“You want me to bite you?”
“Yeah…and then ride me hard.”
She felt her eyebrows jump up her forehead. Oh, God…she’d never been asked to inflict any sort of pain on anyone, especially in the name of hot sex, but how could she turn him down? His eyes were so dark, so sexy, and she wanted to make him happy. She sucked on his nipple again, and then brought her teeth together. She heard him suck in a heavy breath. “You like that?”
“Harder.”
She couldn’t believe she was going to do it, but she licked him again and then bit down hard. She didn’t want to pierce his flesh and make him bleed, but she was going to get as close to that as possible. She bit down again, slowly, to gauge his response and he moaned, digging his fingers into the flesh of her hips. She let go of him and then started pumping on him hard, just as he’d asked. His eyes were squeezed shut, but he was close. She tilted her pelvis, now ready to enjoy herself as well, and slid him in the right spot to bring her to the top.
It didn’t take long. She took a deep breath and felt herself buried in another orgasm, just as she felt Ethan’s hands clench around her waist again while he groaned. She kept shimmying her hips, not ready for her orgasm to end just yet.
When they were both done, she leaned forward to rest her head on the pillow next to his. She felt his arm move up her back as he whispered, “Fucking perfect.” She didn’t know if he was talking about the sex or talking about her…and she really didn’t care.
Chapter Twenty-three
YEAH, ETHAN WAS feeling pretty high. He was falling for this girl, really falling, and he didn’t know that he wanted to stop feeling that way.
She was lying on his arm. That had to be uncomfortable for her. He rolled over on his side. Part of him really wanted to sleep, but the rest of him wanted to look at this woman all night long. He swept the hair off her cheek with his hand. She opened her eyes and looked at him. She smiled but didn’t say a word. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. “Damn.”
She giggled. “You okay?”
He rested his head on the pillow. “More than.”
He scanned her eyes. What was she thinking? She looked as happy as he felt, so that was probably a good sign. She adjusted her head. “So…now that you got that out of your system, what was it you had to tell me?”
He stroked her cheek again before resting his hand on her hip. She looked like she was more concerned than she had to be. He felt bad that he might have made her worry. It wasn’t a huge deal…just something he wanted to talk with her about. “You know I have a son, right?”
“Yeah.” She blinked twice. God, did she have any idea how beautiful she was? Those eyes were like emeralds or the greenest fields he’d ever seen. She made him feel like the earth had drifted away.
“I…uh…I’ve been a real prick to my ex. She’s with…she and my best friend are together now. And, uh, so I refused to give her the divorce at first, and then, just to be a pain in the ass, I told her I wanted full custody of my son. I don’t want full custody. Chris loves and needs his mother, and I know and accept that and know we’re not meant to be together, but…it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him. I talked to Val, and she’s letting me take him this weekend.”
Jenna let out a long sigh. “Is that all?”
“What do you mean?”
She laughed, and Ethan loved the way her eyes turned up at the corners. “You had me worried sick…like maybe you were already tired of me.”
He chuckled and ran his hand up her arm. “No.” He was getting lost in her eyes as he brought his hand back up to smooth her hair again. He focused on that hand rather than her eyes, but she closed them, seeming to enjoy the feel of his hand stroking her mane. “There was something else, though.”
She opened her eyes. “What?”
He rested his hand on her neck. “Nothing you need to worry about.” He sighed. “I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking about my failed marriage.” He paused and focused on her eyes. “It won’t bother you if I talk about it, will it?”
“No.” He was pretty sure, looking at her, that she was telling the truth. If it bothered her, he had a psychologist he could talk to. He paid the guy plenty to listen…but Ethan had just been thinking about it the night before, and it was heavy on his mind.
“I haven’t told you about the straw that broke the camel’s back…and I haven’t thought of much else today.” She raised her eyebrows. He took a deep breath and told her about the time he’d been thinking about before he called her—when it felt as though he were out of his mind, and he’d started choking Valerie. “The weight of it didn’t hit me at first…in fact, I got even worse before I got better. But when I looked back, and Valerie left me—hell, she kicked me out of our house after my best friend beat the shit out of me—I knew it was do or die. I’d already OD’d twice. I either needed to clean up or just kill myself. And I really did have to make that decision. I considered death…considered it hard. It would have been so easy to do. One last time…and then poof. Gone.
“I want you to know I tried to get clean for her. I really did. I just…couldn’t be the man she needed me to be. I wasn’t at a good point in my life. She met me at the absolute worst time of my miserable existence. Sure, things were happening for me. I even tried going to school, but my band was calling to me, and things started to happen. We finally broke—with her. But inside I was a fuckin’ mess. I still am, but I’m learning how to live with it and deal with it.”
