by J. D. Walker
“That’s unusual, in my experience,” he murmured, before taking a sip of his water.
“It was for me, too.”
I ended up ordering the pot roast special, and Thorn decided on the macaroni, cheese, and bacon casserole. “So what kind of job do you think you want? It’s coming on summer, and there’s lots of seasonal work to get you started.”
He shrugged. “I’m pretty handy, actually. I’ve been using sex to get by for so long, I tend to forget that.” And the fact that he could be so cavalier about such a thing hurt my heart.
“We’ll walk around town tomorrow and see what we can find, okay?”
He nodded, but before he could say anything, a server brought our food.
* * * *
The next day, with Thorn dressed in his new-old clothing—after no small argument about how much stuff I was buying for him—we walked along the main drag through town and checked for job openings.
As luck would have it, he ended up finding an opening at the grocery store. They were short a worker since that person had skipped town, and needed someone to stock the shelves overnight. Thorn was a night owl anyway, so it was the perfect fit. He would be on ninety days’ probation, and if they liked him, he would stay.
The minute we left the grocery store and walked around a corner, Thorn jumped into my arms, wrapped his legs around my waist, and hugged me like a python. I staggered a little, but managed to keep my balance as I hugged him back, laughing the whole time.
“Oh, God, this is so…I don’t know how to thank you,” he said, a smile on his face that was so bright, it outshined the sun. I’d never seen him smile like this and wanted him to do it more often. Gone was the angry, scared, and hostile man I’d known. Instead, he seemed full of hope and light, for a change. Apparently, a little kindness went a long way. I was happy for him.
“No thanks necessary. This is all you, Thorn. Sure, having me vouch for you helps, but it’s still you.”
He looked as though he wanted to kiss me stupid, and while I’d love that, I would never take advantage of him that way.
I set him gently on the ground. “Come on, let’s go home. You start work in a few hours, so you should get a little rest, huh?”
I ignored the confused and slightly disappointed look Thorn threw my way and headed for the beach. “We need to find a more permanent place to live, since we can’t live at the motel forever. I’ll keep an eye out. Any preference?”
“As long as it has a roof and a place to sleep, I’m good. I’ve had enough of sleeping outside in the elements, thanks.”
I laughed. “I know what you mean.”
As we headed home, I glanced at Thorn from time to time and noted the new look of determination in his eyes. It boded well for his future, and even if that meant he would eventually leave and stand on his own two feet, then I would get over it. Somehow.
* * * *
I left for work about an hour after Thorn returned home from his first night shift. He’d looked tired but pleased with himself. When I’d asked him how it had gone, he’d replied, “I’ve never seen so many cans of food in my life!”
Laughing, I’d wished him sweet dreams and headed out. When I arrived at the bookstore, Trent and Shirley were already there, waiting for Austin to unlock the front door. I hadn’t seen either of them in the two days I’d been gone, and they’d been the least of my worries.
Trent gave me a cautious nod, which I returned. I ignored Shirley. Austin unlocked the door from inside and I waited for everyone to go in before taking up the rear. I said “good morning” to my boss and headed for the staff room to put away my messenger bag. Maury wasn’t working today.
I eschewed coffee for getting started on the floor and check inventory. I was sure Austin would notice the strained air between me and my former roommates, especially since I’d asked him for a day off to move out. He didn’t say anything, though he kept an eye on us. He was the kind of father figure I’d wished for as a kid.
I avoided Trent and Shirley, unless I couldn’t help it. I had done nothing wrong, and Shirley had been a totally unreasonable bitch. The day couldn’t end quickly enough.
At the end of my shift, I grabbed my bag and practically ran out the door and almost body-slammed Austin to the ground, I was moving so fast. “Sorry, boss,” I said before stepping around him.
“Wait, Bill,” he called, gently grabbing my arm. “Is everything alright? Have you found a place to stay?”
