by C. M. Owens
Because none of them will ever hear her.
And then I showed up and became the trigger on a loaded gun that’s never been shot before.
Fuck a duck.
“She’s never once complained. Why didn’t she just tell us she was hurting?”
“She doesn’t argue because she finds it pointless, instead of realizing it’s sometimes necessary. Bo is the kind of person to say she loves something even when she hates it, and she goes so far as to convince herself she’s happy with every situation,” I tell her quietly.
Only, she really was happy with me, and I fucking ruined it. Ruined her.
“You have to fix her,” Bora tells me, wiping a tear from her eye. “I don’t know how to do it by myself. I want my sister back, and I swear I’ll treat her better. Bo… It’s like she doesn’t feel anything at all right now, and it’s killing me to see her like this. Because Bo is the good one. She’s so full of smiles and life and love. Right now, she’s just a shell of herself, and completely devoid of any warmth that used to radiate from her. People think I’m the good one right now. Do you know how terrifying that is?”
I’d laugh at that, but it hurts too much. It really fucking feels like someone is inside of me and actually tearing me apart now. Thinking of a numb, lifeless version of Bo… I can’t stomach it.
Before I can sit down, someone else bangs on the door.
Turning my back on Bora, I go to answer it, but stumble back when an enraged Vince pushes his way inside.
“You,” he snarls, practically foaming at the mouth. “What the fucking hell did you do to my girl?!”
Fucking eh.
“Dad?”
Bora is suddenly walking up beside me, looking at her father like she doesn’t know the maniac in front of me. Vince looks between us, and I see the wrong ideas form in his head.
“You have to be fucking kidding me!” he explodes, causing Bora to step between us.
“This is sooo not what you’re thinking,” Bora tells him quickly.
“Really? Is this why your sister is crushed? Is this why her mother is at my hotel room crying herself into oblivion, since her daughter won’t even see her? Is this why Bo is completely withdrawn? You’re fucking him?”
“No!” Bora and I both shout at the same time with the same disgusted tone.
He looks taken aback for a second, and I groan while running a hand through my hair.
They start arguing, yelling as loud as their voices will allow, and I sigh hard while Bora calls him an idiot and a few other choice names. He proceeds to call her a selfish brat, to which she responds with a narcissistic ass insult. This goes on for longer than it should, because apparently they don’t stop fighting until someone makes them stop.
It really gives me a glimpse into the life of the soft spoken, warm-hearted, genuine girl who I fucking destroyed. She lived with this, and I was the one who broker her.
I hate myself.
“That’s it. I’m kicking your ass. Should have already come to do this. Time to pay the piper, motherfucker!” Vince roars, apparently bored with yelling at his daughter.
Bora squeals and dives sideways when her father races toward me like a raging, cartoon bull. Since I don’t want to hurt him, I merely dodge his fist. Then dodge it again. And again. And again…
When his fist flies toward my face too fast for me to dodge, my reflexes kick in and I grab it. I also accidentally punch him in the stomach and wince when he doubles over and heaves for the air I just knocked out of him.
Maybe that wasn’t all reflexes.
“Sorry,” I tell him insincerely, helping to lower him to a chair as Bora comes over to inspect him.
“Why?” he heaves, but he can’t form any more words.
“Not just his fault, Dad,” Bora says on a sigh.
They go from screaming to talking calmly like it’s no big deal. My poor girl.
“I know I broke her heart, but—”
“You didn’t just break her heart,” Vince growls, apparently breathing fine again, even though he’s still clutching his abdomen. “You broke her.”
Now I feel like I’ve been punched.
“He’s going to help us put her back together,” Bora states firmly, putting her dad’s arm around her shoulders as she helps him up. “And he isn’t the only reason Bo is broken,” she adds.
Vince chokes back his emotion as his eyes water, and he looks away from me as Bora helps him limp toward the door.
“If your sister asks, I kicked his ass for her,” I hear him saying as they walk out. “Tell her he begged for mercy.”
I grab my keys and go prepare to stalk Bo’s apartment so I can catch her on her way to work. Yep.
Time to put her back together, no matter how insane it makes me look in the process.
Chapter 44
BO
My door opens after someone uses the keypad, and I make a mental note to change to code. Until I see who it is.
“Hi,” Ruby says gently, as though she’s speaking to a cornered cat as she shuts the door behind her.
I set my wine down, and slide up on the couch so that I’m sitting.
“Hi,” I echo.
She exhales heavily while coming to take a seat beside me, and I pause the TV.
“Are you going to throw me out?” she asks, looking over at me with those big, hopeful eyes.
“No,” I say simply.
“I’ve heard you’ve been kicking everyone else out of your life.”
True story.
“You’re the only person who has ever put my needs above yours, so you can stay if you want to. You don’t walk all over me. You’ve also never yelled at me. I’ve just been cleaning house.”
She flinches, but she looks at the paused TV, avoiding eye contact with me.
“People yell and shout sometimes, Bo. Doesn’t mean they don’t love you.”
