by Zoey Marcel
After seeing that, it had given Ben hope of somehow winning Jill over to that kind of lifestyle, or even a halfway point of some sort. But with the way she’d just taken off when his back was turned he didn’t know if that was ever going to happen. The possibility depressed him. This was stronger than a mere desire or opinion. He needed this more than he could say. The urge to be in charge and the instinct to dominate was ingrained into him. He didn’t know how to get rid of it.
Then there was that fetish of his. That had probably freaked her out. He chuckled a little when he realized how panic-stricken she, as a feminist, must be to have her husband admit to having a dark addiction to a time period that went against everything her ball-busting nature stood for.
But then there was that soft, vulnerable, submissive side to her that came out sometimes. The side she tried to hide. The side of her she didn’t want him to see for some reason. But he wanted to see it. He wanted to own it and help her understand and embrace it. And he would.
He sat on the couch and waited for her to get back. Eventually Jill returned at dusk with Neil. The blond-haired, blue-eyed hottie wore a gray suit and blue tie, and a big smile on his face when he saw Ben sitting there.
“Hey, Benny boy,” Neil greeted him and nodded his head sideways toward Jill. “I brought your fried chicken whore back.”
The comment tickled Ben’s funny bone, but he didn’t really know why Neil said that. The way Jill glowered at him playfully and smacked his arm told Ben it was probably something housewife-related.
“Thanks. Do you mind giving us a minute?” Ben asked. “I need to have a little chat with my wife.”
“Sure. I’ll be in the kitchen if you guys need me.” Neil headed out of the living room, carrying a wooden spoon with him for some odd reason. “And I won’t be eavesdropping at all.”
Ben smirked. “Sure you won’t, Neil.”
Jill stood with her arms crossed under her enticing breasts, but her standoffish manner couldn’t disguise the apprehension in her eyes.
“Sit down, Jill.” He watched her come over and fluff her dress a little as she sat. All the frills and puff of the gown made him smile. She looked like such a classy lady in it, and she probably had no idea how appealing she was to him right now.
“Are you going to spank me for taking a walk?” she sassed him impatiently.
He should, but they needed to talk even more than she needed a spanking. “No. I just wanted to talk with you about all the stuff you saw earlier. You ran off before I had a chance to explain myself. I’m sorry if I scared you off.”
“You didn’t scare me. You were just intense.” Her snotty little scowl waned and her eyes sparkled an enchanting shade of silver. “I liked it, though.”
He grinned. “Me, too. I wanted to show you something and explain what it means. We’re way overdue for discussing our needs, desires, and expectations from each other.”
He heard the phone ring in the background.
“I got it!” Neil called to them from the kitchen just before he picked up. “Hello? Oh, Edna. I mean Mrs. Easton, hi.”
Ben reached for the black box, growing excited about the meaning behind this token and hopeful that his lady would at least try this out with him.
“Stop.” Jill grabbed his hand. Her nostrils flared and her eyes housed a trace of fear he couldn’t put his finger on. “Let’s get one thing straight. I don’t have a problem submitting to you in bed, but that’s as far as it goes. Outside the bedroom I answer to no one. Got it?”
Ben sighed, trying to conceal how much that hurt. Why couldn’t she be like some of the other submissive women in town? But that was the thing. He didn’t love any of those women, could never love them. He loved Jill.
“You aren’t even willing to look at this and let me explain things to you?”
“What’s the point when we’re not doing the Dom and sub lifestyle?” she returned coolly.
Now he was angry. She wouldn’t even let him voice his needs because they differed from her independent fucking ideal? “So that’s it then? You expect me to pack my shit and move to a place that makes me miserable, let you run our household into the ground, and make brats of our kids? And you aren’t even willing to consider my feelings and needs?”
“Oh, don’t be like that. You know what kind of woman you married. I’m a bitch. Man up and deal with it.” She leaned back against the couch, seeming relaxed and confident in her victory.
“And you know what kind of man you married,” he retorted through clenched teeth.
