Jesus…with Riley’s lifestyle, visiting her parents would be no problem. He wasn’t rich by any stretch of the imagination, but he had plenty of money. And the plan was to become disgustingly rich with this new musical venture. Yeah, if he invested wisely now, he could probably live off what he’d already made and do okay for the rest of his life, but if his new band accomplished what he hoped, he’d never want for anything ever.
And here he was thinking about how that could help Erin.
Fuck…he really was hooked.
Chapter Thirty-five
ERIN FELT A little relief when Riley took his first bite of the pasta and his eyes lit up. She didn’t know what his tastes were like, and the pasta dish was something simple she made for herself when she was feeling lazy but wanted some kind of comfort food. While she was throwing the food together, she had Riley put some music in her CD player to keep him busy, because having him watch her so closely made her a little nervous. She stirred the butter sauce over the cooked drained pasta and then sprinkled Parmesan cheese on top. She poured the whole pot into a large glass bowl and grabbed two forks and napkins. Then she asked Riley to pour her a glass of water and bring his and her glasses to the bedroom.
She heard him following her. “Where are we going?”
She couldn’t help giggling. “We’re going to have a picnic in my bedroom.”
“A picnic?”
“Why not?”
He didn’t have an argument for her and instead just followed behind her. When she got to the bedroom, she sat up on the bed and then sat cross legged. Riley joined her. He asked, “Do you want your water?”
“Not right now. Can you just set it on the nightstand?”
“Yep.” He placed both their glasses there and just looked at her.
She handed him a fork as he sat on the bed. “Dig in.”
“Community bowl?”
She shrugged and grinned. “I figured your tongue’s already been in my mouth…and all over my body…” She felt her cheeks grow warm but pushed on anyway. “So why not?”
He licked his lips. God, he was sexy when he did that. “Well, how can I turn that down?” Then he took his first bite and said, “Holy shit. That’s good stuff.”
“Told you.” Relief. She speared a bowtie. “And thanks for your help.”
“I’ll send you my bill.”
She smiled at him, swallowing another bite. She hadn’t realized she was so hungry until she’d started eating. But it dawned on her that she hadn’t eaten much for lunch and her sexual appetite had masked her hunger. Now that that had been quelled for a time, her stomach was thanking her for the food. But she wanted to talk, so she didn’t plan on wolfing down the pasta.
“So tell me about your parents…you know, from your point of view.” She didn’t dare tell Riley what she thought of them personally. His mom could be a bit of a bitch on occasion and she was pushy. Erin had had to stand up to the woman a year ago because she’d wanted to have her seniors in Honors English read Toni Morrison’s Beloved. Fortunately, the principal had backed her, and other board members understood Erin’s rationale. One thing Erin would give Marjorie Schultz credit for, though, was that the woman managed to maintain her civility toward Erin…meaning she was just as cold as she’d ever been. She hadn’t grown worse. But Riley’s dad? She knew nothing about him except for what she’d heard. His family wasn’t rich, but they were certainly upper middle class, and their name was known in Winchester. Erin wondered how the hell Riley came out of that family—he seemed so different…at least from what she could tell.
“Aw, you don’t really want to know about them.” And maybe he felt the same way about them that she did.
But she wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. “Yeah, I do, actually.” She grabbed her glass of water and took a sip. “Were you adopted too?”
Riley chuckled and nodded his head. “Is it that apparent?” He shook his head. “Nah…just the stereotypical black sheep. Every family’s gotta have one, right?”
“Yeah, but you get along with them okay, don’t you?”
“Only ‘cause I live several states away.”
“Really? Is it that bad?”
Riley’s eyes were intense and the way he looked almost took her breath away. But she’d already sensed there was a sensitive core, something there she’d never seen. He wore his bad boy rock star persona like a bulletproof vest, but she could tell he was close to diving deep. She decided to stay quiet now. She had been teasing him, but now she could tell there was something here he wasn’t comfortable with, so she wasn’t going to push it. He said, “Let’s just say the little kid in me has vied for their approval his whole life, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t give a shit anymore.” Erin slowly brought another forkful of pasta to her mouth, staying silent. He was looking down at his hands. Then he shook his head. “But you know what? We’re not going to talk about depressing shit right now.”
