by Cari Quinn
“I don’t operate on promises. Even if I wanted to, the boss lady wouldn’t allow me to.”
Cricket had mentioned her a few times before. Supposedly she was especially ruthless because she was relatively new to the game. Made it all sound so nice and tidy. She was just a hungry businesswoman, trying to get ahead.
“She’s not as forgiving as I am,” Cricket continued, uncapping the bottle of water in the cup holder to take a long swig. “Look, let’s be straight with each other. The only reason you’re still walking around and not laid up in a hospital somewhere is because I like you. You’re talented. You just keep working those fingers of yours, and you’ll return what you owe with interest, won’t you?” When he didn’t do anything but continue to breathe hard and fast, she repeated, “Won’t you, Grayson?”
“I said I’d get you your money.”
“I have faith in you.” She capped the bottle, set it back in the holder. “But there are other ways you could work off some of your debt.” She smiled, slow and sure. “I’m open to…alternatives.”
Gray rested his hands on the hot roof of the car and closed his eyes. Why was he making such a big deal about this? Sleeping with Cricket wouldn’t make him a whore. He’d just be a guy who slept with a pretty girl. Simple. Uncomplicated. The rest was his business and his alone.
Not the band’s. Not Jazz’s.
In fact, doing this would lessen some of the pressure on him for the money. Maybe get Cricket to back off a little. In a way, he’d be buying Jazz’s innocence for a while longer. It would kill her to find out what he’d gotten into, so she couldn’t ever know.
He was the one illusion she had left. He’d be damned if he took that from her too.
Before he could talk himself out of it, he yanked out his phone and tapped out a quick text to Jazz. Then he opened the car door and slipped inside.
* § *
Sorry, something came up. I had to leave. Notebook’s still in the van. Good luck. You’re going to nail it.
Jazz gazed at her cell until the words swam. It wasn’t surprising, since her shock swiftly turned to tears. Big, annoying ones she could feel hovering in her eyes, ready to spill if she so much as blinked.
Or looked up at her band mates, all sitting around the table, watching and waiting.
She swallowed. Swallowed again. There was anger beneath the sadness and pain, and way down deep below that lived fear. Something was very wrong with Gray. She couldn’t put her finger on it, and she wasn’t sure if it was because he’d become a skilled liar when she wasn’t paying attention or if she was just fooling herself, pretending not to see the writing on the wall.
He was sleeping with that blonde chick, and she had him all twisted up. Plain and simple.
It was like high school, part deux. Gray had the sexy girlfriends, and she had a little vibrator she never even used out of sheer terror one of the boys would hear. She would never live it down. They could bang babes in stacks of twos and threes but her quality time with her bullet would be front page news.
Especially if Simon got too handsy with his phone while he was drinking some night.
“Well?” Nick nodded at her cell. “Is he coming back sometime this century?”
“No.” The word shocked her as much as she could tell it surprised Nick. Acknowledging that Gray had made her believe that they were a team then let her down once more caused the tightness in her throat to return full force. Her stomach roiled and she clutched her phone to it as she dragged in a breath. “He had to…go. It was an emergency,” she added, looking at Lila.
“What kind of emergency?”
Pussy. He needed it really bad. Obviously, since he was horny enough to even kiss me.
“His grandmother,” she said instead, as solemnly as she could manage. Even pissed as hell at him, she would defend Gray with her last breath. He had done things for her that nothing short of murder could erase. Even this confusing past year couldn’t touch the bond that had wrapped them tight all those years ago.
If he wanted to cut loose, break the chain so to speak, he’d need to get out the bolt cutters and cut more of the links than this.
She knew he banged other girls. Hell, she’d heard and seen it back in high school. What was one more? So what if his lips still tasted like her lip gloss when he laid them on someone else?
The ripping slash through her midsection caught her off-guard. She dropped her phone and doubled over, gasping as if someone had punched her square in the gut.
The abrupt metallic scrape of a chair made her look up. It took so much effort to just lift her head and focus on Nick. He was talking to Lila, his voice a dull hum.
“…leave us alone for a few minutes. Granny’s so sick. Hard on the family…”
Holy shit, Nick was defending Gray. She knew he was doing it for her benefit, considering the concerned glances he kept aiming her way.
No wonder, since she hadn’t yet managed to sit up straight again despite Simon and Deak’s comforting touches—Simon’s hand on her shoulder, Deak’s on her other arm. They were offering her their support and silent solidarity without knowing why they needed to.
Hot tears blurred her vision and she lowered her head, wishing for once that she’d just left her hair down and not braided it back out of her face. She had nowhere to hide. Nowhere to go to outrun the torment Gray’s text—and his kiss—had caused.
“I understand family dilemmas and I’m sympathetic, really.” Lila’s voice had gone soft around the edges and the glance she directed at Jazz reflected compassion, not annoyance. Okay, yeah, so there was a little annoyance too. “But Gray has a responsibility to this band and for him to just up and leave in the middle of a meeting without giving a proper explanation proves exactly why I need to take the step I have in mind. Now.”
“What are you saying?” Nick asked, his gaze still centered on Jazz.
Lila gripped her iPad to her chest. “I’m splitting you up.”
