But then he pulled his head out of the bucket. He exhaled loudly and spat out water, and tons of water dripped from his head down his red jumper and onto the bathroom floor.
I pressed stop on the timer and said, “Four minutes and forty-six seconds.”
He smiled and said, “New personal record.”
I showed him where we keep the towels so he could dry himself off.
“You should try and do some swimming when you get your sling off,” Magnus said. “Swimming is good for your shoulder.”
Afterwards, we went into the living room and watched an old episode of Glee.
“This show is terrible,” Magnus said.
“I know,” I said, “but I like it anyway.” At 4.35 p.m. my dad came home from work. He mumbled hello and took the remote and switched to the TV2 Sport channel which was showing an ice hockey match. He turned to Magnus and said, “The Oilers are doing well this year. We should go and see them sometime.” Magnus looked confused. “Okay...sure.”
My dad usually doesn’t offer to take anyone anywhere and Magnus is not into sports so it was really weird.
When my dad wasn’t looking Magnus mouthed “What the hell?” at me.
I shrugged and tried to hide that I was laughing.
At 5.03 p.m. dinner was ready, so Magnus and I went into the kitchen. The smell of food made Oscar circle around the table, meowing.
“That cat drives me crazy sometimes,” my mom said and let him out. Then she called my dad: “Leif! Dinner is ready!”
He didn’t answer so she called him again. “Leif! Dinner! I’m not going to tell you again.”
And then three minutes later she called him again. When my dad finally came in, there was a free seat between my mom and Aunt Lillian, but he asked me to switch with him because that seat was right under the lamp and the light was too bright and hurt his eyes, he said.
So I switched seats and took a spoonful of meat with gravy and mashed potatoes. I really like venison casserole but I couldn’t enjoy it properly because I kept worrying that the light from the lamp would hurt my eyes.
Aunt Lillian was saying that she had been seeing this guy for a few weeks, but she didn’t think it would work out.
“Why not?” My mum laughed and took a sip of her wine. “Is he married?”
My dad started coughing and Aunt Lillian said, “Can someone pass the salt, please?”
Sigve didn’t come home until 8.59 p.m. He said he had eaten and went straight down to the basement. And he didn’t say anything else about me being in his room. Maybe he found whatever he thought he was missing.
6
Dates and Don’ts
Dating has a lot of rules: don’t talk about yourself all night; don’t talk about previous relationships; don’t get drunk. At least that’s what the internet says. It didn’t seem too hard. I knew I wasn’t going to talk about myself (or anything else) all night, because we were meeting during daytime. I don’t have any previous relationships and we’re both too young to drink.
At 2.11 p.m. Hanna and I walked over to Patrik and Ruben’s house. They live on Asp Street which is about a fifteen-minute walk from the centre of Haasund.
Hanna suggested we take our bikes, but I have my arm in a sling for one day and twenty-one minutes more, so I wanted to walk. I didn’t tell my mom and dad where I was going. Mainly because they didn’t ask, but also because I didn’t know if they would like that I was going to see a boy. I am not too worried about getting into trouble any more though. All that happens is that my dad yells at me. Which he does anyway.
As we walked we didn’t talk about the date. Instead Hanna was telling me this story about how her science teacher had it in for her, because he was always asking her questions he knew she couldn’t answer.
My mind started to drift away a little. I noticed we were passing the old Odland farm. That meant that we were almost there and suddenly I felt a little nauseous.
We arrived at their house at 2.25 p.m. and Patrik showed us into the living room.
Ruben sat on a huge corner sofa. He was wearing a black hoodie that said Vans and a bright blue DC cap.
“Hi, Malin,” he said.
“Hello,” I said.
Patrik led Hanna by her hand and sat down on the other end of the sofa. Hanna sat on top of him and put her hand on the back of his neck and he stroked her thighs as they started kissing.
The internet had said, If everything goes well, you might want to end the date with a kiss. Make eye contact – longer than you normally would – and maybe gently bite your bottom lip, to look kissable.
This was the beginning of the date and Hanna and Patrik were kissing now. Already the internet was wrong. I sat down next to Ruben. He pointed at my sling and said, “What happened?”
“I fell off my bike.”
“Did it hurt?”
“Yes.”
I looked around the room. By one of the walls there was a sideboard filled with knick-knacks – an unplugged lamp, a green vase and some pictures of people I didn’t know. There was also a giant ceramic bulldog next to a tiny clown. I couldn’t decide which was creepier. Ruben said, “I heard you shoplifted at Holberg’s.” “I heard you burned down a garage.”
“That’s not true,” he said and looked at the floor. “I wasn’t successful.” Then he looked at me and smiled. “Brick walls are very solid.”
Hanna and Patrik were breathing heavier from their corner of the sofa and Patrik moved his hand from Hanna’s thigh up under her shirt. I wondered if they had forgotten that Ruben and I were in the room. On TV, this was usually the moment where couples got interrupted. By a parent or a younger sibling. Or something else. I wondered if I should interrupt them.