“I’m at the motel right now until I find a place. I’m looking around, but if you hear something, I’d appreciate a head’s up.”
His gaze searched mine. “I will.” A pause, and then, “So there’s no way to sort out whatever’s wrong between you three? I saw the way you avoided them and how ashamed they appear whenever they look in your direction. Especially Shirley.”
Did they? It hardly mattered now. “We had a difference of opinion over the welfare of someone who needed assistance in the worst way. It’s probably time for me to find my own place, anyway, now that they’re together. Three’s a crowd, yeah?” I tried smiling. “It will be fine, and thanks for asking.”
The concern didn’t leave Austin’s face. “If you need anything at all, Bill, you let me know. Murphy and I would be more than happy to help.”
“Thanks, that means a lot.” I waved and headed out, walking to the grocery store to get more foodstuffs before strolling to the motel.
Thorn was wearing loose jeans and a plain yellow T-shirt when I arrived. His hair was damp and he was sitting on his bed, reading one of my books. It looked like a mystery. He smiled widely when he saw me.
“Hey! You have a good day?” I was still getting used to the air of happiness and hope that surrounded him now.
“It wasn’t bad,” I replied, letting him take the grocery bags from my hands and put away the items. “Sleep well?”
“Yeah, better than I have in a long time. I should have asked, but is it okay for me to read your books?”
“Oh, sure, read whatever you want. You don’t want to watch TV?” I pointed to the flat screen on the dresser.
Thorn shrugged. “I can take it or leave it.”
“Okay.” I took a quick shower, and when I returned, Thorn had begun making pancakes on the portable gas stove I’d had for years, gathering dust. I smiled. “Breakfast for dinner, huh?”
His cheeks pinkened. “It’s one of the few things I know how to make. At least it’s filling.”
“And I appreciate it.”
Soon, we had high stacks of pancakes, syrup, and butter on our plates, and we sat across from each other on our beds, stuffing our faces. I listened to the sound of the ocean nearby, and the voices of guests around us in the motel. It was all soothing, in its own way.
I looked at Thorn, who’d finished his food and was now eating a Reese’s peanut butter cup as if he’d died and gone to heaven.
“That good, huh?” I teased, and watched him lick his lips.
He grinned. “I love these things. Better than sex.”
I raised an eyebrow. “If that’s true, you haven’t been doing it right.”
He shrugged a shoulder, smile dimming. “I haven’t had sex for pleasure in years. It became a means to an end, hardly a thing to enjoy. I’d like to get that back, one day. In the meantime, there’s Reese’s peanut butter cups.” He grabbed another one and moaned his way through each bite, exaggerating each sound.
I laughed at him. “I guess I’ll have to keep us stocked in those things.”
“You’d better.”
It was good to see him so relaxed and carefree, so unlike the man I’d met not so long ago. We cleaned up a while later, then I settled in to read while surreptitiously watching Thorn get ready for work. While he could use a few more pounds, he was perfect as he was, and I wanted him so badly, it hurt.
When it was time for him to go, Thorn came over to me and leaned down to kiss my cheek. “Seriously, Bill. Thanks for everything. You don’t know…” He stared at
me for a second or two. “Sleep well.”
Unable to say anything in response, I watched him go.
I felt the tingle of his lips on my skin for a long time.
* * * *
It took another month, and summer had already begun before we found permanent lodging. Austin had heard of an older couple who were moving to Arizona but wanted to rent out their home here since they weren’t interested in selling, for the time being.
The house was situated a quarter mile from the beach and stood off by itself, with the nearest house a mile away, which would give us lots of privacy. It didn’t take long to get things settled, and on a Saturday afternoon, Thorn and I moved in. I was beyond grateful, and Thorn still couldn’t believe it.
“We’re really going to live here?” he kept asking as we walked around the house, a two-bed, two-bath one-story that was sturdy and well-cared for.
“Yes, we are. Now come on, I’m hungry. What should we make, do you think?” I led the way to the kitchen and looked through the freshly stocked refrigerator.