“It means they don’t respect me or care enough about me to know I hate it. Especially when I don’t do anything at all to deserve it. I’m over it.”
She nods like she gets it, and she sits back, picking my wine bottle up on the way and taking a sip from it. That’s why Ruby can stay. She isn’t telling me what to do or yelling at me.
“You didn’t answer my calls,” she says.
For the first time in days, I feel something other than annoyance. A pang of guilt catches me off guard.
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone, because I’m tired of everyone wanting the old Bo back. They just want someone to walk all over again.”
“I get it,” she says quietly. “Fuck ‘em,” she adds, shrugging as she takes another sip of wine.
That draws a smile to my lips.
“Thank you.”
“I just hope you realize that this is the calm before the storm,” she says after a minute.
“What do you mean?”
She gives me a pitying look that doesn’t sit well with me.
“It means, I’ll be here for you when the storm hits if you let me. Because it will hit, Bo. And it’s going to hurt like hell when it does. The numbness only lasts so long.”
Dread prickles against the back of my neck, but I brush it off.
“I hope you’re wrong,” is all I manage to whisper.
***
Ruby is still asleep in my guest room when I leave for work. Corbin didn’t call her because she told him what she was doing. He respects her. He doesn’t yell at her, well, not unless she’s just triple dared him to wear something ridiculous. Even then, it’s not the same.
It’s real love. It’s not fake. All the love people have shown me can’t be anything but fake if they don’t respect me.
As I walk down the street, I try to ignore some of the numbness that has ebbed since she showed up. Now there’s a knot in my stomach, and I can’t define what it is.
Right as I pass by the coffee shop, my eyes come up to meet a set of blue ones that have me stumbling and almost tripping. Jax moves toward me, holding two coffee c
ups, and wearing an apology in his eyes.
“I got you one,” he says, holding it out for me. “Just the way you like it.”
My eyes flick down to the cup, then back up to him. Another piece of that numbness ebbs, and my gut clenches.
He clears his throat and pulls the cup back when I don’t accept it.
“I’ve been trying to catch you for the past two days. I was hoping we could talk.”
The hustle and bustle of the Sterling Shore morning sidewalk traffic isn’t ideal for a standing conversation. But I’m not going to sit down with him.
“No,” is all I say before walking off, ignoring the searing pain that starts to bloom in my chest.
No. No. No. Please no.
“Bo,” he groans, tossing away the coffees so he can chase me.
When his hand gently grabs my elbow to slow me down, I have to fight back the tears just from feeling his touch.
Noooo.
“Bo, I’m so fucking sorry. Cody showed me pictures of you with them, and I blew it all out of proportion. I’m sorry. Please, please, please forgive me.”
My eyes come up to meet his, and the torture that rests on his face tears away another section of that numbness.
“No,” is all I whisper, but it’s more to me than him.
His lips purse, but determination stays in his eyes. I have to get out of here.
I try to walk away, but he moves to be in front of me. When I go to sidestep him, he blocks me.
“We can dance like this all day, baby,” he tells me, sounding like the cocky guy he is. “Or you can listen, because I hate not having you. It’s fucking miserable. I’m an idiot, and I’m sorry.”
More of that blessed numbness is stripped until I’m almost bare, feeling everything trying to crash at once. When the first tear falls, he reaches up to wipe it away, but I jerk back before he can touch me.
“You came to my office and humiliated me,” I whisper hoarsely.
“I know,” he says softly, pocketing his hands.
“You called me a liar, and you threw up issues I thought were resolved as a reason to destroy me,” I continue, barely able to speak with strain. “You hurt me, and you didn’t even stop to think that I might be innocent. Or that there might be an explanation. I got zero respect or understanding from you. You… You didn’t defend me. I stupidly trusted you to be on my side if anything ever happened. But you weren’t.”
His face falls more. “Bo, I—”
“I bring out the worst in people,” I go on, watching the confusion cross his face. “Bora is the worst to me, but I defend her, Jax. Always. To everyone. My dad is a condescending ass, and I’m no exception to that rule, but I defend him. To everyone. My mother is a selfish woman who loves life on her own. Hell, she usually forgets to call me when she’s near a phone, even though she calls Bora, but I defend her actions. To everyone. Shanna bullies people, but she’s especially vocal with interfering in my life, and I still freaking defend her, Jax. To everyone.”
I take a deep breath, trying to stave off the emotional breakdown that is begging to be set free.
“For once in my life, I felt like the exception, because you didn’t treat me like you treated everyone else. You didn’t mock me, or yell at me, or say mean things that would slice through me the way you do others. I felt special. For the first time in my entire life, I felt special. Now I realize it was all an illusion.”
“Damn it, Bo. It wasn’t an allusion,” he argues, but I wave him off.
“Says the guy who couldn’t even stomach the thought of labeling us,” I remind him.
He narrows his eyes. “I didn’t realize we needed labels, and besides, you asked that early on. Ask me now.”
I elect to ignore that last part, because it’s too late.
