by A. J. Downey
“Wine with dinner?” he asked.
I scowled, “You asshole.”
He laughed, long and loud and deep and Reaver and Hayden turned to us smiling, their own banter forgotten for the moment. We had a nice meal, and some good conversation, my eyes drifting to shore and just having that house within sight, it did amazing things for my frayed nerves. It really did. Cutter held my casted hand beneath the table, his fingers finding the spaces between mine, like they were always meant to be there. I still couldn’t fathom that this man wanted me but his grand gesture had left little room for doubt. I think it was the thing that tipped me hopelessly over the edge, pitching me into the yawning chasm of being utterly in love with him right back.
I mean if what they say is true, if love means seeing someone and what a mess they can be, how moody they can get, and can handle you no matter how hard you can be to handle? Still wants you in their life anyways? Shit, then whatever was happening was the real deal now wasn’t it? I needed to stop poking at it, stop waiting for the other shoe to drop I mean, I’d earned this a little hadn’t I? Being loved by someone, loving them back, even with the major shit storm of fucked up going on around me and my little family of three?
Cutter shook my hand a bit and I looked up into his warm brown eyes. He smiled then, and in that smile it held such warmth and laughter and light and it said to me, yes. Unequivocally yes, and I knew then right there that in Cutter I had found my match, my soulmate, if there was such a thing… and I would be damned if I was going to let that go. No, no, no, no, no.
Chapter 38
Cutter
“Hey Reave, let the girls deal with clean up, I need your help man.” I waved him over and opened the storage hatch. I was gonna let him and Li’l Bit have my cabin. It was a nice night, we were in sight of the shore and I figured Hope was tough enough to spend the night under the stars with me. Still, setting up the hammock was much easier with two sets of hands on deck rather than just the one.
Reave set down the stack of plates he was handling and came over. Li’l Bit smiled behind his back and gave me this look with this deep romantic sigh that plainly communicated her love for her man and her happiness for me. I gave her a smile back and caught Hope, watching the exchange, her deep, dark eyes calculating, considering. Finally, she locked gazes with me, and face still neutral, gave me a nod. She was still trying to come to grips with Li’l Bit and what she may or may not mean to me and that was okay. She was doing a pretty fucking stellar job all things considered.
“Come on. I’ll wash, you dry.” Hayden smiled at Hope and led her below decks while Reave and I wrestled the canvas open and laid it flat. The hammock was a big bastard and meant for two and when hooked up right, between the two masts, stable enough to fuck on. I’d done it. I just didn’t want any tonight. No, tonight I wanted to try intimacy with my woman. I think she needed something a little deeper than a few inches of my dick in her puss.
Laughter accompanied the sound of running water out my little galley window and it did my heart some glad.
“She’s kind of a hot mess, you sure?” Reaver asked, but he was smiling, his mannerisms affable.
“I’m sure,” I said, steady and on an even keel, that’s what I felt when I was with Hope. Like there wasn’t anything that could stop us and I was pretty damn sure there wasn’t. We evened each other out, I think. Give and take, push and pull, I was the water to her shore. It was comfortable, even when it was crazy. Okay, it’d been crazy from the word go but I really wanted to see how well we’d mesh when the shit finished dripping from where it’d hit the fan. I saw such a wild potential in ‘us’ and I really wanted an ‘us’ to happen but I’d have to get through those walls first. I could do it. I’d already made it through the first gate.
Reaver and I finished setting up the hammock talking easy about life up north as I caught up with all of the goings on up there.
“Red have her baby?” I asked. Reaver grinned and Li’l Bit squealed from the hatch.
“Oh my God, I forgot to show you!” She came tromping over, bare feet slapping the deck and Hope hung back a little dubious. She wasn’t used to the easy familiarity Li’l Bit exhibited. The casual touching and cuddling us three, Li’l Bit, Reave, and I were into. I held out my hand to Hope and she came to me, almost reluctantly. That hurt a bit. She peered down at the phone with me as Li’l Bit scrolled through pictures of Rev and Red and their little bundle of joy in what appeared to be her pink stocking cap.
