I know exactly what he means, and it’s just so interesting. Here’s this man who has everything so many people dream of, and yet, there’s still something else to work toward. He’s not finished. He hasn’t seen the achievement of his ultimate goal. And he’s asking me for help.
So I push back my chair and crawl into his lap.
“Tell me you’ll stay.” I look into his eyes as I steal my glance away from the words on the page.
Johnny softens, finding the words from his memory. “I’ll stay tonight.”
“I’m not asking you for tonight. I’m asking you for forever.”
He takes a breath, letting his rehearsed lines sink into his character’s thoughts. “And what would that say about me?”
I bite my lower lip. “That you’re a boy… in love with a girl.”
He runs his fingers through my hair, taking his gaze far away. “I won’t tell you I am, and I won’t tell you I’m not. But what would that matter if we have nothing to fight for?”
“Fight for us.” I push back from him.
“Can’t you see that I am?” He grabs the back of my neck and brings my face to his so our foreheads are touching one another.
“And if I don’t wait for you?”
“I’m asking you not to.” He whispers.
“So you’re asking me to leave you alone without any hope?”
His thumb moves down, crosses my cheek, and then presses into my bottom lip. “Hope is all I have.”
I glance back over to the page, reading my final line. “It’s not all you have. Tonight, you have me.”
Okay, the words are kind of corny, but for some reason, we’re locked into it. We both take a shallow breath, sucking in the tension between us. Our eyes are focused and our mouths are both slightly open. I know I should pull away, but it doesn’t feel right to move. It feels right to stay.
“Do I have another line?” Johnny whispers, so intensely.
“The stage directions say that they kiss.”
“They kiss?”
“Yes.” I hiss out the ‘s’, trying to hang onto my breath.
“Okay.”
I feel his face come closer, and our lips barely touch. We both bring our lips down, reaching for one another. It’s slow, cautious, but there’s a purpose, and neither of us are backing down. I feel the heat from his breath as he pulls me closer, and finally the wetness from his tongue invades my mouth. He’s warm, full, and I can feel his energy surge throughout my entire body. I arch into him, somehow hoping that the kiss turns into something greater. His hands move to my upper back and the force is too much to bear. I let out a sigh that turns into a moan and he meets me with a deeper, more intensifying kiss. I don’t know what more I want, but I know I want to be closer. I angle my chest into his, enticed by the feeling of our bodies touching one another. My fingers trail from his shoulders and into his hair, massaging his neck along the way. He hums his own moan into my mouth, and I get dizzy as I feel my body giving into my carnal desires.
I want to say his name, to let him know that it’s him I know I’m kissing, but I don’t want to peel my lips from his. I want to keep kissing him. I want him to pick me up and take me inside. I want him to…
He stops suddenly, and I quickly find out why.
“Just his assistant, huh?” It’s Nick. And he’s not on the other end of the phone. He’s standing behind me.
“What are you doing here?” I quickly flip my head to face his direction.
His face is stern, angry, and unforgiving.
“Get inside. Now.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
“You better go.” I widen my eyes at Johnny before turning to follow Nick inside my apartment.
“I think I better stay.” His deep, accented rebuttal makes me spin back to him.
“Johnny, please, this is something I need to handle on my own, and having you here is not going to make my circumstances any better.” I reason with him, hoping my calm approach will make him see the light.
“And I understand all that.” He stands, towering above me. “But I don’t like the way he talks to you.” His lips press into a thin line.
I almost laugh. He seems to still be on this protective kick, but that’s so not necessary when it comes to Nick.
Kick… Nick… apparently I’m a poet now.
Not a good poet, but a poet.
“I’ve been dating Nick for five years. I know how to handle him.”
He completely ignores me. “I need a glass of water.”
“Johnny…” I warn.
He finally acknowledges me and reaches his hands out to my shoulders. “Just a glass of water, Caroline. I’ll stay out of your hair.”
I can’t very well deny the man a glass of water.
“Fine.”
Johnny follows me into the apartment, and I feel Nick’s glare sear my skin as I direct Johnny to the kitchen and the glassware. I offer him a deliberate look, praying that he can read my mind that I need him to stay put and not interrupt the inevitable fight Nick and I are about to break into.
“I got it, Caroline. Go ahead.” Johnny motions to the living room.
Huh… maybe he can read my mind.
I take a deep breath and put on a smile as I sink onto the couch next to Nick.
“Hey.” I cautiously hum.
“Hey.” I can tell he’s brooding.
“Um,” I squint at him, “This visit wasn’t something we planned, right?”
“Nope.” He pops the ‘p’ sounds.
“Right, okay then.” I pretend to laugh. “Then what are you doing here, Nick?”
He repositions himself to face me. “I thought it would be nice to surprise my girlfriend.”
