by A. K. Evans
I looked at her.
I took in every feature that I’d craved for the last two weeks. Even though I could see the exhaustion in her face and just how much weight she lost everywhere, I still thought she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever laid my eyes on.
When I looked in her eyes, though, I struggled to breathe.
They were dead.
Nothing was there.
No anger.
No hurt.
No pain.
No love.
“Is that your dinner?” I asked, nodding to the bag.
She looked to the bag in her hand and back to me. She didn’t answer.
“Monroe, baby, I need to…” I got out before she held her hand up.
“Please, Stone. Don’t.”
“Angel, please. Let me,” I managed to say before she cut me off again.
“No. You can’t do this to me. I was wrong for thinking I could handle being with you without a chance for a happily-ever-after. That’s my fault. You were honest about it and I don’t blame you for that. I was wrong for thinking I could change your mind about that. That was also my fault. It was wrong to fall in love with you when I knew you’d never love me back. That was your fault. You made me love you. I have some good memories with you, Stone. Please go and let me remember it as that. I don’t want to hate someone that I used to love.”
Used to love.
Fuck.
I lost her.
When I heard those words, I knew.
As she walked past me, I knew.
I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I loved Monroe Archer.
I’d give her the weekend, but I wasn’t letting her go.
Chapter 21
Monroe
“Hey you.”
“Vaughn,” I cried into the phone.
“What happened?” he asked.
I sobbed into the phone.
“Monroe, I need to know you are okay. Please…are you safe?”
“I’m safe,” I managed to get out in between my sobs. “In bed,” I sniffled.
“Just relax, kid. Take some deep breaths,” he urged, gently.
It took me some time and some soothing gentle words from Vaughn, but I began to settle down and relax.
“I wish you were here,” I admitted.
“Me too, Monroe. I’m sorry. I hate that you need me and I’m not there. Tell me what’s wrong?”
I took in a deep breath and let it out.
“I was with the girls. We went shopping for Charley’s wedding dress. She found one and she looks so beautiful. She’s going to be the most beautiful bride in the world…” I trailed off.
“Not taking anything from Charley because I’m sure she’s going to be beautiful, but I have to disagree. My money is on you for that.”
“I’m never getting married,” I said into the phone.
He laughed softly and insisted, “Of course you will.”
I remained silent a minute, trying to let that sink in. It hurt to know I wouldn’t experience that same joy Charley did today shopping for her wedding dress.
“He came here,” I practically whispered.
“Stone?”
“Yeah. After we found Charley’s dress and took her shopping for lingerie, she wanted to treat us to dinner. I ordered a burger and fries.”
“I’m happy to hear that. I’ll be sure to pass that message along to Deacon -- and I’m referring to the burger and fries, not the lingerie.”
“Don’t tell him because I didn’t eat any of it. No sooner did our food get set down in front of us and my cell phone vibrated with a text from him. He said he needed to see me tonight. Getting that text and remembering my birthday when he made me a burger, fries, and a milkshake made me burst into tears. The girls got me settled and we left. Charley drove back to her place, I picked up my car, and drove home.”
I paused a moment, taking in another breath.
“Nikki is coming right behind me. She had to stop at Luke’s to grab something on her way. So, I got here, parked, and was walking to the door when I heard him call my name. I knew instantly that it was him. I was in shock. Part of me felt like I was physically there, but my mind wasn’t. He started to talk and I cut him off. I told him he needed to leave. I told him I wouldn’t allow him to do this to me again. Then I walked away from him. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve missed him so much these past two weeks and the moment he was in front of me I pushed him away when all I really want to do is be held by him.”
“Did you ever let him tell you why he was there?” Vaughn asked.
“No. I was afraid of what he would say. I don’t want to set myself up for getting back into it with him and having him put me through this again. I don’t think he set out to hurt me, but I know I won’t survive getting in deeper with him and having him walk away a second time. I’m not saying he was here to get back together with me, but I didn’t even want to give him the chance to say that because I would have jumped in his arms without a second thought. I didn’t think that would be smart.”
“I’m proud of you for taking care of yourself and doing what you felt was best for you in this situation.”
“Is it really what was best for me?”
Vaughn stayed silent a moment, but eventually said, “I’m sorry, Monroe. Only you can answer that one. I know I don’t want him trampling all over your heart again, but I can see how badly you have been hurting. I know how hard you have fallen for him, and if you felt that you needed to try to explore it further, I wouldn’t stand in your way. That said, I think I’d need to have words with him before you’d revisit this because it guts me to see or hear you in tears.”
“Thanks, Vaughn.”
“Anytime, kid. You know you can always call me.”
“I know. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
I disconnected the call and set my phone on the nightstand. Seconds later, I heard Nikki shouting my name from the hallway. I was barely able to roll over in my bed when she barreled through the door and switched on the light.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I stared at her.