“Well, one of us is going to have to change, otherwise we’re going to have problems.”
“And you think that someone should be me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Why shouldn’t it be you, Ben? I raised my girls for years by myself without your help. You can’t expect me to just step aside and let you take the reins.”
“Oh yes, you’re a great example on your own.”
Her fiery glare and pursed lips only fueled his anger. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“I think you know damned well what it means, Jill.”
Neil popped into the living room after he hung up the phone. “So, Ben, your parents just got into Jackson and they’ll be in Temptation in a few minutes.”
“What?” Jill shrieked. “I don’t want them coming here on short notice.”
“It’s my house, Jill,” Ben said in a saucy tone. “I lived in it without you for seven years, so I get to decide how to run it.”
Her elegant jaw tightened and her eyes narrowed.
“Actually they want to meet you guys at The Dancing Seahorse in about twenty minutes,” Neil jumped in.
“What?” She flew to her feet. “What kind of short fucking notice is that? Don’t people have any manners anymore?”
“Just shower and get ready quickly.” Ben stood, trying not to gawk down at the box that held what he’d meant as a beautiful expression of love and commitment between them. So much for that.
“I intend to, and don’t tell me what to do,” she snapped on her way down the hall.
Neil touched his arm gently. “You okay, bro?”
“No. I’m not.” Ben went into the kitchen, exhaling the frustration out of his body, or so he tried. “What the fuck does she think I’m going to do? Beat her and starve her if she looks at me funny? Is it too much to ask for her to shut up for two seconds and listen to me?”
“I’m sorry.” Neil stood on the end of the marble island, watching him.
“I’m willing to dominate her in bed and even take her to the club this weekend, which she would have known had she quit yapping for half a second.” Ben dragged his hands down his face before resting his forearms and face down on the island. “Ugh! Why can’t I be normal? This would be so much easier if I could just be the weakling sucker she wants me to be, but I can’t.”
Neil stroked a loving hand over his back. “Don’t do that. I like you all strong and manly. And I told you I’m willing to bottom for you and call you Sir or Master, or whatever it is you need. Hell, you can even tell me which suit you want me to wear before work…sometimes.”
“Thanks, Neil. I appreciate it, but I need submission from her, too.” Ben’s head came up and he heaved an enormous sigh. It provided some relief, but the hurt and aggravation was still there. “And what about my fetish? I can’t have you in a dress.”
Neil wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, too far, bro.”
“I don’t want you acting like Suzy homemaker. I want you to be masculine.” Ben’s tone softened. “It’s one of the things I love about you. But I need her to be feminine and share this obsession with me. She gave herself twenty orgasms after watching that video for fuck’s sake. That’s got to tell you something. What the hell is she afraid of?”
Neil shrugged, appearing thoughtful as his tongue ran amok in his mouth, making fun clicking sounds. “I don’t know. It’s too bad she doesn’t want to talk about it.”
Ben felt his exasperation cha
se away the subtle notes of sympathy. “I really wish there weren’t kids involved.”
Neil looked surprised. “You don’t want kids?”
“No, it’s not that. I just don’t see how this is going to work if she fights me every time I try to help raise them. They’re mine, too. Well, one of them anyway, and I’m going to help rear the other little girl and support them financially. I think that entitles me to some level of say in their upbringing.”
“Definitely.”
Ben tapped his fingers against the dark marble. “If she thinks I’m just going to sit back like a dummy and let her and the kids walk all over me she can think again. She whines about wanting a real man and then when I try to act like one she turns into a crazy bitch.”
Neil blew him a kiss and fondled his arm. “I know a real man when I see one.”
Ben smiled without looking at him. “Thanks. You know what really sucks?”
“World hunger?”
“Yeah, but that’s not what I was going to say.”
“Terrorism?”
“Yes, but—”
“Stepping in dog crap?” Neil snapped his fingers with a proud grin.
Ben managed a crooked smile. “Neil, shut up and let me talk.”