“Eden Lorraine Alexander, eight pounds thirteen ounces of adorable baby cuteness,” Li’l Bit was all glowing and excited for her friend and Red looked perfect, happy tears in mama’s eyes while a proud papa looked on.
“She got her dad’s black hair and her mom’s hazel eyes,” I said smiling.
“Mm! I think they’re already working on number two, Rev wants a little slugger. He’s dead set on Dante for the name.” Reaver grinned and leaned against the mast.
“She’s such a good baby, too! Let’s mom and dad sleep through the night for the most part,” Li’l Bit put her phone away.
“That won’t last,” Reaver said and laughed, “Connor did that too the first month or so then it was like someone flipped his switch.”
“You have a kid?” Hope asked, looking from one to the other of them.
“He does, I don’t,” Li’l Bit gave Reaver a charmed smile.
“Connor’s eleven, and if you’d hurry up and get knocked up we’d be good on that front,” he winked at his wife.
“You guys are trying? No shit?” I asked and felt delighted for them. Hope was stiff in my arms and I sensed a talk coming on about rug-rats in our future. I’d never really wanted them myself, something told me there was some emotional baggage there but it didn’t have to be dealt with tonight, she was under enough strain.
“Trying, yeah. Just started really, Doll insisted we talk to Connor first, she wanted to make sure my oldest boy was cool with a little brother or sister, didn’t want to just spring it on him.”
Hope’s tense posture softened a bit at my side. Ah, ha. Some more of the mysterious bits of my girl were unravelling. I kissed her temple and she softened a little more.
“It’s not that late, but it was a long ride and we were up early to make it, I don’t suppose you’d mind if we turned in, would you?” Lil’ Bit’s eyes sparkled with a mischievous light. She knew damned well what she was doing and I was glad for it. I smiled at her.
“Not at all, feel free to take my bunk, I wanted to stay up here with Hope if you don’t mind. Keep an eye on the house with her.”
“Naw, we get it, Man,” Reaver came forward and we clasped hands pulling each other in to tap shoulders before backing off.
“Good deal, man.”
“Good night, Hope,” Li’l Bit smiled at my girl and Hope nodded. She still looked uncertain and it wasn’t a good look for her. I liked it when she was on solid ground and I was pretty sure a good night’s sleep would get her on towards that.
She let out a breath once the hatch shut behind my two friends and her shoulders dropped marginally.
“Doin’ okay, Sweetheart?” I asked softly.
“God, could I look like any more of an asshole?” she groaned palming her face.
I laughed softly, “Probably, but Reave and Li’l Bit, they get it. What I wanna know is what brought on the sudden bout of insecurity from my girl who’s always so sure of herself?” I tugged her gently into my arms and she pointedly wouldn’t look at me, her eyes fixed on the darkened house in the distance.
“Maybe I’m not so sure, Cutter,” she swallowed hard.
“Well, if there’s one thing I need you to be sure of, it’s that I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yeah, why is that?”
“Strip and I’ll show you,” I teased. Hope huffed a laugh and her smile made me smile.
“Truth, that’s why…” I murmured. Her brow wrinkled in confusion.
“What’s why?”
“You
smile and I can’t help it, I have to smile too. Now, I was only half joking, I mean it. Get naked. Time for you to relax.”
“Make me,” she challenged, and I smiled again.
“That’s my girl.” I pulled her roughly against me and before she could skate back out of reach I gripped both sides of her short little black shirt dress and pulled, buttons pinging off the deck. Hope groaned and I let the material slide off her body. She wasn’t up for a fight, so she didn’t fight me, which was good.