Erin shrugged. “Sorry.”
He sighed. “No, you asked. And I’m being kind of a shit avoiding your question.” He took a deep breath. “My brother…he’s the one who makes mom and dad proud. He went to the School of Mines, and he’s some kind of petroleum engineer. Lives in Texas right now. Filthy rich. Well respected. Wears fucking suits and ties all the time. Has a sweet Southern belle wife, a dog, two sons and a daughter, a nanny…a perfect life. He is the son my mom and dad wanted. I…well, I’m the one they try to pretend doesn’t exist. They wanted a carbon copy of Brian and instead they got the photo negative.”
Holy shit. The pain was raw. How many people had Riley ever told that to? Erin could see the hurt in his eyes and she was overwhelmed by the intensity. Had he ever told his parents how badly they’d hurt him by not just loving and accepting him? But then she thought of Marjorie Schultz. Would Erin be able to tell the woman something emotional like that? Hell, no, and Erin wasn’t even invested enough to have to protect her heart like Riley was. It made her want to bury him in her arms and shower him with love, but she suspected that was the last reaction he wanted. Should she say anything or just keep her mouth shut? But she couldn’t hold her tongue. Her voice was quieter than she expected when she said, “How could they not be proud of you, too?”
Riley’s eyes finally met hers, but she could tell he was pulling himself up out of his abyss. He looked like he regretted saying what he had already. He smiled and stabbed a piece of pasta. “Wait till you meet good ol’ mom and dad for reals. Then you’ll understand. Guess I should just be happy they haven’t disowned me.”
Erin rested her fork against the inside of the bowl and then placed her hand on his knee. “You know what? Maybe they aren’t into your music and maybe they wish you’d done something else, but I bet anything part of them is secretly proud of you.” He furrowed his brow and she shook her head. “Seriously, Riley. You are their son and how many people around the world worship you?”
He moved his head from side to side in disagreement. “That doesn’t mean shit to them. Trust me.”
She noticed she’d been rubbing his knee. “Well, they’re crazy then. If you were my son, I’d be crazy proud of you.”
He chuckled and squeezed her hand. “If I were your son, that would be inappropriate.” It took her a moment to understand he was talking about her hand’s placement, not her words.
She started laughing. “Not necessarily.”
“Yeah, it would, ‘cause it’s a turn on.” Erin was glad he wasn’t drowning in his sorrow anymore. Part of her felt bad that she’d said anything but she was also glad he’d trusted her enough to share his pain with her. She laughed and took her hand back and grabbed her fork, even though her appetite had dissipated. “So tell me about this best friend of yours…the one you’ve been friends with since…what’d you say? Third grade?”
“Oh. That’d be Jackie. She is my best friend. In fact, I think she’s my only friend. But yeah. We even went to college together. We both wanted to teach high school—how weird i
s that? So we both went to Western State…she majored in math and I majored in English, but we both got the secondary education licensure. Between our core classes and the classes we needed for education, we wound up being able to take lots of classes together. We were roommates the whole time too. Another guy from Winchester was going to school there, and they started dating her junior year. He graduated at the end of that year but hung around Gunnison because of her. We all moved back here to Winchester after she and I graduated and then they got married. I was their roommate for a few months until I could find my own place. In fact, after that first place, this is the only other place I’ve rented. Anyway, right now Jackie and Carl are focused on making their first baby.”
“So…she’s your best friend but a little preoccupied all the time?”
“Oh, no. She’s there for me. I forgot to tell you…we work together too.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, so during the school year, I see her almost every day.”
“That’s not weird or anything.”
Erin put her fork down. “You think that’s weird?”
