“What are you thinking about so deeply?”
“That I must ride every day whenever I can. The journey from Grenoble was more difficult than it should have been and I did not want to slow you up.”
“You didn’t, but I thought I might have to leave you here to follow me or even to send you back.”
“I won’t make that mistake from now on. What is the news?”
Edward had bought one of the broadsheets in Chambéry and had been trying to read it despite the bouncing of the coach.
“Bonaparte is calling up his army as I expected. He’s been making various speeches to them about ‘defending the borders of France’ if his efforts to make peace fail, as they no doubt will. I don’t envy Philip’s mentor, Caulaincourt, his work; it’s a hopeless cause. The allies won’t accept Bonaparte as leader of France again. They declared him an outlaw at Vienna and now their troops are almost at the border. This article says that Wellington is south west of Brussels while the Prussians are to the south east, but whether that is true or not is debatable.”
“Will you seek him there; Wellington I mean?”
“We’ll go to Brussels first. Someone there should be able to tell us where the army is. I’ll find a lodging for you and a couple of swift horses, in case you need to leave for the coast in a hurry.”
“You don’t think Wellington will be defeated, do you?”
“Who knows? He’s never fought Bonaparte in person and the Emperor, for all I detest the man, is a genius at war.”
“And what will you do, if the army is defeated?”
“If I can come to you I will, but you must not wait for me. I’ll try to send Benson with a message if the day is going badly. Promise me that, if you receive it, you will leave Brussels at once?”
“Must I?”
“I have never been in a battle with someone I love nearby. I can’t fight, if I am distracted by the fear of something happening to you. Promise me?”
“I don’t want you to fight. I don’t want you to be killed.”
“My dear, you knew I was a soldier when you married me.”
“But you had sold out.”
“If I hadn’t, would you still have married me? A soldier’s wife knows that at any moment he might be sent off to anywhere in the world.”
“I would have married you if you were on your way to China the next day!”
Edward laughed. “Then, my darling, you have only yourself to blame. A soldier needs his wits about him in a battle. He can’t think about anything but his orders and the survival of himself and his troops. A minute’s inattention has killed better men than me. If you truly love me, promise me that you will leave Brussels the moment you receive my message.”
He took her in his arms and held her close. Reluctantly she whispered the words he wanted to hear,
“I promise.”
Chapter Fourteen
It proved easier than expected for Philip to obtain the passports he needed. His section of the bureau was sent information from the Police listing the individuals who should be detained in France. He took it home with him and rewrote it, removing Edward’s name. Another list provided the names of those who were permitted to leave the country. He added Edward’s name at the bottom. Then he wrote out the permits. He brought the finished documents to MacDonald, who looked them over, only asking a few questions about the men. When he reached Edward, Philip said to him,
“Edward Maitland is an old man who is desperate to go home. He’s ill and wants to die in his own country.”
MacDonald simply nodded and said, “Poor fellow.” Then he handed everything back to Philip and said, “Send them. Let’s get rid of these people as quickly as possible.”
That evening, Philip went to Victor’s lodgings. He gave him the package containing the passports and asked him to make sure that they were delivered to his father.
“So you’ve decided what to do then?”
“Alice helped me when I rescued Celia from Staunton. If I allowed Edward to be imprisoned, it would be a scurvy trick to play on her, in return for what she did for me. Edward may not be accepted back into the army and even if he is, I can’t see that one man, more or less, makes a difference. I decided that family is more important than politics.”
“Which shows that you aren’t really a Frenchman at heart, mon ami. In this country, nothing is more important than politics! Yet I liked Edward and wish him well.”
“Can I trust you, or would you prefer not be part of this deception?”
“Of course you can trust me. I may be French but I, too, care about our family and as you say, Edward is only one man among a multitude.”
Philip went back to his translations and to fencing with Marco when he was free from his duties. It was a life where he had little leisure time and he was rarely at his lodgings, except to sleep. Around him the clouds of war were gathering. Troops were drilling in the Champs de Mars and in other open areas of the city. Military and civilian uniforms were everywhere, although not all the imperial ministers and marshals had resumed their duties. The Moniteur carried stirring speeches, but the cheers that had greeted the Emperor’s return were largely absent in the weeks that followed. Reality had returned and the people faced an uncertain future. There was an uneasy feeling in the streets and the talk in the taverns was subdued. One evening Philip found a note waiting for him at his apartment.
“An Englishman brought it, Monsieur, the coachman who served your sister,” Agathe told him. Philip frowned and broke open the seal. If a servant had returned, what had happened to the rest of the party? Agathe was watching him closely and saw his frown vanish.
“Not bad news, I hope?” she murmured.
“On the contrary, very good news, but it means I must go out again.”
“What about your supper? It’s your favourite pie.”
“You eat it or take it home to your family. Don’t wait for me, I may be late.” He caught up his cloak and hat and did not see the pained expression on Agathe’s face as he left. When he reached the hotel where his sister had stayed, he was warmly greeted by the manager who remembered the open handedness of her party.
