by Dalia Wright
Put forth so bluntly, Chelsea had to be honest and admitted with some reluctance, “I do like you. But there are too many factors to overcome and we don’t even know each other that well to know if it would be worth it.”
“True enough, so let’s do that. When we know each other better we can decide if its worth it or not.”
Chelsea couldn’t believe what she was hearing; it amazed her that he wasn’t running for the hills after hearing the word Amish. She found it even more surprising that he was willing to pursue the relationship on her terms.
“Can we please eat now? I’m starving.”
Feeling defeated, Chelsea said, “Okay, let’s eat.”
Another one of Agnes’ snippets came back to her, and she asked Blake curiously, “Is it true you once dated a princess?”
Having revealed the truth about their backgrounds, the picnic turned into a relaxing and amusing date as they swapped stories about their lives. Both felt intrigued and interested in hearing about a world they knew nothing about. Chelsea was most fascinated by Blake’s descriptions about his travels to exotic places. The pyramids of Egypt had her shivering in awe. While Venice sounded enchanting, she tried and failed to picture a city built on and around water. As she listened to his stories Chelsea found herself thinking that even she wouldn’t mind one day maybe seeing some of these sights for herself.
Blake, on the other hand, couldn’t grasp the idea of a world where technology played little or no part in everyone’s daily lives.
“How do you live without checking your email every five minutes?”
“How can you consider yourself free when you’re chained to a machine which dictates every minute of your life?” This was Chelsea’s quick reply. “Don’t you ever miss not having to checked in all the time?”
“I do…but then I have days like today, where I’ve simply gone off the grid and I have to admit it’s been one of the nicest days I’ve had in a very long time.”
“Me too.” Chelsea admitted.
They finally packed up their picnic basket when the sun started to dip. Max had come back to pick them up, and this time, when Blake dropped Chelsea off at her hotel, he reached over and brushed his lips against hers lightly. So lightly she wasn’t even sure it had happened until he looked her deeply in the eyes and murmured, “Now you’ve had your first kiss.”
That night Chelsea fell asleep with a smile on her face. Over the next few weeks they fell into a pattern of sorts of meeting for either dinner or lunch at least once a week, and spending the weekends sight-seeing, sometimes with Agnes and sometimes just the two of them. The more things Chelsea saw the more she realized that life outside of their Amish world wasn’t all bad. There were plenty of beautiful and intriguing things to discover. She still didn’t like the crowds in the city, or traffic, or the drinking, partying culture but she did enjoy the museums, the zoos, the parks, trying different kinds of foods and some types of music.
Agnes, meanwhile, had met a group of people who enjoyed partying as much as she did, and she was talking full advantage of it often coming back to their hotel room at 3 or 4 in the morning. Whenever Chelsea asked her about what she did at these parties, Agnes remained vague and non-committal, but Chelsea had a feeling Agnes was drinking heavily and maybe even doing drugs. But whenever she tried to talk to her about it, Agnes brushed away her concerns.
By late September it had been over five months, since Chelsea and Blake had started to date, and although they were taking things extremely slow, their feelings were developing very fast. Chelsea knew they would have to discuss going back to Ohio soon, and the idea of leaving Blake was a painful one unless they figured out a way to compromise on certain things. One evening they had a discussion about how they would make it work and Blake had pointed out quite reasonably that one of the advantages of being extremely wealthy was having the freedom and the means to do whatever they wanted to and live whatever life they designed for themselves. And Chelsea had to admit he had painted a very tempting picture of what money could buy.
“We can build the perfect house for us in Sonoma by the vineyard; you can help me run it or work on the fields…whatever you want. Our life there can be very simple. And whenever I have business in the city or another country it will be up to you whether you want to come with me or not. We can travel together or live apart for a few weeks here and there. I’ll never pressure you to take part in a lifestyle you’re not comfortable with.”
“But it will mean turning my back on my Amish life forever.”
“We can visit as often as you like…unless being with me means never being able to go back?”
“I don’t know what it will mean,” Chelsea admitted miserably. She couldn’t imagine her parents refusing to allow her to visit, but she also didn’t see the community embracing her visits whenever she liked. And she didn’t know if she was ready to be shunned by everyone and turn her back on the life she had always known. But if she was being truthful with herself, she had to admit there were certain things about her life in the English world she was quickly becoming accustomed to. She enjoyed certain aspects of technology; she liked the efficiency of being in a car, of being able to eat different types of food. Although she would never admit to anyone, she was even starting to get hooked on certain television shows. All in all, she felt thoroughly confused by everything and didn’t know which path to follow. And then something happened which decided her fate for her.
CHAPTER EIGHT:
On the evening of their sixth month anniversary, Blake had prepared a special date for them. He had decided that things between Chelsea and him had floated along long enough, and it was time to take a decisive step. He was on his way to get Chelsea when he received a call from Agnes. Less than five minutes later he called Chelsea to tell her that regretfully he would have to cancel their date for that evening.
“Something urgent came up at the office which I need to take care off.”
“We can meet a few hours later then?” She suggested.
