by Zoey Marcel
Logan hadn’t informed Judah of Ben’s terms. Judah would go for it in a heartbeat, but Logan wanted to have a word with Jill.
He watched her walk into the room quietly, perking his cock up and tugging on his heartstrings. She was a striking vision walking toward him timidly with her head bowed. She knew she’d done wrong.
The white tank top hugged every curve her upper body had, and her cutoff shorts exposed her tan, toned legs. She wore white flip-flops with painted purple toenails that had a pretty white flower on both of her big toenails. Her thick brown hair fell down over her shoulders soft and free.
She swallowed, keeping her eyes averted and her head down. She most definitely knew she’d done wrong. “Logan, let me explain.”
“Quiet,” he said in a low growl. “Slip your sandals off and get down on your knees.”
She obeyed, looking even more uncertain. “I didn’t come here to—”
“Do you know what ‘quiet’ means, Jill?”
She closed her mouth and nodded.
“What your husband did earlier with Judah was wrong, but you know he wasn’t thinking clearly when he did it. They were both under the influence of mating heat. If they’d been in their right minds, that wouldn’t have happened.”
“I know.”
“Were you intoxicated when you gave your husband and Dominant an ultimatum?” He knew she hadn’t been.
Her head lowered and her eyes closed. “No, Sir.”
“That was wrong of you, Jill. You disrespected him and hurt him deeply.”
“I know.”
“What do you have to say for yourself?”
Jill pulled a pocketknife out and held it out for him. She raised her eyes to his and then held out her arm for him when he took the knife.
“Go sit in that chair over there and rest your arm on the table.” Logan watched her closely, pondering her choice of punishment as she obeyed.
He approached her without a word, studying her. Jill didn’t look afraid or even apprehensive of the inevitable pain of being cut. She looked accepting, relieved almost.
“You didn’t come here tonight to fuck me, did you?”
She looked straight ahead, withholding her gaze. “No, Sir.”
“Did Ben tell you to let me punish you?”
“No, Sir. I want you to hurt me.” She blinked rapidly as if realizing her mistake. “I mean punish me.”
She’d been telling the truth the first time. Handing him a knife and giving him her arm wasn’t about discipline. It was about being tormented for something, something she’d done, or perhaps something someone had done to her. He could be wrong, but he didn’t think so. Her reaction would speak for her.
He ran the dull end of the blade over her skin, noting that she showed no signs of fear. “Have you engaged in knife play before?”
She hesitated, weighing her answer carefully. “No, Sir.”
“Is that a lie, pet?”
“It’s not a lie, Logan.”
“Excuse me?” He tilted her face up to meet his disapproval.
“I mean Sir.” She looked small and vulnerable and incredibly beautiful.
He let go of her chin, pleased by the way her eyes dropped and she fell silent while he ran the dull side of the knife across her forearm. “Why did you choose a knife, Jill?”
“It was discreet and I could carry it in my pocket. I didn’t want to carry a whip in here because then people would think I was owned by a man, which I’m not.”
How very clever she was being. Either her fiery tongue wanted to challenge him so he’d punish her with the knife, or she slyly used a phony excuse to throw him off track from her real reason for wanting him to cut her.
“Call me Sir, Jill. I won’t remind you again.”
“Yes, Sir. Are you going to cut me?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
She looked desperate and disappointed. “I’d really like you to.”
“Stop talking.”
He slid the dull side of the knife over her smooth flesh, watching her tranquil state deepen. When he pricked her skin with the tip of the blade, she didn’t flinch. She blinked calmly, accepting the pain and the drop of blood that surfaced. Curious he knelt and brought her wrist to his lips, comforting her with a delicate touch after making a second slit on her feminine flesh.
Her breath hitched and she tried to push his head away. “Don’t get tender with me. This is supposed to be a punishment, not loving…Sir.”
He tamped down on his indignation. “Don’t give me orders, Jill. Ben might let you win at times because he loves you and is afraid to lose you, but your man-eating praying mantis shit won’t fly with me.”
“Sorry.”
He touched her jaw with two fingers, making her look at him. “Sorry, Sir.”
He saw the rebel fighting for control while the natural submissive in her managed to overpower the other half of her personality. “I’m sorry, Sir.”
Logan rewarded her with a tender expression, but her weak smile was betrayed by sad, empty eyes. The overcast irises served as a convincing facade for deeper, darker problems in her. Just how bad they were and how far back they went he wasn’t sure. He’d get to the bottom of it.
He stood and made another small slit on her arm. Jill didn’t react. She seemed to be somewhere dismal and bleak. Caressing her arm, he murmured sweet nothings to her, watching the way her eyes misted and she blinked only when he showed her affection, but not with the pain of being cut.
“Please don’t show me kindness, Sir. I don’t deserve it,” she whispered, sounding miserable.
“What do you deserve, my sweet?”
She brushed away a tear on her right cheek, trying to toughen up with a hard expression that couldn’t fool him. “Why are you being so sweet to me? You’re supposed to punish me and tell me how horrible I am.”
He stared at her long and hard until he saw her shift uncomfortably in her seat. “How long have you been a cutter, Jill?”
