s hand. Aware she watched, he strode across the room to the sofa. Not moving his gaze from hers, he reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out the ring box. He caught her small gasp as he returned to her and bent down on one knee. His knee that had been banged up a few times, but tonight he felt no pain.
“Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has seen God at any time; if we love one another, God abides in us, and His love is perfected in us.”
“Sawyer, are you…?” Moving one hand over her mouth, Ava’s eyes were damp with tears.
“Ava, I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you. You’re beautiful, you’re in my heart, my soul, and I want to be your husband. To love, cherish and honor you as Christ loves His church.” Opening the box, he removed the emerald cut diamond ring with slightly shaking fingers, although he didn’t feel nervous. He slipped the ring onto her finger. “Ava Rose Carlisle, will you grant me the honor of becoming my wife?” He breathed a sigh of relief when it seemed to fit perfectly. Allie had played the role of detective in finding out Ava’s ring size. As usual, she’d come through for him.
“Yes, Sawyer! Oh yes!”
When he rose to his feet, Ava’s smile almost knocked him off his feet. “You are the only man I know who would use scripture to propose.”
“Blame Chase. He’s been counseling me. All good,” he said when her brows lifted.
“I think it’s incredibly precious.” She cupped his face between her hands, and he glimpsed the love in her gaze. “Ava Rose Mancini sounds like a name I could answer to the rest of my life. I love you, Sawyer.”
“I love you, too, Ballerina.”
Then his fiancée gave him a kiss filled with passion, desire, and overwhelming promise.
Chapter 16
~~♥~~
Two Weeks Later ~ Late May
Sawyer stared at the note. His pulse pounding, he sank onto the bed. After the bad car accident as a teenager, he’d been in shock. What he recalled from that experience was nothing compared to what he felt now, although he didn’t need medical attention. At least he didn’t think he did. Still, his fingers shook so bad, he thought he’d drop the paper. A psychologist might be good right about now to help him sort out what was going through his mind—the doubts, the fears, the disbelief. That was only the beginning.
He tightened his grip on the yellow note, bending it between his fingers. No question in his mind that Darcy had written the message. Ellyn had been right in that assessment. In spite of Darcy’s name being pre-printed at the top and the name of the realty company at the bottom, he’d recognize her loopy, tiny cursive penmanship anywhere. How many times had he teased her that he could pick out her writing in a lineup? The telltale formation of the letter ‘e’ with its weird loop and the steep slant of all the words to the right. The double exclamation marks. Classic Darcy.
Running his thumb over the note, Sawyer read it again—slowly and out loud—the same as he’d done at least ten times in the past thirty minutes.
Meet Cole W. at Rathskeller. Celebratory lunch. Noon. A date was notated at the top. Two days before Christmas two years ago. The date of Darcy’s car accident. The same day Cole died.
Below it, a barely legible scribble. Tell Sawyer About My Huge Sale!!
Lord, this can’t be happening. Why hadn’t he looked at this note before? He’d tucked it in his pocket the night of the Valentine’s Day charity bachelor auction, determined not to read Darcy’s words in the presence of two women he didn’t know. Then, when Allie found it in his tuxedo the next day—before she had it dry cleaned—he’d picked up the note from the desk and stuffed it in the pocket of his jacket. That’s where it had resided until today. A gloriously sunny Saturday in late May, a day when he was sorting through some clothes to take to the Salvation Army thrift store. As he’d gone through each item of clothing, he’d checked the pockets as Allie had schooled him to do, and as Mom used to do years ago.
Sawyer dropped the note on the bed beside him, his mind spinning. That small square of yellow paper had changed his life. Irrevocably. Sure, nothing was confirmed, but in his heart? In his conscious mind? Yeah, reading this note brought a sense of impending heartache. Foreboding, maybe. Was the world really that small as he and Ava had mentioned when they’d met unexpectedly, and for a second time, in her dance studio?
What did it matter if Ava’s fiancé had died in the same accident that ultimately killed Darcy?
Because it did matter. He recalled Heather’s words and knew she was right. Ava wouldn’t have complete and full closur
e about Cole’s death until she understood he wasn’t cheating on her with another woman. She’d been afraid she hadn’t been good enough, but from what Sawyer could tell, she’d meant everything to Cole.
