by KJ Dahlen
Gambler stood in the doorway and stared at his son. At the moment, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to shake some sense in the boy or hug him to death. He walked forward and knelt beside the bed. Brushing his hair out of his eyes, he watched carefully as Dusty opened his eyes.
Neither of them said a word as they stared at each other.
“Boy, don’t ever run away like that again,” Gambler told his son as he gathered him in his arms. “Don’t you know that I love you? That I will always love you? You are my son, my own blood. I might not have raised you from a baby but I’ve got you now, and I’m not letting you go.”
“You love me?” Dusty asked as he trembled. “You want me to stay with you?”
“You better believe it.” Gambler growled at him. “I know you heard me say some things yesterday but if you heard the whole conversation you would have heard me say that I love you so much. I told Paige I was sorry that I had a child with Cordy because I didn’t know about you then. I told her that without Cricket you would have died without me ever knowing the truth. That without Cricket, I would have never known about you and that you were out there waiting for me to find you. Then I told her that you would make a great big brother and that I couldn’t wait to have a child with her, so you would know the joys of being part of a bigger family.”
“Oh daddy, I’m sorry I worried you,” he whispered in his dad’s ear. “I went to Cricket because with her, I knew I would be safe and loved.”
“I’m glad she’s there for you but you’re my son, you should have come to me with this,” he scolded him gently.
Dusty looked into his dad’s eyes. “Daddy, she’s my Cricket. I need her in my life so please don’t get mad at her over this. She didn’t know until tonight what was wrong. I had to work this out myself. I had to go find a thinking place.”
Gambler nodded. “She told us about that tonight. She also told us why she needed such a place. I don’t blame her for that. She had no one else to talk to about what she was going through but you do. You got me, your grandparents and your uncles too. You got a family that loves you so much.”
“But daddy, Cricket is family too,” Dusty reminded him. “I’ve known her all my life. She was more of a mom to me than Mom could ever think about being. She cared for me when I was a baby and watched over me growing up.”
Gambler heard his son’s words and felt the hollow in his heart begin to fill up. He nodded at his son. “I know that. She let us into your life because she wanted you to have a family. A family she couldn’t give you alone.”
Dusty nodded. “I know she told me that but she also told me she never stopped loving me. Even now that she has her own babies, she still loves me too. She says I have a special place in her heart that’s just for me.”
Gambler let the tears roll down his face as he heard his son’s words. It was at that moment he knew he couldn’t stop Cricket from seeing Dusty. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t separate them.
He would have to forget her anger and her threats for his son. He needed her as much as she needed him and no one in his family would forgive him if he tried to keep her away. His whole family would be against him if he even tried, especially Raine. He wouldn’t understand why Gambler was turning his back on Cricket.
Looking down into his son’s face, he told the boy, “I have a special place in my heart too that’s just for you. No one will ever take that place away from you. If I am blessed with more children, they will have their special place, but you will always have your place. I hope you understand that.”
Dusty nodded. “You and Cricket have a place in my heart too. She told me once that the heart has the ability to get bigger when you let people you care about into your life. That the more people you let in, the bigger your heart becomes. Is that true?”
Gambler smiled. “Yeah, that’s true.”
Dusty looked down for a moment then sneaked a peek at his dad’s face. “Are you mad at me?”
Gambler chuckled. “I should be but somehow, I’m not. But I never want to repeat today, so if you run off again I will paddle your little ass but good. I never want to feel the fear I felt today again. If you go somewhere, I need you to tell someone where you’re going. Understand? I’m just so happy you’re all right. You had everyone scared to death today.”
Dusty nodded. “Yeah, Cricket told me.” He looked down at the bed then raised his eyes. “I’m sorry daddy.”
“You may not know this yet, but you are very important to me,” Gambler told his son. “I’ve never had a little boy before and while I may screw things up from time to time, I do love you. Having you around is new to me too. This last year has been great in some degree but terrifying in another. Before, I only had me to worry about, now I’ve got you and Paige. I’m still learning how to be a dad and that isn’t easy.
“Cricket had all those years with you, she knows you better than I do and that upsets me sometimes. I should have been there for you after you were born, I should have been the one to watch you grow from a baby to the boy you are today.”
Dusty chuckled. “Dad, that’s silly. Taking care of babies is women’s work.” His eye got dark as he remembered the past. He was going to say something then changed his mind and was silent. He leaned into his dad’s embrace and just sniffled.
“What?” Gambled asked quietly. He could see the pain in his son’s eyes and wanted to know what caused it. “Talk to me. Please...”
“I was just remembering...” His son sobbed but tried to be brave. “Why couldn’t my mom love me like you and Cricket do? Was I that bad as a baby or as I grew up?”
Gambler shook his head. “No baby, you weren’t a bad boy at all. I don’t know what you’re mom’s deal was but it doesn’t matter now. She’s not in your life anymore so what she did or didn’t do doesn’t matter.”
Dusty nodded. “Maybe, but I’ve always wondered about that.”
