by V. K. Powell
Martha shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and took a swig straight from the wine bottle. “I wouldn’t put it quite that indelicately, but the facts are accurate.”
“Did you ever see Syd again?”
“No. As a matter of fact, when I was trying to explain why we needed to hurry, it inadvertently came out that I was in a relationship and that’s when she went all cold on me.”
“You are unbelievable.” Regan rose from her chair and started toward the door.
She wanted to hate Martha for what she’d done to their life of fifteen years and for the pain she’d caused. But a preview of Martha’s future flashed through her mind. It looked remarkably like her past. She would be forever chasing women, convinced that the next orgasm would be better than the last and the progressively younger elixir of life she sucked from her lovers would prolong her vitality. She would never be content. Before much longer the supply of willing young women would dwindle; Martha would be competing with younger, more appealing cheats. How pathetic.
As she closed the door, all Regan could feel for her was pity and sorrow.
Chapter Twenty
Regan stared at Syd’s loft door like it was the top of Pandora’s Box, wondering if she really wanted to open it and realizing she had no choice. If she walked away now, she’d never know what might have happened, and that was unacceptable. She felt too much, wanted too much, not to explore the possibilities. Tentatively, she raised her hand and knocked. The door opened almost immediately and her heartbeat faltered as Syd stood in front of her.
Her eyes were red rimmed, her face splotchy, and her cherry silk blouse dotted with dark spots. “I’ve been so worried. Are you okay?” Her voice was high-pitched with stress and stuffy from crying.
“I needed to think.” Regan controlled the urge to take Syd in her arms and comfort her. The pain in Syd’s green eyes seemed to saturate her entire body. “May I come in?”
Syd stepped aside. “Of course, I’m sorry. So…you’re…” Syd stopped as if she didn’t have the right to speak. Her usually confident posture and enticing cockiness had disappeared. In their place was a sense of loss and despair.
“I think I need to ask the questions,” Regan said.
“Of course, let’s sit.” Syd motioned toward the balcony. When they were seated in chairs facing each other, she asked, “What do you want to know?”
Regan’s insides knotted with tension as she considered once again if she really wanted to hear what Syd had to say. Martha had admitted to a less-than-perfect seduction, which was totally against her self-serving nature. For that reason, Regan believed her story. What if the two versions differed? Who would she believe? Either way, she had to know.
“Tell me about your…whatever it was…with Martha. Everything.”
Syd looked dismayed. “Are you sure?”
Regan nodded. “I need to know what happened.”
“I’ve been trying to remember, and I think I’ve got it all straight. I met her at Jesse’s place a few years ago, during the women’s ACC tournament. We had a few drinks and I went back to her hotel. Something about the whole situation just didn’t feel right…I remember that.”
Regan struggled to keep her voice even and her tone unaffected by the jumble of emotions that rolled inside her. “Why? Wasn’t she just another conquest?” It hurt to ask the question, and Syd’s startled expression said she felt the sting as well.
“I can’t explain it. Maybe just instinct. When we got back to her room, it was pretty obvious that two people were staying there. I asked and she said her boss was with her and not to worry because her partner was at home. That’s when I made an exit as fast as possible.”
“You didn’t have sex with her?”
“No, we didn’t even get undressed. She was rubbing up against me and I just left. I’m not a home wrecker.”
“Except with your colleague’s wife?” Regan didn’t think a slap would’ve been as painful as she watched tears well in Syd’s eyes. “I have to know, Syd.” As if the simple statement could explain all the insecurities she felt and her need to have only the truth between them.
Syd nodded, and swiped at the tears. “It’s all right. I don’t want us to have any secrets.”
Regan felt some of the tension leave her body. Syd’s story had roughly approximated Martha’s, and she didn’t seem to be holding back any details. Her desire to clear the air appeared to be genuine.
“You saw me with her,” Syd said with obvious difficulty. “That day…in the restroom. I thought her name was Lacy, but it’s Priscilla.”
