by Sady Doyle
The thing is, I’ve never seen one. Not in real life. Not in the wild. As far as I can tell—and I have more evidence, and more access to it, than I would have had at any other point in history—they don’t exist. Even the women who seem Good or Bad at first glance tend to fragment into something more complicated and ambiguous if you look at them long enough. Women are not symbols of superhuman virtue. Women are not symbols of all that is disgusting and corrupt. Women, it turns out, are not symbols of anything, other than themselves.
And if I can see this, given only the ability to read and an Internet connection, then women throughout the world can see it as well. It’s as simple as opening a window. All the standards we’ve been trying to chase, all the Goodness we shame ourselves for not having, all the Badness we impute to each other in anger or in fear … it just isn’t real. None of it was ever real. It was something we believed in, like the flat earth, or curing diseases by balancing humours, before we had the tools to see how things really worked. All the women we were supposed to be, all the women we feared being: They never existed. The only thing that exists is us, in a world where there are no normal girls.
There’s a dream I had, writing this book. I’m alone in a room, a high school locker room. People come in—every person I know will eventually come into this room—and I hand them a black marker.
This is my punishment, for everything I’ve done wrong in life. Each person is allowed to write one new word on my body—the worst thing they’ve ever thought about me, or wanted for me, summed up. “Die,” “slut,” “cunt.” These are popular choices. An ex-boyfriend writes some crack about my body. He takes care to write it on my back, so I can’t see it—he knows I’ll be more bothered that way. Parents write “disappointment.” Strangely, none of these hurts as much as the people who refuse to write anything. They just stare at me and walk away. They don’t hate me. They just don’t care.
It has to go on this way, until there’s no more room to write. Until I’m completely covered in other people’s assessments of me. Then, they take me to the water and hold me under. Like the “common scolds” were held under the water, to cure them of running off at the mouth. Like Whitney, falling into her bathtub, all alone.
I’m not scared of this, strangely enough. It could be bad, but I still don’t know why they’re doing it. They either intend to drown me, or to save me. Either I’ll die of being hated, or all the words, all the harsh judgments and insults I’ve accumulated throughout my lifetime, will just wash away.
With all that we can do to each other, these days, it still seems like this is the choice at hand. We can drown in it, the judgment and hatred we have for each other. We can tank women’s lives, hold them under until they shut up or stop breathing. Or we can let it wash away.
I don’t know how you feel. I don’t know what you’re writing onto the women in your life. I don’t know what’s been written on you. But this is what I hope for you: that when they take you to the water, you come out clean again. That nothing they write on you can define you. I hope we all wind up back on dry land, clean and new as morning.
Acknowledgments
Do not skip these acknowledgments.
I always used to skip the acknowledgements! I thought they were self-indulgent. The author says some nice things about their parents, tells you which famous people they know, I flip the page because of how bored I am, and it’s over. Now, I know they’re more like the credits of a movie: Without them, you think George Clooney just came up with witty things to say while robbing a casino, and cameras happened to be there at the time.
George Clooney is talented, but he can’t do everything. A lot of people go into making George Clooney look good. These are the people who made me look good.
This book would not exist without Miranda Popkey, who told me to write one, and worked with me on several early chapters. It also would not exist without Taylor Sperry, my editor, who took it on, and edited out the terrible parts. There were some very terrible parts. Thank you, Taylor. Melissa Flashman, my agent, brokered the deal, and is similarly wonderful. Stuart Calderwood fixed my grammar. Melville House, generally, took a risk on me. Their generosity has been astonishing.
Emily Gould, Clay Shirky, Kate Harding, Andi Zeisler, Irin Carmon, and Lindy West took time out of their day to say nice things about me without being paid for it, so that I could put it on the book and sucker you into buying a copy. Please do not blame them if you did not like this book. I asked them to do it.
All of the women in the “Anatomy of a Trainwreck” sections, with the exception of Marie Antoinette, have published books or essays themselves. I’m deeply indebted to them, and to all the biographers who made it possible for me to study their lives. If you liked any of those sections, please, please seek out and read the work of those women: For all that has been said about them, and for all that I’ve said about them, they still need and deserve to be heard in their own words.
I used to have a Wordpress blog. The only reason I’m not “some person with a Wordpress blog” is that people read it, and linked to it. If you did that: I thank you. If you regret doing that: I understand.
My husband, Brian, took care of the apartment while I stared at my computer being upset about Theroigne de Mericourt. He is an extremely patient man.