I placed a palm in the center of her chest and pushed her down, my arm behind her back, lowering her gently to the wide hammock. I knelt between her thighs and had myself some dessert, licking her until she came apart something like twice. Until she gazed up at me, dark eyes hooded with desire and I could sink myself balls deep inside her. But I didn’t want that, no. I wanted her hot mouth on me. I wanted those lips wrapped around my cock while I pressed into the woman’s throat. I wanted it bad, like back in New Orleans.
I pressed my thumb against her mouth and past her teeth and she let me, her tongue hot and velvet. I groaned and grew that much harder as she sucked.
“Fuck Baby, that’s nice…”
“You want me to suck your cock, don’t you?” she asked.
“Yeah, yeah I do… but only if you want to.”
“Yeah, I want to, but there’s a rule this time,” she swallowed nervously, “Don’t force my head down on you, or I swear to fucking Christ I’ll bite you.”
I froze, shit, I think I just stepped on a landmine, the echo of an earlier conversation loud in my ears… Her fucking stepdaddy made her cop oral. I’d bet my next haul of Cuban cigars on it.
“Baby, why didn’t you tell me any of this in New Orleans? In the hotel that first time?”
“I was trusting you, and I don’t always think about it. I was caught up in the moment and the moment was perfect, but now… It just feels like it needs to be said. I’m too close to those memories and I just need you to not force my head. Okay?”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, Hope. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” I’d lost my wood. She gently cupped me in her hand and smiled. I cupped her face in my hands and looked deep into her soul.
“I want to, now shut up and let me,” she said.
I let her go and she resituated herself so she lay on her stomach while I still knelt by the hammock, I walked forward on my knees and made it easy for her, she undid and peeled back my shorts and my cock started to get back with the program. It was a damn fucking shame it was sometimes gonna be hard for her to cop a blowjob. I was pretty amazed she hadn’t had much practice at it, that she was a fucking natural. Her mouth on me, Jesus, you would never know such a hard-assed, kickass woman was doing it. She was slow and gentle this time, reverent with how she worked me and it was really nice.
She didn’t blow me like back in the hotel, she didn’t blow me this time like she liked to fuck. She liked to fuck hard and fast until I wore her down into something more sedate and loving. Except right now, she was as gentle as a lamb and made love to me with her mouth from the get-go. I gazed down the length of my body. Watching this was half the thrill, after all, but her hair was in the way. I gently touched her head and she flinched but I could fix that easily enough.
“Oh yeah,” I groaned, “Your mouth is so fucking perfect, I wanna see, Sweetheart, so I’m going to touch you, I’m gonna gather up all this long, satin soft hair, and I’m going to watch you make love to me with your mouth, because that’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?”
“Mm,” she moaned around my shaft and the vibration of it had my balls tightening. I was going to blow way too soon. This was something. Watching this wild woman do something so sweet, so submissive, without me having to make her…
“Hope, I’m going to come, lover, I’m going to…” I grunted and came and she rolled those dark eyes up my body as I did and that vision is forever burned into my brain. Holy god almighty. She was so fucking perfect. She drew off me and got up, went to the side and spit and I was cool with that, if it was what she needed this time, that was cool.
I knelt and breathed out and she came back to me, standing in front of me. I wrapped my arms around her legs and placed a reverent kiss next to her navel, turning my head and cuddling into her. She raked her nails gently through my hair, against my scalp and I shivered.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?” I asked. Was she for real?
“I’ve never been able to make a man come from that, not since… and now I’ve done it twice.”
“Mm, Sweetheart, I don’t know how anyone could resist or hold off,” I told her truthfully.
“Anyways,” she said, my words making her uncomfortable, “Thank you.”
“Thank you, now I’m gonna need you to lie back because I need inside you. I really do…”
Chapter 39
Hope
I opened my eyes. It was still deepest night, so late as to probably be early, the air just had that smell to it, you know? I was warm enough, the night sultry and warm and I was snuggled up close to Cutter’s warmth, my head on his shoulder, leg draped over his. So why was I awake? I blinked and held very still beneath the single flat sheet draped over us and waited. Water lapped against the hull, there was an odd creak from the wood or one of the ropes but nothing seemed amiss or out of place.