Regan felt like someone reached in and squeezed the blood from her heart. Every agonizing statement from Syd’s mouth was played out across her face. Her chin quivered and her voice wavered. The ache in Regan’s chest grew with each honest line of confession.
“We met about the time of the Nartey shooting. She’d seen combat in Iraq and was as messed up as I was. We got each other in that sense, I suppose…understood the toll that killing takes.” Syd’s affinity for this woman was apparent in the softness and reverence of her tone.
Regan was moved by her sincerity and her willingness to express the feelings that accompanied her revelations. She was also a little envious of this woman who’d been able to console Syd when she needed it most. “Go on.”
“I didn’t know she was married, much less to one of my squad mates. If I’d been aware of that, it wouldn’t have happened between us. But I didn’t.”
Regan’s mind replayed the scene she’d been unable to erase since that night. She could still see Syd’s head thrown back in orgasm and the sinewy, mocha-skinned woman’s hand thrust deep inside her. She clutched the arms of her chair, her entire being railing against the pictures in her head. Could she manage the jealousy they evoked and, more to the point, would she ever dislodge them from her mind? “Does her husband know about you?”
“Yes, she told him. I wanted to but she begged me to let her. She wanted to be honest with him so they could start over. They love each other very much, I think.”
Regan ran out of questions and looked toward the city skyline, taking stock of her feelings about everything that had transpired the last several hours. She’d been exposed to more of Syd’s colorful past than she wanted, but with it came another side of Sydney Cabot she wasn’t used to, her free-flowing emotions and her willingness to share them. Syd hadn’t offered excuses, only explanations, and Regan believed her when she said she’d wanted to face her lover’s husband. She let out a long breath of relief that caught halfway up her throat. As far as Syd’s integrity was concerned, she found nothing lacking, and she could see why Izzy had chosen a friendship with her. But, could she trust Syd with her heart? Was she ready for that level of responsibility and commitment?
She returned her attention to the woman seated across from her. Syd sat very still, hands clasped in her lap, waiting, Regan realized, for some response from her. She didn’t have one. Maybe it was her own fear or the look in Syd’s eyes that kept her from speaking. She needed something more from her.
As if sensing her reluctance, Syd slid from her chair, knelt in front of her, and placed her hands on Regan’s knees. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve put you through. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. From the minute we met, I’ve been nothing but a constant source of frustration and pain to you, and I’d do anything to change that.”
The touch of Syd’s hands combined with the genuine warmth of her words flooded Regan with emotion. Tears stung behind her eyes, and swallowed feelings spasmed in her chest. The desire to embrace Syd, to soothe her as she spoke almost overwhelmed her, but she knew instinctively that Syd needed to speak without her support.
“That first night in the club, my uncooperative attitude during the trial, coming on to you inappropriately while you were trying to defend me, bedding you then treating you like a one-night stand, and finally all this fresh hell tonight. I don’t ever want to cause you pain again. I wouldn’t blame you if you nev
er spoke to me after tonight.” Syd brought Regan’s hands to her lips and kissed them lightly. Staring directly into her eyes, she said, “But before you decide, I have one more thing to say.”
Regan tried to speak but words failed. She nodded, the warmth of Syd’s kiss on her hands still tingling up her arms.
“I’m in love with you.” Tears escaped the corners of Syd’s eyes as she spoke.
A sharp intake of breath was Regan’s initial response as her hands came to her chest. She stared open-mouthed for several seconds, unsure that she’d heard correctly.
“Yes, you heard me. I’m in love with you, Regan Desanto.”
“Oh my God. You’re—”
“In. Love. With. You. I’ll say it as many times as you like, anytime, anywhere, to anyone.”
Regan knew she needed to say something coherent soon or they would both die from sheer anticipation and anxiety. “How do you know?”
“I’ve never felt so completely discombobulated by a woman in my life.”
Regan laughed, probably more from tension than anything else, but the emotional outlet was most welcome. “And is that a good thing, according to you?”