“No I don’t think that would work. I’m don’t know how long I’ll be and I don’t want to keep you up. I’m sorry, Chelsea.”
“Okay, no problem. I’ll call you before I head to bed to say goodnight.”
He could hear the disappointment in Chelsea’s voice but he ignored it and carefully chose not to commit to a phone call either. Once he hung up with Chelsea, he instructed Max to drive to where Agnes said she would be waiting for him. And later that night when Chelsea called him, wrapped up with Agnes, he didn’t bother picking up the call, nor did he call her back.
After waiting a half hour for him to call her back Chelsea finally went to bed thinking what a hard-working man Blake was. At 4 a.m. she suddenly woke up and looked over at Agnes’ empty bed. Probably more partying, she mumbled to herself before drifting back to sleep. She woke up again at 5 a.m. in the morning and couldn’t fall back asleep, so she made herself a cup of tea and sat by the window overlooking the street. Everything was quiet and still; the early morning rush hour hadn’t started yet. She was almost finished her tea when she saw something that made bile rise in her throat. She saw Blake helping a dishevelled-looking Agnes out of his car, his coat wrapped around her scantily-clad body. She saw Agnes hug him tightly and brush a quick kiss on his cheek before she handed his coat back to him and disappeared into the hotel. Chelsea was stunned by what she had just witnessed, and suddenly everything made sense. Blake’s sudden work emergency, not picking up her phone call, Agnes not coming home all night… It was obvious they had spent the night together.
As the pieces fell into place, Chelsea wondered how long this had been going on for. All those evenings when Agnes slipped out to ‘party’ while Chelsea went to sleep, was she with Blake? Was she giving Blake all the things Chelsea wasn’t? The things all men wanted from women? Feeling sick to her stomach, Chelsea placed her mug of tea on the coffee table and slipped back into bed and pulled the covers up tightly over her head, pretending to be in deep sleep. The
last thing she wanted to do was make conversation with Agnes. But one thing was for sure, she had no intention of prolonging her trip in San Francisco and she would be damned if she ever saw Blake again. This is what cities and the English life does to you, she thought to herself. It breaks your heart, makes you cry and makes you swear.
She managed to avoid spending any time with Agnes that day by slipping out of the room once Agnes was fast asleep. She had crawled into bed without changing out of her dress and had fallen asleep almost immediately. Chelsea spent the day on her own exploring an old book store and spending hours at Fisherman’s Wharf sketching scenes of the people and things around her. She came back to the hotel late in the evening expecting Agnes to be out as usual but to her surprise, Agnes was in bed watching television.
“Where were you all day?”
“Just out.” Chelsea replied shortly, refusing to make eye contact with a friend who had betrayed her.
“Blake called a few times looking for you.”
“Okay.” Chelsea ducked into the bathroom; just hearing his name on her lips was making her feel nauseous. She changed into pyjamas and came back into the room and headed straight for her bed.
“Aren’t you going to call him back?” Agnes asked her.
“I’m not feeling well so I wouldn’t be very good company, I’m afraid. Goodnight Agnes.”
Taken aback by the abruptness in Chelsea’s voice, Agnes decided it would be best to leave her be, so she turned off the television and also went to sleep.
CHAPTER NINE:
After three days of being ignored by Chelsea, Blake came to the conclusion that Chelsea had been much more upset at having him cancel on her than she had let on. Every time he called her hotel room, either the phone went unanswered or Agnes said she was sleeping. He felt surprised by her reaction. He knew he shouldn’t have cancelled on her, but he hadn’t taken her to be a completely unreasonable person either. After the third day of being ignored, he arrived at the hotel late one night when he was confident she would in. When Chelsea opened the door and found him standing there, her mouth dropped open in an O of surprise. Blake started speaking before she could slam the door shut in his face.
“Will you please tell me what’s going on? I’m very, very sorry I cancelled on you for our date. Won’t you please let me make it up to you?”
“Why did you cancel? I called you that night.”
“I know, I’m sorry. But it was this work thing that came up and I just couldn’t get out of it. Let me make it up to you.”
Chelsea, who had been hoping he would have the decency to be honest, laughed a dry, bitter laugh.
“It’s too late to make anything up to me, Blake. Whatever this is, it’s over.”
“What are you talking about? How can you say that, knowing what we mean to each other?”
I won’t be insulted any further by his lies, Chelsea thought to herself.
“I don’t think we mean very much to each other at all, Blake. We’re too different. I could never be happy in this world.”
“I thought you were starting to see that life here isn’t so bad.”
“I thought wrong… There’s honesty and truth in the Amish way of life; here everyone just lies.”
“What do you mean, Chelsea?”
She was almost tempted to tell him what she knewm but she bit back the words before they could come out. She wouldn’t demean herself in that way to him.
“Please respect my wishes and leave, Blake. Goodnight.”
And with that, the door closed on him before he could add anything else. Knowing he was defeated for the moment, Blake left. He knew from experience women could be unpredictable and often just needed some space, so he left her alone for a few days before calling her again. But again she ignored his calls and refused to speak to him. Finally, driven to desperation, thinking that maybe she had stopped loving him, he sent her a bouquet of flowers and a note, hoping to have the matter of whether she cared for him or not settled once and for all.