“How about we go home now?” Gambler asked. “We can start all over tomorrow. Maybe when I get home tomorrow night we can go and have a look at this thinking place. If I know where it is I won’t worry so much when you go there. Does that sound ok?”
Dusty nodded slowly. “I guess so.”
Gambler hooked his finger under Dusty’s chin and lifted it up. “What’s the matter?”
Dusty thought about his dad’s comment then told him, “A thinking place is special. Cricket said it’s a place you can go where no one else bothers you.”
“Yeah I get that but you’re only seven. I don’t mind if you have a thinking place but I need to know where you are at all times.” Gambler leaned closer to his son. “I’ll respect you thinking place but you have to respect me and what I want too. Understand?”
Dusty sighed heavily. “I guess so.”
Gambler gathered his son into his arms and left the spare bedroom. When he reached the living room, he nodded at Raine and turned to Cricket. “Thank you for what you did for him. You and I need to talk soon.” He turned to Paige and nodded toward the door. “Come on sweetheart. We need to go home.”
Cricket watched Gambler take her little boy away with him and her heart broke all over again. She tried hard not to let it matter. But deep in her heart, she knew she did the right thing. That Dusty belonged to him not to her. It hurt just like it did a year ago when she did it the first time.
Raine came over and wrapped his arms around his wife. He could see the heartbreak in her eyes and he could guess at the reason. “Honey, he’s gonna be ok. Gambler will take care of him. I promise.”
“I know,” Cricket whispered. “But it kills me that he doesn’t belong here with me.” She turned and wrapped her arms around his waist. Sobbing into his shoulder, she couldn’t speak for a moment. “I know he’s not mine but I loved him first and if Gambler’s fucks this up, I’m taking him back.”
Raine closed his eyes and felt a deep hurt in his heart. He hated the fact that she was in this kind of pain. “Sweetheart, they are still finding where they stand with each othe
r. You can’t come between them, not yet. Dusty knows you love him but his real place is with his father. Please give them time to work this out.”
Cricket stared at the man she loved more than life itself. “You’re right and I’ll try but your brother better not hurt that sweet little boy again. We’ve been to hell and back, him and I. And I can’t stand to see him like he’s been the last two days.”
“I know sweetheart, I know.” Raine held her tighter. “Come on let’s go to bed before our own kids wake up.”
Chapter Seven
The next week was slow. Cricket watched every day to see how Dusty was doing but he seemed to bounce back with surprising ease. All was right in his world. His relationship with his dad seemed to be good. This made her happy for the most part but her eagle eye was watching every part of the young boy’s life.
She watched every day as he disappeared through the fence to go to his thinking place. She hadn’t made any attempt to follow him and she noted that neither had Gambler. Dusty had told her that as long as he didn’t go there for long his dad had given him permission to go. But he had to tell someone where he was going.
Cricket felt the boy pulling away from her and that hurt her heart. She knew she didn’t have a say in how Gambler raised him but after taking care of him for the first six years of his life, not having a say bruised her soul just a bit.
Her own three babies were growing like weeds. She still couldn’t believe they were hers. She never thought she’d have her own family and now she had three babies and a man who loved them all.
But in every little piece of heaven there had to be a snake. Sinner. For the last week, he’d pulled back and hadn’t been seen by anyone. But Cricket knew he hadn’t gone anywhere. He was still there waiting for the right moment to make his presence known again.
His first mistake was thinking he wouldn’t be caught at some point. His second mistake was underestimating the Sin’s Bastards MC. They knew he was out there somewhere. They were hunting him like the vermin he was, not only them but Cassie’s Redemption House men were also searching the city looking under every rock, every hole in the ground where a man could hide. Any threat to her or her family had them scrambling for answers and remedies. Paige was family to them too.
But she wasn’t the only one who feared this snake. Paige was living in terror every day. She admitted she could feel him watching her. His eyes were burning holes in the middle of her back. She didn’t know how much more she could take.
She and Cricket had found a moment to talk about this a few days ago. As was there Sunday ritual, everyone in the Moore family was gathered at Molly and Black Jack’s for Sunday dinner. While the men grilled the meat, Cricket and Paige were drinking ice tea in a quiet corner of the patio.
The babies were sleeping after enjoying a bottle and Molly and Dusty were watching over them.
Cricket had looked over at the other woman and asked, “Are you okay?”
Paige was pale and she appeared nervous. She glanced down at the ground and shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
“What’s going on?”
“I hate this waiting game Sinner is playing. I just want this over one way or the other.” She looked up at Cricket and asked, “Aren’t you nervous about the hell coming after you?”
Cricket smiled sadly and shook her head. “Not really.”
“How can you not be scared? He’ll come after you too, you know. He thinks you were working with your sister. Hell, if he can’t kill her, he’ll kill you in her stead.”
Cricket nodded. “I know he’ll try.”
“And that doesn’t bother you?” Paige asked incredibly.
Cricket shrugged. “It does and it doesn’t. Would you like to know why it doesn’t?”
Paige nodded.
Cricket glanced over at the men at the grill. “You see Raine standing there with his brothers?”
Paige nodded.