Neil chuckled. “Go ahead, bro.”
“When I’m with her it’s heaven, but she doesn’t respect me. She acts like a brat if I try to do my job and lead, so I let her have it her way, and she ends up unhappy. Then when I try to take control, she gets turned on and bitches until I give up.” Ben stared straight ahead, but he didn’t have a clue what he was looking at. “Without her it’s torture. I’m fucked no matter what I do. Either I enjoy paradise with my soul mate and go through life disgusted with myself for being a weak pushover, or I live in hell without her, wishing I was dead, but have my self-respect and masculinity.”
“Why can’t you have both?”
Ben’s heart felt heavy. He couldn’t believe how depressed he was over a stupid power struggle. “She won’t let me. I only feel like a man when I’m with you. You respect me and let me take control. She doesn’t and I need her to. I need it so bad I can’t stand it.”
Neil touched his arm and gave him a caring, sympathetic gaze. “I know. Just give it some time. She’s only been back in your life for a few weeks. Getting back together was a big step for both of you. Going from independent working woman to subservient housewife is a huge leap for her. She may want to submit or maybe not, but it’s not something that’s going to change overnight. She may never change, Ben. But you have to decide which matters more to you, Jill or being top dog.”
“Jill,” Ben said quietly. “I’d do anything for her, be anything, and give up everything to be her everything. I just wish to God she could do that for me. I want to know what it’s like be worshiped and respected. I want the thought of disappointing me to bring her pain. I want to be the greatest man in her life.”
“You are, Ben, and you’re definitely the greatest man in my life.” Neil squeezed his forearm with an amorous grin.
“I’d better be the only man in your life.”
Neil laughed. “You are. Don’t worry.”
“Well, I’ve got to go get ready. Thanks for listening to me vent.”
“Anytime. Just be patient with her, Ben. You’ve both come so far already. Maybe a little down the road she’ll be ready for something like that, or maybe someday it won’t matter to you anymore and you guys will find a way to live as equals.”
“Maybe.” Ben doubted it, but he supposed he could bury his needs if it made his wife happy and kept her there with him.
* * * *
Ah, the in-laws. Jill could really do without seeing them tonight. She was still furious with Ben for acting like a controlling twat taco. Who did he think he was turning all bossy gorilla on her? Well, she’d show him. No man was the boss of her, damn it.
Despite her irritation with Ben she couldn’t take her eyes off him. He was always eye candy, but tonight he kicked his sex appeal up a few more notches. The long-sleeved, button-down white pinstriped shirt added a crisp level of class to his nice jeans and dark shoes.
His cologne fueled her wanton thoughts, though she endeavored to suppress them. She never could stay in control with him for long. Ben had a certain finesse and way of carrying himself that was immensely alluring. He had the subdued confidence of someone who knew they looked good, but the humility of a man who didn’t realize his own desirability.
Her hair was still slightly curly and wavy from earlier, and she’d dressed in a baby-pink tank top with a snug black cardigan over it that she left unbuttoned. She wore a gray pinstriped skirt and wedge heels that made her feel like a dame in the 1940s. It was sweet of Ben to remember how well she liked that decade.
Still, he’d also gotten her some 1950s fashions. The twit. Some of the styles then were great, but the decade was too demeaning to women to be esteemed by her.
At the restaurant she and Ben dined on seafood with his parents. His father, Carl Easton, was an ass and she’d never liked him.
Ben’s mother, Edna Easton, was another story. She and Jill had always gotten along, but now that she and Ben were reconciled after their seven-and-a-half-year separation, Edna probably didn’t have the same kind of favor for Jill that she’d once had. Jill couldn’t blame her, but it was annoying how the woman just assumed that it was all her fault and that poor Ben had had no part in the temporary setback in their marriage.
“Have you heard from your brothers recently?” Edna asked her son.
“I talked to Adam on the phone a while back,” Ben replied as he collected a helping of clam chowder on his spoon.
