by H. Q. Frost
"El?" he softly said, grabbing her waist, pulling her closer. His fingers glided up her soft, chilled flesh, abruptly stopping when he felt the raised lines on her ribs.
She watched it register on his face and seconds later he was using his cellphone as a light once again to illuminate the proof he kept denying in his mind.
"El, did you do this?"
Her gaze followed his as he studied her arm again; she remained silent.
"ZP?" his tone took on more demand. "Did you cut yourself?" He pulled his fingers over her ribs. The sincerity on his face and in his eyes spoke no judgment and her head began nodding her confession. "And this too?" Blue eyes flicked to the slices on her arm.
In a whisper she responded, "My arm was an accident. It wasn't supposed to be that deep."
A cool breeze rustled through the trees and Justin's abrupt movement to grab her sweater and pull it on gave her a chill. In silence and moving in a rush, Justin pulled her to her feet, heading back for the house. With a quick goodbye to his friends, they were back on the road, shrouded by a panic inducing silence that Lilith wanted to subdue by cutting.
LILITH's pretty face will look dreadful
Telling him the truth was ignorant. I was staring into his eyes and they were asking me not to lie.
This silence is too much. I've never hated silence so much in my life.
My mouth keeps stupidly flapping, but I don't know what to say. He's glanced at me a few times like he's waiting but all I do is pinch the bridge of my nose wishing we could go back to the woods and I would take it all back.
The soft rumble of him clearing his throat makes my stomach flip with sickness, afraid of what he's going to say.
"You want to come back to my place?"
"Yeah," I squeak, not meaning for that to sound as pathetic as it did.
As we're entering the city my phone rings and he looks at me.
"It's my boyfriend," I whisper as guilt drains the color from my face.
"Answer. I won't say anything."
"Hello?" I turn the volume down so he doesn't hear Ian's voice.
"I'm headed home, baby. Please tell me you're there."
"Almost," I mutter.
"You hungry? I haven't eaten."
"I could eat." Turning my face to the window, I close my eyes.
"I just want to be in your arms, Lily. Today's been exhausting."
"Okay. Come home," I mutter, consumed with not only feelings of inanity but with guilt.
"I love you," he says.
"You too." I quickly hang up.
"You have to go home," Justin states with a glance my way.
"I'm sorry—"
"I thought your boyfriend lived out of state?"
"He does, but he's here now. God, Justin, I'm sorry about everything tonight. I shouldn't have told you what I told you," I rush out.
"Why not?" He sounds offended.
"It's personal. Nothing you need to be subjected to—"
"And if I want to be subjected to it?"
This has gotten to a whole new level. That kiss only solidified the emotions I'm feeling for him, making the slosh of uncertainty a congealed lump of I'm-in-over-my-head. My draw to him is as fierce as my draw to Ian and I have no idea how to handle something like this. Is this similar to what Ian had for me and Karen? That thought is gut wrenching.
He pulls into the driveway and looks over at me, then back to the condo. "Looks dark."
"He's grabbing food." My attempt at a smile fails and I just want to disappear. "Thank you."
Before I can get out, he grabs my hand sending that same shock I felt during our kiss jolting through my body, begging me to let him take the electric current just a little further.
"Thank you," he says, staring at me like he wants me to kiss him again, and god, I want to, but that's the last thing I need Ian to see.
"Night," I mumble getting out of the jeep before the twist in my stomach can only be unwound by him.
I think I want to know what he's thinking right now, but I think if I could read his thoughts, it'd be a kick in the chest.
I should not be telling people about how unstable I am, especially not clients, but he's much more than that now. Which is why I need to stay away from him…
But I don't even think that's possible.
When Ian gets home, more silence surrounds me. He hasn't said much as he sets out our food, and I can't read what he's thinking right now.
"I understand you're interested in Justin Borg," he begins, setting his fork down. "But he's a client, he needs to be paying for dates."
I gasp like he's crazy. "He paid five thousand dollars today!"