CHAPTER NINE
Then
Outside the doorway to the Duffys’ formal dining room, Jazz pressed a hand to her shaky stomach. If her belly knotted any more, she’d throw up for sure. “I’m so nervous.”
Wide hands cupped her shoulders. “Why?” Gray spoke near her ear, his warm breath wafting through her hair and causing goose bumps to pop up on her neck. “We’re your family.”
Though the words helped settle some of the manic fluttering in her stomach, she rolled her eyes. “I’ve lived here a few months. Before then I was a complete stranger. It takes a lot longer than that for someone to become family.”
Not for her with Gray, but she wasn’t about to tell him that. She was already half in love with him and his parents. They made it so easy.
Now there was someone new she had to win over—Gray’s older brother, Brent. She supposed she could use the reminder that nothing was guaranteed, nowhere was safe. There were always new challenges and higher hurdles.
Including smirky-mouthed frat boys who scared the hell out of her even in a photograph.
“Says who?” Gray tugged her back against his chest. She closed her eyes and savored, relieved he couldn’t read her mind. “The best family is what you make when you get to choose. We chose you.”
Her lips curved in spite of the pang between her breasts. How could words that filled her up also tear her down? She didn’t want to cling. Didn’t want to need him or his parents too much. This situation, like all the others in her life, was just temporary.
Wonderful, absolutely, but temporary.
She was being silly. Brent was giving her his room, for God’s sake. He was probably a great guy. He had to be, didn’t he, coming from such an amazing family? The twist in her belly whenever she glimpsed his face in family pictures didn’t mean anything. He just looked so much like Gray that it was disconcerting. They had the same thickly lashed gray eyes, the same dark hair that tended to curl if not cut super short. Matching strong jaws and lush lips. They could’ve practically been identical t
wins if not for the fact that Gray was growing his hair out past his shoulders and had more definition in his arms and shoulders. He had a guitarist’s upper body whereas Brent had a bit of a beer pooch. Otherwise, they were scarily similar.
But hey, that should make it easier to get to know Brent, right? That he looked like someone she lo—cared about a lot had to help. Besides, he would only be home for the weekend to pack up the rest of his stuff to take back with him to his off-campus apartment. She was getting his room permanently…for however long forever lasted here.
His bedroom was large like Gray’s and the enormous space overwhelmed her in the best way. She could already picture having her girlfriends over to sit on the fluffy white rug in front of the bay windows that overlooked the backyard with its kidney-shaped pool and brightly colored deck chairs. Their voices would fill the room with their laughter and happiness, chasing away the monsters that lived not in Jazz’s closet, but in her head.
If she actually had any girlfriends, she would’ve pictured that.
Instead she visualized sitting on the bed with Gray, notebooks and music composition books spread out between their knees, guitars on their laps, surrounded by the scent of erasers and Cherry Coke and Gray’s minty aftershave. She’d never seen him anything but clean-shaven, which was why it was a surprise to feel his stubbled cheek scraping over hers.
“Stop thinking so hard. You’re making my brain hurt.”
“Sorry. Bad habit.” She laughed and shifted to kiss his cheek, something she’d done a million times. She’d kissed his cheek the morning before she’d watched him go down on his latest girl, kissed it again the next day when he’d come down to breakfast and looked at her with heavy, brooding eyes. They’d never spoken of those moments when she’d played voyeur. If it was up to her, they never would.
But now there were new moments, a new tension unwinding between them as her careless cheek kiss glanced off the corner of his mouth, so close that she swore she tasted cherry cola. His wary gaze shot to hers and he hooked his arm around her waist, drawing her in even as his mouth twitched with all the things he didn’t say.
“Sorry,” she repeated. God, her cheek was still tingling from the imprint of his stubbled jaw. “Missed.”
“Stop apologizing, Jazz.” Gray eyes so like the mists over the San Francisco Bay drifted over her face. But they weren’t cold. They were the day’s warmth burning off the fog until only heat lightning remained. She felt the sizzle and simmer in her bones, in her blood. “You have nothing to be sorry for, ever. You’re perfect.” His lips were a heartbeat away. He angled his head and they skated closer for a fraction of a second. Lifetimes passed in that instant yet they weren’t nearly long enough to feel all of this. “Absolutely perfect.”
She lifted her hand but she wasn’t fast enough to hold him still. That was Gray. Life. Movement. Pure energy captured in human form. He was already moving away, striding through the dining room doors and calling out to the guy who waited on the other side with his parents. His brother. His family.
She wasn’t truly his sister and could never—would never—be more.
CHAPTER TEN
Now
Splitting up the band? What the hell?
Deacon lumbered to his feet. “What is that supposed to mean? You can’t split us up. That’s not your call to make.”
One of Lila’s pale blonde eyebrows lifted. “Oh, you’d be surprised what calls I can make, Mr. McCoy. However, in this case, you misunderstand me. I’m not splitting up the band.” A hint of a smile crept across her mouth. “For long.”
“I’ve had enough of this shit for one night. Call us back when you’re done speaking in riddles.” Nick shoved out of his chair and had made it halfway to the door when Lila barked out a command.
