Just as quickly, he glanced at Cale’s sweatshirt and leaned away. Stretching against the back of his chair, he ran his hand through his hair. Someone else caught his attention and he turned around to greet them.
This day was already exhausting. I’d made a huge mess of the morning with very little hope for improvement as the day moved on. My mind continued to play out the fight in the stairwell making it impossible to focus at all. I needed to find a different way to get to class. The idea of passing through the same landing everyday made my skin prickle. I didn’t want a repeat of the bathroom scene day after day.
The empty notebook page staring back at me made my restlessness worse. I chewed on my pen, another nervous habit of mine, as the instructor blabbed on about study guides and scheduled quizzes.
I shifted casually in my seat, acting like I was trying to get comfortable. Honestly, it was to sneak looks at Ryan. His relaxed, bad boy demeanor was so sexy. I loved the way he leaned back into his seat when listening to the professor, one arm draped over the back of his chair, the other resting on his leg. He was so confident in himself. I wondered what it would be like to kiss those full lips, or run my fingertips over those amazing arms.
I sighed quietly and shifted in my seat again, glancing over at him. He looked like the perfect student, until I noticed a small smile forming. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and nipped at the side of it with his teeth. Without looking at me, he reached into his bag and handed me a piece of paper. It was his schedule.
Keeping his eyes down, he leaned into me and whispered, “Why don’t you look to see if we have any other classes together? You’re making me self-conscious with all that staring.” A small gasp slipped from my lips and it felt like the floor dropped out of the room. I had been caught and he called me out. Somehow this morning just got worse.
When I reached for the paper, he grabbed my hand, our eyes locked onto each other’s. “And a favor, please? Stop twirling that pen around in your mouth. Unless your evil plan is to make me fail this class miserably.”
My shoulders slumped and I tried to fight back the humiliation that rolled through me. I looked away immediately and hid my face behind his schedule. He chuckled and the sound of it warmed my heart.
I dug through my bag until I found my schedule. I was shocked.
“Is this because we have the same major and are in the same year?” I whispered handing back the identical schedules.
“I don’t know,” He said shrugging his shoulders. “That’s really strange. Well, I guess I found my study partner.”
~~~
Ryan and I successfully navigated our way through our first day of morning classes. I grabbed at my stomach trying to quiet the next round of growling. Why didn’t I listen to Katie when she told me to always have a granola bar with me for times like this?
“Dang Jenna,” Ryan said looking down at me as we walked, “everyone on campus must know you’re starving. You need some food, girl.” He laughed at my pitiful attempt to shove his arm. “Let’s stop at the Union and eat. We have time before our next class.”
“Can’t,” I shook my head. “I promised to meet my roommate back in our room. She wants to hear all about my classes. She would go crazy if I blew her off; probably send the FBI out after me.”
“Over protective?”
“Oh my gosh, you have no idea.”
We stopped in front of the Student Union. He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and smiled at me. Just a simple, small smile. My heart jumped and I felt my face warming. I looked over toward the herds of people filing into the Union, or anywhere that wasn’t directly at him.
“I’ll see you in our next class.” He turned and started toward the Union. My already racing heart pounded as I envisioned him eating alone. I started down the sidewalk toward the dorms. There was no way someone like him would be eating alone. He was the male version of Katie. There were probably ten tables of people waiting for him to show up. Just keep walking Jenna. Just keep walking.
“Why don’t you have lunch with us?” So much for walking away.
He turned and started back toward me. “Are you sure Katie won’t mind?”
My mind panicked as I rushed through our conversations this morning. How did he know her name? Had I told him? I couldn’t remember talking about her. Shouldn’t this be another red flag? I’m obviously bad at this stuff. I thought I was a smart girl but I let Cale in my dorm room when everything about it felt wrong. And what had that gotten me? Confusion and an awkward conversation.
Did this feel wrong like that night? No. I don’t think so, but shouldn’t it? Why did I want to trust these guys? I felt all the years of protection I had built around myself suddenly slipping through my hands like sand.
Ryan stepped in close to me, cutting off my psycho thoughts – stopping all thoughts really. I let my eyes focus in on him.
“Hey, where did you go just now? A thousand emotions just ran across your face.”
I took a step back to distance myself. There was no clear thinking when he stood that close to me.
“Are you hungry or not?” That was better. Avoidance; I’m comfortable here.
“Marcus and yes,” he said shifting away from me.
“What?”
“Marcus is how I know who your roommate is and yes, I am hungry.”
I nodded my head once, feeling like a complete idiot. Of course Marcus was talking about Katie. Without another word, I started toward the dorms.
The temperature had gotten high enough to make it a comfortable day. I could feel the warmth from the sun on my face and it calmed me. He fell into step with me and we walked in silence, pushing through the sea of people. My mind was racing however; going over the morning’s events.
I reached the steps of the towers first: quickly ran up several, and turned, so I could be eye to eye with him. He stopped abruptly, not expecting me to block his path.
“I was hoping that maybe …” I twisted my hands together while I gathered my courage. This was the last thing I wanted to bring up, but I had no choice. “Maybe, you wouldn’t tell Cale what happened today? Or anyone really, but especially Cale.”