“Absolutely. There’s never a dull moment with you. You were all kinds of professional and uptight in your job. Then when you let me seduce you, you surrendered your body like we’d been lovers for years. That was so amazing. And the next time, when you left me begging for more…how could you?”
“You mean you weren’t going to ask me to leave that night?”
“Leave? God no. I wanted you to stay the first night we spent together, but the second one I was in pain because I wanted you again so badly. I was trying to find a way to tell you without sounding like a horny sex slut.”
Regan couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She’d been wrong about Syd wanting her to leave. And all the hellaciously frustrating things she’d been through with Syd since the beginning had actually been endearing to her? Maybe in retrospect. She remembered Syd’s confusion that night, and her tentative requests to be held and for Regan to stay.
“I should have given you more time that night,” she said, half to herself. “I was afraid, too, Syd. I already cared too much and I couldn’t risk waking up with you and—”
“Being discarded,” Syd said sadly. “Regan, you’ve seen the absolute worst of me and yet here you are. You have no idea how that makes me feel. No one has ever had that much faith in me, except on the job. I can trust you with all of me.”
Syd rested her head in Regan’s lap and wrapped her arms around her waist. The simplicity and surrender of the action released all Regan’s restrained emotions. Tears fell from her eyes and she didn’t want to stop them. She finally knew that she could trust Syd on a basic level and that it was time to take a chance and trust her with her heart. Even Martha knew the truth. Time for her to face it as well. She’d waited forever to feel this comfortable in another woman’s arms.
“I love you too, Syd.”
The hug around Regan’s waist tightened as Syd snuggled her way up, leaving kisses along the way. “Say it again, please.”
“I love you.”
When their lips came together, Regan experienced lightness in her heart that had never existed. She felt almost like they were floating off the ground. An army of endorphins vanquished any residual fears and everything became Syd-inspired. She was instantly wet, wiggling uncomfortably against her restrictive clothing. Their mouths and tongues sucked and probed. Their hands stroked, groped, and fondled every body part in reach.
Syd drew back from their kiss. “You make me so hot so fast.” She lowered her head to Regan’s lap again and ran her hands up the outside of her thighs. Burying her face in Regan’s crotch she nuzzled against her jeans, sucking and blowing air against the fabric.
Regan almost came out of her chair as her hands went to the back of Syd’s head, holding her in place. “Harder, please.” She scooted to the edge of the seat to allow greater access but Syd pulled away and looked at her through lust-clouded eyes.
“Would it be a faux pas to ask for sex after just telling you I love you?”
“It would be a faux pas if you didn’t.” Regan stood, bringing Syd with her.
They’d shared Syd’s bed twice before but somehow this felt different. This time Syd knew what she wanted from Regan and knew that she would continue to want it again and again. This was the person with whom she wanted to share her love and her life forever.
As Regan stood at the foot of the bed waiting expectantly, Syd said, “I don’t want to have sex with you tonight. I want to make love with you.”
Regan leaned into her. “You can do anything you want with me.”
“The first thing I want is both of us naked…at the same time. That hasn’t happened before.” She shucked Regan’s vest off her shoulders, threw it to the floor, and reached for the buttons of her shirt, then stopped. “Wait, I forgot something. Don’t move.”
She ran around the loft turning all the lights on and then lit candles throughout the bedroom area. When she returned, Regan was completely nude, sitting on the bed.
“I thought I told you not to move.” Syd followed her lead and stripped quickly, leaving clothes scattered around the bed.
“I’ve always had a problem with authority figures. What’s with all the lights?”
“I want to see every beautiful inch of you all the time we’re making love. And, my God, you’re more awesome than I remember.”
Syd stood there amazed at the long loveliness of this woman. It was as if an artist had carved her from a mound of alabaster and breathed life into her. Her breasts, thighs, and lusciously tight ass were perfectly proportioned for Syd’s tastes, feminine in an androgynous way. When she moved, taut muscles under her skin undulated as if beckoning Syd to join her.