“Sit. All of you. And listen with the things on the side of your head instead of the big gaping maws under your noses.”
Jazz sniffled and tried to discreetly run her thumbs under her eyes. Simon bumped his chair into hers then slid his arm around her shoulders, giving her an excuse to lean into his embrace. After the near band breakup a couple of months ago, things weren’t the same between her and Simon anymore, but she wasn’t about to fight that battle right now. She was tired of fighting to hold on to the pieces of her life.
It was nice, just now, to be held.
Her gaze connected with Nick’s across the table. His Adam’s apple bobbed in the stubbled column of his throat but he didn’t look away.
After tonight, she had a feeling he was willing to hold her too, in a much different way than Simon or Deak. Somehow he still was, even after that mess that had been the threesome with Gray.
And what was stopping her from taking that comfort if it was offered? Why shouldn’t she feel good too?
Because he’s not who you want and it’s not fair to either one of you to settle.
God, she hated that reasonable voice in her head sometimes. All the time lately.
“When I said I intend to split the band up, I meant temporarily. For the ultimate good of Oblivion.”
“Should we pull our pants down and bend over now or should we wait?”
Jazz tried not to smile at Nick’s question but Simon choking his laughter into her hair didn’t help. Deak, on the other hand, sat stoic, stone-faced to the end. He was the best negotiator of all of them and wouldn’t concede even a smile until he knew what Lila had in mind.
Jazz had to admire him for that, just as she admired him for managing to build a family in the middle of the craziness that was life for a new band on the road. If a little envy snuck in there from time to time, she figured that was natural. Harper would be starting to show soon. Hell, she was already glowing. They both were, Deak in a much more mansterly way, of course. They were new too, their marriage, their life together. But they were a unit.
She wanted that so fucking bad.
Kinda crazy that she’d achieved the dream of being in a semi-famous band but the one of settling down with a husband and family seemed to get farther away by the day. Not just any husband. It would always be Gray for her. Always.
Lila sent Nick a withering look. “Please, don’t drop trou on my account. I’m not sure my heart could take the thrill. Now if we can continue…”
Jazz blinked away the renewed prickling in her eyes and tried to focus on Lila. “Shouldn’t we discuss this when Gray’s here?”
“I intended to do just that until Granny fell ill. Unless you can get him back here in the next ten, we proceed without him.”
“No,” she whispered. “He’s gone.”
“Then we’ll continue now.” Lila eased a hip on the table, putting Nick at her back as she tapped away on her tablet with her gleaming nails. “As of tomorrow, Oblivion is being sent away on a working sabbatical for a couple of weeks to get your shit straight. You’ll be split into two groups. Group one will have accommodations at the Santa Monica Inn and Spa. Group two will be stationed at a luxurious cabin. Thanks to some generous agreements we have with the owners of said properties, all expenses will be paid by Ripper Records, assuming you come back with material we can use for the record. If you don’t, your future monies will be deducted at an appropriate rate of repayment for the debt you have incurred. A brief document outlining terms will be presented for you to sign forthwith.”
“Forthwith this,” Nick exploded. “You’re breaking us up to send us to Disneyland and then if we don’t come back with the biggest toys, we gotta pay out the ass?”
“Nicholas,” Deak said in a low voice. “Let the woman speak.”
“Oh, I’m quite done. This is not optional. This is not a vacation. You are being sent to optimal locations in the hopes that maybe a change of venue will help you return our investment in you. I would advise all of you to be productive in the teams you’re assigned and come back with usable material in the time allotted.”
“Or else what?” Simon wondered.
“We’ll just leave it at or else for now.” Lila gave Simon a b
linding smile and glanced at her watch. “Well, look at that. Almost midnight. You kids should go enjoy the rest of your evening. I’ll meet you at eight a.m. sharp with your team assignments at Ripper Records. Gray too,” she added to Jazz.
Jazz nodded. Yeah, rounding him up after his sexathon would just put the capper on her night.
“Happy New Year, Oblivion.” With another smile and a pat on the head for Nick that had him snarling, Lila sashayed out of the room.
“Finally,” Simon muttered, gently extricating himself from Jazz and bouncing to his feet. He made a beeline for the door. “See you party people later. I’ll catch a ride with the girls. You can take the van, Nicky,” he said over his shoulder on his way out.
“I’m out of here too. Harper’s probably ready for bed by now.” Deak unfolded himself from his chair and cast a worried glance at Jazz. “You okay, pix? Want to get a ride home with us?”
“Nah, I’m fine. Thanks.” She squeezed Deak’s massive forearm. “I rode over with some of the roadies. I’ll just—”
“I’ve got her.” Nick kept his focus on Jazz while he spoke to Deak. “Have a good New Year’s, man.”
Deak stroked a big hand over her hair. “You good with this?”
Jazz heard the question within the question and smiled. You good with dealing with him while he’s in full dick mode? She’d always felt like she understood Nick, even before they’d had the bright idea to spend some time together naked. “Yeah.” She reached back to squeeze his arm. “Tell Harper to call me tomorrow, k?”
“Will do. Happy New Year, pix.” After a minute, he sighed. “You too, Nick.”