My stepfather and my brother have put up with me being in their family with only minor amounts of complaining. They, too, are very patient men.
My mother stole one of my complimentary book galleys, but gave me twenty-five dollars for it. We then spent it on champagne. Her only request was that I not include anything embarrassing about her in the book. Sorry, Mom!
My mom also took me to a drugstore, when I was six, to buy me a notebook, because I said I wanted to write a book. Her belief that I would actually write one has never wavered since that day.
Hey, Mom: Here it is.
Notes
CHAPTER 1: SEX
“Can we please have one fucking day away”: “Britney and Kevin: Going Down Above Street Level,” Gawker, July 24, 2004.
In 2004, Britney Spears: “Britney Spears, Paris Hilton Most Googled,” Ed Oswald, BetaNews, December 23, 2004.
Salomon sued her for defamation: “Next Legal Tango in Paris Tape Case,” New York Daily News, November 9, 2003.
“continuously cough[ing] up semen”: “Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset,” Wikipedia.
“It annoys me that so many people assume something”: “When Piers Met Paris,” GQ, July 23, 2010.
“What is with these twenty-something girls”: “Britney Spears Upskirt, Take Two: Now with Virtually Nothing Left to the Imagination,” Gawker, November 28, 2006.
In addition to the 2012 “upskirt,” in 2008, hacker Josh Holly: “Miley Cyrus hacker faces 13 years in jail after pleading guilty to fraud and hacking charges,” The Daily Mail, August 2, 2011.
“For Miley Cyrus to be a ‘good girl’ is now a business decision”: “Topless Photo Creates Concern over Disney Franchise,” New York Times, April 28, 2015.
“It’s wrong for Miley to have agreed to play the child”: “Miley Cyrus Is an Oversexed Trainwreck Waiting to Happen!,” Hollywood Life.
SPLIT TRIGGERED BY ANTICS WITH MILEY: “Robin/Paula Split Triggered by Antics with Miley,” TMZ, February 27, 2014.
“molesting of Robin Thicke”: “Stubborn Persistence of Pop,” New York Times, August 26, 2013.
“Miley Cyrus practically molested you last night”: “Hot Tracks: Robin Thicke,” Vanity Fair, November 2013.
“[Cyrus] is a cheap act, no doubt about it”: “Miley Cyrus, Steubenville and Culture Run Amok,” Washington Post, September 2, 2013.
“I was ready to dismiss the ‘let’s condemn Miley’ parade”: “The Verdict on Hannah and the Montana Judge,” USA Today, August 29, 2013.
NICKI MINAJ’S BUTT EXPOSED IN SHEER JUMPSUIT: “Nicki Minaj’s Butt Exposed in Sheer Jumpsuit During Dublin Concert,” Katrina Mitzielotis, Hollywood Life, April 1, 2015.
E
VEN NICKI MINAJ ISN’T SURE: “Even Nicki Minaj Isn’t Sure if Her Butt Is Photoshopped or Not,” Jaleesa Jones, USA Today, August 10, 2015.
NICKI MINAJ BUTT IMPLANT RUMORS: “Nicki Minaj Butt Implant Rumors Are True!,” Rumorfix, May 26, 2015.
NICKI MINAJ FIRES BACK AT HATERS: “Nicki Minaj Fires Back at Haters Who Say Her Butt Is the Reason She’s Famous,” Sarah Lindig, Elle, December 14, 2015.
“a stripper who also knows how to rap”: “There Is Nothing Funny or Smart About That Viral Nicki Minaj ‘Parody’ Video,” Caitlin Dewey, Washington Post, September 17, 2015.
It was only in 2015, after a good eight or nine years: This raises a few questions about gender identity, which I think are important to address. Featuring a non-binary celebrity in a book about how the media treats women risks misgendering that celebrity, if only by implication. However, Miley was perceived as female—and therefore treated as female by the media—for most of her time in the public eye. Media misogyny also still impacts her, because some people perceive her body and her gender presentation as feminine. I’ll leave it to genderqueer readers to decide how well I’ve dealt with this complexity, but I do want to be clear that it is my aim to deal with it without consigning Miley to the wrong gender. One of the most maddening things about sexism, after all, is that it somehow manages to punish everyone who is not a cisgender man.
“I don’t relate to being boy or girl”: “Free to Be Miley,” Paper Magazine, June 2015.
“half the town” and “usurping bitch”: “The Vision of Liberty,” as quoted in The Cambridge Companion to Mary Wollstonecraft, pp. 180–81.