"Your rate is two thousand an hour—"
"Then you charge everyone two thousand. Robert Tanaka didn't pay that rate!" I snap at him. "I need more clients because I am not going to charge Justin Borg two thousand dollars an hour, and I'm not interested in him. He's fun, Ian. I don't mind being paid to hang out with him because he's fun. I don't want to fucking marry him." I throw my napkin from my lap and storm into the kitchen.
That outburst was uncalled for, but Ian knowing my intentions has my defenses up. I'm a wreck hoping my fiancé doesn't find out how deep that interest goes.
God, I'm in over my head.
Ian was fill-in until someone was hired to replace Bryan. The long hours kept him at work later and also meant leaving earlier in the mornings. He intentionally slammed Lilith with a date every day that week to make her less attainable for Justin. It wasn't unbearable, but she was forced to sit through mundane dates where she was paid to keep quiet and look pretty.
"Hi, sexy," Ashley answered Lilith's call the following Saturday morning.
"Did I wake you up?"
"Yeah. What's up?"
"Where've you been? I haven't heard from you all week. I miss you."
"I know. I'm going fuckin' crazy. Bryan's been up my ass all week. He won't leave."
Lilith choked back her annoyance. "Is that what you want?"
"I don't know," Ashley huffed. "I don't want to be with him anymore, honestly, but I don't want to hand him over to Tanya. I hate that bitch."
"I don't blame you but, honey, he's a piece of shit."
Ashley laughed at Lilith's crassness then groaned, "I know. What're you doing? Can we get breakfast?"
"I can't. I've worked every day this week and I have a date in three hours with another rich pig. One guy groped my boob the other day then threatened to tell my boss I was seducing him!"
"I hope you told Ian."
"I did. He won't be a client of mine anymore. I've been taking Tanya's clients out and I don't think they're happy because I don't put out."
"Why don't you? You'd make so much more money."
"Ashley, I am not sleeping with these men. They're all over sixty. Some were attractive, but still, I'm not sleeping with people. Besides, Ian wouldn't let me."
"Lilith, you do what you want, not what he wants. You're trying to save his ass here."
"What do you mean?"
"He didn't tell you?" Ashley snickered. "What a dick. He told me he told you."
"Tell me, Ashley," Lilith impatiently snipped.
"He gave Karen a huge severance. Let's just say she's set for life."
"What the fuck for!"
"That's what I said. I guess she has dirt on my dad that could wipe out the whole company. As far as I know, she hasn't threatened them, but it's a precautionary measure."
"Hey," Lilith lowered her voice as if someone were around to hear her. "Do you know if Ian's seen her?"
It didn't sit well with Ashley that Lilith was asking her for those answers.
"Have you asked him?"
"No. I'm done talking to him about it."
"He's seen her in the office, but as far as I know, not outside. I'm pretty sure he's done with her. I know he checks up on her a lot. He's afraid she's going to kill herself. She was here Thursday crying to my mom. I got the fuck out of here before I slit her throa
t."
Lilith fell silent.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, I'm here," she muttered.
"So I think it'll just be you two. Once all the legal and money shit calms down things will get back to how they were. Except no more cheating." Ashley chuckled and Lilith tried to force a laugh but fell short, immediately tipping Ashley off to her discomfort. "Lilith? What aren't you saying?"
"Nothing." She forced out a believable laugh. "I just hope everything with the company works out."
"He's had to hire two girls to replace Karen. I don't know why, 'cause the bitch is as brainless as a bucket of come, but apparently he's hiring even dumber bitches."
"He hasn't told me any of this," Lilith heartbrokenly mumbled.
"You should show up there. I was there Wednesday and it was a circus. Girls were running around like they were chasing dollar bills. Dumb whores." She chuckled, quickly adding, "Not you, you're not like them."
Lilith let out a laugh. Her dejection was turning to anger that Ian was keeping it all from her.
"I could help in the office," she scoffed.
"You make the company a lot more money going on the dates. You're the highest paid girl."
"Why isn't he telling me this shit! Why do you know?"