“I just saw Stone out in the parking lot,” she continued. “He told me he saw you. I’m sorry, babe. I should have just come home when you did. Are you okay?”
“I wasn’t, but I called Vaughn.”
She came over and sat on my bed.
“Did he talk to you?” I asked.
Nikki nodded.
“He said he was giving you the weekend, but he’s going to talk to you. I told him that you don’t want to see him. I explained how badly he hurt you and I told him that he needed to leave you be so you could heal.”
“What could he possibly want to talk to me about?”
“Honestly?” she asked. “He fucked up, mama. He knows it. He wants you back.”
My belly felt funny. I couldn’t tell if it was a good or bad feeling.
“He told you that?”
She shook her head and said, “No, but he told me that you were his and that it was his job to heal you.”
My bottom lip began to quiver and I cried out, “I miss him so much. When he stood in front of me tonight I just wanted to press my cheek to his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. I wanted to feel him, smell him, and be held by him. Do you think he’s for real this time?”
Nikki shrugged her shoulders and admitted, “I don’t know, babe. I do know that deep down he’s a good guy; he’s just got this one issue that he needs to be up front with you about. I’d say, if he gives you that and can trust you with whatever it is, he might be serious about a future with you.”
“I’m so lonely. I want to be held and I want to be loved. I want him to love me. Will he ever love me?”
“There’s only one way for you to find out, Monroe. If he comes back for you, you’re the one that has to decide based on what he says if you think there’s something more there for him.”
I closed my eyes and nodded.
“I’m so tired, Nikki.”
“You going to be alright or you want someone with you tonight?” she asked.
“I’ll be alright. Thank you for being the world’s best best friend.”
“Right back at ya, babe. Night, mama.”
“Good night.”
I woke up Monday morning ready for my second week at the studio. After Saturday night’s run-in with Stone, I spent my entire day yesterday in bed. I did absolutely nothing but stay in bed and think about what I wanted. If Stone told Nikki he was giving me the weekend, but that after he was going to talk to me I needed to have my thoughts organized. Now, it was Monday morning and I’m not sure I knew what I’d do if, and when, Stone reached out to me.
I needed to get to the studio this morning and get in some time dancing, on my own. I got ready and left as quickly as possible. After I spent some time dancing, Jenna showed up. She saw I was in my zone and left me to it. She went to work in another room on the piece she was working on for the exhibition. It seemed like it was minutes later when Lexi showed up followed by my first class. From there, my day flew by and when the last class ended I was exhausted.
“What a day,” Jenna announced, walking into the dance room.
“Tell me about it. I’m wiped,” I agreed.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m going to head out, unless you need me for something.”
“No, I’m good, kiddo. I’m heading out in five anyway.”
“Alright, Monroe. See you tomorrow.”
She took off as Lexi walked in.
“Hey Lex, busy day.”
“It was crazy. We had a bunch of new sign ups today, so I think it’s imperative that you get another instructor to handle the load. I did some work online putting the word out so hopefully you’ll be able to get someone qualified in here shortly.”
“Thanks, Lexi. I agree; I’m happy that the word has gotten out and we’ve got the demand, but Jenna and I are drowning right now.”
“We’ll get someone soon, I’m sure. Anyway, I’m going to get going. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Alright, babe. Sounds good.”
She walked out of the room and left. I started in the back and began shutting off the lights in every room. I made it to the first dance room and walked over to the stereo to grab my phone. When I turned around to walk out of the room, I screamed.
I bent over and clutched my chest.
“How did you get in here?” I asked Stone, who was now standing not even five feet away from me.
“Lexi was walking out as I arrived. She let me in.”
“Oh.”
“Monroe, please listen to me.”
I stared at him, waiting for him to speak. He said nothing for a long time. I noticed a change in him, though. His breathing grew quick and shallow.
“Will you come with me back to my place?” he finally asked.
No.
No way.
I shook my head and said, “I can’t. I can’t set myself up for this again.”
“Angel, I promise you it isn’t going to happen again, but I can’t do this here. Please come with me.”
“I’m sorry, Stone, but I can’t. You told me before that you were going to do your best to treat me with the respect that I deserved. Not even a week later you walked away from me without a reason. I realize that you have stuff you are dealing with and I have no right to it, but if you don’t ever talk to me about it we’ll never have a chance because I can’t see that pain in your eyes every day and not know how to help you.”
“I was thirteen years old when my father died,” he blurted out.
Oh my God.
I stood frozen letting the images of a thirteen-year-old, blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy broken by the death of his father flash through my mind. I wanted to cry for him.
“My dad was my best friend and biggest supporter. He died and I was lost.”
“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled as I took a step toward him and instinctively wrapped my arms around his waist.
He engulfed me in his arms and held me tight. His face was immediately in my neck, nuzzling. I squeezed him with a ferociousness like never before. My heart beating rapidly against my chest at the love I felt for this man, all while breaking for the loss he suffered.
