by Joan Kilby
Kelly sipped her tea and regarded him cautiously. “Okay, good. Let’s see you do it.”
He glanced at her suspiciously. Had she got him worked up on purpose? No, maybe not. She wasn’t manipulative. But whether she had or not, he did feel better just standing up and moving around. Activity, that’s what he needed now that the sling was off. Now where was that instruction sheet with the shoulder exercises?
Chapter Twelve
What are you afraid of?
The question ran on an endless loop in Kelly’s mind as she scrubbed the diner counter in preparation for closing up for the night. She’d been trying to get past Cody’s self-imposed barriers and without warning he’d turned the tables on her and asked the one question she didn’t want to answer.
She’d been so certain she had her feelings for him under control. After all, she’d have to be a fool to fall for a self-described party animal and a player. Somehow, he’d gotten under her defenses. Starry-eyed with infatuation, she’d thought—not that she could change him—but that all she had to do was show him what a good guy he was and he would change himself. What an idiot she was.
Even though she’d had fantasies about him before she came to Marietta she’d never imagined he would come to mean so much to her in such a short time. Her attempt at getting back in the dating game with a no-strings romantic fling had backfired. Imperfect as he was, now she wanted more than just a weekend with Cody.
She threw the cleaning cloth into the laundry basket and headed for the cool room. Walter, the cook, had left early because his wife was going into the hospital for a caesarean in the morning. Kelly had told him she’d do his weekly task of going through the supplies and throwing out anything that was out of date or looked particularly gnarly.
She tossed packages past their sell-by dates into the box and rearranged the shelves.
What are you afraid of?
Plenty. If Cody knew she was falling for him, he would spook like a half-broke horse and bolt for the hills. Just as Ricky’s father had when he’d found out she was pregnant. The last thing she wanted was to revisit the hurt of that breakup. Her only option was to make sure Cody didn’t realize that their fun, flirty game was no longer a game to her.
An angry tear escaped and she dashed it away with the back of her wrist. Worst thing was, now Ricky was attached to Cody, too. Tomorrow, for sure, she would look at those apartments his father had recommended. Getting out of Cody’s home had become a matter of self-preservation.
At the same time, she worried about him and hated to leave him alone. She wanted to help him but he wouldn’t let her in. Instead he was distracted and depressed, struggling to accept his current limitations. In typical cowboy fashion, he pretended he wasn’t hurting inside and papered over his feelings by filling his days with activity.
That had consequences for her. She’d asked Cody to look after Ricky this evening while she worked. He’d gone out all afternoon and forgotten to take his phone with him. Then he’d come home only minutes before she’d had to leave. She’d been frantic, not knowing if he would be back to look after Ricky or whether she should ask Linda. Then he’d arrived, unflustered, saying of course he knew he had to babysit, why did she think he was there? Leaving her to wonder whether she had trust issues or if he was irresponsible. Maybe not irresponsible as such but he had little understanding of the demands and day-to-day responsibilities of parenting.
He had remembered, though, she told herself. He’d been there when she needed him. But it didn’t mean he would be there for a lifetime. With Ricky’s father she hadn’t known till too late that he would run a mile rather than take responsibility. In Cody’s case he’d told her up front that he wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship. Still she’d fallen for him.
And around again she went for another circle on the loop of her thoughts. How could she have been so dumb as to fall for another guy who was commitment shy?
She dragged her mind back to the task at hand. Parker insisted that all produce served had to be top quality; no wilting lettuce, no wrinkled tomatoes. All very well, but half the stuff she was putting in the box to go out in the trash at the back of the diner was still edible. What a waste. Health and safety standards were there for a reason but it killed her throwing out cheese and ham that was only a day out of date.
She lugged the box out of the cool room, added the leftover bags of rolls and sliced bread and carried it out the back door to the alley. She was about to hoist the box into the trash when out of the corner of her eye she saw movement in the shadows beyond the security light.