So why was I awake?
Cutter sighed out into the night, his arms tightening around me, and I looked up, his eyes were closed but a small smile played on his lips. He was sound asleep so I wondered what it was he dreamed. I settled, laying back down, closing my eyes to listen to the waves lap in counterpoint to the cadence of his heart. I liked it here, in his arms. I liked it here, in this town and I realized I was sick of having no place to put down any roots. I was tired of having no life, and as much as I loved my sisters, my heart wrenched when I realized I would always love them, I would always be here for them, but the apron strings had been cut. They were standing on their own now.
I mean, Charity, the youngest, she’d been standing on her own for quite a while. She was on the very verge of graduating, of finding a career, of finding a man and starting a family… Faith, the middle child had always been shiftless as the sands along the beach out there. Never settling but always travelling in the direction I’d pushed her. God, I felt so guilty. I’d always pushed and pulled her in directions she didn’t want to or wasn’t meant to go. She’d always been the free and artistic one… but I’d pushed and pushed and pushed and finally she’d given in and gone to that damned school when if I’d just helped her financially she could have lived on campus but no, I had to be stubborn. I had to teach her to stand on her own and look what I’d done.
I’d made her an ever loving target for that carrion eater and my baby sister had suffered the ultimate price. My bright eyed and innocent Bubbles had –
“It’s not your fault, Sweetheart, no one blames you…” Cutter’s voice was at once soothing and sympathetic.
“I blame me. I do, okay?”
“Shhh,” he held me as my bitterness poured out and it was just what I needed to do. To purge, to get it out and take some deep cleansing breaths and to try to find my center again. I was horribly off kilter and bound to self-destruct if I didn’t, and all grown up or not, my sisters still needed me to be the strong one.
Cutter kissed my forehead, his lips warm and soft and my eyes drifted shut unbidden. It had been a cathartic cry, and I felt steady despite the gentle rocking of the boat, as he held me close and let me borrow his strength.
“I can’t do anything for her and it kills me, but she can’t know I’m crying about it like a little bitch either. I don’t fall apart in front of them, I never fall apart in front of them,” he hushed me, hand cradling my head, thumb against my lips and I stilled.
“You do what you gotta do, Sweetheart, but when you’re with me, you do you. I got you. You ain’t gotta hide from me, or pretend that it’s okay when it’s ju
st you and me because it’s not. I get that, and there’s no judgment here. We make a good team, good partners and I like that, Babe. I like it and I want to keep it, and I want you to find some happy and if that means you gotta be unhappy then we’ll do that. You get me? I’m not going anywhere and I damn sure don’t think less of you. I’m amazed you’ve held it together this long.”
He soothed me, with gentle touches and his deep rich voice, like no one ever had before, or could. I found strength in him, I found calm when I needed it and fuel for my ire when I needed it instead. I cuddled into him and let him soothe some of my misery away and as we drifted, tethered only by the boat’s anchor, I stared across the strong planes and angles of his chest, over the water at the lightening sky behind the houses and sighed.
“Promise me you won’t give up on me,” I said suddenly, well aware of what a squirrely mess I was right now, unaware of how long it might last.
Cutter chuckled, “You’re stuck with me as long as you can tolerate me.”
A long, feminine wail drifted out to us from below decks and the both of us laughed, stifling our giggles behind our hands, snorting and just generally trying to keep ourselves from being heard.
“I wondered what woke me up,” I said dryly.
“They been at it more ‘n an hour,” he chuckled.
“Sounds like us,” I said softly.
“Hmm, yeah, you know what? It sounds like a good idea,” he drew my leg higher on his body and turned, a few awkward thrusts of his hips and he found me, sinking in slowly, working himself back and forth until just by virtue of starting in on me, I became wet enough to ease his way.
“Not going anywhere, Sweetheart. I promise, you’d have to fight me to make me let you go anyhow.”
“We all know how that turned out last time,” I whispered.