“Baby, I want to give you the rest. I want to give it all to you, but I really need to not be here to do that. Please come to my place with me.”
I slowly nodded and agreed, “Okay, Stone. We’ll go to your place.”
With that, I slipped out of Stone’s embrace and he followed behind me as I finished turning off the lights and grabbed my things. The two of us walked out and I locked up.
“Ride with me, please.”
“Okay.”
The drive to Stone’s place was filled with silence and tension. I tried to remain calm and unaffected, but that was a joke. My nerves were on edge. I was the closest I had been to Stone in two weeks and I didn’t just mean that in the physical sense. Something changed for him. Something that allowed him to open up to me. He shared only two sentences of information with me, but they were huge.
And he wanted to give me the rest.
I wanted it.
I wanted all of it.
And after he gave it to me, I was going to fix it.
I was going to do whatever I had to do to make this better for him.
To lessen the pain.
To heal the wounds.
To give him all the love he missed out on.
We finally arrived back at his house, where Stone parked, rounded the truck, and opened my door. After helping me out of the truck, the two of us went inside.
Stone walked me into his family room and sat on the couch. I kicked off my sneakers, sat on the cushion next to him, and pulled my feet up to rest underneath me. Then, I watched him.
He stared at the ground for a very long time. His hands were in fists and the muscle in his jaw was working. My heart hurt to see the struggle. I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but I reached my hand out to his. His eyes came to mine.
There was so much pain.
His hand wrapped around my fingertips and squeezed.
“We used to work on cars together when I was younger,” he started. “My dad had a 996 Porsche 911 Carrera. He taught me everything about cars back then. He taught me that and so much more.”
“What happened to him?” I asked gently.
“He was a police officer. Killed in the line of duty.”
My hand squeezed his.
“I’m so sorry, Stone.”
“Monroe, I never meant to hurt you,” he lamented, his voice rough.
“I know that. It’s okay,” I tried to assure him.
He shook his head and I saw his eyes were wet.
“It’s not okay. My father always talked to me about finding the right woman. He’d always do it in a way that was appropriate for a kid and he did it in ways that made me remember the lesson. I’ve known from a very young age what makes a good woman. I was taught how to treat a good woman. You, my angel, are a good woman. I look at you now and I see what I’ve done to you. It breaks my fucking heart to know that I’ve caused you so much pain. In addition to the fact that I know I’ve disappointed my father, it kills me to know that I’ve disappointed you. You gave me something so precious and I didn’t cherish it. Your love, Monroe…you gave me your love and I let it slip away.”
I hated that he felt such guilt over this. I’m not sure if he wanted me to, but I crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held on to me like he never wanted to let me go.
I whispered in his ear, “He wouldn’t be disappointed with you, Stone. You’re his son. Our parents do everything they can to teach us and raise us right, but sometimes, we need to make our own mistakes. Maybe he wouldn’t have liked the choice you made, but I have to believe that he couldn’t be more proud of you for everything you’ve become. You’re a good man. He raised you to be one. Even if you made mistakes and never
learned from them, your father would still love you. But, Stone, when you make a mistake, you apologize and you fix it. There’s no shame in being a work in progress, handsome. We all are.”
“Not you, baby. You’re perfect.”
I pulled back and looked at him when I announced, “I am not perfect.”
“You are for me.”
Oh my God.
“Stone,” I whispered.
“You’re everything I never knew I wanted, Monroe.”
Oh my God.
“I want you back, angel,” he continued. “In my arms, in my bed, in my life. I don’t want to fuck it up, but I don’t know what I’m doing. And love destroys people. Look what it did to you. Baby, you’ve lost so much weight. I heard about the night of the grand opening. I’m so fucking sorry, Monroe. So sorry for hurting you like that. The last thing I ever wanted was to let love in. That’s the reason. It’s destructive and it leaves cuts so deep you’ll never heal from them.”
I framed his face with my hands and declared, “You’re wrong. Love heals people. Look what Wes’ love did for Charley. And Emme. Look what Zane’s love did for her.”
“She was right,” Stone said, a look of understanding flashed in his face.
“What? Who?” I asked, confused.
“My mom,” he answered. “She said it would hit me when I least expected it and I’d wonder how I ever lived without it. She was talking about you and your love.”
“Tell me about her,” I encouraged.
His eyes flashed with something different. Something I couldn’t pinpoint.
Stone kept me wrapped in his arms as he stood. He held on to me as I steadied myself on my feet. Then he let go and held his hand out to me.
“Come upstairs with me.”
“Talk to me, Stone.”
“I can’t talk about this, Monroe. It’s too much.”
Disappointment is all I felt. I looked away.
Stone’s hand was immediately at my chin. He brought my face to his and explained, “I can’t talk about it, but I’m going to show you something so you understand. Something that nobody but me has ever seen. Okay?”
I hesitated a moment, but eventually agreed, “Okay.”