He was drawing swirls on her upper arm with his index finger, not looking in her eyes. “I…uh…well, you know part of the story. My dad was a rat bastard. The story I told you? Just the tip of the iceberg. He beat the shit out of my mom on a regular basis, same with me when he felt like it, but usually only when I tried to defend mom. He was just a fucking asshole to me most of the time. And then…the fucker up and died on me. Part of me was glad. He didn’t deserve to live or take up precious air and space. But…” Ethan’s voice got quiet. He had to make himself tell her. She understood. She knew. She wanted to help. And he’d been feeling better and better since sharing with her. He had to muscle through it. His jaw clenched, though, as if his body were fighting against his need to tell her. He closed his eyes and let the air out his nose. His nostrils stung a bit, and he felt wetness around his eyes. Fucking serious? He took several more breaths until the emotion passed before he continued. “I felt like a real shit for not telling him goodbye. Val tried to talk me into it, and I was going to…but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And, before I knew it, they were putting him in the ground.” He nodded his head, focusing his eyes on that finger. “I said I was glad. Part of me meant it.”
Jenna stroked his cheek. He couldn’t help but look at her, and then a tear did come out of his eye. Oh, fuck that shit. He was not gonna lose it. That’s the exact kind of shit he’d been drowning out for years. He bit down hard on his tongue to pull himself away from the emotional pain. To bleed was nothing, but he was not going to shed any tears for that bastard. He squinted his eyes and clenched his jaw again.
What a classy woman. She didn’t say a word. Instead, she just stroked his cheek again and brought her lips to his. And it wasn’t long, with her soft, smooth, sweet body pressed against him that he was able to let it go. When she stopped kissing him, she pressed her forehead into his, and he opened his eyes. She was smiling at him, and he couldn’t help but return it. “What have you been telling me this whole time? That it’s okay?” His eyes searched hers. “Because I understand you too.”
The breath escaped his lungs as he continued looking in those green orbs of hers. God…she was so right. How the hell had that even happened? This sweet angel…understood him. She did. And she wasn’t judging him for the addiction, or the anger, the bitterness, the tears…none of it. He felt lighter then, lighter than he had since he was that little boy rolling the fire truck around the living room. He took her face in his hands and kissed her again. Then he said, “You…are s
omething else.”
She giggled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He felt so warm, so loved. “Everything.”
She cocked her head a little and smiled again, then kissed him on the nose. “I think we need to lighten the mood.”
He grinned. “What do you have in mind?
“Some Dr. Pepper and music.”
He raised his eyebrows. “What if I hate Dr. Pepper?”
“Do you?”
He chuckled. “No, it’s fine.”
She play-slapped his arm and then jumped out of bed. Jesus Christ. He hadn’t been able to fully appreciate her body until now. She was slender and lithe. She looked tinier without all the badass clothing she always wore. Now she looked almost fragile. He watched her from behind as she walked to the dresser on the side of the room where her iPod was. She picked it up and started swiping at the screen. “Hmm…Glamour of the Kill or Pop Evil?”
She turned around to look at him. God, she was cute. “I don’t care. You decide.” She nodded and started swiping at the screen again. “Wait. Actually…got any Asking Alexandria?”
“Yeah. Which CD?”
“Whichever.”
She gave him a look, as though she didn’t trust him, so he just grinned and shrugged his shoulders. She started playing Stand Up and Scream and placed the iPod into a dock. It sounded good for a tiny little thing…just like her. “Be right back,” she said, and then pranced through the door.
Was it normal for him to feel this way? He’d known this woman for two months maybe, and he already felt head over heels. What if her past was worse than his? What if she had the potential to snap? He only knew what she’d told him, and he wanted to think he knew her…he hoped he could trust his instincts.
In just a couple of minutes, she tiptoed back in the room, two glasses of Dr. Pepper on the rocks. And goddamn…she was still completely naked. Seeing her like that made his cock start to stir a little. She walked over to his side of the bed and held the glass out. When Ethan started to reach for it, she pulled it away so he couldn’t grab it. He looked at her, and she had a devilish grin on her face. Yeah, he thought it was cute, but he didn’t want to get grabby back and spill soda on her bed.
So he folded his arms across his chest and smirked. She said, “Oh, guess you don’t want any.” He sat up then and she backed up a little. She giggled and held the glass out to him once more.
“Oh, no, I’m not falling for that again.”
She put both glasses on the night stand next to the bed and straddled him. He felt his eyes grow a little wide and damn…his dick was waking up again. She reached over and grabbed the glass to hold it up to his lips. “You want it?”
He raised his eyebrows, but she tilted the glass so the brown fizzy liquid flowed into his mouth, just a few trickles.
“So…I gotta ask you a question.”
“Okay.”
“Don’t be afraid to answer it, all right?”
He was curious as hell what she was pussyfooting around about. “Are you kidding? After all I’ve told you, nothing scares me.”
Jenna looked amused. “I can fuck with your head, mister. You should be afraid.”
Oh, God, that was cute, and he was definitely growing a boner. “Sorry, but you’re not scaring me.” He wrapped his hands around her waist and resisted every last urge he had to pick her up by her hips and slam her onto his cock. “So bring it.”
She giggled, but then the look on her face grew wistful. “I didn’t know…um…are you into pain?”
He started to give an off-the-cuff answer and then stopped himself, because it was something he really hadn’t thought about before. “I don’t know.”
But he knew what she was talking about. “I bit you pretty hard…like you asked.”