Thorn, once he’d begun receiving paychecks, had insisted on going halves in everything. I wasn’t complaining. He’d even bought himself a bicycle, though he walked more often than he rode. The man was even contemplating a cellphone.
All he’d needed was the chance to make something of himself. He’d been caught in a vicious cycle, and now here he was, blossoming into the typical twenty-something male, but with a world of experience to temper him.
“Didn’t we buy that rotisserie chicken today?” he asked. “How about that? I’ll make a salad and you can stick some potatoes in the oven.”
“Sounds good.”
I listened to Thorn as he hummed his way around the kitchen, something I enjoyed. “Are you happy?” I asked.
He looked at me in surprise. “What kind of stupid question is that?”
“It’s valid. You’ve been through a lot, and I want to know if you’re in a good place right now, or if you need to see someone, maybe get some therapy? I can find out—”
I shut up, mainly because Thorn had placed a finger over my mouth. “Stop it. You’ve done enough already. I’m fine, okay? I mean, I have scary dreams sometimes, but I’m good and I’m making friends, mainly because of you.” I frowned, and he added, “And because of me, too.”
When he removed his finger, I said, “Good.” We finished preparing dinner, then decided to eat on the deck at the table out there, facing the ocean. It was a warm, breezy evening, and it was soothing.
We ate in companionable silence, commenting briefly every once in a while when we saw something of interest on the beach. A while later, as we ate Reese’s cups for dessert, naturally, I looked at Thorn.
“You know you can bring friends over to the house, if you like.”
“Okay…” He drew out the word, looking suspiciously at me.
“I just want you to be comfortable here, is all.”
He frowned. “I see.” I hoped he didn’t, not really.
I ploughed on. “And don’t feel you have to stay with me in this house forever, either.” Thorn scowled, and I hastened on, “What I mean is, once you have some money saved, you might decide it’s time to move out or travel to a different town. Or you might meet some guy, and I don’t want you to feel like you owe me anything, because you don’t.” There. I’d said it.
“Are you fucking throwing me out already?” There was that temper, which, strangely enough, I’d missed.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. I’m saying there are no strings attached, no expectations. You do what you need to, and I will be happy for you.”
Thorn glared at me. “So, if I find someone I want to fuck, I can bring him back here, right? That will be okay with you, too?”
I swallowed and did my best to keep my expression from changing. “If that’s what you want. You pay rent here, too. We’re equal partners, and I’m not Shirley.”
I didn’t expect the despair that came over his face a second later. “I think I’ll go to bed now. I don’t have to work until tomorrow night. Been a long day.”
“Thorn…” I began, but he kept walking.
“Shit.” I knew he was into me, but I didn’t want to take advantage of him. He was still fragile and may see me as some sort of hero, and I didn’t want that. Plus, he was way too young for me.
And if I said that enough, I would absolutely believe it. Yup, I would.
* * * *
Toward the end of August, Thorn bounced into the kitchen early on a Sunday morning after his shift had ended and informed me that he had been offered a full-time position at the grocery store, with benefits.
“That’s great!” I exclaimed, hugging him tight and spinning us around the room.
He laughed at my silliness, but when our eyes met, the burn in his caused my gaze to skitter away like roaches did when the light was turned on. I let him go and stepped back, feeling my face heat.
Ever since our talk that evening when we’d moved into the house, Thorn had been cordial, but he hadn’t spent much more time than was necessary in my company. I should have been happy he was keeping his distance, but that didn’t stop me from yearning like a dumbass for more. I found myself watching him surreptitiously, wishing I could admit my feelings but knowing it was best I didn’t. I was too old, too fat, too…everything.
I cleared my throat. “Congratulations, man. Truly. You’ve more than earned it. You hungry? I was about to make breakfast.” I walked around him and took eggs, bacon, and butter out of the refrigerator.