Ryan looked out over the crowd of people around us. He put his hands on his hips, shaking his head slightly. A conflicted look crossed his face. He was acting like the possibility of not telling Cale was a huge deal. I needed to plead my case and do it quickly before he made up his mind.
“I mean, I guess I just don’t want him to think I’m some sort of freak. I know I overreacted. I should’ve been able to deal with a fight, it’s just …” I couldn’t think of another word to say. My eyes searched the sidewalk, hoping that the words would suddenly be clear in my head.
“What did happen, Jenna?” The softness of his voice wrapped around me, his eyes searched my face for some clue to the answer. The people around us continued to go about their day, not noticing he just asked an impossibly painful question.
“What do you mean?”
“I want to know why the fight freaked you out so badly? Haven’t you ever seen a fight before?”
Tears threatened again but I fought to keep control. He had no idea what I had seen before. “Of course I have. It just was so, unexpected.”
He was silent for a minute while he processed. I put my hands together in front of me and gave him my best puppy dog eyes. I’d never tried this tactic before but hey, this was important, I was willing to try anything.
A small smirk raised one side of his mouth.
“Please, I will never ask for another favor again,” I said batting my eye lashes in an obnoxiously, over the top way.
Rolling his eyes, he groaned and I could tell he was caving. “Okay, it’s our little secret.”
I smiled at him, “Thank you.”
He started up the steps, lightly grabbing my arm as he pushed past me. “Let’s go little one, I’m starving!”
We got off the elevator and walked up to my door. I stopped and teasingly sai
d as I opened the door, “Now, my room may not be as nice as yours in the house but it’s all I have.”
Ryan busted out in laughter as Marcus fell off the couch and Katie scrambled to her feet and straightened her hair nervously. Ryan walked past me and offered Marcus a hand.
“Guess we should’ve knocked. Right, brother?” He pulled Marcus up from the floor and put his arm around his neck, and then it hit me.
“You two are brothers aren’t you? I mean real brothers from the same family.” The same wide smile lit up their faces, suddenly the resemblance was undeniable.
“This is my little brother.” Ryan said as he messed up Marcus’s hair. Marcus gave him a shove and went back over to hug Katie who seemed very confused.
Looking at Ryan she said slowly, “I am sorry, who are you?”
“I’m Ryan, his older brother.”
“Biological.” I added.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a brother here?” Katie asked in a slightly whiny tone that made me frown at her. I hate it when girls whine. But who was I to judge, hadn’t I just used puppy dog eyes on Ryan to get what I wanted?
Marcus hurried over to her and put his hands on her hips. “I told you my brother and I went to supper last night. We’ve talked so much over the last few days I thought I’d told you about him.”
“Well, I guess you did mention Ryan’s name. But how was I to know, you guys call everyone brother.” She laughed and all was right in their world again. She snaked her arms around his waist and hugged him tight.
“Are you hungry Ryan?” She asked naturally taking her place as hostess and digging through our small fridge to see what she could offer.
“Let’s order a pizza.” Marcus suggested.
“Well I guess fruit snacks and root beer aren’t exactly lunch,” she laughed.
We had a great time talking and joking around while enjoying our lunch. The four of us were comfortable together.
“See you back here tonight.” Katie said as Ryan and I left. She was going to make a great mom someday.
>CHAPTER NINE<
The next few weeks passed and we fell into a comfortable routine. Every morning, Cale waited in the lobby of my building and walked me to my first class where I met Ryan. Ryan and I spent our days together, had lunch with Marcus and Katie and usually studied for a few hours after classes. Cale always showed up sometime after dinner and hung out until curfew. He’d kept things totally platonic since the first night he’d come to my room. Every time he left, I was a little disappointed about that.
Today, however, there was something different about Cale … and it wasn’t a good different. He walked at a fast pace, a few steps ahead of me. His body seemed stiff and when I did talk to him, his responses were short. I stopped and cleared my throat loudly so he would know I was no longer walking with him. He turned and looked back at me.
“Have I done something to upset you?” I asked.
His eyes darted around to the people who were walking past us. But then his gaze dropped to the ground as he walked back to me.
“Jenna, I need to talk to you about something.” My stomach knotted up from the tone of his voice. He was nervous, that made me nervous.
“What is it? Is everything okay?”
He nodded his head, “Yes, everything is good, but I have something to ask you.”
I raised my eyebrows and smiled, trying to encourage him, but he said nothing. “Cale, you’re freaking me out a little.”
“When I came to your room the night of the Information Fair, I mentioned a little bit about the traditions that go on in my house, do you remember?”
I mostly remembered the kisses on my neck but vaguely my mind recalled him talking about how the traditions in the house had been handed down from generation to generation. I couldn’t remember him being specific about what those traditions were. My mind instantly went to the negative.
He’d probably spent the last weeks thinking about how stupid he was for coming to my room that night. Once he realized what he was jeopardizing, it became quite clear to him what a bad idea a friendship with me really was. I’m sure the traditions include high standards for girlfriends. Without a doubt I didn’t measure up to those standards.