Riley shrugged. “Oh, what the fuck do I know about friendships? I don’t have a best friend, and I hardly even have guys I’d call friends.”
Erin felt like the tines of the fork she’d set down had just pierced her heart…or his. “You don’t have any friends?”
His visage changed. He looked guarded, as though he’d said too much. But he answered her. “It’s kinda hard now. I mean…someone gets chummy, the first thing I wonder is what they want. It’s because of my position. I’ve had too many people want to be supposed friends just because of what I do. They don’t give a shit about the real me.”
Erin was looking at his knee that she’d been stroking a few minutes earlier. Her voice was quiet again when she said, “What must you think about me?”
He grabbed the bowl and set it aside on the bed, then took her face in his hands. “Oh, God, no, Erin. No. I didn’t explain myself very well.” He sighed, but she could see the sincerity in his eyes. “You never threw yourself at me.” Ah, she wondered, but would she have had he not made the first move? “And I know your intentions were never devious or…or…manipulative or thieving…”
She dug deep and knew he was right. As much as she’d idolized him, it hadn’t taken long for her to realize Riley was a real person. And she cared about him that way. She no longer thought about him as someone out of reach, a celebrity she’d never know and could only read about. No, Riley was genuine, and when she really thought about it, her feelings had moved a notch deeper somehow over the course of the conversation and she cared even more than she would have imagined. But she just nodded and said nothing. Instead, she maintained her gaze and closed her eyes when he kissed her.
“I could tell you stories. But thing is, Erin, if you really are someone who doesn’t really give a shit, then you’re one of the best actresses I’ve ever met.”
Chapter Thirty-six
WHAT THE FUCK was wrong with him? Riley was searching his brain for answers all while searching his soul for meaning and searching Erin’s eyes for the truth. She was the real deal. That much he knew for certain. He had no doubts.
And when was the last time he’d felt this certain about someone? Had he felt that way about Marla? He couldn’t remember. He’d been in an alcoholic, drug-addled haze, and he had no recollection if any alarms had gone off in his head. But the thought made him keep talking. He sat back and said, “I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, but…there was this girl. I dated her for a couple of years. It was at the height of Spawn fame.” He shook his head. “We were in deep. One day melted into the next, and there are weeks that I just don’t remember or that are black or fuzzy I was so wasted. But this girl…she was our band manager. She wasn’t particularly hot, but she wasn’t ugly either. And she wasn’t particularly nice or funny even—she didn’t have any qualities that would normally attract me to a girl. But one night after a show, she just threw herself at me and, after that, attached herself to me. I guess I thought it was a mutual decision. Anyway…she kind of used my naïveté against me. Long story short, she used my infatuation to sway me into backing some of her poor decisions. And I was so fuckin’ blind, I couldn’t even see…” He shook his head. Was he really gonna go there? Well, he wasn’t divulging all the details; he was just giving her the short and sweet version, and that was good enough. “Anyway…she was fucking around on me.” He shook his head. “And that was that. That was a wake-up call for me. Hell, for the whole band, really. We realized we were pissing our lives away on drugs, parties, women…” He couldn’t look Erin in the eyes, but for some reason, he wanted to keep talking. He trusted her and wanted to share with her. “And so I cleaned up for a little while, but it didn’t take. I had to hit bottom again. I almost died the second time. I overdosed. That’s when I quit for good.”
Erin touched his knee again. God, he loved that. It was such a sweet, innocent gesture. “I didn’t know you almost died.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t the first time I’d OD’d on H, but I’d never been that close to death.” He forced himself to look her in the eyes again. “But I didn’t mean to get all depressing. Let’s talk about something else.”
A small smile formed on Erin’s mouth. She looked almost shy. “Don’t feel bad, Riley. It’s okay to talk about stuff like that.”
“Yeah, but it’s in the past, and I want it to stay there.” He was proud of himself for not ranting and raving about Marla. He’d kept it at the surface level. The bitch had burned him. Fine. Let’s move on.
