My head skipped around with so many questions I thought it might burst if I didn’t let some of them go. “Forrest?”
“Yeah?” He turned and looked at me—really looked at me, as if he could see something I couldn’t.
I tried to hold his stare, hold his blue eyes that reminded me of the ocean, but I had to glance down. I swallowed my questions and let them settle somewhere deep inside me. If I had learned anything, it was that I was happier when I didn’t know the truth—before I knew my parents had been lying to me and before I knew my father had been a mobster. Once I knew the answers, I couldn’t go back.
I jumped off the bed. “I need to put the ladder away.” Because I wasn’t as tall as Forrest, I took a folding chair and the cane from the linen closet so I could push the ladder all the way up and slide the attic door back into place.
Forrest walked over and put his hands on the back of the chair. “I could have done that.”
“I know,” I said, returning the chair and cane to the linen closet.
Forrest went downstairs to join the rest of the guys. To prove I wasn’t running, I gathered a pillow and blanket from my room and brought them to the family room.
They had already started a movie. No one paid much attention to the TV. Avery and Fed were sprawled on the floor. Parker and Forrest were on one couch, and Nicholas was on the other.
“So we know for sure?” Parker asked.
I nodded. Forrest had probably shared what we’d found.
Parker leaned back against the cushions. “What now? Do we try to figure out if there’s anything else they’re hiding?”
“Mom has to know our father was a murderer,” Avery said.
“We know he was in the yakuza,” I said, “but we don’t necessarily know he killed people.”
“Five rings,” Fed mumbled.
I sat next to Nicholas on one of the couches and picked at fuzz balls on the arm. “Mom has to know he was in the yakuza. We have proof now, so we should talk to her. Ask her about everything.” But the thought still tore my insides to pieces. How much more had they kept from us?
“We tried that, and it didn’t go so well, remember?” Avery sat up and folded the bill of his hat with both hands.
“But now we have proof,” I said.
“Mom didn’t even know about the letter,” Avery said. “What makes you think it’s not our dads who were hiding something?”
Parker leaned on the side of the couch, supporting his head with his hand. “We know that Dad—George,” he clarified, “knew our father well, which means he would have known our father was a bad man at some point.”
The conversation I’d overheard through the vents came to mind, and I tried to tell everyone the parts I could remember. “If Mom was worried we might not be safe, there’s something else going on.”
“I agree,” Nicholas said, resting his arm along the back of the couch. “No one wants to find out their father was in the mob, but if he’s dead, why would it matter if you know? My father’s a total loser. You deal with it and get over it, so it seems like there has to be something else.”
I understood what Nicholas was trying to say, but I didn’t know if he’d ever gotten over the way their father had left them. Their mom kept everything together so well, sometimes I forgot that ever-present wound they carried.
Fed positioned himself between me and Nicholas on the floor, using the couch as a backrest. “I’ve been thinking, and if he really was a member of the yakuza, then at what point did he become a judge, you now? Either he left before he became a judge, or he was crooked. Doesn’t the mob always have judges in their pockets? ’Cause that would be a good reason for your parents to keep all this from you.” He looked around. “Or is stuff like that only in the movies?”
My muscles tensed, growing more and more restless. One glance at Forrest made my resolve to stay put stronger.
Forrest leaned forward, placing his elbows on his legs. “What if your parents are the ones who have something to hide? Maybe Avery was onto something when he asked your mom if she’d had an affair. She seemed a little defensive, don’t you think?”
Parker jumped to the edge of the couch. “What if George had our father killed, so he could marry our mom?” His eyes were wide, his face had lost color, and the front of his pudgy nose twitched.
The idea was so preposterous that I couldn’t even react. Sure, the thought might have flashed through my mind, but there was no way it could be true. Avery took off his hat and threw it at Parker. “Are you saying Dad’s a killer too?” His voice had a sharp, condescending tone.
Parker sat straighter. His eyes grew large and his brows slanted up. “What if he is?” He massaged both of his thighs.
Nicholas rose to his feet and folded his arms. “You’re being ridiculous, Parker. Your dad would never do that. He’s a good man.”
I tugged on Nicholas’s shorts and urged him to sit down. “And we don’t know for sure our father is a killer.”
Parker raised his hands, plaintive. “What if he’s in the yakuza too? Haven’t you ever wondered where he goes all the time on his business trips?”
He was right that Dad didn’t talk about work much. And I had to admit a small worry existed. But I was positive our stepdad had all ten fingers. Technically that didn’t rule him out as a killer, but I couldn’t believe it. Plus, I remembered something important. “Dad takes us swimming every summer, you idiot.” We’d been boating at Lake Powell often enough.
“So?” Parker asked. “That doesn’t prove anything.”
“So he doesn’t have any tattoos.” Avery glared at Parker as if wondering how it was humanly possible Parker was the older brother. “How can you hide those kinds of tattoos when the only thing you’re wearing is swim trunks?”
“Did you see anything underneath the trunks?” Parker asked. He stood up, pulled down the back of his board shorts, and mooned us, wiggling his white cheeks until Avery stood and kicked the moving target. Parker tumbled face-first into the couch.