Her eyes widened, though she kept them from him. Her lying tongue couldn’t prevent her pupils from briefly dilating. “What?”
“Is it something you did that you’re ashamed of, or something someone did to you?”
She looked even more powerless and guilty. “I’m not a cutter.”
Logan said nothing as he teased her warm flesh with the dull end of the knife again. She was lying to him and he really wanted to beat her ass for it. “Why does it bother you if I’m loving to you while punishing you? That should bring you comfort, not make you cry with shame.”
Jill looked cornered and uncomfortable like she was afraid he’d discover something about her she wanted to remain hidden. “I’m not crying, Sir.”
He decided to try a different approach. “I suppose you’re right. You don’t deserve compassion after the way you treated Ben.”
Her eyes closed this time. She felt pain now.
“You deserve compassion, Jill.”
She hardened to his kindness. “I don’t.”
Logan observed her unmoved calmness when he pricked her again. The tears stopped. He’d try to pinpoint all the things that went through her mind when she’d cut before. “It must be disappointing for your parents, knowing both their daughters can’t commit to one man and stay wholesome and pure. I imagine they’re more upset with you since you’re the oldest.”
Jill stiffened, but this time with caution instead of a defensive attitude.
“Tell me what goes through your mind when you cut,” Logan prodded.
She blinked, seeming thrown off balance by his personality shift between two extremes. “I don’t cut.”
“When you used to cut.”
“It never happened. I’m proud of how I look and what I’ve accomplished.”
He waited for the part he knew would never come. “But not of who you are?”
“Yeah, that, too,” she replied flippantly.
Logan wasn’t convinced. He handed her the knife. “You have every rea
son to be proud of yourself and no reason to cut yourself. You’re a good person, Jill.”
She gripped the knife and he saw the temptation brewing in her eyes as she stared down at her bleeding arm. A normal person wouldn’t still be holding the knife and have that intense look of shame in their eyes.
“I’m not a good person.”
He switched back to his other mode. “No, a good person would learn from their mistakes. You keep making the same damned mistakes and don’t want to change.”
Her eyes watered. “I do want to change. I just don’t know how. I keep trying and failing.”
“You cheated on Ben. A good wife wouldn’t do that. You gave your Dom an ultimatum. A good sub wouldn’t do that.” He heard her mewl with her eyes closed. “Is that what you think about when you cut yourself, Jill?”
“I don’t.” She swallowed, her hand shaking.
“I’d expect you to lie. You always had to lie to cover up your dirty deeds.”
She started to weep without a sound.
“What do you call a person who tells lies, Jill?”
“A liar.”
“What do you call a woman who sleeps with another man she isn’t married to?”
She tensed, wiping her nose. “A slut.”
“What about when her husband forgives her? Shouldn’t she forgive herself?”
Her eyes closed and she clutched the knife tighter. “No.”
“Why not? What goes through your mind when you cut, Jill?”
Her eyes flew open, flashing with anger, pain, and regret. “Bitch! Selfish whore! Rotten, lying, worthless hypocrite!”
He grabbed her arm to stop her when she started to turn the blade on her arm. The muscles in her forearm looked tense with anger and pressure. She’d have ended up doing herself harm if he hadn’t stopped her. He took the knife from her, closed it, and tossed it aside.
She bawled into her hands.
“Jill, all those things you mentioned are in the past. You have to stop beating yourself up for them or you’ll always be crippled by your past mistakes. Don’t let them define you. It’s who you are now that counts.”
“I know, but it’s still me. Ben deserves so much better and so do Neil, you, and Judah.”
“Judah made the same mistake you did,” Logan pointed out.
“I’m more to blame.”
“You’re equally to blame. At least you felt ashamed over it.” He lifted her chin. “What do you call a woman who sacrifices her chance at being with two of the men she loves to save her husband, just so she can tell him she’s sorry and make him feel completely loved?”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes lidded when he brushed away her tears.
“Incredible, my sweet, you’re incredible. You raised two kids by yourself for a while there, and you’re submitting to your husband because it’s his greatest fantasy. You’re doing it right this time, Jill. Stop looking back at the old you and embrace who you are now.”
She offered him a feeble smile, eyes still moist with grief. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how you can see any good in me when I’ve screwed up so much.”
“Everyone makes mistakes, pet. I’m going to clean up your arm, and I want you to tell me how many years ago you started cutting, when you stopped, and why you took it up in the first place.”
“No.”
“Excuse me?” He turned to look at her from where he gathered ointment and bandages.
“I mean no, Sir.”
“No is very disrespectful. Try again.”
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“I don’t want to tell you, Sir,” he corrected her.
“Damn it! I mess everything up.”
Logan grinned as he returned to her, freezing dead in his tracks when he felt something strong and hot come over him. Mating heat. Not now. Maybe he could fight it. He knelt and tried to work quickly while he talked, patching her arm up and wrestling with the sexual heat creeping in.
“Tell me why you gave Ben an ultimatum if you didn’t come here to fuck me.”
Jill was quiet for a moment. “In truth, I never thought he’d agree to share me with you and Judah even for a night. That’s why I said it.”
