“Passing notes in class like you’re in high school, eh?” He raised his brows, turning his gaze on me and grinning. “And you are?”
“Veronica Strafford!” someone yelled.
Why couldn’t I move? Or say something? I knew I had to do something, but I was paralyzed. It was like watching a train wreck happen in front of me.
“Let’s see then, Veronica… What do we have here?” he continued.
All the blood drained from my face as I watched him open the note, exaggerating every movement. His eyes widened before his voice boomed out to the entire class, “‘I’m not sorry I kissed you last night. Caleb.’”
I wanted to curl up and die.
The whole class erupted in a buzz. I could feel eyes darting toward me like bullets. What possessed this guy to read that note in front of the class?
“That should be enough entertainment for you today, kids!”
I glared at Caleb. He was smirking, completely unrepentant. I wanted to kick him in the balls and wipe that smirk off his face.
I didn’t even wait for the professor. I just ran out of there.
“Red, wait!”
I whipped around, ready to cut him to pieces. “You have two strikes already,” I hissed, balling my hands into fists to keep from punching his face.
His smile disappeared. “Does that mean I only have one more left?”
I scoffed and whipped around, making sure my long hair struck his irritatingly gorgeous face.
“Ouch. That hurt.”
Good! But that didn’t give me any satisfaction. I was so embarrassed, so mad…
I kept walking. I knew he was following me, because I could hear his footsteps trying to catch up. I walked faster, almost running, and threw a glare over my shoulder.
“Red, no!”
And just as I turned, my face slammed into the glass door.
My head spun as my face throbbed. Livid now and mortified beyond belief, I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. I knew people were staring and laughing at me. I could hear them.
Nobody’s fault but mine.
“Leave me alone!” I fumed.
I wrenched the doors open, hoping one would slam back in his face. I just wanted to hide somewhere.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I gritted my teeth, ignoring him.
“Red, what’s wrong?”
I stopped in my tracks and shot him an incredulous look. “Are you serious?”
He looked startled by my anger. I was bristling.
“Are you really that mad?” he asked quietly, his eyes gentle as they studied my face.
I hesitated for a few seconds, processing the emotions churning in my stomach. “I don’t like being cornered,” I said finally. “I don’t like catering to a self-indulgent child. And most of all, I don’t like being forced to do something I don’t like.”
His eyes widened in shock before they turned flat and cold.
“Got it,” he said in a clipped tone before he turned and strode away.
* * *
In the two weeks that followed, we avoided each other.
I woke up early and cooked his meals, storing his dinner in the fridge and leaving a note for him to heat it up.
I attended my classes diligently and took the bus to work after. If I didn’t go to the library after work, I hung out with Kara. I avoided coming home early every day just in case Caleb decided to seek me out. But he never did. There was an emptiness in my chest that I couldn’t understand, but I ignored it. I just had to.
I felt like a trespasser, an unwanted boarder in his home. Every day I told myself to pack up what little I had and leave. But where would I go?
I wanted to ask Kara if she was willing to rent me a room in her apartment, but it seemed like an intrusion to even bring it up. I didn’t want to impose. I might spend almost every day with her, but we’d only known each other a few weeks.
If Caleb said or implied that he didn’t want me living at his place anymore, I would have left quickly. But he never did.
On rare occasions when I saw him at the apartment, he always gave me a polite nod. I always nodded back and walked away quickly before he could say anything. Not that he tried.
I just had to finish this semester, and then I’d leave his place. I would have enough saved up by then to rent a small apartment. I even got a side job checking test papers for Professor Phillips. Usually these kinds of jobs made me happy, since they meant extra cash, but this time it didn’t. Nothing did.
Caleb had pierced my bubble, and I was angry at him for it, but angrier at myself for allowing it. But if I was honest with myself, I knew that what was really bothering me most was that I missed him.
It was ridiculous. How could I miss someone I’d spent so little time with? How could someone I barely knew affect me this deeply? It was weak, and I couldn’t afford any weakness right now.
My mood became darker every day. Soon the only thing that cheered me up was the time I spent with Kara.
I was already at the office, folding invoices at my desk and meticulously placing them in envelopes to mail out, when the bell on the door jingled.
I looked up as Kara sashayed in, hips swaying, gold bracelets tinkling. It was Sunday, and I knew she’d attended Mass with her dad and Dylan. She always volunteered for cleanup right after, but her makeup was still perfect, and there wasn’t a wrinkle on her clothes. I felt underdressed in my shirt and jeans.
“How was church?” I asked.
“I’m still a sinner. Why do you think I go every Sunday?” She placed her purse on top of her desk. “What do you think of this top? Does it make my boobs pass for at least a B cup?”
“Yes, they look superb. What’s with you and your obsession with your boobs?”
She sighed dramatically. “Hey, hey, hey. Not all of us are blessed with huge, round tits like yours, so stop being a bitch about it.” She wagged her finger at me. “Mine are more like mosquito bites so I’ll talk about them all I want.”