“Ugh,” I said and turned my head in disgust. “If he and Dad were like family, Dad wouldn’t have killed him.”
“For the record,” Avery said, “I have wanted to kill both of you on many occasions, even though you’re family.”
Parker pulled his shorts back up then turned around. “Right back at you.”
“Ditto,” I said. “But I don’t think any of us would actually do it.”
Avery moaned. “I vote we go to sleep.”
“I think all of us could use some rest,” I said.
“Let’s sleep on it, and make a decision tomorrow,” Parker said. He left and went to sleep on the floor in the hallway because the temperature was supposedly cooler there. Eventually, he’d end up in his own room.
The rest of us stayed in the same place: Nicholas on the couch facing the TV, and Forrest on the other couch at a right angle to the TV.
Nicholas slid over to make room on the couch for me, but as we had gotten older and bigger, we didn’t fit as well as we used to. Normally these days, we’d both fall asleep, half-sitting and leaning against the arms of the couch as a pillow. At some point I would usually go upstairs.
Except I couldn’t sleep. I lay there, thinking about all we learned today. The moon was high in the sky and silver streaks came through the kitchen windows.
After about an hour, everyone else had fallen asleep. While I was staring at the stars, a shadow crossed the window to the back of our house.
IF THERE HAD been a shadow, it was gone by the time I got to the kitchen window. I ran to Parker’s room to get a bird’s-eye view of the backyard, but nothing was there. Walking back downstairs, I stopped halfway. Through the living-room windows, I saw a black SUV parked across the street. My pulse beat a notch faster.
I tiptoed to the window closest to the front door and crouched so only my eyes were above the sill. A silhouette of a man in a sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his head appeared from the backside of the car to the trunk
and skulked to my right, heading toward Forrest’s house.
He disappeared from my view, so I ran to the living-room window that looked out to the side of our house. From there, I could see the man standing almost on the porch of Forrest’s house. He wore sunglasses and held something in his hands. It looked like he was taking pictures, but I didn’t notice a flash, so it must have been an expensive camera.
He finished and walked farther away from both of our houses and started toward the Russos’. Their house was all the way at the end of the street. If that was where he was headed, it would take some time for him to get there and back.
Without thinking anything through, I grabbed a black marker from the kitchen and shoved on some shoes by the front door. I opened the door enough to slip through before I crept down the porch stairs and tore across the street with soft feet.
My pulse thundered in my ears. I crouched to the ground and clutched the marker to my chest, watching down the street to be sure the man didn’t see me. He’d gone so far, though, that the streetlights didn’t illuminate him. I uncapped the marker and wrote the letters and numbers of the Nevada license plate on the top of my trembling hand. From what I could tell, the man had stopped in front of the Russos’ house.
I had just capped the marker when someone grabbed me from behind, covering my mouth so I couldn’t scream. Did the man have a partner I hadn’t seen? Someone in the car I didn’t notice? I was about to bite the hand when the voice whispered, “What are you doing out here?”
Forrest. My chest was sore from the way my heart pounded. It took a moment to catch my breath.
I glanced down the street. The man was still in front of the Russos’ house.
“Come on,” I said and motioned for him to follow me. I inhaled another deep breath and sprinted back across the street with Forrest at my heels.
I tried to close the front door behind him without making a noise. To catch my breath, I hunched over in the entryway, resting my hands on my thighs.
When I felt like my lungs wouldn’t explode, I shoved Forrest in the chest. “Why did you scare me like that?”
“I wanted to know what you were doing.”
He took my arm and led me to the living-room couch. I collapsed and put my feet on the coffee table since Mom wasn’t around.
Though the last few times I’d seen it, I had managed to convince myself the car was probably nothing, I couldn’t find any arguments to chase the fear away. I told Forrest about the SUV and what I had just seen.
“Are you sure? It doesn’t make any sense,” Forrest said. “Who is this guy, and why would he be interested in us?”
I couldn’t think of anything special about the guys, and I was even more boring. “Aren’t there laws against this?” I asked. “Stalking or something?”
“Probably not if he was taking pictures in front of the house, although if he went into your backyard that might be different,” Forrest said. “But you’re not sure where he was, so I don’t know.”
Was he casing our houses so he could rob us? My heart skipped faster. What could he want?
“What if he’s a pedophile? Or a serial killer? Did you think about that?” Forrest asked. “Why would you go by yourself?”
“Because everyone was asleep,” I said, but paused to put some more thought into his question. I could have woken someone up. “I don’t know why.”
“I wasn’t asleep yet,” Forrest said.
“I know that now.” I leaned my head against the back of the couch. “What if all of this is my fault? I started seeing that car right after I found those pictures and the letter. It doesn’t feel like a coincidence. Did I raise flags somewhere when I ordered a copy of the autopsy report? My father was in the yakuza. What if I hand-delivered our address when I told them where to mail the report?”
“Maybe,” he said. “But that guy was checking out our houses too, not just yours. I think you need to tell your dad.”
