Ink and Ashes

by Valynne E. Maetani

  Forrest raised an eyebrow, puzzled.

  “When I was hallucinating at the warehouse, I saw you, and you said you would only see me.” I took his hand in mine. “I would see only you too. If you were one of the trillions of stars, I would only see you.”

  He leaned in and his lips brushed mine.

  He pulled back. “I’d like to do a lot more right now, but this cast is getting in the way, and I don’t want to do anything that would delay getting you home.”

  “I’m fine,” I said through the pain. “Get back here.” I grabbed the front of this shirt and pulled him closer.

  He kissed me again, then pulled away. “Trust me. I plan to ravage you later.” He laughed. “I’m kidding. You know I’m kidding, right? What does ‘ravage’ even mean?”

  “You’d better not be,” I said and tugged on his shirt again.

  “Shhh,” he said. “Your dad’s probably standing right outside the door.”

  “Just one more then,” I said.

  He kissed me longer this time.

  “Nicholas is up!” Fed shouted.

  Forrest shot up straight. “Euh. For a second, I thought it was your dad.”

  “You’re adorable,” I said. “Let’s go see Nicholas.” I squeezed Forrest’s hand.

  Forrest jumped off the bed and then helped me get down. Fed navigated the wheelchair over to the bed. “How fast does this thing go?” He inspected the wheels.

  In Nicholas’s room, Fed gathered with Parker and Avery in front of the TV to watch the University of Utah football game. Nicholas’s bed was fully elevated. He shouted at the referees as if he were completely healthy.

  His attention shifted when I wheeled in. “How embarrassing! We wore the same outfit today,” he said.

  My face lit up when I saw him. I threw myself at him like a wild animal, attempting to balance hugging him with all my might and respecting his fragile state, not to mention my IVs. He tried to hide the fact that he was wincing in pain. I must have erred on the hugging-him-with-all-my-might side.

  He cringed back from me a little. “Ease up a little, Kiki.”

  I loosened my grip, but I couldn’t bear to let go.

  He pointed his chin in the air. “Not many guys can say truthfully they’d be willing to take a bullet for you.” The corners of his mouth reached into a wide grin.

  “I’m hoping no one ever has to say that again.” I fixed myself next to him. “I didn’t even know what to do when I thought—”

  “I know,” he said in almost a whisper. “I can’t tell you how helpless I felt when I saw you tied to the chair, and I didn’t know what he was going to do to you.” He grabbed my hand and clutched it tight against the bed. “Kiki,” he choked. “I owe my life to you.”

  I stared at him as if he had gone completely mad.

  The seriousness in his expression didn’t waver. “I lost a lot of blood. They say I would have bled to death if you hadn’t been there. And if I didn’t bleed to death, the cold would have gotten me, but having your body next to mine helped. He was going to leave us to die, Kiki, or maybe something worse, and you saved us.”

  “You wouldn’t have even been there if it weren’t for me.”

  He wiped a stray tear off my cheek. “True, but then I wouldn’t have this scar to impress the ladies.” He grinned as he yanked down the shoulder of his hospital gown and revealed the bandages covering his wound. He patted the back of my head.

  He tilted his head to the side. “We make an unbeatable team, our three families, don’t we?”

  “A powerful triumvirate.”

  Nicholas raised a brow. “A what?” He nodded, but his eyes wandered, trying to figure out where he had heard it before.

  “The first triumvirate was during the Roman Empire, a regime dominated by three powerful individuals, or in our case, three families. I’ve been thinking the Axis Powers is due for a name change.”

  “A powerful triumvirate.” He gave a nod in agreement. “Axis Powers unite!”

  We shared silence for a moment. I closed my eyes and sighed. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  “You too.” He clasped my hand again. He sneaked a look at the rest of the guys. “I’m glad you gave Forrest a chance,” he whispered. “Life’s too short.”

  “It is,” I said.

  He sighed. “And man, you’ve made my life easier.”

  I shot him a questioning look.

  He gave a sly smile. “Haven’t you wondered why we always set you up with total losers? It takes a lot of work.”

  “I knew it.” I drew my hand back to whack him, but saw the bandages and thought I should probably give him a break. I let go of Nicholas, and Forrest wheeled me back to my room with his one good arm.