“much amiss in the head”: “Wollstonecraft and Fuseli,” Robert Browning.
“unsexed,” “maniac,” “no sense of guilt,” and “whom no decorum checked”: “The Unsex’d Females,” Richard Polwhele.
“scripture, archly framed”: “The Vision of Liberty.”
“Rights of Woman, which the superficial fancied to be profound”: “The Anti-Jacobin Review, and Protestant Advocate: Or, Monthly Political and Literary Censor,” p. 95.
“I wish one moment that I had never heard of the cruelties”: “The Love Letters of Mary Wollstonecraft to Gilbert Imlay.”
“William hath penn’d a waggon-load of stuff”: “The Vision of Liberty,” as quoted in The Cambridge Companion to Mary Wollstonecraft, pp. 180–81.
“Come, from those livid limbs withdraw your gaze”: “The Unsex’d Females, A Poem,” Rev. Richard Polwhele.
“Much amiss in the head, Dear”: “Wollstonecraft and Fuseli,” Robert Browning.
“The biographer does not mention many of her amours”: “The Anti-Jacobin Review,” p. 97.
“Her works will be read with disgust”: Quoted in A Bookshelf of Our Own: Books that Changed Women’s Lives, Deborah G. Felder, p. 23.
“[Their] advocacy of Woman’s cause becomes mere detriment”: “Mary Wollstonecraft and the Critics, 1788–2001, Vol. 2,” Harriet Devine Jump, p. 98.
“This post exists to warn you to be cautious of Zoe”: “The Zoe Post,” thezoepost.wordpress.com/.
“I very much align with SJ [social justice]”: “This Guy’s Embarrassing Relationship Drama Is Killing the ‘Gamer’ Identity,” Vice, August 29, 2014.
He would casually admit on Twitter that he calculated the odds: “Eron Gjoni, Hateful Boyfriend,” Idle Dilettante, December 6, 2014.
“cheated on her boyfriend for calculated professional advancement”: “Feminist Bullies Are Tearing the Gaming Industry Apart,” Breitbart, September 1, 2014.
“Next time she shows up at a conference”: “Zoe Quinn’s Depression Quest,” New Yorker, September 9, 2015.
“the Internet masses [have] found a new vice”: “We’ll Always Have Paris: The Rise and Fall of the Celebrity Sex Tape,” Slate, June 24, 2015.
“whore”: “Why Must Miley Cyrus and Rihanna Act like Whores?,” Daily Mail, October 4, 2013.
“idea of a woman: a cleavage-boosting corset”: “What Makes a Woman,” New York Times, June 6, 2015.
“sexual titillation for men”: “Why Beyoncé shouldn’t inspire feminists, despite her VMAs performance,” The Independent, August 25, 2015.
“wearing these stripper outfits onstage”: “Stop Policing and Questioning Beyoncé’s Feminist Credentials,” Mic, May 17, 2015.
CHAPTER 2: NEED
“The Teen Anti–‘Train Wreck’ ”: “Taylor Swift: The Teen Anti–‘Train Wreck,’ ” PopEater, September 11, 2009.
“Where’s the romance?”: “Taylor Swift in Wonderland,” Rolling Stone, October 25, 2012.
“ ‘I wouldn’t wear tiny amounts of clothing in my real life’ ”: “Taylor Swift interview: ‘I Won’t Do Sexy Shoots,’ ” Telegraph, April 3, 2011.
“You wouldn’t find any naked pictures”: Rolling Stone, October 15, 2012.
“[Swift] isn’t a person who’s going to wake up”: “Taylor Swift Gets Some Mud on Her Boots,” New York Times, March 15, 2013.
“Honestly, if somebody wants to criticize me”: “Five Questions with Taylor Swift,” Seventeen, January 20, 2009.
“some clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend”: “Taylor Swift’s Telltale Heart,” Vanity Fair, March 1, 2013.
“Taylor Swift—HAS SHE LOST HER MIND?!?”: “Taylor Swift—HAS SHE LOST HER MIND?!?,” TMZ, 2012.
“Taylor Swift Is a Psycho”: “Taylor Swift Is a Psycho,” Thought Catalog, October 25, 2012.
“Seven Crazy Taylor Swift Girlfriend Moves”: “7 Crazy Taylor Swift Girlfriend Moves in 2012,” The Frisky, December 20, 2014.