Syd stretched out on the bed, extended her arms, and gave her a come-hither wave. Regan slid along side her and their bodies touched, skin to skin for the first time. Liquid fire poured over Syd as they made full contact. The muscles along Regan’s frame flexed and straightened as she nestled into the softer dips and swells of Syd’s body.
“I knew it,” she whispered into Regan’s ear as she tongued the rim. “I knew we’d fit like this.” And the amazing thing to Syd was that she’d never actually thought about fitting together with someone physically. Now it seemed essential and so perfect that it was Regan.
She lightly traced Regan’s face with the tips of her fingers, memorizing it visually and tactilely. Pausing at her lips, Syd outlined them with her middle digit and gently pressed inside. Regan sucked and tongued her finger while Syd watched. When she slid her finger out of Regan’s mouth, she brought it to her own and licked the flavor of Regan from it. She ran her hands through Regan’s wavy blond curls and brought their mouths together again. The light minty taste on her tongue mingled with hot breath from her nostrils, making her even more hungry and wet.
Regan’s hands danced up her back and over her butt, shooting sparks of excitement through her. Then Regan was at her breasts, kneading and feasting. Her legs stiffened with building sexual tension as she straddled Syd’s already soaked thigh. Syd had never been so acutely aware of the intricacies of her lover’s body. It was a mental aphrodisiac as powerful as any physical stimulus she’d ever experienced. As Regan rocked her pelvis rhythmically, Syd watched every shifting muscle, every tiny change in her expression. She wanted desperately to prolong the moment as long as possible, but her body was beginning to take over.
“Roll over on your back,” Syd said, and nudged Regan away from her.
Regan let a nipple slide from her mouth to protest. “Not yet.”
“Yes, yet. I don’t want either one of us to come right now and you’re getting close.”
Reluctantly disengaging, Regan looked up her. “How can you tell?”
“Body language, darling. Besides, I’ve always known you’re a breast woman.”
Regan blushed slightly and grinned with a mischie
vous glint. “And aren’t you glad?”
“Extremely. Now lie down and let me have my way with you.”
Regan flung her arms and legs open in surrender. “Please do.”
Syd straddled Regan’s body, absorbing the immense feelings of joy and gratitude that swept through her as Regan so readily splayed herself wide. “Are you okay?” Regan asked. “You look so far away. Are you having second thoughts?”
“Not at all. I just realized how incredibly lucky I am. I probably don’t deserve you, but I’m going to have you anyway.”
Regan kissed Syd and pulled her back down on top of her. “I love you and you deserve to be happy. Don’t ever doubt that. Now make love to me before I explode.”
Their kiss sent sweet ripples of desire through Syd’s body and she bent low, rubbing her breasts back and forth across Regan’s face. Her gaze followed Syd’s breasts as they swung tantalizingly. She nipped at them with her mouth, trying to catch one.
“Cruel, you’re so cruel.”
After she’d had her fun, Syd let Regan capture a nipple in her hot, wet mouth. She sucked, tongued, and rolled the tender flesh, and the sensation rocketed Syd to the depths of her soul. Regan’s mouth pulling on her breasts tweaked an invisible connection to her clitoris, which throbbed in pleasurable unison. Syd slid one hand between Regan’s legs and cupped her soaking sex while using the other to tease her breasts. Then she let her crotch glide over Regan’s stomach, lightly at first then grinding provocatively. With each gyration of her hips, she felt the pressure build. Against protests of more cruelty and deprivation, she worked her way down Regan’s body with feather touches from her fingers and tongue.
Regan squirmed like the strokes were drenching rains and she the scorched desert. “I didn’t know not touching could feel so damn good.”
“You like that, baby?” Syd did a spider tickle in the soft curls between Regan’s legs, careful to avoid direct contact with the part begging to be touched.
“Oh, yeah, I like everything you do to me.”