The question uppermost in his mind: how would Ava react when she discovered the news? No, she couldn’t just “discover” something this important. Information that had the potential to devastate her life all over again. He needed to be the one to tell her, but first he needed to explore his assumptions and gather the facts. He only prayed she wouldn’t push him away.
ava loves you. She wants to marry you. You’ll weather this storm together.
Think, think, think. Sawyer rapped his curled first on his forehead and his mind raced almost as fast as his pulse. How many men named Cole could there be in Indianapolis? Hundreds? Thousands?
If what he suspected was true, could this unbelievable scenario somehow be God’s plan, or was this an unfathomable cruel twist of fate? No, no, no! He didn’t believe in coincidence, luck, fate or any of those things. His world didn’t work that way. God didn’t work that way.
Closing his eyes, Sawyer forced himself to concentrate as he recounted in his mind the facts as he knew them. Darcy had died with a client, as a passenger in the man’s car. From what he knew, the man had died at the scene. Darcy was airlifted to a hospital downtown that specialized in head trauma with some of the best surgeons in the world.
She’d lingered for almost a week, clinging to life, before her family made the decision to disconnect the machines keeping her alive between Christmas and the New Year. Sawyer argued with them over the decision, believing they should allow the Lord to take Darcy home in His timing, not theirs. For three agonizing hours—on a night when he should have been out on the town celebrating the holidays with Darcy—he’d fought for her right to live while her parents argued the reasons to allow their only daughter to die.
The debate ended with the Ballantynes telling him to say good-bye. The fight had drained from him as he’d seen the anguish in their devastated faces. They loved their daughter as much as he did, but based on what the doctors told them, there was little hope. Darcy—his best friend, one of the brightest lights in his life—was gone. He’d kissed her and whispered his good-byes, managing to keep it together until he made it home. Other than some episodes in high school and early in his college fraternity days, he’d never been one to drink more than an occasional beer or two, but as he’d passed a liquor store that night, he’d wrestled over stopping in to pick up solace in a bottle that would numb the relentless ache. He’d gunned the accelerator and sped past one liquor store, and the next, and the next, until he’d finally reached home. Alive and sober and, perhaps more miraculously, without a speeding ticket.
The next day, he’d driven to the hospital with a heavy heart, knowing what he’d find. Darcy’s hospital bed was empty. A nurse told him her body had been taken to the funeral home earlier that morning. Reeling, he’d stumbled to the hospital chapel and collapsed into a chair. Never in his life had he cried so long or so hard. Or cried out to God but received no answers.
He’d grieved Darcy for a couple of weeks solid. Wallowing in his misery, he’d used his accumulated weeks of vacation and holed up in his condo. Chase checked on him every day, as did Allie. Between the two of them, they pulled him out of his misery, forced him to finally get back to work and go through the motions of life. He’d thrown himself into his job and rarely saw the light of day during the week.
The theme from Rocky blared from his cell phone on the nightstand, startling Sawyer from his musing, and making him jump. He didn’t want to talk with anyone right now except Ava. Opening his eyes, a groan from somewhere deep inside him escaped. Sawyer rested his elbows on his thighs and rubbed his hand over his forehead. How could he get through to Ava so that she’d understand what happened with Cole and Darcy had nothing to do with their relationship? He might not have known Ava for years, but he knew her. This would be a major setback to their relationship, and he could only pray it didn’t kill it completely.
Please, Lord. I can’t allow that to happen. I’ll fight for her, if needed. You know how stubborn I am. Whatever it takes. Be with me as I figure out what to do, what to say, where to go, how to tell Ava.
Sawyer’s shoulders slumped as he heard the tone on the cell phone indicating the caller had left a voice mail message. Better check in case it was Ava. Picking up the phone, he stared at it for a few seconds. Chase. “Thank you, Lord.” Of all the people he knew, family included, Chase would be able to help.
“Hey, Sawyer. Wanted to check in with you. Haven’t heard much from you since you popped the question to your bride-to-be. Give me a call. We can grab lunch or hang out. Play some hoops. Whatever. Be blessed!”
