If only her mom were here.
Her heart clenched. Amanda Hall had been taken in a tragic car accident when Allison had barely been two. Although Gramps and her dad kept pictures around the house and shared stories, Allison had no memories of her own. She wished she remembered the woman with whom she shared the same hair and eyes. But there the similarities ended; all the pictures of her mother showed a woman who radiated confidence from the way she stood, smiled, and the look in her eyes. No wonder her dad still mourned her. She must’ve been extra special.
“You can’t even fathom what it feels like to be me, Jared. I’m a total mess.”
His eyes softened. He reached out as if to offer her comfort, but before he touched her his hand fell away, and he sighed. “You are not a mess.”
“You should consider getting your eyes checked. I’m the stereotypical girl-geek that you see in every movie. If we were in a horror flick, I’d be the first to get the ax.”
His laugh—deep, rich, and from the gut—gave her the courage to continue.
“I’m through being the predictable, boring woman you can set your clock by. If I want to get ahead in my professional life, as well as my personal life, changes need to be made. Those changes start with boosting my confidence. And confidence starts with looking and feeling better about myself. A makeover from head to toe.”
He sat tall, his shoulders stiffening. “Like I said, you’re fine and—”
“I’m not like you.” She swallowed hard, her mind racing to find the words to convince him to help. She blew several wayward strands of hair from her eyes as she pushed her heels together. “I can’t just walk into a room of strangers and win them over with a witty comment or a bright smile. People don’t hang on my every word. The only reason I don’t get yawned out of Firstline Security functions is because I’m related to one of the bosses. Who’d be crazy enough to offend Nick’s little sister at the office Christmas party? I’ve considered doling out toothpicks so that people can at least look like they’re awake when I’m talking.” She sucked in a gulp of air in an attempt to lower the pitch of her voice. “But that wouldn’t stop the way people’s eyes glaze over whenever I approach. That wouldn’t stop me from eating lunch alone day in and day out.”
He cleared his throat. “You have a great sense of humor. Use it to your advantage. You just need practice. You need more—”
“Confidence?” She shifted her weight to one leg, fighting the urge to tap her foot.
“It’ll just take time. Nothing happens overnight.”
His sympathetic voice gnawed at her gut. “Overnight? I’ve had my quota of overnights. Don’t you think by the age of twenty-three some level of confidence and social know-how should’ve kicked in?”
“Our conversation right now is going just fine. You don’t seem uncomfortable in the least.” He held up his hands and stared at her wide-eyed. “And look, no toothpicks.”
She rolled her eyes and choked out a laugh. “Of course I can talk to you. You’re practically family. Plus, we don’t have an audience.” She spread her arms before her, encompassing the room with her glance. “What I need help with are social situations with coworkers, business associates, anything that involves a group larger than two and isn’t business-related. You’re the one who suggested I push for a few independent consultant jobs to add to my résumé, but how can I do that if I freeze up at the idea of approaching someone?”
“I’ve seen you conduct hundreds of meetings. You always sound confident.”
She growled in frustration. “Because I’m talking shop. I know my job. I’m uber-confident there, but the whole idea of approaching someone on a personal level scares the heck out of me.”
“I can help you get business contacts. I told you that already.” He released a barely audible sigh when she pursed her lips. “As long as you don’t let them lure you away once they find out how amazing you are at your job.”
They stared at each other in silence until Allison plopped down in the chair before his desk and groaned, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose again. “You still don’t get it.”
“I don’t. I can’t help you with your confidence. It’ll come with exposure. Keep putting yourself out there. Read some current events so you have something to talk about. Look up some jokes. Take the first step here at work. Don’t wait for an invite but extend your own.”
“You make it sound so easy. It’s not.” The mere idea of approaching her coworkers to ask them out for drinks or coffee sent her mind and heart racing out of control. Even now her palms grew sweaty. She’d always lacked confidence, but deep inside she knew if she made a few changes on the outside it would result in even bigger changes on the inside.
He rubbed the side of his neck. “I don’t know. I’m no confidence expert. And what the hell would I know about makeup or women’s clothes?”
The fact that he thought about it so seriously gave her hope, and she sat forward.
“You know what a man likes, don’t you? I’d think a man would be the best shopping buddy in the world to help out a woman like me.” She shrugged. “As for makeup, through the years you’ve dated some of the most beautiful, poised, and elegant women I’ve ever seen. The best part is that you’ve remained friendly with all your exes.” She had no clue how he pulled it off, but none of his splits had been bitter. Once he dated a woman he had a friend for life. “Can’t you introduce me to one or two of them who’d be willing to share some secrets?”
“I think—”
“With a new wardrobe and hair and makeup skills, I’d be golden. Ready to tackle the world in heels.” She followed his gaze south. He lifted his brow as he took in her well-worn, white sneakers—complete with scuffs and bright pink shoelaces with dancing penguins. She rubbed one foot over the other as if that would hide them. “Or at least something besides sneakers or flats.”
“Why now? After all these years, why are you so focused on making changes? You always seem happy.”