“Is someone there?” No answer. She could hear her heart tripping. “I know you’re there.”
There was a shuffle in the darkness. Parker’s great-uncle stepped forward. “Don’t be afraid.”
“Oh, hi.” She breathed out in relief. “I haven’t seen you lately.” After she’d fed him the meat loaf he’d disappeared.
“Been up on the mountain. Got a cabin up there.” He eyed the box of food hungrily. Had he been waiting for the hour when he knew leftover food would be thrown out?
She glanced down the dark alley. No one else was around so she wasn’t going to ask him to come inside. “The diner’s closed but I can make you a sandwich.”
“No.” He took a step back. “Thanks.”
“What’s your name?” From the box she took a bag of rolls and held it out to him as if she was coaxing a wild animal to come forward.
“Trent.” His hand darted out and took the bag. “I knew his grandfather, Nate.”
“Sorry, whose grandfather?” Kelly fished out the cheese slices and passed them across. “These are out of date but there’s no mold or anything.”
“I just pick off the mold.” Trent took them without hesitation. “That young Cody Starr you’re going around with. His grandfather is Nate. Nate and me was friends when we were kids. I knew Pansy, too.”
Kelly shrugged at this unfamiliar name. “I’m new in town.” As Trent stuffed cheese into a roll she noticed the grimy plastic water bottle sticking out of his pocket. “Let me fill your bottle for you.”
He handed it over and she went back inside. Tossing the old bottle in the bin, she found a new one and brought it out to him. Intent on eating, he didn’t seem to notice the switch, just shoved it back in his pocket.
“Your nephew says you can eat at the diner anytime for free,” she told him.
“Parker’s a nice boy but the light’s too bright in there. Hurts my eyes.”
Kelly found a plastic bag and filled it with more food then handed it to him. “Maybe you should get your eyes checked. I’m sure Parker would make you an appointment.”
“I don’t need no doctors. Cody’s a nice boy, too.” Trent gathered the bags of cast-off food, tipped a finger to an imaginary hat and walked back into the shadows.
*
Cody’s apartment was quiet and dark when Kelly inserted her key in the lock and let herself in at ten p.m. Cody’s door was ajar. She pushed it open. Empty. Where was he? He was supposed to be looking after Ricky.
Quelling a flutter of panic, she went to the bedroom she shared with her son. He was safe in bed. In the dim glow of the night-light she could see his chest rise and fall steadily. Thank God. She sat on the edge of the bed and rested a hand on his chest, her panic eased by the strong steady beat of his heart.
But where was Cody? Panic turned to anger. How could he have gone out and left Ricky all alone?
She noticed a plastic gadget on the bedside table and picked it up. Was this some new toy? She carried it outside into the light, shutting the door behind her. A baby monitor. Cody must have left it there. Maybe it was one Linda had for her grandbabies. Had Cody left Linda, upstairs, in charge of Ricky, downstairs? Anyone could break in and do unspeakable things before Linda had a chance to get down here.
Kelly hadn’t given Cody leave to palm off her son’s care to anyone else, even Linda. If he’d gone to the bar—
The door flung open.
Cody stood there, panting, a baseball bat in an upraised hand. “Oh, it’s you.”
She glared at him. “You could have called and let me know where you were so I didn’t come back and find Ricky home alone with no explanation.”
“I did. It went straight to voicemail.”
She checked her phone and found the call logged. “Okay,” she said, only slightly mollified. “But you didn’t leave a message.”
Cody dropped the bat next to the couch. “I’m not used to having to account for my whereabouts.”
Her fingers clenched as she tried to get a grip on her anger. “I’m not trying to keep tabs on you but I left my young son in your care.”
“I was playing poker with dad and my brothers upstairs. Ricky was perfectly safe.”
“How was I to know? When you couldn’t reach me you should have left a note.”
“Guess I should have,” he said, not sounding repentant enough for her taste. His dark eyes were stormy, as if he wished she’d never come to stay and impinge on his lifestyle.
