Mia was sure she heard a small snort of derision come from the woman as she reluctantly closed the door behind her, but Mia had come across her type before – the small-town girl who thought she’d done good. The type who thought they could look down their noses at people like Mia just because they looked a little different and refused to abide by every rule that was thrown at them.
Ben got up, walking around the front of his desk and leaning back against it, folding his arms. ‘You know, most people call first, or at least make an appointment.’
Mia moved a little closer, her eyes looking him up and down, this handsome man in the smart pants and the pressed shirt, although, he’d made it all look a little more casual by rolling the sleeves up to the elbows, and she couldn’t help but notice the tattoos he’d uncovered because of that. Why hadn’t she noticed them when she’d seen him at the clubhouse a few days ago? Because she was almost sure he’d had his shirtsleeves rolled up then, too. ‘I’m not most people.’ She checked out his tattoos again; the thick black ink that snaked up his forearms was hard to miss, and she still couldn’t believe she hadn’t noticed it before.
Ben’s eyes followed her gaze. ‘The reason I do what I do – the reason I took the job representing the club is because, somewhere deep inside, I wanted to be back in a world I’m familiar with.’
She frowned, cocking her head slightly as she stared at him.
‘I used to be a biker,’ Ben continued, answering her silent question. ‘Had a Harley Davidson Forty-Eight…’ He stopped himself from saying any more. She knew as much as she needed to know.
‘So… what happened?’ Mia was intrigued now. Intrigued to find out why this man who’d called himself a biker had become someone who now wore a suit and worked behind a desk. ‘How do you go from biker to nine-to-five lawyer?’
Ben let out a short, sharp laugh. ‘Honey, this lawyer don’t work nine-to-five, believe me. And not all bikers raise hell and hang out at their clubhouse all day...’ He dropped his gaze, being careful not to open up too much. He’d told her enough. ‘There are people out there, just like me.’ He slowly raised his head, his eyes locking with hers. ‘People who used their bike as a means of escape when the drudgery of everyday life gets too much.’
Mia watched him closely as he spoke – taking in his green eyes as they held her gaze, the heavy stubble that covered his chin and jaw line; his short, dark hair that was just slightly messed-up enough to make him look a little less like a corporate monkey. ‘You used the past tense,’ she said, moving closer still.
‘Sorry?’
‘You said “used” their bikes. Past tense. You don’t ride any more?’
He shook his head, his eyes dipping again, breaking the stare. ‘No. Not any more.’
‘Why not?’
He looked back up, a slightly harder expression on his face now. ‘Have you come here for a reason, Mia? Is there something you need to tell me? Something you want to talk about?’
She smiled, taking hold of his tie, running her fingers over the smooth material. ‘I came here to tell you that I’m sorry. For being a pain in the arse when we met the other day. For coming across as a cold, hard bitch and... I’m sorry, okay?’
Ben gently removed her hand, brushing his tie back down against himself. ‘It’s okay, Mia. Really. Everything you’re feeling, it’s completely understandable.’
‘Oh, quit with the pompous crap, Ben. I’m guessing it doesn’t really suit you.’
It was his turn to frown as he looked at her. ‘You don’t know me.’
She smiled again, forgetting why she’d actually barged in here in the first place. All of a sudden she was enjoying playing with this man who gave off the impression he was one thing, when she had a feeling he was something else completely. Maybe she could have some fun here after all. Take her mind off all the crap. ‘I’d like to,’ she whispered, moving up close, her mouth almost touching his ear as she spoke. ‘I’d like to get to know you.’
‘I think you should go,’ he said, gently pushing her away before retreating back behind his desk.
‘Am I making you uncomfortable?’
He looked up, his eyes locking with hers. ‘Yes. You are. So, if you don’t have a reason to be here…’
‘Why did you stop riding?’
He continued to stare at her. ‘I… You need to go, Mia. I’ve got a lot of work to do…’
‘No, come on. You said you used to ride, that it gave you an escape, and only a real biker would understand that so, why did you stop? What happened?’
‘It’s not really any of your business,’ he replied, breaking the stare as he walked over to the window.