“Bien sur, Monsieur. Miss Talbot is in her room, for the hour is somewhat late. Shall I send up your card?”
“Please do.”
Grace did not keep him waiting many minutes and as soon as he walked into the salon her face lit up. She rose and held out her hand which he kissed rather than shook in the English fashion. As he straightened, he found himself very close to her. She was looking up at him and smiling, so it was the most natural thing in the world for him to lean down and kiss her lips. He felt a tremor run through her body but she did not push him away, instead her hand slipped over his shoulder and stroked his neck. It was some little time later that they sat together on the couch before the fire, holding hands and talking.
“Grace?”
“Yes?”
“You know my circumstances and the awkwardness of my situation. Nevertheless, if I can extricate myself, will you marry me?”
Grace held herself still. She wanted to shout out ‘yes’ so the whole world might hear but she did not. Instead she murmured,
“Why are you asking me, Philip? You told me once how much you loved Celia and it was her name you called out when you were ill.”
“Celia was a callow youth’s dream. She was beautiful in my eyes and I longed to protect her from all the winds that blew. I never even managed to protect her from her husband. You don’t forget your first love, do you? I had to rescue her when she fell into difficulties or I would not have forgiven myself. Those months we lived here were unhappy. She was ill and fretful and she did not try to help herself either. No matter what I did to try and give her thoughts a new direction, she did not respond to me. She believed that she didn’t deserve to be happy again. She was too deeply wounded, no longer the girl she had been before her marriage. I would never have left her but, although I grieve for her, I must confess that her death came as som
ewhat of a relief. If her father had allowed me to marry her when I asked him for her hand, I would have counted myself the luckiest man on earth. Lately though, I have often wondered how we would have dealt together as we grew older and met with life’s difficulties. She was timid and what spirit she had was easily overset. The slightest setback caused her to break into tears.” He stopped suddenly. “What a cad I am to talk about her like this!”
“I’m glad that you told me and that you helped her, but if we marry, she will always come between us.”
“No she won’t. As the days pass, I am finding it more difficult to recall her face. Celia could not have stood up to the turmoil you have known in your life. I loved her, and in some ways, I still do, but my feelings for you are different. Respect and admiration as well as love. With you I can be myself, I don’t have to be strong all the time or to act a part. I can’t say I come to you as a stripling, but I offer you a man’s love and I wouldn’t let you down.”
“I don’t think you would, but there are other reasons why we should not marry. Your mother would not like it. She is expecting you to make a great match and I have neither your rank nor any fortune.”
“I haven’t listened to my mother’s opinions since I was twelve years old. Both my parents disowned me when I fought my first duel with Staunton, so I don’t owe them any loyalty. My mother is interested in me now, only because my father and Julian are dead.”
“Nevertheless, she wouldn’t want you to marry a penniless nobody, who she took in as her companion.”
“I doubt she did it solely out of the goodness of her heart. If she did, it’s the first selfless action I have ever known her to make.”
Grace grinned. “Oh, it was not selfless. I earned the small amount of money she paid me, but the fact remains that I was her servant.”
“Well she’ll have to get used to the idea that her former companion is to be her daughter-in-law. Not that I shall tell her before the knot is tied; I don’t want her to spoil our wedding.”
“I can’t imagine that there will be any wedding. If you marry it really should be someone of your own rank.”
“I never cared for rank and, as for fortune, my inheritance is sufficient to support a bevy of penniless brides.”
“Surely not a bevy,” Grace smiled at him.
“I’ll settle for just one, if you will have me?”
She opened her arms to him. He kissed her again and this time Grace let her true feelings show in the ardour with which she returned his kiss.
“I must make arrangements to return to England,” Philip told her before he left the hotel. “I can’t leave at this moment with all the confusion in the ministry but very soon now the Emperor intends to join his armies. Our work will come to a halt until we know the outcome of his campaign. I’ll go once that happens but I would like you to keep to your original plan and travel on to the coast tomorrow.”
“Trevor can take the coach but I want to wait for you.”
“Paris isn’t a place for a single woman, especially not a foreigner. You might easily be interned.”
“I have the passport you sent me. Surely that will enable me to leave when I wish? You said that you loved me. I love you too and I can’t bear not to know what is happening. Let us go together.”
Philip frowned. “I don’t like it.”
“Consider what you would feel if our positions were reversed. Would you be happy to leave me in an uncertain position?”
Philip had an arrested look on his face and she saw that she had made her point.
“No I would not, but if you are staying, it would be better if you removed from here where you are known to be English. I will ask Marco if he and his wife can give you a lodging until we leave.”
It was too late for Philip to visit his friend that night and he walked home happier than he had been for a very long time. The future was uncertain, but he would move heart and soul to marry Grace. He knew that now. He allowed himself to daydream about their life together and was smiling when he pushed open the door of his apartment and found Agathe still there, sitting by the fire. She jumped up when she saw him.