She took a sip from her smoothie, shivering in disgust. “Ugh. I know this is healthy, but I swear the smoothie bar down the street doesn’t add anything besides roots and dirt. Is it supposed to taste like shit that has been sitting on the lawn for ten days?”
I winced when she took another sip. It looked very green. “Maybe you’ll start mooing in a minute,” I suggested.
Her eyes narrowed at me. “What’s up with you? You’ve been moping around like you’ve swallowed the wrong dick.”
I sighed again, opening and closing the cap on my coconut juice. When I looked up, Kara was eyeing my drink with undisguised longing.
“Know what?” Kara said. “I’ll trade you. Here.” She snatched my drink from my hand, replacing it with hers. “You need this. Since you look like you swallowed the wrong—”
I held up a hand. “Can we stop talking about body parts, please?”
“Well.” She took a sip from my drink. “What’s up?”
It had been a long time since I shared anything about myself. Forced to be an adult after my dad left us, I sometimes felt more like ninety than my actual twenty-one.
It felt weird to even consider confiding in someone, but I found myself telling Kara about Caleb.
“You’re staying at his place?” Her mouth hung open. “He’s gorgeous as hell, but he’s a horndog. You know that, right?”
Suddenly it was like my mouth couldn’t be stopped. Everything spilled. When I told her about the kiss, her eyes bugged out. I told her how determined I was to look for an apartment, a room, anything cheap to rent to get away from Caleb.
She shook her head. “Did you know he’s Cameron’s best friend?” She clucked her tongue, frowning at me. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before, you moron? You know you have to stay with me from now on, right?”
; Shocked, I could only stare at her. “What?” I managed.
“Well, why not?”
“You barely know me. I’ve only been working here a few weeks.”
Her smile was wide. “I’ve spent enough days with you to know you’re not a serial killer. Plus, I love you already, bitch.”
My chest tightened painfully. I wanted to hug her, but I just smiled. “Love you too, asshole.”
Chapter Nine
Veronica
As soon as I entered Caleb’s apartment, I noticed the quiet. If Caleb came home early, I’d usually hear him moving around, followed by the smell of burned toast lingering in the air. He always cranked the toaster dial higher than necessary when he wasn’t paying attention. But there was no scent of food as I headed to the kitchen. I wanted to tell him that I was moving out tomorrow before I started packing my things.
A movement on the balcony had me reaching automatically for my pocketknife. There was little moonlight, and I strained my eyes to see who it was.
Opening the french doors, I stepped out into the night air.
Caleb was sitting in the dark, elbows on his knees, head lowered like he was grieving.
I knew something had happened. Something bad.
I’d never seen him so subdued, so alone.
“Caleb?”
The only acknowledgment he gave me was a slight movement of his head.
Slowly, I approached him. This was the first time I’d willingly sought him out after weeks of avoiding him. My eyes adjusted to the darkness, and I could see him clearly now. I hadn’t seen his face up close in so long that the sight of it hit me like a punch. Even in sadness, he was strikingly handsome, and I couldn’t help admiring his beauty.
“Do you want to be alone?” I asked softly.
It was a moment before he responded. “No.”
Other than the bench he was sitting on, the balcony was empty. It was clear he didn’t usually spend much time out here. I sat beside him quietly, waiting for him to give me a sign, anything, so I’d know what to do.
“My parents are getting a divorce,” he said after a while. His voice was detached, as if he’d just asked me to pass the salt.
There was nothing I could say to make it better. Slowly, I reached for Caleb’s hand, holding it in mine. If I could give him anything, it was my presence at this moment. His hand was as cold as mine was warm, as big as mine was small. I used both my hands to rub warmth into his hand. I glanced at his face. I could see how sadness was pulling down the corners of his eyes. His jaw was tight, his lips pulled back in a disapproving curve.
“I was expecting it. For a long while now, actually.” He whispered so softly that I had to lean toward him to hear.
“He had other women. He cheated on my mother so many times, but she stuck by him. She didn’t believe in divorce. She was crying when I saw her today. I could barely get her out of bed to eat something.”
His hand fisted in a tight ball as his anger surfaced. I knew he was barely holding it back.
“I fucking hate him. I want to kill him.”
“You could,” I replied softly. “But what purpose would that serve? I’ve always wondered why life chooses certain people to punish.”
I felt his green eyes on me, but I looked out into the night.
“No matter how much you want to protect the people you love, Caleb, you can’t. You can only be there for them. You can’t choose their path because it is theirs alone. It’s their fight, not yours.”
There were no stars in the sky. The city was too bright, with its skyscrapers and gaudy blinking neon signs obliterating their light.
I took a deep breath and continued. “I’ve learned to accept that it’s not my fault when bad things happen to me or to the people I love. It’s just the way life is. It’s not fair. If you’re one of the unlucky ones, then fight. Be stronger. Be stronger because you have no choice. Be stronger than you are right now because if you’re not, life will swallow you up and spit you out. And then you’ll die with a broken heart.”
