Chasing Jenna

by Micki Fredricks

  Katie lightly grabbed my arm, “Come on, let’s go find Cale.”

  Ryan glanced up at me and held my stare. “Yes, Jenna, run off to Cale like you always do. I’m sure he has a BMW or something waiting to make up for last night in the alley.”

  I brought my hand around, putting every ounce of anger behind it. When I connected with his cheek, it caught him off guard. He lost his balance for a second, dumping Dana onto the floor. I smirked down at her before leaning toward him.

  “What are you doing? Do you think this hurts me? Do you want to hurt me?”

  He sat taller, getting as close to me as he could, “Why would this hurt you?” he asked in a sarcastic voice. “We are nothing to each other, remember?”

  Tears threatened to spill over as I stared at him. I could feel the shaking at my core starting and I knew I needed to get as far away from him as possible. I pushed into the crowd. There were so many people, I had no idea where I was heading or where I would end up, but as long as it was away from Ryan, it was the right direction.

  Drunk guy finished his keg slam so the entire crowd started shifting back to the dance floor, the exact opposite direction I wanted to go. The music came back with a thump as I tried to push forward.

  “Back the hell up!” Someone yelled and the whole group of people shifted direction. I almost lost my balance, but strong arms grabbed me around the waist. I looked back into Cale’s face as he used his arm to clear a path and get us both away from the center of the room. Once at the edge of the room, he pulled me into a tight hug.

  “Jenna, what happened? I came looking for you after your text and couldn’t find you.” I grabbed him around the waist and buried my face in his shirt. Ryan cut me so deeply with the truth in his words – my whole world had changed. He was right – we were nothing to each other anymore.

  “Hey!” Ryan shouted from somewhere close. His voice sounded pissed and my heart started racing at the sound of it.

  Cale slowly moved me behind him, keeping a hold of one of my hands. I pressed my face against the back of his arm, hoping to avoid what was about to happen.

  “Jenna, what the hell? You’re just going to walk away from me again?”

  Cale tightened his grip on my hand. “Brother, I think you might want to go sit back down.” Cale’s voice was not angry, but it carried an air of superiority that reminded me of his father. I knew it would not sit well with Ryan.

  “Oh, King Cale is telling me I can’t even talk with my friend now? “

  “I don’t think she wants to talk right now.”

  “Really, well why don’t we ask her … Jenna?” His voice was so intense; I jumped when he said my name. I looked up and locked eyes with Ryan – my chest tightened painfully. Even with all the anger in his voice, his eyes looked desperate. After everything I’d done to him, he was giving me one more chance. “Do you want to talk to me?”

  “I said she doesn’t want to talk to you, Ryan. Now go the hell home and sober up. You and I will talk in the morning. But you stay away from Jenna – do you understand me?” Everyone stopped what they were doing – all eyes were on us.

  Ryan’s face suddenly changed. He charged at Cale grabbing him around the waist and pushing him back against the wall of people that stood behind us. I was knocked to the side and hit the ground hard. Random hands reached down to help me up, but I scrambled to my feet and pushed my way toward the fight. Cale had flipped Ryan to his back and had him down on the ground. I could see Cale’s fists smashing over and over again into Ryan’s ribs as people cheered. But, in no way had Ryan given up, he viciously pounded fist after fist into the side of Cale’s head and neck. Both were bleeding; Cale from the side of his face and Ryan from a cut somewhere above his ear. Brothers from the house rushed in, grabbing at each of them as they tried to pry them apart. Marcus grabbed Ryan under the arms and pulled him to his feet as the other’s pulled Cale away.

  The entire room began to spin. My throat started to close up like someone was choking me. I couldn’t get a full breath. Everything around me began to blur. Not here ... not now. I couldn’t let this happen in front of everyone.

  Ryan’s eyes were frantically searching the crowd for me. “Jenna! Jenna!” he screamed over and over, fighting against Marcus. His eyes found me and I instinctively moved toward him, pulled by some unknown force that had been there between us since the moment we met. I needed to be near him, to know he was all right. No … I need to be near him to know I was all right. I shoved against the people between us, trying to get to him. “Ryan!” I yelled frantically.