“Hello, what are you doing here so late?” he asked her in surprise.
“Waiting for you, Monsieur Louis.”
“Oh? Is there anything wrong?”
“I stayed because there was something I wanted to tell you before you went out.”
“Oh, what is that?”
“I have to stop working for you.”
“Why?”
“I’m getting married and my husband doesn’t want me to go out to work any more.”
“That’s wonderful news.” Philip got to his feet and found a bottle of wine and two glasses. “Let’s drink to your future happiness and then you must tell me all about it.”
He started to pour the wine but Agathe caught his hand and stopped him.
“Do you really mean that, Monsieur Louis? You’re pleased that I am going to be leaving you?”
“Of course. I want you to be happy…” His voice trailed away as he saw the tears in her eyes. “What is it, Agathe, tell me? Don’t you want to be married?”
“I want to be married but not to Gilles, so I haven’t accepted his proposal yet. I had to see you first.”
“But why? You don’t need my permission to marry him. What’s wrong?”
“Oh, Monsieur Louis, it’s you I love, not him. Do you ever think of me at all?”
Philip set his glass down and pushed Agathe gently into a chair.
“I had no idea.”
“I know you didn’t. When Madame was alive, you couldn’t see anyone but her. I understood that, because she told me you had grown up together and had always been sweethearts. When she died, I hoped that you would turn to me and you did in a small way but I want more than that. I don’t want to be your friend or your servant, Monsieur, I want to be your lover.”
“I don’t know what to say.” He poured a glass of wine and drank it in one hurried motion. His thoughts whirled. It was impossible, of course, even if he had never met Grace. Agathe was a nice girl, but they did not possess a thought in common. He could not imagine spending his life with her. He was searching for a way to tell her gently when she continued,
“Why do you think I was always here, waiting for you whenever you returned? Why did I agree to come with you to Grenoble, even though Maman was against the idea? It was difficult to persuade her to give her consent, but I managed to do so. Why did I stay with you when there is really very little for me to do now Madame is gone?” She faced him squarely. “It was for love of you, Monsieur. Please say that you love me too.”
He reached over and brushed the tears from her cheek.
“Agathe, I’m so sorry…”
“You never thought of me in that way, did you?”
“I loved Celia. I never looked at anyone else since I met her.”
“Even now, when she has been in her grave for months?”
“Even now.” He took a deep breath, before he lied to her. “I doubt I shall ever feel that way again.” Better that she should think his heart was frozen than know the truth.
“Look at me!” Agathe stood up, facing him. “Look at me! I’m a living woman. People tell me that I’m pretty and have a good figure. I’m a hard worker and I love you. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t you love me in return?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Philip replied. “I’m fond of you and I appreciate all you do for me, but I don’t love you in that way, Agathe, not as I loved Celia. You deserve better than the man I have become.”
“You’re a fool, Monsieur Louis. I would work all my life to make you happy. If you didn’t want to marry me, I would even live with you as your mistress, despite what Maman would say. But I won’t stay where I’m not wanted. If that’s how you really feel, there’s an end to it. Now I hope that I never see you again. You’ve broken my heart.” She snatched up her bonnet and shawl and ran out of the room.
Philip ke
pt staring at the door as he remembered their months together. He had always considered her to be a helpful friend, not as a young and passionate woman. Would it have been different if he had not been so distracted by grief? He shivered. It would have been so easy to cross the line in his dealings with her. Agathe was prettier than Celia had been at the end if he was truthful, but he could not imagine himself putting his arm around her and kissing her.
Thank God she does not know that Grace has returned. It will hurt her less to think that I’m still in love with a ghost.
He was too agitated to sleep. The wine in the bottle sank and he opened another. Eventually he developed a throbbing headache. At least I did not make use of her was his last thought before he closed his eyes. I hope she will be happy with her Gilles and soon forget me. But in that hope he was to be disappointed.
Chapter Fifteen
Next day, Philip visited Marco and asked him about Grace. Giulia, Marco’s wife, was only too happy to offer her somewhere to stay. Philip paid the hotel and together they saw the coach start off for the coast. Grace had given Trevor, the coachman, a letter to Edward and Alice, explaining what had happened. He promised to deliver it as soon as his master and mistress returned. When they were alone, Philip told Grace about Agathe.
“Poor girl, and you did not realise?”
“It never occurred to me. For months, I grieved for Celia and then, when I had started to recover, I met you. Agathe was just someone in the background. I must have been blind.”
“Let’s hope that she forgets you and marries her Gilles.”
Although he felt uncomfortable about his thoughtlessness, Philip very soon forgot about Agathe. The bureau kept him busy and he spent every evening with Grace. He gave up his apartment and moved nearer to Marco’s. He had thought about doing so ever since Celia’s death, but had not wanted to deprive Agathe of her occupation. The day after her shattering revelation, he left. The new lodgings were better than the old ones and closer to his workplace.
Lord Philip's Christmas (Regency Belles &Beaux Book 2) Page 12