“How is my baby boy?” she asked fondly.
Jill found it cute, considering that Adam Easton was thirty.
“He’s good,” Ben answered.
Carl Easton scowled. “Does that wuss still work at the antique store in Winchester and play his stupid guitar?”
“That’s what he said.”
“Jesus,” Carl muttered under his breath. “The boy may as well be wearing a fucking dress. He’s queer for sure.”
“My Adam isn’t gay,” Edna protested. “He is sweet and sensitive. So what if he has an artistic, musical side? At least he’s not some out-of-control bad boy like that Milan of yours.”
“Don’t defend the pansy just ’cause he’s your favorite out of our three boys,” Carl snapped. “Adam is strange and a complete waste in life.”
Jill spoke up. “That’s a bit harsh. Adam is a sweet guy and very talented.”
“He’s a waste,” Carl argued. Then his crabby expression eased into fatherly pride. “Milan is a man’s man. Not married yet, but he’s a great catch with all the money he makes and all that good Italian blood in him.”
Edna rolled her eyes and took a sip of her lemonade. “He’ll never get married with the way he keeps running around with all those nasty girls. He’s a pig.”
“He’s smart,” Carl contradicted. “He’s shagging all them bitches so he doesn’t have a midlife crisis. Every man ought to do it. Ben would have if he had a lick of sense in his head. What did you get married right out of college for anyway?”
Ben remained nonchalant and showed both parents deference, but Jill knew him well enough to know he wasn’t in the mood for this either. “I got married because I fell in love.”
His father snorted in disgust. “Yeah, and look where that got you? You married out of your league and moved to this mountain state. If you ask me what you should have done was been fit all your life like Milan instead of being a fat-ass back then and losing the weight a few years ago. The floozy never would have left you if you’d looked good. Hell, good looks can even compensate for whatever is lacking below.”
Edna reached across the table and patted her oldest son’s hand. “Now, Carl, be fair. You’re a decent size. I’m sure Ben has a fine penis.”
Ben yanked his hand away and muttered “Jesus” into his glass of ice water before taking
a drink.
Jill blinked in astonishment, trying to think of a way to alter this uncomfortable topic. Ben was hung like a fucking stallion, but his parents certainly didn’t need to know that. “How is your food?”
“It’s good, dear. Thank you for asking,” Edna said politely.
Carl shook his head. “You blew it, Ben. You could have taken that job at the L.A.P.D. and made something of yourself. Because of your lame negligence they gave the job to somebody else, your brother, Milan, thankfully. At least he has a good head on his shoulders. He’s taller than you, too.”
Jill broke in wanting to spritz the older man with her water. “Ben is six foot two. That’s a nice tall height.”
Carl shrugged. “So Milan is six foot five and he’s got facial hair.”
“Ben has stubble. That’s much sexier than a beard and mustache,” Jill retorted. She felt Ben’s big, warm hand on her leg. His aura said he appreciated her defense of him, but the touch told her to stop. She sighed and focused on the steamed vegetables next to her salmon.
“But at least you’re a fucking cop,” Carl offered as he crammed garlic bread into his face and chewed with his ugly mouth open. “You’re obviously straight, too, unlike that freak Adam.”
Ben stiffened a bit and Jill knew what he was thinking. It was probably why he’d told Neil no when the man wanted to come to dinner with them tonight. Carl Easton thought Ben was completely straight. It was all Ben had left with his father, even if it wasn’t true.
Edna looked exasperated. “Adam is not gay. He’s only had girlfriends and he has a big heart. It’s not his fault the world is full of tarts who only want to hurt him.”
“Hold your tongue, woman. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Milan’s way more successful than either Adam or Ben.” Carl turned in his chair to scrutinize them. “You got fake tits now I see. Why’d you do that? So some rich pimp would take you in and spoil you?”
Jill clutched her glass, but Ben patted her wrist to prevent her. “Whether or not I got breast augmentation doesn’t concern you. And no I do not have a pimp.”