I feel myself on the verge of an explosion. Not only did we break up, but the last time we spoke, he essentially told me that my passion in life was a waste of time and that I had to drop everything and move back to New York.
But I don’t explode. Instead, I smile and tell him that it was a very nice gesture, but I’m confused as to why he felt the need to make the trip. I can tell that he’s trying desperately to remain calm as he explains that he’s worried about me, especially with what just happened, and that it would make him feel better if I were to come home.
“And what would that do to me?” I raise my eyebrows.
“For one, you wouldn’t be going out in the middle of the night and then getting attacked.” His tone becomes harsher. “And secondly, you wouldn’t be making out with movie stars because you’re,” he puts up his hands to indicate air quotes, “helping him with a scene.”
“She was very helpful.” Johnny smugly peeks his head in, and offers his opinion.
“Johnny!” I shoo him away. “You’re not helping.”
He winks at me with a half smile. “I wasn’t trying to help, Caroline.”
What is he trying to do? I’m handing this. I don’t need his sly remarks or witty observations. As I tried to make clear earlier, I don’t need him here at all.
“I’m talking to my girlfriend, man. Not you.” Nick stands up to face Johnny. I try to tug him back down, but at this point, their eyes are set on each other.
“As I understand it, she’s not your girlfriend any longer.” Johnny takes a step into the room.
Oh God. This is not how I thought this day was going to turn out. Not that I had any idea how the day would turn out, but not in a million years would I have thought that Nick and Johnny would be standing over me while they marked their territory.
Nick’s voice deepens. “That is something between Caroline and me. You have no business in this conversation.”
But Johnny isn’t one to back down from a fight, and he’s not about to start now. “Well, maybe if you had any idea what was going on in her life, I wouldn’t have to be.” Johnny takes another step closer.
Nick mirrors him. “Are you trying to say you know more about my girlfriend than I do?”
Johnny smiles. “I’m not saying that. I’m saying
that you’ve been absent from her life as of late, and I’ve stepped up.”
I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
“You haven’t stepped up.” Nick argues. “You pay her for her time. She’s practically your whore.”
“Hey!” I scream, shocked at his conclusion.
Johnny’s face reddens. “Don’t you dare say that about her.”
Nick pushes past me, coming face to face with Johnny. “Did you fuck my girlfriend?”
It’s very rare that Nick uses such harming words. It even takes a second for me to register what he’s said before I rebuff his assessment.
“We’re not sleeping together, Nick. I told you, it’s not like that.”
He sinisterly laughs as his sight bounces between Johnny and me. “Why the fuck would I trust you, Caroline?”
I see Johnny begin to lunge at Nick, but I’m quick enough that I step in between them, stopping a fight before it breaks out.
“Out!” I scream. “Both of you, out!”
They don’t leave.
“Are you deaf? I want you all out of my house.”
I forcefully push the two while I block out their arguments. In this moment, I want nothing to do with either of them. They’re childish and immature and I don’t have any idea why this ridiculous pissing match started, but I know I don’t want anything to do with it any longer.
I give it a few minutes of pacing before I head onto my front porch for some fresh air. I turn left out of my door, heading for my little wicker chair, but stop suddenly as I see Johnny calmly sitting there, drinking the rest of his wine.
“That was fun.” The tone of his voice is chipper.
“No, Johnny, it wasn’t fun.” My voice is anything but chipper. “I can’t believe you did that to me.”
I want to sit down, to close my eyes, but I know if I sit down it’ll look like I’m giving up the power, and right now, I need all the power I can get.
“I helped you get rid of an unwanted guest.” He nonchalantly clarifies.
I’m angry: very angry. And that explosion that I was trying so hard to hold in earlier, well, it takes over. I have no control. “I told you that I wanted to handle it on my own, and you didn’t have the decency to allow me to do that. You jumped right in and said something that you knew would start a fight. What did you think my reaction was going to be? Huh? Did you think I was going to throw you a party? Lead a parade in your honor? Kiss your feet because you talked down to my ex-boyfriend? No. When I said that I wanted you out, I meant both of you. Now get out!”
I turn around and walk inside, allowing him to leave with at least a little bit of dignity.
About fifteen minutes later, there’s a knock on my door.
I’ve been pacing in front of the door for fifteen minutes, so without thinking I twist the knob and open it.
“I promise that I did leave.” Johnny smiles as he waits for my reaction. I don’t give him one. “But then I came back.”
“I see that.” I gesture to him, standing in front of me.
“And I don’t want to talk about it…”
I cut him off. “Good, because I don’t want to either.”
“Good.” He nods.
I’m quite sure my face is bright red. “Then why are you here, Johnny?”
He grabs my hand and pulls to toward the street, where a cab is waiting. “It’s a secret.”