A month after Darcy died—aware that the best way to get his attention was by bringing sports into the equation—Chase had asked for his help one weekend. That weekend had been a turning point in his grieving and healing process. Maybe he should call Chase back now.
Ten minutes later, he’d unloaded the whole story on Chase. Being a pastor, he listened and knew better than to interrupt. Sure, his seminary training taught him to counsel others, but with Chase, he was his friend first and foremost. Never acted like he was any better than anyone else—holier than thou—but he was there for him. If he needed Chase in the middle of the night for anything, Sawyer could count on him to be there. He was one of the most reliable and steadfast guys he’d never known. The youth pastor’s background in inner-city Chicago hadn’t been ideal, far from it, but he’d come out of a bad family situation and a period of rebellion to become a positive role model to the kids in his youth group.
“That’s quite a story,” Chase said when he finished his spiel.
Sawyer blew out a breath. He felt a little better by being able to share it with his best friend. “Tell me about it. I’m trying to figure out my first steps, and I’m not sure where to go or what to do next. The most important thing is that I don’t want to burden Ava with this story without substantiation to back it up.”
“That’s understandable. How about the obituaries for Cole and Darcy? Would they give you any details?”
“I know Darcy’s obit only said she died but didn’t even mention the accident. I think that was her family’s wish.”
“Right,” Chase said. “How about police records, hospital records, that kind of thing?”
“I could check, but I’d probably need a court order. There’d be legalities involved, and I’m not sure I have that kind of time.” Sawyer hated to think of any kind of court involvement. There had to be a better way.
“What do you mean?”
“I need to find out sooner than later and tell Ava. Heaven forbid if she finds out I know this information and haven’t shared it with her.”
“You’re confusing me. Why should that matter? If you tell her as soon as you get more facts, it’s not like you’re sitting on the information or withholding anything from her.”
“Trust me, Chase, it’ll matter. I think it would to any woman. I can’t explain it, but trust me on this one. It’s because of the weird circumstances of being my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé. It’s pretty overwhelming. Just pray with me that it doesn’t send her running away from me.”
“You’re the one with the experience with women, so I’m sure you’re right.” Chase grunted. “I meant that in the best possible way. Even though I don’t know Ava as well as you do, I know she loves you, Sawyer. You might be a little paranoid without reason, so consider that, pray about it, and approach the situation in love, whatever you decide to do. Okay, so can you check with the woman who gave you the note? You said she worked with Darcy at the realty office, right?”
“Yeah.” Sawyer chewed on his thumbnail, something he hadn’t done in years. “That’s not all. I can’t believe I forgot to tell you this, but Ellyn—the realtor—is the mother of Heather, who happens to be Ava’s assistant at the dance studio and her best friend.”
&nb
sp; Chase whistled under his breath. “The story just got more interesting.”
“Chase, tell me how God’s working in this situation.” Sawyer chewed on another nail. If he kept up with the gnawing routine, pretty soon he wouldn’t have any nails left.
Surprising him, Chase chuckled. “I can’t tell you that, buddy. What I can tell you is that He is working. As you work your way through this, I can guarantee the Lord will reveal Himself to you in a new way. A way you never expected.”
Sawyer shook his head. “That’s supposed to help or make me feel better in some way?”
“I’m a pastor. That’s the kind of thing you expect me to say, right?”
“Right, you goof.”
“Seriously, Sawyer, let’s pray together. Right here and now. That’s the best thing we can do.”
“Sure. Thanks.” He loved his friend’s forthrightness and unashamed boldness in praying whenever the mood struck. He’d seen him pray on a bus, in the middle of a Starbucks and any number of fast food joints, on the sidelines of a basketball court, and the list could go on. Chase’s faith and prayers inspired him before as it did now. Bowing his head, Sawyer closed his eyes and listened as his friend prayed on his behalf.
“Father, this is quite a situation my friend Sawyer has discovered. Right now, we can’t begin to understand what you want him to learn from it, but we acknowledge you have a perfect plan as you always do. Help Sawyer as he tries to find out the truth of what happened to their loved ones, Darcy and Cole. We know they’re in your presence now, Father, and we rejoice that they both knew you. But for those left behind, the answers aren’t always easy.