In the soft light, I could only see half of his face, but his eyebrows were pulled in, and his eyes told me he was more worried or frustrated than he was trying to show.
“I will.” I needed to find a way to help fix this.
“I’ll let the guys know,” Forrest said. “We can make sure they’re watching out for it.”
He stood and extended his hand to help me off the couch. As I slid my feet off the coffee table and he pulled me up, he said, “I wish you weren’t so reckless sometimes.” Still holding my hand, he released a frustrated breath. “And sometimes I wish you weren’t so cautious.” He dropped my hand and shook his head. “I think you should get some rest.”
I expected Forrest to stay. I wanted him to say something more—wanted him to make me feel less crazy, less alone. I wanted him to say something that didn’t make me ask more questions.
But he walked back to the family room.
Instead of following him, I returned to my bedroom and wrote down the SUV’s plates so I could look them up later. Life was never as simple as Forrest seemed to think.
Dear Otochan,
I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately because Forrest’s dog, Flirt, died. Forrest and I loved that animal more than anything. She was this special bond we shared. As heartbroken as Forrest has been, he has this idea that he’ll see Flirt again when he dies. He makes everything in life seem so simple, but sometimes things like this are really hard for me to accept the way he does. I think it would be nice to believe there’s something after this life because maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much. But right now it feels like my heart is being mangled in a meat grinder.
If there is a heaven, are you watching over me? What’s it like to be dead? I wonder about things like what food you miss eating the most or if you still need to sleep. I wonder if I will get to see you when I die. If I saw you, would you look really old? Do you still smoke? Would it be awkward if we all end up together in heaven but Mom’s married to you and she’s married to another guy (aka Dad) too?
It’s not that I don’t want to see you again, but the whole idea of dying is scary. And right now, death just feels mean. I don’t know how God or whatever higher being could take people or animals away when there are people who still love them and need them.
Love,
Claire, age 13
BY MORNING, EVERYONE had scattered to their homes or rooms to get ready for school. Mom was in the kitchen dressed in a light blue blouse and navy dress pants. As an accountant, her busiest times of the year were the months around April when taxes were due and October when people were filing extensions, so her days lately were long.
I grabbed a bowl of cereal and sat on a barstool. Mom stood on the other side eating a banana.
“Where’s Dad?” I asked.
“Last-minute business trip to Phoenix,” she said. She took the last bite and threw the peel in the garbage can underneath the sink.
“Do you think it ever occurs to Dad we might want to come along?” It would be nice to see other places. Places without mountains, places greener than here. I didn’t remember much about Hawaii, and it would be nice to see it again, or at least visit Grandpa.
“We’d just get in the way,” she said. “He should be back in time for your meeting with the principal after school. I’m sorry I won’t be there, but your dad is much better than I am at handling these things anyway. Okay, I’m off to work.” She grabbed her purse off the counter and made a dash to the garage.
“Bye, I guess.” I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to the meeting. The last time I was in Principal Alvarez’s office was when I punched Chase. But I couldn’t wait to get it over with so I could get back on the field. Besides Chase, I still couldn’t think of who would have accused me of cheating.
Forrest rolled the Jeep into the driveway, ready to chauffeur us. The fall air had started to turn cold and bit at my ears. Avery trailed behind me on his skateboard, but as usual, Parker failed to grace us with his presence.
Avery picked up his skateboard and maneuvered his way to t
he back. Before I sat down, I wiped a clear plastic Creamie wrapper from the passenger seat and dropped it to the floor where it joined a pile of matching wrappers.
Forrest drove down the street so we could pick up Nicholas and Fed. He honked the horn, and they piled in. Fed climbed into his usual spot next to Avery and pulled out a comic book, and Forrest turned the car around to make another stop at our house. Parker jogged out of the house, his shoes and socks in hand.
I shook my head as he climbed into the car. Fed set down his book and glanced out of the corner of his eyes. “Nice of you to join us, Parker.”
Avery tightened the back of his bandana. “You took that much time to look like that?”
Forrest pulled out of the driveway, Parker still combing his hand through his wet hair. “Hey, perfection takes time. But it’s okay. No need to apologize for the bad attitude. You’re just jealous. Not my fault I got all the good genes.”
“If you had any.” Avery’s lips pulled back, and he acted like he was going to be sick.
Parker whacked the back of Avery’s head and in no time the rest of us were dodging their wrestling moves, and I was getting whiplash from their kicks to the back of my seat. By the time they settled down, we were almost at school.
A bitter feeling rushed across my skin when Forrest turned into the school’s parking lot. A black SUV was parked across the street without a driver. I could count at least twenty cars that looked similar, but they were all in the school’s lot, and this one had Nevada plates. I couldn’t see from here, but I could probably bet the ones in the lot were all Utah plates. To see if he had noticed it, I put a hand on Forrest’s shoulder. He nodded to confirm he had.
Before everyone got out of the car, I said, “Hey, do you see that black SUV over there?” I pointed across the street. “I’ve seen it a lot lately. Last night it was parked across the street, and I think the driver was taking pictures of all of our houses.”
Ink and Ashes Page 10