I don’t know why I don’t resist, but for some reason, I’m intrigued, and I follow the man who only minutes before made me want to rip all my hair out.
Johnny tells the cabbie the address and we take off.
To where, though, I have no idea.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“Where are we?” The sky is now black and the corner where the taxi dropped us off seems to be missing one, or two, or any source of light.
“It’s a surprise.” Johnny flashes a smile as he grabs my hand and pulls me across the parking lot.
“Yeah, see, my kind of surprises usually involve sunlight, and ice cream, and a few overly energetic people dressed up as cartoon characters.” I nervously laugh, but it doesn’t stop him.
“There’s none of that where we’re going.” He says under his breath, but I can tell he’s still smiling.
We turn down an even darker alley and walk toward a door with a single, partially fading, even flickering, light directly above it.
“Oh good. Light. Even if it is the kind of eerie light that makes you want to turn around and run for your life.” My voice is shaking.
“Caroline, are you afraid?” Johnny turns to look at me, his dark eyes wide with excitement.
“Hmmm, let’s see…” I pretend to think about my answer. “The last time I was in a creepy alley…” I don’t need to finish; he knows what I’m referring to.
“Do you not trust me?” He quickly asks before turning right back around and pulling me toward to metal door beneath the flickering light.
“I don’t not trust you…” I warily reply, but I know he’s not listening.
He begins to bang on the door: first, two knocks, then a pause, then another knock, followed by three quick bangs with the side of his fist. I hear the latch release and the door swings open. There’s a tall, dark man behind the metal door, and he offers a nod to Johnny before clearing to the side to allow us to pass. We walk down a long hallway, take the first right, and then the second left. From there, we go down a flight of stairs, through a set of double doors, and down another long hallway. I don’t say a word, but as we move down the hallway, I begin to hear voices. There are people: lots of people. They sound like they’re yelling, or maybe cheering. In fact, it might be a little of both.
We come upon another set of double doors and Johnny turns to me. “You ready?”
I make a face at him. “Really? What do you think my answer is? Of course I’m not ready. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be ready for. You have refused to give me the slightest hint…”
But I stop talking once Johnny opens the doors.
The room is big, bigger than I thought it could be after walking through the underground maze. And, it’s packed. It’s full of people, right up against one another, staring into the center of the room. In the center of the room is a fight. Two people tackle each other to the ground while a black and white shirted referee stands close by.
“What is this?” I whisper as quietly as one could possibly whisper in a packed room of people screaming.
Johnny puts his arm around my shoulder as he looks out over the crowd. “It’s an underground MMA fight.”
“Underground?” I look up at him. “Oh, wait, because we’re underground… I get it.”
Johnny chuckles as he pulls me closer. “Not exactly, Caroline. This specific arena isn’t…” he pauses, “licensed.”
I nod, as if I have any understanding of what he’s telling me. But then it registers. “Hold on, this is illegal?” I feel a heat fill my body.
“A little bit.” He cheerfully bellows as he pulls me through the crowd.
In a complete mob-mentality type of way, I start screaming at the people in front of me. I have no idea who is fighting, but for some reason, I want them to pummel each other. I’m completely enthralled and can’t take my eyes off the scene in front of me.
“Oh! He’s got him in a Guillotine Choke Hold!” I scream and point, talking to no one in particular.
“You have quite the memory.” Johnny answers over the crowd.
“Well,” I sarcastically bat my eyes at him, “when you’re trapped in one for three minutes, because your trainer refuses to release you, it kind of sticks with you.”
He leans over and nudges me with his hip. “Sounds like you got yourself a pretty smart trainer.”
“Hmmm.” I growl in response.
We talk about the match, the attacks, the counters, and even the guys fighting. We analyze their tactics and critique their form, all the while screaming over the rest of the audience.
It’s fu
n.
I’m genuinely having a good time.
“Thank you.” I reach up to his ear, resting my hands on his shoulder for support.
“For what?” He slightly turns to me.
“I needed this distraction.”
“Ha.” He nods. “Yeah, you really did.”
He gives me a look. It’s weird, and I really don’t know how to take it. He might very well want to kiss me, or else he’s reflecting on how pathetic I’ve been as of late. Odd that those two looks are fairly similar. I want to ask him why he’s staring at me this way, but I’m afraid to break the eye contact. Whatever intention is behind this moment finally makes me feel as though I am no longer alone.
It’s been so long since I’ve felt that way.
And so I let it last, maybe too long, but nothing changes between the two of us. I wonder if that’s a good or a bad thing.
“I hope you know you’re not off the hook.” I finally challenge.
“What hook was I on?” I can tell by his smile that he’s playing, he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“Oh, let me think.” I tease as I pretend to come up with an answer. “Well, there was that time when my boyfriend showed up at my apartment and you scared him away.”
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