“You don’t want to claim your husband?” Logan’s cock sprang to attention in his jeans, and he just barely refrained from pushing his claws out and digging them into her tan skin.
“I love Ben with all my heart, but he already has me body and soul, and now I’m his sub. If he gets any more control over me, I’ll never be able to let him go again if I ever have to.”
Logan forbade himself to look at her as he cleaned up her arm. His desire grew stronger and her scent electrified every cell in his body. He had to have her.
No. She was Ben’s wife.
Who the fuck cared?
He did. Fucking mating heat trying to screw with his moral code.
“You’re worried your marriage will fail again,” Logan surmised.
Jill nodded, and he didn’t bother to address her mistake of forgetting to use his title. If he heard the word “Sir” escape her lips now, he’d fuck her for sure.
“I don’t want it to. More than anything I want it to work this time, but I need…” She sniffled and wiped her nose on her other arm. “I need you so bad it hurts. I need Judah, too. I know it’s selfish, but I love you both so much and it hurts. I’ll never have you.”
His heart bowed with sorrow, but his dick perked with a rebuttal. “Sweetheart, you shall have me,” it seemed to declare.
“I know. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you, or a night when I don’t ache to hold you in my arms and have you next to me in my bed.”
His bed. Oh yes, his bed, their bed, the two of them, no clothes, no restrictions.
Pre-cum seeped from the eye in his cockhead. He really needed to leave or the animal lust would take over and he’d have no control over what he did to her.
“I need you, Logan,” she whispered, caressing his cheek. Lord help him. “I need you to lie to me and tell me we’ll be together someday so it’ll hurt less having to live without you.”
“I’m not gonna lie to you, Jill.”
But I just might fuck you.
“The first time I saw you was the day you were born. I’m the doctor who delivered you. The seventy-six part of my online name was in honor of the year you were born.”
Her mouth fell open and she was speechless for a moment. “You delivered me?”
He nodded, feeling each individual thread of his control snapping. “I knew you were my mate the minute I laid eyes on you. Leopard shifters have visions when they meet their mates. They see the future in the other person’s eyes.”
“I had that, too after you claimed me,” she said in a calm tone. “I didn’t know that’s what that was. You were there in my vision, along with Ben, Neil, and Judah.”
“We’ll be together someday, pet,” Logan promised. “I don’t know how or when, but someday we’ll be together and you’ll have all of us like you were meant to. I’m not lying when I tell you that.”
Her smile warmed his heart and other places.
“Jill, run.”
Jill looked at him curiously, blinking in confusion. “What?”
He flew to his feet and backed away from her, not trusting himself. “The reason I’ve been able to control the mating heat around you all these years was because of a supernatural pill designed to suppress mating heat. Problem is after a time three things can happen. Either the person on the pill gets addicted to it, or it wears off and they end up fucking their mate’s brains out, or they end up shifting into their animal counterpart and can’t shift back.”
She stood. “Where did you get that pill?”
He shrugged, clenching his fists as another wave of heat and wanton urges assailed him. God, she smelled good and looked so appetizing standing there. “From the magic shop. It’s a temporary solution to a permanent problem. The side effects are probably fate’s way of inflicting
karma on shifters trying to interfere with destiny.”
“I trust you, Logan.” Jill stepped toward him after slipping her flip-flops back on. “You’re a good man.”
Fuck, there she was approaching him like a platter with legs, innocently showcasing all her sinful delicacies without even realizing it. “Jill, I’m not kidding. You’d better run before I end up doing something that will smite you with guilt.”
She stopped and eyed him carefully, looking surprised when he handcuffed himself to the bedpost. “You’re serious.”
“Damn it, Jill. Get out.” His eyes felt different and he knew it was over. He wanted her. The beast within demanded contact. She was leaving. “Jill.”
She turned to face him. “Yeah?”
“Come over here.”
“But you said to leave.”
His leopard took over as he tried to get out of the handcuffs. “Forget what I said. Get over here and unchain me.”
“I want to, Logan, really bad.” Her countenance fell. “But I can’t. I’ll send someone in to unchain you after I leave.”
“Pet, you’re not listening. I’m gonna fuck you and tongue you until you can’t think straight.”
She looked up at the ceiling. The war of wills waging in her eyes was obvious. “Please don’t tempt me. I know it’s the mating heat talking. You would feel as bad as I would if we did that.”
“Ben gave you permission. Now take your clothes off and come get these handcuffs off.”
“He did give me permission.” She stared off into space with a sad but dreamy look on her face. “He’s such a sweetheart. I can’t hurt him again, but I’ll never stop loving you or wanting you.”
Logan broke one of the handcuffs. Perfect. One more and she’d be in his arms getting fucked by him.
Jill let out a soft, frustrated little moan when she saw him almost freed. “This isn’t fair. I need you so bad. My heart will die if I never get to be with you. I’m so wet and achy right now.”
He growled, jerking on the other one. “Get over here, Jill, so we can mate.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
She bolted out the door just as the link snapped. He grabbed the last pill he’d saved in his pocket and popped it into his mouth, trying to steady himself. He hoped the period of abstinence from the pill would make it potent to him again.