Cricket smiled. “He stands between Sinner and me. He won’t let Sinner get close enough to me to breathe the same air as I do. He’s watching my back and all his brothers have his. Not only that but every single one of the Bastards have his back as well. I’ve watched them carefully over the years I’ve been with them. They protect their women like no other group I’ve ever seen before.” She paused and nodded. “Living with my sister was pure hell. I never knew what she was doing or what trouble she would get us into. I’ve learned since she’s gone that she used my name in more than one of her setups. She never told me, hell she barely even spoke to me, except to order me around. But now I know she set me up to take the fall for a number of her stupid escapades. She would lay the blame on my shoulders when she was doing something that could get her killed. She was attracted to the bad boy type of men. She liked the dangerous aspect of things.”
Paige shivered. “Sinner was the only bad boy I ever knew. I have to admit I hated him and if I never met anyone else like him, it wouldn’t hurt my feelings any at all.”
Cricket had to grin. “You don’t think Gambler could be a bad boy? Or Raine or anyone living in this compound?”
Paige looked a bit unsure for a moment then shook her head. “I really didn’t think about it that way. But now that you mention it no, I don’t think they could do something like that. They just don’t seem the type.”
Cricket chuckled. “Don’t you believe it for a moment.” She looked over at the group of men standing at the grill. “Each and every one of these men can and has been a bad boy at one time or another in their lifetime. Even now, they could become bad if they had to. Within a second, they could be a person’s worst nightmare. But they choose when and where the bad boy persona comes out. If they or anyone in this group needs them they are always there.” She paused then added. “If Sinner comes looking for you or me, he’ll find out just how bad these boys can be. And if he gets close enough to us to hurt us, he’ll wish he never heard of us.” She took a sip of her tea. “That’s why I’m not worried about Sinner. I believe Raine and the Bastards have my back. Gambler isn’t any less protective of you or Dusty.”
Paige glanced over at Gambler. He was laughing at something his dad said and they all looked so relaxed and comfortable with each other. She hadn’t known them long but she knew almost from the moment she met him, he would mean the world to her. She fell in love with him after the first kiss they shared.
After finding her twin sister, Cassie, Paige had moved here to be with her. Cassie was the one thing she didn’t realize was missing in her life. All the years she was growing up, she knew something that was supposed to be there wasn’t. She’d kept looking in the mirror every day for something she couldn’t understand but now knew she’d been looking for her sister.
That day in Quincy when she first saw Cassie again, she felt the hole in her heart fill up and she knew then they would never be separated again. Max explained that their father had brought her to him when she was about three years old. When he didn’t return, Max and Peggy kept her and raised her. They didn’t know much about what was going on but they did what they could. They even moved over from Quincy to Troy to stay with her.
Now her past had come back to haunt her. A past she wished had stayed buried.
Cricket leaned closer and patted her hand. “Have a little faith in your man. He won’t let you down.”
Paige nodded. “I do, have faith in him I mean. He is without a doubt the best thing that’s happened to me. I don’t want to lose him.” Then she paused and added, “And so is Dusty. That little boy is wonderful and I can’t wait to see him grow up. Hell, just to be part of his life means a great deal to me. When he was missing, it was like searching for a missing part of my heart all over again. Thank you for giving him back to us.”
Cricket got tears in her eyes but refused to let them fall. “I was so mad at Gambler when Dusty told me what he said but Raine asked me to give his brother another chance. I’m trying, I really am, but Gambler has to give me a chance too. I would never hurt a hair on Dusty’
s head but I will step in to defend him anytime anywhere I need to. Even against his dad.”
Paige heard the warning in her message and nodded. “So would I,” she said quietly but with just as much conviction in her voice.
“Then Dusty is a lucky kid. He has two mother’s willing to go to the wall for him.”
An unvoiced allegiance formed between the two women, one they both would need in the coming days.
It was the beginning of the second week before Cricket got the chance to follow Dusty when he slipped through the fence on his way to his thinking place. Telling Molly she’d be back, she slipped out the back door and followed the boy through the woods.
The only sounds she heard was those of her own footsteps crunching the leaves and debris. It only took her five minutes to come upon Dusty. He was laying on a blanket under a canopy formed by three trees leaning toward each other at the top. Beside him was a hound dog, a rather big hound dog.
The dog looked relaxed but Cricket wasn’t fooled for a moment. The dog’s eyes followed her every move. Moving slowly, she inched forward until she heard a low growl. That’s when she stopped altogether.
Dusty sat up with a look of fear in his eyes until he saw her standing there. He smiled and laughed out loud. “I should have known you’d follow me one day.” He looked around while he rubbed the dog’s back. “Well, what do you think? Is this a great thinking place or what?”
Cricket couldn’t look away from the dog but she nodded. “Yeah, it’s a great thinking place. Ummm... who’s your friend?”
Dusty smiled. “This is Blue. He found me the first day I was here and he keeps coming back. He usually shows up before I get here and stays long after I’m gone.” He patted the blanket next to him. “Come sit with me.”
Cricket moved slowly to the blanket to sit beside Dusty.