Suddenly, Hanna and Patrik broke free from each other and Hanna said, “We’re going for a walk.” And then they got up from the sofa and left the room. But they didn’t put their shoes and coats on. They just went into the next room.
I guess I hadn’t done enough research beforehand, because there was nothing on the internet about this either. I had no idea what would happen next and my heart started beating faster and my palms were sweaty.
Then Ruben said, “Do you want to play some video games?”
And I said, “Okay,” and my heart went back to beating at a normal pace.
We played a car racing game and I was trying to control a monkey wearing a sombrero, but I wasn’t able to steer properly with only one hand. I kept driving my car off the track and Ruben crossed the finish line before I had even passed the first checkpoint. “I’m not very good at this,” I said.
Ruben shrugged and said, “It’s a pretty stupid game anyway.” And then he turned the Xbox off.
If the kissing doesn’t happen at the end of the date, how do you know when it starts? I closed my eyes and tried to remember what the internet had taught me:
Keep your eyes open as you lean into the kiss, and close them just before making lip contact. Tilt your head as you lean in to avoid bumping noses.
But Ruben just sat quietly for a couple of minutes. And then he said, “What’s your favourite color?” “Blue.”
“Oh. Mine’s red.”
“Oh.”
We didn’t say anything for a while and I wondered if now was the time he was going to kiss me.
Breathe in and out through your nose. For your first kiss don’t linger too long. Begin to pull away after five seconds. Then Ruben said, “What’s your favourite TV show?” “The Ranch. And Riverdale. And sometimes One Tree Hill even though it is super old.”
“Cool. I like watching Bondi Rescue. Someone nearly drowned on that show last week.”
“My cousin, Magnus, is a really good swimmer,” I said. And then I didn’t say anything else, because I realized that I was talking about other boys and I didn’t know if Ruben liked that. Even if I was talking
about my cousin.
“Wait,” Ruben suddenly said and got up and left the room.
Wait. That’s all he said. What was I waiting for? There was nothing about this on the internet either. I looked at the ceramic clown. It was grinning at me. I’m pretty sure it hadn’t been doing that earlier.
Three minutes and forty-two seconds later, Ruben came back. “Look,” he said. What do people show each other on a first date? I was afraid to look, so I just kept staring at the clown. “It’s from Gran Canaria,” Ruben said. And so I turned and looked at him and saw that he was holding a small stone. “We were there on holiday last summer and I found it on the beach.” He held out his hand. “Feel how smooth it is.” I stroked the stone with my left index finger. He was right. It was very smooth. My finger accidentally touched the palm of his hand and it felt warm against my cold skin. “You can keep the stone if you want,” Ruben said.
A couple of minutes later Hanna and Patrik came back. Hanna looked flushed and had her shirt on backwards, which I hadn’t noticed earlier. “Are you ready to go?” she said.
Patrik half-smiled and said, “Our parents will be home soon.”
On our way back Hanna talked a lot. Something about boys and how they were hard to read sometimes. I wasn’t really listening.
I thought about how my date was over and how I still hadn’t kissed a boy. And that was okay. Dating isn’t really like what the internet says anyway.
I put my left hand in my coat pocket and felt the smooth surface of the stone. The stone was from Gran Canaria. The stone was from Ruben Oftedal.
When I came home my dad yelled at me because I was late and I hadn’t told anyone where I was going. I didn’t care too much though. There is nothing new about my dad yelling.
7
Don’t Speak
On Monday morning my mom’s eyes were glassy and her mouth was stern. She said that she had a headache and told me to leave her alone and not to make any noise. Luckily I had to go to school. I walked into my room and packed my bag as quietly as I could. Then I put my coat and shoes on and slipped out the door. I made sure to close the door properly and to do it silently.
I carried my backpack over my left shoulder, which was hard because I had a lot of books and it was heavy, so I had to take a lot of breaks. Luckily, I was getting my sling off that afternoon. Actually, I had had it on for a week the day before, but the medical centre is not open on Sundays. Only the emergency room. Getting a sling on can be urgent. Taking a sling off is not.
It normally takes me between twelve and fifteen minutes to walk to school, but with only one arm everything takes longer. Even walking. At the bottom of Haugen Hill I took another break and checked the time.
It was 8.09 and I was halfway there.
Class starts at 8.15. I couldn’t be late. You have to be on time. That’s the rule. I put my bag back up on my shoulder and sped up. And I didn’t take another break.
I walked into my classroom at 8.15 sharp. I found my desk and sat down. Three minutes later the bell rang.
In recess I was standing in the corridor, wondering if I should go and find Hanna. Her classroom is on the other side of the building, so I wasn’t sure if I should risk going all the way there and all the way back when I didn’t even know if she would be there.
Then someone said, “Hello, Malin.” I didn’t need to check who it was because I recognized the voice. It was Ruben. I turned around and said, “Hello.”
“How are you?”
“I am fine.”
I reached into my pocket and took out the stone. “I still have it,” I said.