I felt a little wave of sadness flash over me. Really? I had only known this guy for a few weeks and I was going to be sad if he didn’t want to date me? I understood if that was the case, but the idea of losing his friendship was just as heartbreaking to me.
“Well, every year the brothers of the house, third year and above, are required to ‘sponsor’ a girl.” He flashed a quick look in my direction.
I opened my eyes a little wider, crossed my arms in front of my chest, and nodded my head; wanting him to get on with it. I knew I looked irritated, but dragging this out was excruciating. I could feel a tightness in my chest. If this was the last I was going to see him – he needed to just tell me.
“I’m just going to throw this out there. It’s easier to understand if I just get it all out. Every year we have to sponsor a girl, it’s a promise to mentor and support her emotionally or financially or spiritually, or whatever that person should need. We do this because, one of the traditions of our house, is to give back to people who may not have been as fortunate in life as we have. Please, don’t take this the wrong way, but I would really like to sponsor you.”
I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks and my whole face went slack, trying desperately to hide the hurt. All of the sunny side up scenarios that Katie and I had talked about–the ones I had secretly held on to, crashed down onto the sidewalk around me.
Tears filled my eyes and I blinked quickly, trying to hide them. I couldn’t let him see the disappointment. How could I be so naïve? I thought, or at least I had allowed part of me to believe – he’d seen something in me that he could care about.
When I trusted him with my life story, I thought he wanted to get to know me. No wonder he said he needed to “process it”. This hadn’t been a guy who wanted to know more about a girl he was interested in, it was an interview.
I tried to keep my tone as even as possible. “So that’s why you’ve been hanging around, you want to be my ‘big brother'?” I slipped around him and started walking. It felt like it was time to escape this ridiculously uncomfortable moment.
“No, no … not at all”. He stepped in front of me, cutting me off. I had no choice but to look at him.
He held onto the upper part of each of my arms, holding me like he was afraid I was going to bolt. I wanted to.
“I knew I wouldn’t say this right and that’s how you would take it. I didn’t want to upset you, I’m sorry. I’m not interested in you in a big brother sort of way. I mean, not in a creepy sort of way either but …” his voice trailed off and he sighed. “This didn’t go how I wanted it to.” He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose.
The look on his face softened my heart. He wasn’t trying to make me feel bad. It wasn’t his fault that I stupidly read more into this than there should’ve been. He may not have had the same intentions for our relationship as I did, but he had been very kind and sweet to me since I’d met him. The last thing I wanted to do was make him feel bad by being unwilling to hear him out. There were worst things I could think of than having Cale Davis want to be your big brother, even if the thought squeezed at my heart, leaving a lingering sting in my chest.
He stood in front of me, pleading in his eyes, wanting me to understand him.
I composed myself the best I could. “I will make you a deal, you meet me at four o’clock at the library and tell me everything being sponsored is about. I’ll decide if it sounds like something for me after I have all the details. Okay?”
“Okay,” he said with a smile, his body relaxed and he leaned into me. “Thanks.” We walked arm in arm the rest of the way in silence.
~~~
I sat on the floor across from the couch, cross-legged, staring out our window at the gray fall sky. The salad and fries I picked
up at the Union sat in front of me untouched.
“Are you going to eat those?” Ryan pointed down at the fries. I shook my head and held them out to him. “I swear I have never seen anyone eat the amount of food you do. It’s disgusting really.”
He crumpled the wrapper from his third cheeseburger and threw it at me.
“That’s because you are like, a fourth of my size. You must come from a mini race. Like those tiny little horses that are so cute. I, on the other hand,” he laid his hand on his chest in a reverently. “I come from a race of giants, like …”
“Ogres?” He dropped his hand and we stared at each other, straight-faced for a few seconds until I couldn’t hold the laughter in any longer.
“What the Hell Jen? Ogres? I was going to say Greek Gods or something like that.”
I gasped for air, laughing so hard I fell to the side holding my stomach. I pointed at him and squeaked out, “Greek God?”
“What? Why is that so funny? I’m hot.” He was actually pouting.
I struggled to take in a breath. I grasped at my stomach and rolled over on my back. He got up and stood with one foot on either side of me, looking down at me with a silly smirk. He grabbed my hands, pulling me to me feet.
“It’s not that funny. We need to get to class.” I fell against his hard chest and took a deep breath, trying to calm down. As soon as the laughter stopped, tears started flowing down my cheeks. Even I was surprised by the sudden change. I lifted my hands and covered my face.
“What’s the matter with you?” he asked in a joking tone. He tried to pull my hands away from my face but I wouldn’t let him. “Wait, are you really crying now?”
I continued covering my face, trying not to sob out loud. He pulled me in close, rubbing little circles on my back.
“Is this some sort of monthly issue?”
I slapped him on the chest without letting him see my face.
“What? I don’t have sisters and if you were a girlfriend, I would’ve already been avoiding you during this time, so I’m a little out of my comfort zone.”
I took a deep rattled breath and stepped away from him. “Cale doesn’t want to date me.” I said in a little voice.
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