Yeah…he’d begged for it, begged hard. He clenched his teeth for a moment, pondering. “I’ve never done that before. But…I was just in the moment. What you were doing felt awesome, and I just wanted more. It was intense, and it helped me focus past all the shit in my head, the stuff you’d think would be gone, and it kind of helped me let go. It felt…natural.”
Her voice was soft when she asked, “Do you want to try more stuff like that?”
He could get lost in her eyes, but before he did, he had something to say. “No, not necessarily. I just…want to be with you. Beyond that? I don’t give much of a shit.” And the look in those eyes of hers told him everything he’d ever need to know…that she was willing to take a chance on him too. And, with that, he was ready to make love to her again.
Chapter Twenty-four
IT WAS HARDER leading group now with Ethan there. There were so many reasons that made it harder. First was she just wanted to exclude everyone else and focus exclusively on her lover. But second was that, even when she was doing her job and doing it well, he was distracting. She had to force herself to focus. Finally, she was worried that all the other group members would be able to tell, and she was sure that would send her credibility plunging down the toilet.
As they eased into the evening, though, she was able to ascertain that no one could tell what was going on between her and Ethan, and that helped her relax. It didn’t remove the distraction factor, nor did it make her less inclined to want to focus only on him, but it made her less nervous about the trust and respect she’d earned from these folks.
Everyone in group that night seemed to be doing well. Yes, they all had struggles, but the folks who’d shown up this evening all appeared to be conquering their demons. It was as though the earth had decided to smile upon all her inhabitants: they’d suffered enough, and now was their time to be rewarded.
Group ended, nothing melodramatic or painful having had occurred. It had been a nice session, even with several people delving into their pasts, trying to come up with solutions for their present. In fact, because of the general mood, Jenna was certain they were dealing with her questions better than usual. Or, perhaps, that was her perception based on her mood and that sensation of giddy lightness she’d been feeling.
No, group went well, and she was positive her cover hadn’t been blown. But when it was time to call it a night, Jay Bird hovered behind, something he did on occasion. Jay was a nice guy, he really was, but there would never be the spark he kept trying to ignite. Jenna wasn’t sure why he was going to try again, because she’d turned him down before. He was hanging back, stacking chairs with Ethan, while Jenna cleaned up the coffee area. And then she felt foolish about all her worry, because she overheard part of the men’s conversation. Jay was asking Ethan about his band, and Ethan deflected the question, saying he wasn’t sure what the future held. But then Jay asked him what he did to resist his temptations.
Maybe it was a good matchup, Jenna thought, feeling guilty for assuming Jay was hanging around for her. She kept cleaning up, and her thoughts wandered to the last few days. She could tell Ethan’s words were reassuring, something she wouldn’t have expected from someone as fragile as Ethan seemed to be sometimes, but he seemed stronger because he was able to help Jay just by offering some kind words and advice.
But when Jenna joined both men by the door, she felt awkward. She hadn’t explicitly asked Ethan to keep their relationship secret, but so far he seemed to just understand that without having to be told. Jay wasn’t leaving, though, and she was starting to wonder if she was going to have to give it away.
She tried to act casual, and—as she got close to them—she said, “Time to head out, fellas.”
Jay didn’t smile but said, “Can I talk to you for a few minutes before you hit the road?”
No. If it were something involving his recovery, sure, but she knew what he was going to ask. This happened every couple of months when he and his girlfriend were having problems, and he was due. Maybe she was wrong, though. “Yeah, sure.”
Ethan smiled and nodded his head. “Catch you later.”
Wow. While it made her sad that he was leaving, what he’d done was incredibly cool. “Yeah,
see you, Ethan.” An act like that confirmed to her what he’d been saying all along…that he understood her. It felt a little eerie, but it was turning out to be true.
So…back to Jay. He maybe wanted to talk to her about struggles or something else, but anytime in the past he’d wanted to talk to her alone and she had the same feeling she had now, it was to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind about dating him. She hoped she was wrong this time.
“So, what’s up, Jay?”
He smiled, tentative. Oh, no. Not a good sign. “Jenna, I just want you to know I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and I know you’ve said no before, but I wondered if you wanted to go to Elitch’s before summer’s over? Just as friends, you know?”
Oh, the poor guy. He was such a sweetheart deep down, but he didn’t seem to understand boundaries at all…not that she could talk, considering she and Ethan were together. It wasn’t different, was it? The only difference was that she and Ethan had some weird connection. She had to do this quickly, and it was going to have to be like ripping off a Band-Aid—super fast—so if it stung, it was over with before he knew it. “Oh, Jay, thank you for thinking of me, and I want you to know I do think of you as a friend. But…I’m seeing someone, and even if you and I just went as friends, he might not take it that way; you know what I mean?”
He frowned a little but nodded. “Yeah.”
It was something Jenna wouldn’t have normally done, but she knew Jay needed someone. He wasn’t needy, but he’d been independent for a while now, and Jenna could tell the guy was desperate to connect with someone. She got the feeling that he and his girlfriend weren’t friends. “What about your girlfriend?”
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