"My dad tells me. Ian won't cut your pay 'cause you're you."
"That's just stupid. He should cut my pay because I'm me! He hasn't cut the other girls', has he?"
"No, he wouldn't do that."
"I have to go. I'm going to bitch out my fiancé and get ready for this date."
"Good luck, sexy. I love you. Promise we'll get together soon."
"You're the one busy day and night with some asshole!"
"I could say the same for you." Ashley chuckled before hanging up.
Lilith pulled up her schedule app to prepare for her date but nothing was updated as far as look or behavior requirements. All week she'd been dressing high class with heavier makeup, she decided to repeat that look and hope for the best.
With a purpose, she entered the Luxe reception lobby where three women leaning over the desk staring at the computer screen bitched at each other.
"Welcome to Luxe, can I help you?" a dark haired girl asked.
"Oh, that's Lily," Tash explained. "Hi, Lily."
"Hi, Tash." Lilith's forced smile was evident, but not cruelly directed at Tash.
When Lilith kept walking, heading for Ian's office, Tash realized it was meant for Ian and gasped, "Oh shit," while picking up the phone to buzz Ian.
He didn't answer her page and she pushed her way through the other two girls to try and stop Lilith. The girls weren't allowed to just barge into his office.
Lilith pushed open Ian's door to Karen crying in his arms. Red eyes, swollen face, and looking like hell, Karen looked over her shoulder seeing Lilith.
"Lily?" Ian asked confused.
"I have a client in an hour and a half and I don't know what to wear, where I'm going, or who it is. What is going on here?" It was evident she was upset, but he couldn't see she was shaking from anger.
He let Karen go so he could escort Lilith into the hallway where Tash stood with panic because she let Lilith slip by.
He directed his attention to Tash and said, "Please get Karen some coffee," then walked Lilith into the conference room.
Her anger that had transitioned from sadness while on the phone with Ashley was shifting back to sadness, but she'd be damned if she'd let him see it. All he was getting from her was indignation.
"I talked to Ashley this morning and she had to fill me in about what's going on here! Why aren't you telling me?" she snapped.
"You don't need to worry yourself about this place—"
"It's my fucking job, Ian!" she screamed with no regards to the thin walls.
"I know, baby." He grabbed her hands, realizing exactly how pissed she was when he felt her shaking.
"I want a pay cut. I want to work full days not including my date hours. You can raise my rates or keep them the same, but I want a pay cut."
"No," he scoffed.
"I know you have to pay Karen a large sum of money, Ian."
He watched her porcelain face turn red.
"I'm so angry with you," she said through gritted teeth. "I can't believe you haven't told me any of this! I can't believe Ashley had to tell me and she doesn't even work here!"
"Lily." He reached out for her and she stepped back.
"Why the hell is she here? When do you plan on telling me anything that's going on?" Her arms were folded across her chest with a glacial glare building a shield around her. "This is not what I want from a marriage with you. I think this may be a mistake. When the going gets tough, you run to Karen. Who, might I add, is the reason everything is in shambles. I'm your fiancée, Ian, you're supposed to tell me these things! You've really made me feel like I'm only around because you're bored in your relationship with her." She gestured toward the door. "She's the problem and you're still with her!"
"I'm not with her—"
"She's standing in your office in your arms! You're with her!"
"She showed up and I was trying to get her to calm down. I can't send her out of here a frantic mess, Lily. You know she's not stable."
At that point she wanted to scream 'I'm not stable', but she kept her mouth shut and continued to scowl.
"I'm through with her. I've been busy here. I haven't had the time to talk to you about it—"
"You've had the time to fuck me every night but not talk to me! I assumed things were straightening out here! You hired two new girls. You have three women doing her old job! What the hell is going on here? I'm at home dirtying the house just so I have something to do when I'm not on dates. I can be here. I can be helping at the desk. I'm not fucking stupid! You have them working weekends, Ian. I could be here working. This is not a partnership like a relationship should be. This is you using me to get off. And do you know I've spent maybe five hundred dollars in three weeks and that was on groceries I've thrown out because they've gone bad. I don't need to make the money you're paying me! I'm not with you for money and yet you still put your money into my account—"
"It's our money. My money is your money."