“Bad Seed of music”: “Taylor Swift Is an Evil and Cruel Torturer,” DListed, October 22, 2012.
“Why can’t I keep a guy?”: “Q: Is Taylor Swift Turning Into Jennifer Aniston,” Stereogum, January 23, 2014.
“America’s Favorite Spinster”: “The Life of the Pity Party,” New York Magazine, September 19, 2012.
“the ex-Friends star has a habit”: “Jennifer Aniston is ‘clingy,’ ” CelebrityFix, January 7, 2008.
“Jennifer Aniston’s latest romance”: “Jennifer Aniston’s New Man Justin Theroux Seeing His Ex Behind Her Back—Are They Doomed?,” Hollywood Life, July 13, 2011.
“Jennifer Aniston is apparently suffering from PTSD”: “Jennifer Aniston Forced to Watch Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Having Sex in ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’—Freaks Out,” Celeb Dirty Laundry, January 27, 2014.
Eighty-seven percent of stalkers are male: April 1998 National Violence Against Women Survey, www.svfreenyc.org/faq_question_40.html.
In 2008, 45 percent of all female murder victims were killed by a partner: Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics. www.cnn.com/2013/12/06/us/domestic-intimate-partner-violence-fast-facts/.
“I Slept With a Crazy Woman”: “Rebound: I Slept With a Crazy Woman,” xoJane, April 17, 2012.
“Literature cannot be the business of a woman’s life”: “Charlotte Brontë and Robert Southey: A Correspondence,” Rich Byrne.
“He is professor of rhetoric”: Selected Letters, Charlotte Brontë, ed. Margaret Smith.
“intellectual superiority, an imperious temper”: The Secret of Charlotte Brontë, Fredericka McDonald.
“My youth is leaving me”: The Life of Charlotte Brontë, Elizabeth Gaskell.
Some people even believe she may have spoken to him about her earlier attempts: The Brontë Myth, Lucasta Miller.
“Je me vengerai”: “ ‘I Pine Away’ … Charlotte Bronte’s Romantic Obsession,” Guardian, October 24, 2015.
“truly offensive and sensual spirit”: “Mr. Bell’s New Novel,” The Rambler: A Catholic Journal and Review of Home and Foreign Literature
Obviously, this is Thackeray: Thackeray’s daughter brought it up in her memoirs, specifically in her description of meeting Charlotte: “This then is the authoress, the unknown power whose books have set all London talking, reading, speculating; some people even say our father wrote the books—the wond
erful books,” Anne Isabella Thackeray Ritchie, Chapters from Some Memoirs.
“dating police”: “Julian Assange Captured by World’s Dating Police,” Huffington Post, December 7, 2010.
“Are you a scorned woman?”: “Anita Hill: ‘We can evolve.’ But the same questions are being asked,” Washington Post, April 3, 2014.
Meanwhile, lawyer John Doggett testified that Hill was delusional: “The Thomas Nomination: Excerpts from Affidavit About Hill,” New York Times, October 12, 1991.
When questioned, she covered for him: “Bloodied and bruised Amy Winehouse stands by husband who ‘saved her life,’ ” Daily Mail, August 24, 2007.
“you’d be dead because you weren’t together”: “Up All Night with Amy Winehouse,” Rolling Stone, August 10, 2008.
A “Rihanna Deserved It” T-shirt was sold on CafePress: “T-Shits,” Jezebel, February 12, 2009.
And in one survey of two hundred teenagers, 46 percent blamed Rihanna: “Teenage Girls Stand by Their Man,” New York Times, March 18, 2009.
“Im a women myself and I never want to get beat by a man”: “Don’t you think Rihanna probably deserved it?…” Yahoo: Answers.
“I decided it was more important for me to be happy”: “Rihanna Says She Is Back with Chris Brown,” New York Times, January 20, 2013.
“Gone [are] the days”: “Rihanna—a Bad Role Model?” Tell Tales, March 12, 2012.
“telling young people everywhere that domestic abuse is healthy”: “Rihanna Shouldn’t Take Chris Brown Back—He’s a Violent Felon,” Hollywood Life, August 20, 2012.
“By every vessel he wrote”: Villette, Charlotte Brontë.
CHAPTER 3: MADNESS
“When Kurt died, I just fell into this endless spiral”: “Inside the Mind of Courtney Love,” The Fix, February 1, 2012.
“there were people outside her house every day”: “Courtney Love Comes Out of Hiding,” Dana Kennedy, Entertainment Weekly, August 12, 1994.