“It is a good stone,” Ruben said.
“Do you want it back?”
Ruben smiled. “No, it’s yours.”
I smiled too.
And then he said he had to go. “I’ll talk to you later.” “Okay,” I said.
I looked at the shiny grey stone. It had an oval shape, a smooth surface and was covered in tiny black dots.
Then I heard a voice right behind me that made me jump. Someone said, “Hey.”
It was Frida. I didn’t know how long she had been standing there.
“What were you and Ruben talking about?” I shrugged. “Not much.”
“It must have been something interesting. I can’t remember seeing you smile like that before.” I stroked the stone with my thumb in a circular motion. Then someone called Frida’s name and she turned around to see who it was. Someone from her group was calling her over. Frida’s group consists of her and Julie Losvik and this other girl named Norunn Setre. Sometimes they hang out with other people too, but mostly it’s three of them.
Frida looked at my hand and said, “Nice stone.” And then she walked back to her friends.
* * *
After school I went to the medical centre. I walked up to the counter where the lady was sitting and said, “I am here to take my sling off.”
“Okay?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Do you have an appointment?”
“It has been a week.”
“I see.”
“Yesterday.”
“Excuse me?”
“It was a week yesterday.”
“All right,” she said.
She asked for my name and put something into the computer. Then she told me to sit down and wait.
I took a seat. There were six other people in the waiting room and they were all really old. Maybe over fifty. The walls were white and there were no pictures or anything. And I waited.
Every now and then a lady came out and called people’s names. And one by one they went in.
I waited and waited. I checked the time. It was 2.56 p.m. That meant that I had been waiting for thirty-six minutes.
People kept coming in after me, but went into the doctor’s office before me.
One hour and nineteen minutes later the doctor came out to the waiting room. It was the same one who had helped me last time I was there. To the woman behind the counter he said, “I guess that is all the patients for today.”
The lady pointed at me. “There is a young lady here to see you.”
The doctor looked at me. “Oh,” he said. “What can I help you with?”
“I have to take my sling off. It has been a week.”
“Right.” He looked confused. “Sorry, why are you here?”
“To take my sling off.”
“Oh,” he said. “Well, you can just take it off. You didn’t need to come all the way down here to do that.”
So I took it off. I moved my right arm around to see how it felt. It was really good to have both of my arms again.
I walked home and now I could carry my backpack normally so it was a lot easier. When I reached my house the time was 4.35 p.m. and it was already pretty dark outside. Our car was parked in the driveway so I knew that my dad had finished work.
Our neighbour, Jon Gravdal, was taking the trash out and when he saw me he said, “Hello.” “Hello.”
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“How are your mom and dad?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?”
“I haven’t asked them.”
“All right.” I looked at him.
“Well have a nice day,” he said.
“Okay,” I said.
I went inside the house and put down my backpack by the entrance. Then I hung up my coat on its regular hook. I took the stone out of the pocket of my coat and put it in my pencil case. That way I knew it would be safe and not fall out.
When I walked into the living room my dad was standing by the window.
“What were you talking to Gravdal about?” he said. I shrugged. “He asked how we were doing.”
“Don’t be telling people our stuff.�
��
“What stuff?”
“Any stuff. Our stuff. It is nobody’s business.”
“Okay.” I raised my right arm. “I got my sling off,” I said.
He looked at my arm. “Oh, right,” he said. “Good.”
I started to walk into the kitchen. In the doorway I stopped and turned around. “How are you, Dad?” I said. “What?”
“How are you?”
“Why are you asking me that?” I shrugged. “That is what people ask each other.” My dad looked at me. “Why don’t you go and wash up for dinner?”
I went into the kitchen, where my mom was standing by the stove, cooking.
“Oh, you are home from school already,” she said. “I started dinner early today, it seems. But don’t worry we can eat later.”
My school finishes at 2.15 p.m. I am normally home between 2.27 and 2.36 p.m. and we always have dinner sometime between 4.03 p.m. and 5.46 p.m. “It’s 4.44 p.m.,” I said.
She paused. “Exactly,” she said. “Well, have a seat. Dinner’s almost ready.”
I took my seat at the table. The smell of food was making me really hungry.
“How are you, Mom?” I said.
“I’m fantastic,” my mom said.
8
In Deep Water
Magnus said that swimming would help improve my shoulder muscles without putting too much strain on the joint. So I went to the pool. We only have one in Haasund and it’s the one at my school. On Wednesday afternoons it is open to the public.
When I got into the locker room there were only a couple of ladies there, who looked like they were around my mom’s age. They were already on their way to the showers.
Before you go into the pool you have to take a shower. Nude. And you need to use soap. It’s pretty perverted. I know a lot of people don’t bother, but those are the rules. I took off my clothes and folded them neatly and put them on one of the benches. The locker room doesn’t actually have any lockers. Lastly, I took off my OTS watch and put it on top of my clothes. I don’t like taking my watch off because I like to always have the option to check what time it is.
The Unpredictability of Being Human Page 3