‘Oh, come on, Ben. I’m just curious, that’s all. Real bikers don’t just walk away. They can’t.’
He turned around, digging his hands deep into his pockets. ‘I haven’t walked away. I told you, that’s why I took this job as the Lone Riders’ lawyer. Because I wanted…’
‘Real bikers can’t walk away from the ride. It’s in their blood, it gets under your skin. And you walked away. Why?’
‘You really need to go, Mia. And it probably wouldn’t hurt to apologize to Fiona on your way out.’
‘Fuck Fiona!’
‘Mia…’
She leaned back against the wall, pushing both hands through her hair as she looked at him. ‘You have some kind of accident? Hmm? Is that why you stopped?’
Ben looked down, digging his hands deeper into his pockets. She was making him nervous, she could tell, and while she hadn’t really intended to do that, it was fun to watch. She still had some kind of power. Some kind of control. Lennie hadn’t robbed her of everything.
‘I’m right, aren’t I? You’re really going to let some stupid accident…’
‘I was under the truck, Mia. It hit me, and I was under it, dragged along until the leather of my jacket tore enough to free me. But by then my leg was damaged so much, the fracture so bad the bone was sticking right out…’ He lowered his gaze again and Mia watched as his expression changed to something that verged on sad. ‘I was in hospital for months, the rehabilitation a bastard I couldn’t even face some days… It wasn’t some stupid accident…’ He trailed off, and Mia frowned as his expression changed again, to something she couldn’t read this time. ‘I let it get to me,’ Ben continued, slowly raising his gaze, a slight weariness to his voice now because he wasn’t in the mood for any of this. ‘The physical wounds, yeah, they healed, in time. Just a scar on my leg to remind me it even happened now. But I never really embraced the emotional scars.’
‘You’ve never been on a bike since?’ Mia’s tone had softened, because she could see that he seemed genuinely upset by being made to relive all of that in such a manner. Having it forced out of him, almost. And she really hadn’t meant for that to happen.
‘I’ve never been on a bike since, no. But…’ He turned his face away from her, looking out of the window instead. ‘Being around the Lone Riders… it’s okay, you know? It’s good. Sometimes. Being around those machines I used to love so much.’
‘Have you ever wanted to get back on a bike?’
He looked at her, a small smile on his face now. ‘I didn’t, for a long time. But now…’ He lowered his gaze again, his hands still in his pockets. ‘Now, I don’t know. I guess you’re right, huh?’ His eyes locked with hers. ‘It never really goes, does it? No matter how hard you try to leave it behind.’
She couldn’t help smiling back as she walked slowly over to him. ‘I’ve got a bike outside.’
‘You ride?’
‘I was born into an MC, Ben. What else am I gonna do?’
‘I can’t, Mia. Look…’
She reached out to touch his face, cupping his cheek, her thumb lightly stroking his stubbled skin. ‘You can. And you will. You hear me?’ She moved her mouth close to his, so close their lips almost touched, but then she pulled back, still smiling. ‘You know where I am if you change your mind.’
And with that she
turned and walked away. This may not have been the outcome she’d envisaged when she’d barged into his office. This was one she just hadn’t seen coming. But now it was here, she knew exactly how to play it.
***
Ben threw back his head and let out the longest, deepest breath. What the hell had just happened there? Because he didn’t know. He didn’t know what that had been. And he still had no idea why she’d forced her way into his office like that. Why she’d felt the need to come here and confuse him and then leave with a million questions unanswered. All he knew was he still couldn’t shake that wary feeling. It was still hanging heavy over him, and he wanted it to leave, because it was making him feel way more nervous than he wanted to feel. But it was staying put. Refusing to go.
Walking back over to his desk he leaned forward, his hands palm-down on the cool surface, bowing his head as he breathed in deep, letting out another heavy sigh. Mia Rose. One beautiful, dangerous world of trouble. A world he had a feeling was about to turn his upside down. In ways he couldn’t begin to imagine…
Six
‘Could you see the change in him, Lexi?’