  Suddenly Cale was in front of me, winding his arm around my waist. Marcus fought against Ryan; holding him back as he struggled to get to me. “Jenna, please – wait!” he yelled.

  Cale turned me toward the door and ushered me out. I clung to him sobbing, fighting the desire to break free and run back to Ryan.

  ~~~

  I lay curled up in the middle of Cale’s huge bed. The aftershock of my crying shook my body as I tried to calm my ragged painful breaths. What had I done? Where would I go from here? I could never look Ryan in the eyes again. I had left him for Cale once again.

  The bed dipped when Cale sat down behind me. I rolled over to face him. He reached over and pushed the tear soaked hair from my face.

  “Here’s some water. I thought it might help you feel better.”

  I pushed myself up and used the headboard to lean on. “Thank you,” I said quietly as I took the glass from him. He held an ice pack against his eye – it was already bruised and swollen.

  “Cale, I’m so sorry.”

  “You didn’t do anything wrong. I obviously missed something here. I had no idea Ryan had those types of feelings for you.”

  “He doesn’t,” I quickly said, my desire to protect Ryan flaring. “He’s just confused.”

  “Drunk, yes. Confused about how he feels about you? I don’t think so.” He smiled a small smile and put his fingers on the bottom of the water glass I held in my hand, raising it to my mouth. “Drink, things will be better.” I took a large gulp of water and sat the glass on the side table.

  “You do understand I don’t feel that way about Ryan, right?” I had to make Cale believe, if Ryan had any chance of moving past this and staying connected in The Brotherhood. It was the only way I knew how to save him. My voice dripped with a pleading tone I was not used to hearing from myself.

  There was an aching in my throat. I took another big drink of water, trying to put out the burn of the lies that were spewing from my mouth. I love Ryan … no – I am in love with Ryan. He is the one I want and there is no happy ending without him.

  I thought I’d be able to walk away from him, but after seeing him tonight, I knew I was dead wrong. The pleading in his eyes and the way he screamed my name ... suddenly, the finality of what I’d done came crashing down around me.

  I watched as Cale walked over to his closet, unbuttoning the torn and dirty shirt he had worn to the party. He grabbed a t-shirt off of a hanger and pulled it over his head. I had been so stupid all along and now I’d ruined any chance I may have to be happy. I needed to find Ryan; maybe there was a way to fix this.

  “Cale, I’m sorry but I have to go,” I said as I started to climb to the end of the bed. The room started spinning and I grabbed onto the blanket to steady myself.

  “No, Jenna.” His voice trailed off and echoed in my ears. I rubbed my forehead as a warm feeling coursed through me. My head felt heavy and I struggled to hold it up. I blinked rapidly as my vision blurred in and out.

  “He doesn’t want you anymore, Jenna. That’s what tonight was about. You are mine, not Ryan’s. He knows it now.”

  >CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE<

  My world was dark. It took some time for the confusion to clear and for me to understand ... the sound I heard was my own breath…in and out, in and out. There was a weight on my chest making every breath a struggle. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could force myself to breathe.

  I wante
d to panic but I couldn’t sit up, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t even open my eyes. A terrible stabbing pain at the base of my skull throbbed every time my heart beat, sending an explosion of light behind my eyelids with every pulse.

  At some point, between the throbs of pain and the sound of my breathing, other sounds began to filter in. Someone moved around the room quickly but it was not clear what they were doing. The noises faded in and out, like someone trying to find the right radio station.

  I tried to yell out but my voice refused to work. With every bit of strength in me, I attempted to move something, an arm or even a finger to let whoever was there know, I needed help. Nothing moved. I frantically tried to arch my back or roll my head; it only made the pain worse… I was trapped inside my own body.

  Was I dead? Did the person in the room want me dead? Maybe it was safer to remain still. I retreated back inside my head and searched my mind for the last memory. Fighting with Ryan, walking up to the party with Katie ... but that was it – nothing to explain why I would be laying here unable to move.

  “Jenna, wake up. You need to try really hard to open your eyes.”