  “I’m hoping I only have to endure one more night of hospital food,” I said.

  “It’ll be nice to get you home,” he said. “I’m sick of sleeping on the waiting room floor.” Forrest helped me climb back into bed and pressed the nurse call button to let her know we had returned. She came within minutes to inject some more sedative into my IV so I could rest.

  I made myself comfortable on the pillow. Forrest draped a blanket over me.

  “Do you think things will ever really get back to normal?” I asked.

  “I think it will take some time, but I think we’ll be all right.”

  “You’re still my best friend,” I said.

  “And you’re mine.” He kissed my forehead. “I hope that never changes.” He relocated to the guest couch.

  “Best friends forever?” I asked.

  “And beyond.” He propped pillows at the end and covered himself with a blanket.

  I fought to keep my eyelids open long enough to agree with him. But I knew my life would never be ordinary again.

  GLOSSARY

  anime (ah-nee-meh): Japanese animated production

  Arakaki-san (Ah-rah-kah-kee sahn): Refers to Jiro Arakaki. The addition of -san to the end of a surname is a Japanese honorific, or title of respect, similar to Mr. or Mrs.

  butsudan (boo-tsoo-dahn): a Buddhist altar or shrine, which can be found in temples or homes

  Dobash (doh-bash) cake: a cake made of alternating layers of cake and pudding

  gaman (gah-mahn): enduring what seems unbearable with dignity and grace

  gomen nasai (goh-men nah-sahy): Japanese phrase meaning “I’m sorry”

  irezumi (ee-reh-zoo-mee): traditional Japanese method of tattooing by hand

  itadakimasu (ee-tah-dah-kee-mahs): Japanese saying to express gratitude for the food about to be eaten

  juzo (joo-zoh): prayer beads

  kanzashi (kahn-zah-shee): Japanese hair ornaments used in traditional Japanese hairstyles

  katana (kah-tah-nah): a type of Japanese sword

  kimono (kee-moh-noh): a traditional Japanese garment that is a T-shaped, straight-lined robe

  koa (koh-ah) wood: comes from a flowering tree, Acacia koa, which is endemic to the Hawaiian islands.

  kolohe (koh-loh-hay): Hawaiian word meaning “rascal” or “naughty”

  manga (mahng-gah): Japanese comics

  Maori (mah-aw-ree): a member of the native Polynesian population of New Zealand

  moshi-moshi (moh-shee moh-shee): in Japanese, means “hello” when answering the telephone

  netsuku (neh-tsoo-koo): to go to bed, or being in bed for a long time

  obi (oh-bee): Japanese sash used as a belt

  Obon (Oh-bohn) Festival: A Japanese Buddhist celebration to honor the spirits of one’s ancestors

  oma (oh-mah): German for grandma

  otochan (oh-toh-chahn): Japanese for father

  oyabun (oh-yah-boon): the leader or godfather of a yakuza clan

  shi (shee): Japanese for the number four

  shikata ga nai (shee-kah-tah gah nahy): Japanese phrase meaning “it cannot be helped” or “nothing can be done about it.”

  Spritzkuchen (shprits-koo-ken): German fried pastry similar to a donut

  tsuchig
umo (tsoo-chee-goo-moh): a spiderlike mythical Japanese creature

  “Ue O Muite Arukou” (oo-ay oh moo-ee-teh ah-roo-koh): A Japanese song released in 1961, and to date, one of the only Japanese-language songs to hit the Billboard Hot 100 charts in the United States.

  unmei (oon-meh-ee): fate or destiny

  yakuza (yah-koo-zah): Japanese organized crime syndicates

  yubitsume (yoo-bee-tsoo-meh): a ritual to atone for offenses by means of amputating one’s own finger

  *Americans have incorporated some of these words into the English language, but they pronounce them differently. While there can be slight variances in pitch or intonation, the Japanese language does not put stress or emphasis on individual syllables in a word. The pronunciations in this glossary reflect the Japanese pronunciation.

  ** The sound for ‘R’ in the Japanese language is similar to the sound of a Spanish R, between an R and L sound.

  AUTHOR'S NOTE

  I am a fourth-generation Japanese American, yonsei. Because my family immigrated to the United States just after the turn of the century, in the early 1900s, the Japanese practices I grew up with might differ from those practiced in Japan. After so many years, I’m sure certain aspects and understandings of traditions were lost or convoluted. Although my family isn’t Buddhist, we participated in Buddhist rituals because of my extended family, and some traditions became more cultural rather than religious.