"Then take me off the payroll! Shit, Ian," she huffed and brought her eyes to his. Her caramel orbs swirled the most acrimony he'd seen from her yet. She quietly said, "I also want to offer sex. I can make us more if I'm putting out—"
"No. Not a chance."
"Yes. If you don't put it as an option I will do it and have them pay me out of pocket. It's just sex—"
"My sex!" he screamed at her, rattling the office's thin drywall.
"That you're also giving to Karen and I will give to whomever I damn well please. Change it, Ian. I can keep more of Tanya's customers happy. You're losing clients because of her. I'm not going to do the beating stuff, but I'll sleep with them."
"No," his brash anger warped to pouting like a child.
"Move." She pushed past him and flung the door open, bouncing it off the wall with a thud. Rounding the corner like a hurricane, the three women at the front desk were still arguing but looked up at her.
Tash stared at Lilith with eyebrows high. She could hear her and Ian screaming at each other but couldn't make out what was said.
"Hi." Lilith smiled kindly but annoyance was thick in her voice. "May I?" She squeezed between the girls, all three moving back.
"Uh, Lily," Tash said nicely with worry and confusion.
"I have to make a few changes. Also I'll be in Monday morning to help you. Do you work Monday morning?" She looked at Tash.
"I'm on seven days," Tash mumbled.
"You don't work tomorrow. Take tomorrow off, unless you have a date?"
"I haven't had time for dates," Tash said with exhaustion.
"Okay, well tomorrow you're off. Come in Monday morning so you can show me a few things." Lilith turned to the new girls. "What're your names?"
"Veronica."
"Magg
ie."
"Okay, girls. I'll call you Monday and let you know what you work. You're not in tomorrow either—"
"We weren't scheduled," Maggie sneered.
Lilith glared at her and said, "You're off the schedule until you receive my call."
"Are we working today?" Veronica nervously questioned.
"Yes, you keep working today."
"Uh, Lily." Tash chuckled tensely. "I don't think you can do that."
"She can," Ian spoke from the entrance of the hallway where he'd been watching Lilith confidently take over.
They all looked up at him. Lilith was the first to look away and direct her attention back to the computer. It only took her a second to figure out how to pull up her file and change her profile to available for 'soft sex'.
"Excuse me." Lilith glowered at Maggie until she moved.
Tash hurried over to Ian and began whispering.
"Let her make any changes. She's in charge." He walked away.
Tash pushed her way between the two new girls and grinned at Lilith, expressing her excitement. "How'd you manage that?" She giggled.
Lilith ignored her question. "Who's my client today? Why haven't you girls updated the date files? What have you been doing all morning?"
Tash looked away to hide how annoyed she was the new girls weren't picking up on the basic training. "I've been trying to teach them the system."
"Well stop!" Lilith blurted. "Update the date files. I see five pending dates today. That's insane. Five of us don't know anything about our dates today. Who's my date?"
"Uh. I'm not sure," Tash stammered, turning to the computer. "It's not in the system." Swiftly, she picked up a planner from the desk and flipped frantically.
Lilith rolled her eyes with a huff and took a step back. "Find out. I'll be right back." Pointing at Maggie, she said, "You answer the phones. Nothing else." She pointed to Veronica. "You help her get all the files straightened out."
With her posture erect and her head high, Lilith confidently strutted down the hall toward Ian's office. Through the open door she saw Karen, still crying and sitting in front of his desk.
"I want Maggie gone. We'll use Veronica, but I don't know where yet. I'm heading to my date now and I need an office key because I'm coming in afterward." She paused, staring at him expectantly. He fumbled in his drawer for the elevator key before approaching her. "This is absolutely ridiculous, Ian," she scoffed. "You don't work here anymore, Karen. The door is that way. Ian has a business to run and doesn't have time for this. You're getting your money, use it, get the fuck out of Chicago."