She wasn’t ready to forgive. Not for going upstairs—he’d gotten down here in thirty seconds flat—but for not acknowledging how much it frightened her to think her son might be in danger. Cody liked Ricky but he didn’t feel the same sense of responsibility that a parent felt. Well, she could hardly blame him for that.
“Moms are protective of their children,” she explained. “I’m extra cautious because of all Ricky’s been through. This afternoon I wasn’t sure if you remembered you were babysitting and then tonight I came home and you’re not here…”
Cody’s shoulders slumped suddenly. “I’m a screw-up,” he said, now sounding defeated. “If anything had happened to him…” His voice broke. “I would never forgive myself.”
Kelly’s anger dissipated. She was being unfair. Cody wasn’t used to taking care of kids. Heck, she herself wasn’t perfect. She’d made her share of mistakes over the years.
“Nothing did happen,” she said, reminding herself as well as reassuring Cody. “You’re not a screw-up. Don’t keep saying that.”
“It’s true. Maybe not today but overall.”
She shook her head. “I have it on good authority that you’re a ‘nice boy.’”
Cody gave a mirthless laugh. “Who says so?”
“Trent, Parker’s great-uncle.” She told him about her encounter with the old man in the alley. “Technically he’s not homeless if he’s got a cabin on the mountain. Judging by the look of him, I bet he doesn’t have running water.”
“I’ve heard about some old guy living up there,” Cody said. “Rumor has it he’s a bit demented.”
“He might have some issues,” Kelly conceded. “He also said he was friends with your grandfather, Nate.”
At the mention of his grandfather, Cody’s tension returned. “That’s no recommendation.”
“I haven’t met Nate yet,” Kelly said. “What’s he like?”
“You’ll meet him—if you’re around.” He stalked to the sink for a glass of water.
Her own irritation surged back to the surface. “I’ve got a job and Ricky’s in school. I’ll be here.”
Cody didn’t reply.
Suddenly Kelly felt extremely weary. Their brief detente was so easily broken. He was so touchy these days. Was she making a mistake by staying in Sweetheart? Even though she liked it here and it was a great place to raise a child, it was a big thing to resettle so far away from familiar places and friends. She needed to do what was best for her and Ricky, not because she hoped something permanent was going to happen between her and Cody. She had her own baggage. The deeper she fell for him, the more afraid she was that the weight of it would drag them down.
On the other hand, she couldn’t leave just because there was a little tension between them. Hadn’t she wanted to do something for him? Being here for him through his tough times was what true friends did.
Sliding her arms around his waist she laid her cheek against his rigid back. “Let’s not fight.”
He turned and buried his face in her hair. “I’m sorry. You’ve had a long day at work and I was a thoughtless jerk.”
Her fingers reached to touch his jaw, feeling the soft scruff over bone and warm flesh. “Are you okay? Talk to me.”
Instead of replying, he bent his head down and touched his lips to hers. Once, twice, then took her mouth in a sensuous, probing kiss that made her fatigue melt away. On second thought, talking was what had gotten them into a fight. When their bodies spoke, they communicated on a deeper level where they understood each other instinctively.
“We haven’t had much time together lately,” he murmured. “Come to my room?”
“Let me shower first.” She eased away, her fingers clinging to his. “Won’t be long.”
“I’ll run up and let the guys know I’m leaving the game.”
She showered and washed her hair then toweled dry and smoothed sweet-smelling lotion over her body. Naked, she climbed into Cody’s bed, lit a candle she’d bought the other day, and waited. He was back in less than five minutes, unsnapping his jeans before he was even in the bedroom.
He stopped in the doorway and breathed in. “Smells like a woman in here.”
“The candle is ginger and frangipani.”
“No, it’s you.” The rough timbre of his voice sent a shiver down her neck and thrummed through her veins. “Your hair, your skin, something. I love the way you smell.” He came over to the bed, stripping off his shirt. “It turns me on.”