  I recognized the sound of shuffling feet and suddenly the bed dipped down. The light touch of someone’s finger tips moved my hair from my face.

  “Please wake up, little one.”

  Ryan! My mind screamed his name. He sounded worried. Was he scared I was dead? Internally I rolled from side to side, fighting against whatever it was holding me hostage in my own mind. A little flutter in my eye lids filled my body with a rush of excitement. I concentrated as hard as I could, opening my eyes just enough to see in front of me. Even the soft light in the room was painful and everything was blurry.

  “Hey,” he whispered as he leaned over me.

  None of this was familiar. Why had he brought me here? I clumsily tried sitting up but Ryan caught both of my arms.

  “Just stay where you are,” he whispered, “you’re in no condition to go anywhere.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead lightly. “I’m so happy to see you awake. Just relax and when you’re feeling better, I’ll explain everything. You’re safe now.”

  My head spun with questions I couldn’t get out of my mouth. I’m safe now? Why, wasn’t I before…and where am I? What happened to Cale and why did I feel like this? I wanted answers, but knowing I was with Ryan brought me enough peace to relax. My eyes drooped and began closing. A surge of panic rushed through me at the last second, wondering if I would ever wake up again, but the exhaustion was too much for me – it was dark again.

  The second time waking up was easier. I hesitantly propped myself up on my elbows, unsure of my surroundings. The room was shadowed in darkness. I knew I wasn’t on campus anymore because of the sounds coming from the open window. Street noises echoed around the room. Cars honked, people yelled and the faint sounds of police sirens rang out in the background. I was somewhere in the heart of the city.

  My head pounded and no matter how many times I blinked, my vision was still a little blurred, but I was able to slowly sit up. I pushed myself back so I could steady myself against the headboard. I raised my hand to rub the back of my neck where the pain still lingered. It felt foreign, like I had never moved before.

  Directly across from the bed was a door I guessed opened into the hallway. It had several dead bolt locks, but they seemed to be for show. I could see a thin crack of light slipping in from around the door where it didn’t fit the casing.

  “Looks like a nice neighborhood,” I thought sarcastically to myself.

  To my right, an old refrigerator buzzed loudly next to a rusty stove. To the left was a recliner chair and a small TV positioned in the corner. The only variation in the box-sized room was a door on the wall where the TV sat. I wondered if it was the bathroom but by the size, it could be a closet.

  Lights flashed in through the thin curtains covering a window next to the TV. An occasional wind blew them into the room along with an unpleasant smell, a mix of garbage and fried foods.

  A flash of pain struck me and I was suddenly nauseous. I closed my eyes, rubbing my hands up and down my face, trying to erase the memory of the smell.

  The darkness outside gave no clue to the time, only that it was late. An eerie feeling settled inside of me, I had no idea what time it was or how long I’d slept. I moved to the edge of the bed and lowered my feet to the floor. The dizziness hadn’t gone away, but it seemed better when I grounded myself. Even though I knew the window was only a few steps away, it still seemed too far to go.

  The room was chilly and a shiver slid down my spine. My clothes were damp and I trembled from the weakness that consumed my body. Cautiously, I stood, still unsure I could bear my own weight. When I didn’t end up in a heap on the floor, I moved toward the window.

  The noises I’d heard could only come from a busy street full of people. I was afraid to get too close to the window. I didn’t want anyone to see me, but I was too curious not to look.

  The window actually looked down into an alley separating the building I was in from the next. I did however, have a good view of the street that ran in front of the two buildings and the store across the street.

  The light flashing into the window was from a huge sign that blinked the words “Liquor and Cigs”. The street was hectic, packed with people and cars. They stood in the streets yelling to each other. A man lay passed out in the alley below my window. I was safer in this one room apartment than I would ever be on these streets – especially since I didn’t even know where I was.