He waited until I placed everything on the counter before crowding me against the edge of the sink, eyes filled with determination.
“Thorn…” I said, and hated the crack in my voice.
“What’s it gonna take, Bill?”
Caught in his gaze, I didn’t want to break free. “I-I don’t know what you mean.” Liar. God, he smelled so good, with a hint of sweat on his skin. The feel of his hard body against me…it wasn’t fucking fair.
“I know you want me, but you keep telling yourself that I’m fragile, is that it? I’m damaged goods, and the great, almighty Bill Cascade wants to protect me from his baser urges.”
“It’s not like that…”
“What’s it like, then, huh? You’re more to me than a savior, Bill. You’re my friend, my best friend, and I’ve never had one of those. I don’t care that you’re older than me, or whether you have six-pack abs. What’s it gonna take for you to see me as an equal, someone who can stand beside you through thick and thin?”
I didn’t have an answer for that, but my eyes apparently said plenty.
“Right.” Thorn stepped back. “I ate at the diner. I’ll see you later.”
“Thorn, wait!”
But as I made to follow him down the hall, there came a knock at the door.
Frowning, I changed directions and went to open it. I froze in shock to see Trent and Shirley, on my doorstep. She had a gift basket of some kind in her arms.
“Um, can we come in?” Trent asked. “We won’t stay long, as we have a shift this morning.”
Still stunned, I stepped back and allowed them entrance. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Thorn appear in the foyer.
“What’s she doing here?” he growled, and I didn’t blame him.
“I’m about to find out.” I turned to face our “guests” after closing the door. “What’s this about?”
Trent nudged Shirley, who looked uncomfortable. “We, uh, I, wanted to apologize for my rude behavior and pissy attitude toward you and, uh, Thorn. I was way out of line…I don’t know what came over me, but I just lost it, and…you’ve been my friend—our friend—for years, Bill, and I shouldn’t treat a friend, or anyone, really, that way. I almost lost Trent over my behavior, too. I-I hope you can forgive me, one day, maybe. You and Thorn.”
She held out the basket. I took it from her and set it on the floor next to me. “I appreciate your apology. Thorn,” I said, beckoning him forwar
d. “Do you accept her apology?”
He glowered at Shirley for what seemed like forever before he took a deep breath and let it out. “You are very narrow-minded and judgmental. I was insulted by your attitude toward me, and what you said to Bill. Thank you for what you said a moment ago, but don’t expect me to forgive you anytime soon. You hurt me, and I’ve been through enough without having to take shit from someone who doesn’t even understand what it’s like to have nothing.
“You say you’re Bill’s friend? Do you know him, really? Did you know he was homeless before he turned up in this town? Have you any idea what he’s had to do to survive? He doesn’t talk about it, but I know.”
“Thorn,” I tried to cut in, but he kept on going.
“Bill pulled himself up and made his life better. Then he met me, understood what I was going through, and gave a helping hand. All you saw was the dirt and stink of someone under the heel of your shoe, like old gum. People like you make me sick. You know nothing about me, or what I’ve been through! Yet you feel free to make assumptions. The next time you see someone hurting and destitute out in the world, I hope you treat them better than you did me.”
With that, he took the basket and went into the kitchen, leaving the rest of us standing there.
Shirley sniffled and wiped her eyes.
Trent hugged her to his side. “I—we—didn’t know, Bill…about you. Not that it would have changed anything, but…” He sighed. “I hope we can be friends again, one day. It’s not the same without you at the house, and I’m sorry it came to this, and our friendship has been strained because of stupidity.”
Shirley started sobbing. I figured it was time for them to go.
I nodded and walked to the door, opening it so they could leave. “Thanks for stopping by,” I said, and when they stepped outside, I shut the door behind them.
* * * *
I went looking for Thorn, only to find him on the deck, leaning against the bannister. His reddish-blond hair was blowing in the light breeze, strands flying across his cheeks as he stared at the water, face wet with tears.