Hearing his words made her aroused. She moved restlessly. The sheet slid down off her naked breast and she heard the sharp intake of his breath. By candle glow she watched his body respond.
Then he was naked, too. Looming over her, bringing his heat and hardness and strength. She pushed back the covers to let him in and sighed as his skin came in contact with hers.
“Let me get on top,” she said. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“My arm isn’t too bad now.” His smile gleamed in the candlelight. “But by all means, climb aboard the Cody train. I’ll take you for a ride. Buckle up, though, because it’s going to be wild.”
She giggled and slid a leg over to sit on his thighs. Taking the condom from him, she rolled it on. Planting her hands on his chest, she leaned down to kiss him. “Now, you’re at my mercy.”
“Mercy,” he rejoined in a husky voice, hauling her forward.
A pang stabbed her heart at the pure sweetness of their joining. Together they created something bigger than they were apart. Like a mountain glimpsed behind the clouds. Solid, high, going on forever.
She rode him rough and she rode him long. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Hang on until the buzzer goes. Don’t fall, stay on, never quit. Please, please, please.
She didn’t know what she was pleading for but oh, dear God, she wanted it bad.
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, after Kelly left to take Ricky to school, Cody did his shoulder exercises. His strength and flexibility were improving daily. He still couldn’t believe it would take four months for him to recover fully. That amount of time was intended for ordinary couch potatoes, not athletes like rodeo riders.
When he finished his workout, he got onto his laptop and cruised the rodeo websites. For the first few weeks after the accident he’d avoided anything to do with rodeo but now that he was starting to feel better he wanted to keep up with the news. It killed him to learn that Dean had won the bull-riding event in Tulsa over the weekend. Cody had planned to be at that rodeo. If he’d won, it would have put his ranking well above Dean’s and, more importantly, plumped up his dwindling savings account.
There wasn’t another rodeo on the PRCA circuit till December so he clicked through to another link, showing the schedule of smaller rodeos. There was one in Wyalong in ten days. If his arm kept healing at this rate… He could almost hear the announcer over the loudspeaker, “Cody Starr, back on the bulls after a remarkable recovery—”
“What
are you doing?” Kelly said suddenly, standing behind him, her arms laden with bags of groceries. He’d been so absorbed in his fantasy that she’d come through the open door without him hearing her.
Cody slammed the laptop cover shut. “Nothing.”
“You were looking up rodeos to go to,” she accused. “I saw with my own eyes.”
“No harm in looking,” he said defensively. “It was only a small rodeo.”
“The bulls are the same size! I can’t believe you’re even thinking of going.” Her mouth compressed into a thin line. “You heard the doctor. You could damage your shoulder permanently.”
He knew she was dedicated to healthy living. Her grocery bags were bursting with fresh vegetables and fruit and she did daily exercises and made Ricky eat properly and get exercise, too. Even so, her reaction seemed over-the-top. “It’s my life not yours I’m playing with.”
Her nostrils flared. “Oh, by all means, throw it away. Be irresponsible. Don’t listen to people who care about you.”
“Kelly!” he said. “I wouldn’t consider it if I didn’t feel ready. My arm is doing great.” He flexed his bicep in an attempt to lighten her mood. “Come on, let’s arm wrestle.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she snapped. “I’m not your family. You don’t have to rebel against me.” She started to turn away, then rounded on him. “You want to know what I’m afraid of? I’m afraid of men who don’t own their feelings, who won’t acknowledge that they care. Who would run away rather than face l—” She broke off abruptly, blinking. “Life.”
Cody froze. Had she been going to say love? They’d known each other less than a month. They weren’t supposed to be in a relationship, dammit. She was changing the rules. Anyway, it was too soon to be talking about love. Wasn’t it? So why did he feel so churned up, desperately wanting to please her, and yet petrified he would inevitably fail?