Just like my mom.
I knew I sounded cynical, but life had made me tough. When I shifted my eyes to his face, he was watching me. Even in the dark, his eyes looked fierce as they searched mine.
“Stop brooding, Caleb. Fight back.” I smiled at him, squeezing his hand. “Give me back your smiles because there is something wrong with the universe without them.”
His eyes flashed with surprise, and I blushed, not having meant to tell him that. But it seemed like the night for confessions in the dark.
The truth was that I missed him. I felt the loss of his presence more evidently now that he was in front of me. It was harder to deny the truth, impossible even, when his complete attention was on me.
He smiled.
I rose from the seat, smiling back at him. “Pancakes?” I asked.
His eyes were tender as he looked at me. He unfolded his long body from the seat and stood facing me.
I held my breath, looking up at him as he stood close.
“Thank you, Red,” he whispered warmly. His voice felt like a caress.
I nodded. My chest felt tight, and I had no idea what my face was showing so I turned away, walking to the kitchen.
There was a hitch in my stride when I felt his hand reach for mine, interlacing my fingers with his. I looked down at our joined hands, my heart stuttering at the feel of his skin. I shifted my eyes to his, and he was smiling. His eyes soft and vulnerable.
“Don’t let go of my hand, Red,” he said as he walked us out of the apartment.
“What about pancakes?” I asked, confused.
“Pancakes means holding your hand and walking on the beach right now.”
There was another stutter in my heart, this time stronger.
He looked over his shoulder at me when I didn’t respond and grinned as we rode the elevator to the basement garage. Before I could reach for the car door, he was there, opening it for me.
“Ready?” he asked as we fastened our seat belts. The twinkle in his eyes was back.
“Ready,” I answered.
Without hesitation, he reached for my hand again and rested our intertwined hands on the middle console.
The beach was a good half-hour drive from Caleb’s place. We drove there with our windows open, the wind blowing my long hair. It was dark, the roads free of traffic.
I felt excited, energized, and at the same time Caleb’s hand in mine calmed my anxious mind.
He threw me a glance, his thumb stroking my palm.
“I’m glad you’re here with me, Red.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. No one had said that to me before. I turned my gaze out the window so he wouldn’t see how much his words had affected me.
Tonight I was seeing a side of Caleb I hadn’t encountered before. I didn’t know what to think of it, or maybe I did but refused to think about it.
All I knew was that I liked this boy as I had never liked anyone before.
He parked his car in front of the lakeside shops that had already closed for the night. We took off our shoes, then walked on the beach, the white sand cool as our feet dug into it.
The wind was a little chilly, and I wrapped my arms around my middle to ward off the cold. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Caleb shrug out of his jacket.
“Here,” he said, placing it on my shoulders.
“What about you?”
“Just hold my hand. You warm me up.”
But he was the one who warmed me up inside as his hand reached for mine again, pulling me close to his side as we walked.
“I knew you were avoiding me,” he began after a moment. His voice held no resentment, only understanding. That surprised me. “I knew you didn’t want anything to do with me the past few weeks, but I thought about you. Actually,” he corrected, his
voice deepening. “I think I’m a little obsessed.”
He sighed when I didn’t respond as quickly as he may have expected. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was forcing you to do something you didn’t like.”
I walked beside him for a moment, listening to the sound of the waves before I answered. “I’m sorry I said that. It’s not that, really… You confuse me, Caleb.”
I knew he was waiting for me to say something more, to explain, but the words were stuck in my throat.
“Sometimes I think you’re a very sad girl, Red.”
He was more observant than I’d given him credit for. Because he was right, I realized. I had been sad for a long, long time. I had been starved for love and affection for so long that I’d forgotten what it felt like. I had refused to let anyone in, afraid to be hurt again. But this boy holding my hand was stripping me of my armor bit by bit.
It scared me.
“All I could think about was how to make you smile again. Not the fake ones you give to people to be polite. I want your real smile, where your eyes light up and your lips stretch up to your ears.”
My ears were ringing. What was he trying to say?
“You confuse me,” I repeated. “I-I don’t know what you want.”
He stopped suddenly, and I had to turn around to face him.
“Don’t you?” he asked solemnly, directly.
His eyes were burning with emotion. I looked away.
Who was this boy? This intense, serious boy who looked at me as if he could see my soul.
“I-I’m not ready, Caleb.”
He nodded. “That’s okay. I’ve been waiting for you to come along for a long time now. I think I can wait some more.”
“Don’t you think this is too fast?”
“The thing is, I’ve made up my mind. And my mind says it’s you. If I’d just met you today, I would still want you today, tomorrow, five days from now…” His voice trailed off, and I was scared he was going to say forever or some ridiculous thing like that.
I didn’t believe in forever. Forever was for people who believed in fairy tales. And I never had.
“You’re scaring me.”
He let out a quiet laugh. “I know. You just have to endure it.” He paused. “After all, how could you give up a handsome boy like me?”
Chasing Red Series, Book 1 Page 8