A shiver wrapped around the length of her spine and squeezed. She swallowed the ball of emotion working its way up the back of her throat and closed her eyes for a second to stop the sting of tears from her own tortured thoughts.
“Like I said before, this didn’t just pop into my head. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve embarrassed myself in social settings. I know that my fashion sense is about two decades behind. I tried to make changes on my own, but I don’t know what to wear with what, which colors to put together, fabrics to choose, flattering styles…” She threw her hands out to her sides and fell back into the chair, focusing on the wooden beams crossing the ceiling to keep the threat of tears in check. She pulled herself up and sat forward. “Look at me. Beige is the safest color combo I know. But I don’t want to be safe. Not anymore.”
“But—”
“I want to eat lunch with my coworkers. I want them to ask me to meet after work for a drink. I want to walk down the street and feel awesome because I’m wearing something flattering, colorful. I want to feel like a woman, act like a woman, look like a woman. Not just any woman, but someone people won’t forget three seconds after they meet me.” She stood, pulling in a lungful of air. “When I enter a room, I’d like people to sit up and take notice. Respect me. I want them to want to talk to me, listen to me. Basically, Jared, I want to be the female version of you. When you walk into a room you command attention. You know what to say and do. How to dress. Not that I need to have all eyes on me all the time, but once in a while might be nice.” Her insides felt inflamed with her wants and desires, her desperate need for acceptance. If she looked feminine, she’d act and feel feminine. She took another deep breath, twisting her hands in front of her as her attention shifted from the floor to his face. “I want to fit in.”
“Everyone loves you. You fit in. Looks aren’t everything.”
“Looks aren’t everything,” she whispered to herself. Her chest tightened, and she laughed dryly, only registering the last part of his comme
nt. “Maybe not in the long run, but you have to admit that first impressions are invaluable.”
He opened then closed his mouth, and another tiny spark of hope filled her chest that maybe finally he’d get it.
“You’re one of those people, Jared. I want a little of what you have. Come on, even the women you date prove that confidence wins. They all have beauty, brains, talent—you name anyone with those attributes and Jared Esterly has probably dated her, or will shortly. I’ve never seen you with someone like me. Quiet, mousy, invisible.”
He furrowed his brow. “Are you calling me a snob?”
“No. I’m saying opposites may attract but not when it comes to confidence. Confident people stick together, and I want some of that.” The air in the room grew thick. “All I’m asking for is your guidance. Teach me.”
The hard edges of his face softened. “So you want me to take you shopping and then introduce you to some of my lady friends who’ll help you with makeup?”
She nodded, trying to quash the excitement in her gut at the acceptance in his voice. Would he finally say yes?
“Yes. And there’s one more thing.” The idea to ask him for this added bit of help hadn’t occurred to her until now. Her face roared with heat, and beads of sweat dotted the back of her neck. Her fingers automatically found one of her buttons again and twisted.
“What’s that?”
“My life’s been so involved in getting an education and building my career I’ve barely dated.”
“It’s not like you’re over the hill, Al.” His eyes sparkled with mischief.
“I need to play catch-up. Not only am I asking for your help with a makeover, but…” She could feel her throat closing off. How could she say this?
His face sobered, but even his obvious interest and relaxed attitude didn’t make what she had to say any easier.
Just say it. She took a steady breath and blurted, “I want to find someone special. I want to find love. Build a future.”
“I can see all of that for you.”
“Good, because I want you to give me some dating advice. Through example.”
Chapter Two
“You what?” His voice boomed, and he almost fell off the side of his desk, but managed to catch himself in pure confident Jared fashion. She’d never heard him raise his voice, but even through the boom he echoed strength and authority, and it gave her an odd level of comfort.
“Keep your voice down.” She pressed her finger to her lips as she swung around to make sure his office door was closed. The last thing she wanted was for Nick and Jared’s assistant, Maureen, to hear any part of their conversation. She’d never be able to look the older woman in the eye again. And she’d hate that, because she liked Maureen and their casual office friendship.
“You want me to date you?” His voice didn’t just return to normal but went full-blown library level.
“Don’t sound so thrilled. I’m not asking for a lifetime commitment.” In order to defuse the situation she choked out a laugh, disappointed that she didn’t have the skill required to sound flippant and at ease.
He released a lengthy sigh—at the same time raking his fingers through his hair again, with the added element of white knuckles. His deep brown hair always had that tousled appearance, and she’d bet money the thick waves would be soft and tickle her fingers. Not to mention he’d smell good. From a distance he sure did—a soothing sandalwood—so up close and personal would probably be hypnotizing.
She calmed her racing mind, pressing her palms flat on her thighs. Why the heck was she thinking about Jared’s hair or how he smelled?
Nerves. Right? Anything to take her mind off this awkward conversation. Her hand automatically slid into her sweater pocket, searching for her standard soothing Hershey’s Kiss—the surefire remedy to pacify her nerves—but her fingers found only her tiny notebook and a balled-up wad of tinfoil wrappers. She’d used her reserves.
She opened her mouth and her lips moved, but nothing came out. Okay, at this point any type of chocolate would do.