Lexi looked down at her clasped hands, her expression stoic. ‘I’d been away a long time, Mia. Didn’t really know Lennie well enough, but, yes. He seemed a different man to the one I’d last seen. Colder. Harder.’
‘You told me not to marry him, remember? You warned me. You said if I wasn’t sure…’ Mia shifted her gaze to the garage across the compound, watching as Jesse and Kip messed about like a couple of adolescents, their laughter echoing around the yard. ‘I could see it. The change in him. I knew it was happening. The way he was with me…’ She bowed her head, fiddling with the leather bands on her wrist. ‘I should have listened to you, Lex. But I thought it was just something he needed to go through. That he was grieving in the only way he knew how. I thought it would pass, I really did. And I thought marrying him would give him some kind of stability, you know? I loved him, and it was my duty to support him, to stand by him…’
‘Don’t you ever blame yourself for any of this, Mia.’
Mia kept her head bowed. ‘When he first joined the Lone Riders he was so different, remember? So different. He was kind and funny and… Okay, he knew how to fight, how to look after himself, but when we first got together he never once…’ She threw back her head, swallowing hard, desperate not to let the tears that were threatening fall. ‘He never once did anything to hurt me. It was almost as if, after Dale’s death, he let all the bitterness and hate take too much of a hold. He hadn’t been able to control what had happened, and that was something he just couldn’t cope with. After that, control was all that mattered to him. And I just became something else he could manipulate. A punch bag for him to take all that frustration and anger out on.’ Her eyes met Lexi’s, damp with tears but she was managing to keep them at bay. Just. ‘Was that my fault, Lex? Did I not support him enough? Not give him what he needed…?’
Lexi reached out and took her hand, squeezing it gently. ‘Did you hear what I said, Mia? None of this is your fault. And don’t you ever think it was. Look, it’s pointless trying to change the past, okay? We can’t do that. We need to concentrate on the future instead. Concentrate on getting your new life started, and forgetting all about the crap he put you through.’
‘Because the past is so easy to forget, right?’ Mia fixed Lexi with a look that spoke volumes. Lexi hadn’t exactly let go of her past all that easily. She’d fought it, for a long, long time. But she’d eventually won. So surely she could do the same. If she stopped fighting and just let people help her, despite help being something she was still convinced she didn’t need. Yeah. Maybe she needed to stop being so stubborn, too. ‘I’m sorry, Lex. I just…’
‘It’s okay. Really. I guess I kind of asked for that.’
Mia threw her a small smile, before bowing her head once more. ‘You know, your dad – I always thought he didn’t believe in women being treat like shit. I thought Charlie was different, that’s why I turned to him. I told him what was going on because I thought he’d protect me…’
‘And that’s what he’s doing, Mia. I know it feels more like some kind of betrayal, like he’s putting Lennie before somebody who’s spent their entire life within the club, but everything Charlie’s doing, I can guarantee it’ll be for the best. If he keeps Lennie close, keeps him there as his V.P., then at least he knows where he is. He lets him go, he loses any control he has over him. He’s trying to keep you safe, Mia. That’s all he’s trying to do.’
Mia looked at her hand in Lexi’s. ‘You know how it feels to leave behind somewhere you’ve called home for so long. You’ve done it twice over. So you know how it feels.’
Lexi gave Mia’s hand another squeeze, gently stroking her knuckles, the bruises that had once been there all but gone now. Only the small scar on her cheek remained as any physical evidence of what she’d been through. ‘Yeah. I know how it feels. And I also know you get used to it. You adapt.’
‘Because we have no other choice.’
Lexi squeezed her hand again. ‘Because we have no other choice.’
‘I hate him, Lexi. That man I once loved, I hate him. I hate what he did to me. How he made me feel. I hate the way I handled it; hated the man he became. And I hated the way I could see what was happening, but did nothing about it. I hate that I was weak.’
‘You can’t blame yourself, Mia.’
‘Can’t I?’ Her eyes were cold and hard as she stared at Lexi.
‘You can’t blame yourself. What we were born into… the world we inhabit, it… There’s no escape, no walking away, no turning our backs, not really.’