“Contrary to what everyone thinks, I’m not a punching bag. Despite the illusion, I’m not a doormat. And in spite of the fact I’m usually a nice person, it doesn’t mean I don’t get pissed. I am pissed. At all of you. At everyone. At everything. I’m done, Jax. I’m just done.”
A choked sob escapes me, and I feel the tears streaming down in heavy, hot rows now. It’s like an onslaught of feelings crash into me, almost shattering me with the force. My chest feels like someone is sitting on it, weighing too much to expand for air.
His eyes water, and he swallows hard as he takes a step toward me, reaching for me, but I jerk back.
“You weren’t supposed to be like them,” I whisper.
Then I turn around and go back to my apartment, kicking my heels off and leaving them in the middle of the sidewalk so that I can run. I don’t give a damn how dramatic it seems.
I feel like my body is being turned inside out, and my chest is heaving for the small, teasing, shallow breaths that are painful to collect.
I bypass the elevator, running up fifteen flights of stairs without slowing down, not even acknowledging the painful burn in my legs, and ignoring the fact it feels like I’m slowly suffocating to death. It’s nothing compared to the suffocating emotions that just keep hitting me harder and harder, breaking free all at once.
When the door slams behind me, Ruby comes scrambling out of the guest bedroom in nothing but a tank top and panties. But one look at me has her startled look dissolving into understanding.
She reduces the distance between us, and we both collapse to the couch as I sob in her arms, wishing I could breathe or just pass out from the pain.
Neither happens.
I stay in limbo where the pain plays carelessly on the crest of unbearable and refuses to go away.
Chapter 45
JAX
“I realize I’ve sent twelve bouquets this week,” I tell the florist. “I still want to send more.”
I hang up, massaging my temples, and try to get the shattered image of Bo out of my head. The sidewalk was a bad place for that conversation.
My eyes move over to my dresser where her high heels rest. Yeah, like a bad Prince Charming watching Cinderella run away, I picked up the shoes she left behind. Why? Fuck if I know. It’s not like she’ll ever again let me get close enough to give them back to her.
She wasn’t mad about what I said. The words weren’t the problem.
She was just destroyed that I had said it. She trusted me. She cared about me. And I let her down just like everyone else does. Treated her with the same careless abandon everyone else has. I destroyed the one and only thing that set me apart from everyone else in her life.
My sister is right; I’m an asshole.
Bo was pissed at me for wanting to climb a fiery house to save her life, because it would have put me at risk. She didn’t even really know me then. That seems like years ago.
She’s the kind of girl who saves people from a life on the streets… offers them a real life. Because she’s a hero like that, even though she never tells a soul about all her amazing secrets. But she trusted me with every secret she has, and I took it all for granted, not understanding how much of a gift she was giving me with that trust.
She’s the kind of girl who wants to know about me instead of just exploring my body. She’s also the only person I’ve ever felt like I could tell anything and not regret it. The kind of person I can talk to for hours, when I’m not even usually a fan of talking.
She cared about me.
And I crushed her with one simple action; a stupid decision made in a moment of anger when all I could do was think about myself. I thought she lied to me, and I didn’t even give her the courtesy of explaining herself.
Nope. I charged in and accused her of being a shitty person, humiliated her in her own office, then walked out like I didn’t just cut my own chest open. I left her broken. And alone.
It’s true what they say: We always hurt the ones we care about the most.
Bo talked about that bond she wanted, and we had it. I was too busy thinking it couldn’t happen so fast to acknowledge the fact I fucking love her.
Until I saw her fall apart and it felt like som
eone gutted me. I realized it then. I also realized I have to up my game if I’m going to get her back. Flowers and sidewalk stalking isn’t going to cut it.
I type out a quick message to Corbin, hoping he of all people will understand and help me out.
ME: Get something together at your house and make sure Bo is there. I’m about to become the king of groveling.
It’s ten minutes before the fucker messages me back.
CORBIN: Bo doesn’t do group things.
ME: I know. Just figure out a way to make it work. Maybe if I humiliate myself in front of a lot of people, it’ll make her realize how sorry I am. Desperate times…
CORBIN: No promises. I’ll try.
Thirty minutes later, he tells me he’s got a small hangout night planned in two days. He still doesn’t think Bo will show, but I have to at least hope she will.
Chapter 46
BO
“Bo!”
I spin around at the sound of a girl calling my name, and tilt my head as a smiling face meets mine. She walks toward me, smiling the entire time. A round belly draws my attention down. My eyes flick back up, and it clicks who she is.
“Ash. Hey. I’ve been meaning to call you,” I tell her, hoping against all odds she hasn’t heard about Jax and me.
She beams at me while resting a hand on her belly like it’s a natural reaction. Ash is one of the few new people I met and immediately liked. I met her on one spontaneous trip when Ruby came to see Corbin and I tagged along.
That trip cemented my stand on moving HQ for Pretty Posh here. Especially since we needed a new location. Fortunately, no one argued. Bora and Shanna completely agreed. Sterling Shore is the new Manhattan, without being overly crowded and full of skyscrapers.