  Below the flashing sign stood a middle aged woman smoking a cigarette and watching the cars go by. Out of all the people, I wasn’t sure why she stood out in the crowd. Maybe because of the way she was dressed or the desperate look on her face she tried so hard to hide. It was obvious what she was doing – although I’d never actually seen a prostitute before. I watched as she walked over to a car, leaned into the window for a second before opening the door, and climbed in. My heart dropped realizing what I’d witnessed. Why would Ryan bring me to such a place?

  A vicious dog came running down the alley barking. He chased away a man sitting next to the dumpster and came back to it. The man had clearly been in the dog’s territory. The dog lifted his leg, marking what was his. He jogged back down the alley and out of sight. There was nothing safe about where I was.

  Terror consumed me, as I realized all of the new dangers I would be facing if I attempted to leave. I backed away slowly, afraid if I took my eyes away from the window, some of the unknown that lived on the street would jump through and invade my private little room.

  I jumped when the back of my legs touched the mattress. Maybe if I went back to bed, this would all seem different when I woke up. I crawled in and pulled the blanket to my chin, praying this was a nightmare.

  >CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO<

  The sun warmed my face as I lay in my bed. This was my favorite time of day. It was quiet and safe. My mind peacefully faded back and forth between dreams and reality…my own personal fairytale. I cringed as strange things started happening. It was dark and people yelled at me, I ran to get away from them. A vision of a window with curtains blowing in. My chest felt heavy and it I couldn’t take in a breath. Someone stood over me. I can’t move. I need help! I’m so frightened and I don’t know what to do – I need to scream!

  “Ryan!”

  I sat straight up out of my dream searching the room for the threats, desperately trying to throw the restricting sheets off of me. Ryan rushed to the side of the bed. I frantically grabbed at him and threw my arms around his neck. He sat on the edge of the bed, gathering me up into his lap and held me, whispering, “I’m here, everything’s ok … I’ve got you.”

  I struggled as I tried to keep the panic from getting out of control. I wasn’t sure what I was afraid of, but I knew I was somewhat safe as long as I stayed right here, cradled within his embrace. He caressed my hair while continuing to reassure me things were fine. Over his shoulder, I watched
as the curtains blew into the room, reminding me things were not fine.

  When he sensed my body relaxing, he loosened his hold. “I know you have a lot of questions right now, but why don’t you take a shower. It will make you feel better. Then we can talk.”

  He took hold of my hands and led me to the bathroom. “I won’t leave, I promise.” He lifted both of my hands to his mouth and kissed them gently. My eyes searched his face, hoping for a clue to why he was so concerned about my safety. If he wanted me to be safe, this was not the place to bring me.

  “You should have everything you need in there. I’ll be waiting for you out here.”

  I stepped inside the bathroom and he shut the door behind me. I glanced in the mirror, but the face reflected back was unrecognizable. My eyes were sunken in and had dark circles around them. My skin was almost transparent. I touched my cheek, but it was like touching a stranger.

  On the sink sat a new toothbrush and toothpaste. I looked around the small room, noticing items that looked like they belonged to me. My type of deodorant and my brand of hair products sat on top of a clean towel next to a pile of my clothes. Why the hell would he have all of this?

  As I let the warm water hit my face, I decided even if he had kidnapped me, he was right about the shower making me feel better. The blood began to flow to my arms and legs again and I felt stronger – physically and emotionally.

  I got dressed and brushed my teeth while I made a mental list of all the questions that needed answered. If he wouldn’t tell me what I wanted, I was ready to face this neighborhood alone. It was daytime and the store across the street had to have a phone. I made a plan to call Katie to come and get me if anything Ryan said sounded fishy. I grabbed a rubber band and pulled my hair up as I walked out of the bathroom.

  The smell of bacon hit me and my stomach ached with hunger. I hadn’t even felt hungry until that moment. He had a glass of orange juice and a cup of coffee poured for me. I sat at the small table as he cooked with his back toward me.