  In addition, many Japanese Americans, whose families immigrated over a hundred years ago like mine, were affected deeply by World War II. Some were placed in internment camps where they were not allowed to speak Japanese. There were also Japanese people who were not interned, who chose voluntarily not to speak Japanese to their families and/or participate in rituals in order to avoid persecution or prove they were loyal Americans. As a result, there are traditions that have not been preserved in the way they might have been under different circumstances.

  Before writing this book, I’d asked my mom why we weren’t supposed to pass food with our chopsticks to someone else’s chopsticks. She said all she knew was that it was bad manners. This story allowed me to learn more about my heritage and the meaning and purpose behind some of the things we did. However, I chose to depict the Takata family with the same partial understanding I grew up with because I’m sure there are children out there like me. This experience has given me a deeper appreciation for my ancestry and culture as well as a desire to learn more. I hope there are readers who feel the same yearning to learn about and embrace not just the Japanese culture, but all kinds of diversity.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  As a debut author, writing acknowledgments has been an overwhelming task. Admittedly, each one of these was punctuated with tears of gratitude.

  P.W., Pucca, Sunshine, & Punky, for your long-suffering and love. Let’s go to Disneyland.

  Mom & Dad, for supporting me through the hard times, even harder times, and the hardest of times. Thank you for believing in me and never giving up. Kristen & Cristi, for being amazing beta readers and even better sisters. To Ashley, for making our family complete and for turning eighteen. To Kellie-Ann & Kristie-Ann, for being my cheerleaders and for loving my characters.

  My brothers, for all the priceless memories. Thank you, Todd, for filming/producing my book trailer; Troy, for medical explanations; and the Langfords & Russos of my life: Jacob, Andrew, Sam, Ben, Derik & Isaiah.

  The SIX: Brodi Ashton, Sara Bolton, Kimberly Webb Reid, Emily Wing Smith, & Bree Despain, for helping me get here. You are my dearest friends and the best & most talented writing group in the world.

  Christian McKay Heidicker, my rotten better half, for being a dream to work with and one of the most talented writers I know. We did this together, and I can’t imagine making the journey without you. Many of the times I have laughed the hardest have been moments we shared. I love your guts. Literally.

  The book trailer crew, for helping me bring my book to the screen even though this story was still in its infancy. Brian Ray, for your amazing artwork and undying friendship. Kimiko Miyashima, for letting me claim you as my little sister & donating your acting skills. Chris Luker, Jeff Miller, Jacob Cavanaugh, Ben Lonsdale, Sam Lindeman, Alex Runolfson, Andrew Hercules, Jake Lindeman, Jon Orr, for lending me your time & talents.

  All my mentors: A.E. Cannon, Kimberley Heuston, Carol Lynch Williams, Cheri Pray Earl, Martine Leavitt, Ann Dee Ellis, Louise Plummer, Sara Zarr, Sydney Salter, Mette Ivie Harrison, & Rock Canyon for teaching me the basics of writing and even more important, the not-so-basics.

  Dusty Heuston, for everything. Thank you for your words of wisdom, support, inspiration, guidance & for allowing me to be a mother first.

  Mark Bromley, for your infinite biology wisdom, and Masaji Watabe, for help with the Japanese translation.

  John M. Cusick, for taking on the burden of “hottest agent ever” and saying the title was pretty much standard boilerplate at the agency. John, you had me at “If anyone tries to steal you from me, I will garrote them.” I knew immediately it was a perfect match.

  Everyone at Lee & Low and Tu Books, for your faith in my writing, your hard work, & your mission to diversify children’s literature so kids can see themselves in books in a way I never did. Thank you for “picking me” as the New Visions Award winner! There are no words adequate enough to articulate what an honor it is. Stacy Whitman, my fearless editor, for raising my book from the dead and breathing life into its words. Thank you for your patience and for carting my manuscript with you on the train, on the weekends, through the rain, and in your heart. You are brilliant, and it’s been a privilege to work with you.

  And to all my readers everywhere, for taking the time to read my book.