‘So how can I possibly move forward, Lex? How can I do that, huh? How can I really do that?’
‘You just have to give it your best shot, sweetheart. That’s all we can do.’
‘So, when you’re telling me we have to concentrate on my future… How can I do that? If I can’t ever escape the past?’
‘No, Mia, that’s not what I meant. I’m just saying that we can’t forget, can’t really leave behind who we are and what we’ve done. But we can try and move forward. On to something new. Something different.’
Mia shook her head, sliding down from the table she’d been sitting on, folding her arms as she started to walk away. She was tired of talking now. None of it was making her feel any better.
‘Whoa! You in a hurry?’
Because she’d had her head down she hadn’t seen him walking towards her, but when she looked up at him, his warm smile seemed to instantly penetrate her dark mood. It was actually quite exhausting, feeling bitter on an almost constant basis. She should learn to let it go, heed Lexi’s words – accept that she could never really walk away, but she could at least try and make the most of the situation she now found herself in.
‘You all right?’ Kip asked, lighting up a cigarette, taking a long draw on it before he offered it to Mia. She accepted, taking it from him as she leaned back against his bike.
‘I’m fine. Just been talking to Lexi.’
‘That’ll explain your mood, then.’ Kip smirked, and Mia couldn’t help but smile back.
‘Your sister’s one of the good guys.’
‘Yeah, I know she is,’ Kip sighed, retrieving his cigarette. ‘And I spent too many years hating her.’
‘You regret that now, huh?’
He looked at Mia. ‘Of course I do. But the shit we get fed around here…’ He sighed again, tipping his cap back a little to reveal more of those blue eyes Mia found so enticing. ‘Things are good now. That’s all that matters.’ He offered her the cigarette again but she shook her head. ‘Listen, we’re having another party here tonight…’
‘Is that all you lot do around here? Party?’
Kip grinned, throwing the cigarette down and stubbing it out with the heel of his boot. ‘I guess we’ve got a lot of steam to let off.’
She smiled again. There was something about Kip Hart that made her feel
instantly relaxed. But there was somebody else she really needed to see right now. She didn’t know why, exactly. She just knew what she wanted, what he could do for her, something she didn’t think Kip could, even though, a couple of days ago, she would‘ve thought differently. ‘Tonight?’
‘Right here. Beer, barbecue, and whatever else the night might throw at us.’
She laughed, a sound she hadn’t actually made in such a long time, and it felt good. Maybe she should let herself do it more often. Maybe she should let herself do a lot of things more often. And there was no time like the present to get started.
‘You want to grab a drink or something?’ Kip asked, taking off his cap and shoving it in the back pocket of his jeans.
Mia shook her head. ‘There’s somewhere I’ve got to be.’ She slipped her hands into her pockets as she pulled herself away from the bike.
‘Oh. Okay. Well, you’ll be here later, right?’
She threw him one more smile. ‘Right.’ She wasn’t exactly sure what it was she felt when she was around Kip – whether it really was that childish crush returning, or whether it was more of a platonic thing. She just knew she liked being around him. ‘I’ll see you tonight, then.’ She started to walk away.
‘Mia?’
She stopped, turning back around to face him.
‘Nothing’s gonna happen to you here. You’re gonna be fine, okay?’
‘Yeah.’ She wanted to believe him. She really did. ‘Okay.’
***
Ben sat back in his chair, staring down at the pile of papers in front of him. There was no need for her to come over. She didn’t really need to see him any more. Everything that was happening now didn’t concern her, it didn’t need to concern her. The less she knew the better, that’s what Charlie had told him. She’d done everything she needed to do, told him what he needed to know and now she was supposed to just let Ben get on with things. She was supposed to be getting on with her new life while he and Charlie tried to handle the old one. But now she was coming over, here, to his office. And he didn’t know why he’d agreed to that, why he hadn’t just told her to stay away, like he should have done. But the second he’d heard her voice… Still, at least she’d given him some warning this time.
Retribution (The Lone Riders MC Series Book 2) Page 4