“We can build a life for ourselves that’s right for us…a mix of both worlds. I love you very much Chelsea, and I think you do too. If you can give us and the world we can build together a chance then please meet me at the mouth of the Golden Gate Bridge at 7:30pm tomorrow night. I’ll be waiting for you. And if you don’t come then I’ll know your true feelings and I promise I will leave you alone forever. I will be gone from your life and you’ll never need to hear from me again. Love – Blake”
The romantic words melted Chelsea’s heart and she stood reading his words over and over again until they became an inky blur. She brushed away her unshed tears and put the note on the table. She had to remind herself that these were the words of a man who had lied to her, who had cheated on her and so he wasn’t worthy of her love or affection. But then – oh! Why did it hurt so much? Was love always this painful? Chelsea longed to run to Agnes for comfort, but she had no one because it was her best friend who had held the knife Blake had stabbed her with. She wished she had never agreed to come on this trip. She had lost her best friend and she had lost her love. She was thankful that in forty-eight hours she would be on a flight back home and could put this whole mess behind her.
The next day Chelsea was packing the last of her things when Agnes walked into the room. The two friends had barely seen each other over the last few days. Agnes seemed to be avoiding Chelsea as much as she was, which didn’t surprise her at all. But when she saw the suitcases on the floor, she asked Chelsea in surprise,
“What are you doing?”
“I’m flying back home tomorrow. I’ve had enough of the city.”
“What do you mean? What about Blake? What about me? Were you going to tell me or was I supposed to just find you gone?”
“What about you Agnes?” Chelsea snapped angrily, “I’m tired of putting up with your selfishness and having everything always be about you. I’ve had enough of Rumspringa and I’m ready to go home. You do whatever you want to. You’re quite resourceful.”
“Chels…what’s wrong? Has something happened? Why do you sound so angry?”
Chelsea threw her friend a look of pure disgust.
“What’s it to you?”
“What do you mean? You’re my best friend. Of course its something to me!”
Chelsea carefully folded a long grey skirt and placed it in the suitcase before replying to Agnes. Her voice was dripped with fury.
“Don’t play dumb with me Agnes, I may not be as sophisticated as you are but don’t treat me like I’m dumb.”
“What are you talking about?? What did I do?”
Chelsea whirled around in a fury,
“What did you do? YOU BETRAYED ME! That’s what you did! I saw you, okay? I saw you and Blake together the other night and I never –.”
At her words Agnes started laughing, cutting Chelsea off mid-sentence.
“Oh my God, Chelsea! Is that why you’ve been so rotten to me? Do you think so badly of me? Do you really believe I would be capable of doing something so horrible to my best friend?”
It made Chelsea feel both relieved and angry to hear the outraged denial. Could Agnes be so angry if she was lying?
“But I saw you, Agnes. I saw Blake dropping you off early in the morning and he cancelled on me the night before. You disappear for the night… What am I supposed to think? What would you have me believe?”
CHAPTER TEN:
Agnes started to speak but closed her mouth. She turned away her face so Chelsea couldn’t see her eyes anymore, but she could tell from the way she was twisting her hands in her lap that Agnes was holding something back from her, something bad.
“Whatever it is Agnes, please tell me.” Chelsea said stiffly. “I would rather know the truth then imagine all these things.”
“I swear to you Chels; nothing happened between Blake and I.” Agnes pleaded, “I would never ever do that to you, and neither would he for that matter. You must realize how much he cares for you …how much he loves
you. How much I love you?”
A lump formed in Chelsea’s throat at the words and she was reminded once again of how strong and beautiful her friendship with Agnes was. And she felt a wave of remorse wash over for her doubts. All of a sudden she knew without a doubt there was more to this and it had nothing to do with them betraying her. On some level she must have always known, so why had she jumped at the chance to think the very worst of her friend and Blake? Because you wanted to have a reason, a complication not to be with him, she told herself. Because you’re too scared to admit your own feelings for him...and what it might mean. The realization felt like a light bulb going on in her head, but right now she had bigger fish to fry. Her friend was clearly in distress, and she needed to get to the bottom of that before anything else.
Getting to her feet she fetched a bottle of water from the small fridge next to the television and handed it to Agnes. Agnes unscrewed the top and took a grateful sip.
“Thank you.”
Chelsea settled herself across from Agnes on the small ottoman,
“You’re welcome. Now do you want to tell me what’s going on?”
Agnes looked up at Chelsea and she realized for the first time how haggard and worn out she looked. Consumed with her own anger and misery, Chelsea had hardly paid attention to Agnes in the last few days, but now she saw clearly the dark circles under her dull eyes, the hollowness of her cheeks and the droop of her shoulders. Even her hair seemed to lack shine and care. What had happened to the vibrant, bubbly Agnes of just a few days ago?
Another wave of remorse crashed through Chelsea and she reached out to take Agnes’ cold hands in her own.
“Whatever it is, I’m here for you.”