“I know, Riley, but our past shapes our present.”
He took in a deep breath and let her words wash over him. It was a simple sentiment and yet so profound. “Well, yeah…you’re right there.” Absolutely she was. He wouldn’t be so jaded and guarded if it hadn’t been for Marla. And yet, somehow, he and Erin had moved past that barrier. They were in new territory, a place Riley probably hadn’t been since right after high school. It was kind of scary but exhilarating and liberating.
And after he’d processed her words, he said, “Okay, then. Tell me how your past has shaped your present.”
Erin grinned. Riley figured she probably didn’t like having her own words used against her. Who did? But, like always, she was a good sport. “Well, like you, I’ve had some shitty relationships, but also like you, I don’t want to talk about them. Let’s just say the last two guys I dated made me decide celibacy wasn’t such a bad idea.”
Riley took a deep breath as her words hit him. He figured he was reading way too much into it, so he wanted to keep it light. “Guess I got lucky you changed your mind.”
She still had a smile on her face and she grabbed the bowl still sitting on the bed and moved it to the nightstand. Then she grabbed Riley’s hand with both her smaller ones. She didn’t look him in the eyes, instead focusing her gaze on his hand. “It’s kind of sad that two shitty guys would make me give up on the notion of…” She fluttered her eyes. He knew she was stopping herself from saying the dreaded l word. He wasn’t going to press the issue, but just her saying it let him know she was thinking it. So was she thinking love about Riley or just in general? He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, because if it was just in the general sense, well…that would hurt. He’d be happy that he’d brought her back to believing in something beautiful but with the way he was feeling, it would be a damn shame if she wasn’t feeling the same way he’d been.
* * *
It was nice waking up with Erin in his arms. They’d made love again last night and it was slow and sensual. His goal had been making her feel what he was feeling: something deep, unexpected, and all wrapped up in some kind of warm emotional cocoon. In spite of the crazy week they’d had, he felt like they’d come to some sort of understanding.
The morning was ultimately a blur, because Riley almost felt as though he were an impartial observer looking in, hovering over them in the clouds. Or maybe it was a defen
se mechanism. Maybe he wasn’t feeling elated and in love; instead, maybe he was feeling like the rug could be pulled out from underneath him at any time and he had to guard himself. Whatever the case, he registered that she rolled over and snuggled up against his chest, just underneath his chin, and traced the outline of one of the tattoos on his arm while they talked about the day. When they got up, she made a pot of coffee and jumped in the shower where he joined her and persuaded her to have just a little fun before running off to work. And he left when she did, kissing her in a passionate embrace before walking out her apartment door to their cars. As he backed his car out, he thought he saw the curtain in the window of apartment A-3 pull open.
God…just a week ago, he’d been waking up and enjoying one of his mother’s expert breakfasts. And where the hell was all that shit with his parents going? He didn’t know that he wanted to have it out with them, but he knew he’d have to. His dad had Fridays off from work, so why not now? So Riley, resolve intact, went to his hotel and changed clothes, then ate a gigantic breakfast and drank more coffee from the local Denny’s, and finally headed over to his parents’ house.
On the drive there, he kept hoping against hope that some cooling off time had allowed his parents some perspective. For his part, Riley had cooled off too and could admit a couple of things. First off, the jealousy of his brother was perhaps unwarranted. He’d heard all his life that the oldest kid gets more attention. It didn’t mean that child was loved more. He was just a new thing and new things got the attention. By the time Riley arrived on the scene, babies were old hat. He didn’t do anything special that his brother hadn’t already done, and he certainly couldn’t have done it more spectacularly.
Fuck…Riley realized something about himself just then that he’d never known before, but it made perfect sense. The jealousy he felt had fueled his rebellious nature. Since he’d never be able to do anything better than Brian, why try? Why not instead do the opposite? Piss off the parents. Make them nervous. Make them angry. At least those emotions belonged exclusively to him, not Brian.
Tangled Web Series Box Set Page 34