“I didn’t mean it as an insult. You know me better than that.” Jared folded his arms. His shirt stretched taut over his shoulders, and once again the awareness of him saturated her senses. What would all that muscle hidden under his shirt feel like? She rubbed her palms along her pants.
She forced her eyes from his shoulders and met his face. His stoic expression suddenly became funny. Had humor become the easiest way for her to release some of her frustration? She grinned, holding his gaze as she gauged his reaction. “My makeover is kind of a two-parter.”
“You don’t say?” His lips compressed, and one brow rose at a harrowing angle.
She bit off her laugh, but he didn’t bother as he released a throaty chuckle.
Allison cleared her throat. “The changes tie in together. Personal and professional.”
“Really? I don’t see how anyone’s dating habits, or lack thereof, affects their work or their confidence.”
He had somewhat of a point, but so did she. No way could she just spew out her story. She had to lead into it. “Other than lacking confidence, my professional life is going fairly well. I love my job, I know I’m good at it, and the consultant idea will be a great addition to my résumé…if I can learn to function in a social situation without balling into a knot.” She shrugged as if none of this mattered, when in reality it meant more than she’d ever be able to put into words.
“And?” He leaned forward as if she were about to answer the probing questions about what the universe was made of, Area 51, and why we dream.
“I also need confidence to achieve a personal goal. As in dating. Finding love.”
“Finding love?” He mouthed the words more than spoke them.
She nodded. “I want a man in my life. Not because I need one, but because I want one. I want love, someone to share my life with…” Her voice faded away, and she swallowed. Hard. Her admission had become more difficult than asking him for makeover help. “And, to be clear, I’m not asking for you to be that guy—so you don’t have to break out in a sweat or consider working remotely from another country—I only want you to teach me how to date.”
Nervous energy bounced off him as he stood, picked up a pen from his desk, and began clicking. His tight shoulders and the way he paced back and forth in front of his desk told her just how much she’d taken him by surprise.
He stopped pacing, turned toward her, and groaned again, dropping his rear back onto the edge of his desk, his thumb working faster as he clicked his pen. “And what the hell would Nick say? Your dad? Hell, your grandfather? You think they’d just ignore us dating?”
His thick voice coated her like hot fudge on ice cream. She dropped back down into her chair. For some reason, his agitation affected her on a whole new level. Was it because she’d shared a part of herself she’d never told anyone? Or was it because the idea of dating him more than appealed to her? Even if it weren’t real. It gave her that rush of excitement her life lacked. Almost as much as the idea of sitting on the back of his motorcycle with her hands pressed flat against his six-pack. Because he would surely have a six-pack.
Heck, you might be asking for more than you can handle.
“I don’t know. I didn’t think that far ahead.” Very unlike her. The tiny space between them seemed nonexistent, and she fought to keep her voice steady.
He shook his head, repeating her words under his breath before saying, “Why me, Al? I mean, to some extent I am flattered, but what made you think—”
“Because I’m comfortable around you. I have a good sense that you’d never judge me. Hurt me. You’re patient and kind. And more importantly, I trust you. Not to mention you’re pretty damn hot.” Her hand flew to her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud, no matter how often she’d thought it.
Surprise flecked his eyes, and he smiled. “You’re not so bad yourself, you know?”
“Now I have no choice but to book that eye exam for you.”<
br />
They shared a laugh. A short, kind of uncomfortable one that two new friends who were just getting to know each other might share.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “That doesn’t stop me from considering your family. If I help you with a makeover, take you on dates… I know them. Not only is Nick protective of you, your entire family is. We’d be—”
“Opening an entirely new can of worms.”
“That’s one way of putting it.” His low laugh warmed her heart, and she followed the movement of his fingers as he rubbed his chin, slowly, as if he were considering her idea, or trying to find a way out of it.
“It’s not like I live at home. Heck, sometimes I don’t see my family for days.” She shrugged, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice. “They’d never have to know. I hadn’t planned on sitting down over leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes to tell them you were going to be the Professor Higgins to my Eliza.”
They sat in silence for what seemed an eternity before Jared exhaled a long breath. She scooted to the edge of her seat and touched his knee.
He swiped his palms down the legs of his trousers and gripped her hand. A serious shroud covered his face. “I don’t like the idea of feeling like I’m doing something behind your family’s back. Not after the way they’ve welcomed me into their lives and taken me in when I had no place to go during holidays. They’ve been there for major milestones—some that my own family didn’t care enough about to support—and all the Sunday dinners, birthdays… Hell, everything.” He released her hand as he flung his arms out to his side.
His steely-eyed glare made her pulse race and her eye twitch. She lowered her gaze to study the black scuff on the toe of her shoe. Uncertainty roared through her as he stood, turning away from her as the incessant click of his pen filled the room.
This had been a total mistake. No it hasn’t. Her mind fogged over as her sneakers came into bright focus. Seeing her ugly shoes pushed a dose of courage through her veins. She had to make Jared understand. Get him to agree to help. All in the name of replacing her boring white and beige life for a pop of spicy salsa red. She needed a splash of color. She could do this.
A Friendly Flirtation (Friends First #3) Page 2
