by Theresa Kay
“I thought you were waiting back at the ship,” I say. “And what about Flint? How’d you get him through the city? I thought it was too dangerous for him to be seen.”
Rym shakes his head, his eyes darting to Lir. “They registered our entry somehow. I received a broadcast stating they were sending a group of askari our way. I did not have a choice.”
“Askari?”
“Guards. Soldiers. Whatever you humans want to call them,” says Rym.
What little color Lir had leaves his face. “She cannot stay here. How will you get her back out?” His grip on my hand increases until it’s almost painful and his limbs start to tremble.
“Gee, thanks for the concern,” Flint says dryly.
Lir jerks as if he just noticed Flint. “Who…? What are you doing here? You were not invited.”
Sauntering forward, Flint narrows his eyes. “I’m the one who held her together when you ditched her. I’d be a fool if I let her go off with Goldilocks alone. The way I see it, erk, you didn’t get what you needed from her before, and this is all another ploy to trap her here. Seems awfully convenient that the instant we get inside, someone knows we’re here.”
Lir drops my hand like it burned him and takes a step sideways—away from me. “It was not my intention to…” he stammers, his gaze flying around the room before finally landing on me. “Is that what you think this is?” His voice is plaintive, his eyes wide and pleading. I don’t need the press of his hand to feel the ice cold crash of fear and horror from him.
He’s full out shaking now, his shifting emotions violently splashing into me. All warmth is gone from him, replaced by jagged, freezing knives of doubt and panic. It all slices into my head, driving into my psyche and latching on to the dhama.
Then the images hit and I stumble back. The kiun bright and cold. White hot light over and over and over and over. Deep dark rooms and a flashing parade of tech I don’t recognize, but each and every item pulses with terror and pain. And through it all the jarring disconnect of loneliness after a lifetime of connection.
I close my eyes, press my nails into my palms, and shove it away. Breathe and push until I’m left shaky and spent but alone in my head.
The world comes back into focus and I find Rym’s eyes. The shock in my own eyes meets the shame in his. What did Lir’s uncle do to him?
I was down in their research facility for only a few days. Lir was apparently down there for weeks, maybe the entire time I’ve been gone. I take in his appearance again, noting the near constant darting eyes, the ragged state of his hands, the clenching in his jaw, and the slow and careful breaths as he tries to calm himself. A frigid sense of shame trickles into me when he meets my eyes again.
“I was just released today,” he says, softly. “ I am sorry. I did not mean to… break into your head like that. I could not control it. I know—”
I bridge the distance between us, put two fingers across his lips, and shake my head, stopping any more apologies. “I’m the last person who would judge you for that. I had no idea it was so bad for you. But now I’m here and we can be broken together.”
Not knowing how else to convey my apology for doubting him and my empathy for what he’s been through, I lean up on my tiptoes, wrap my arms around his neck, and pull him down for a kiss. It starts out gently, a timid press of lips, neither one of us exactly sure. Then he moves his arms around my waist and increases the intensity of the kiss, pressing harder, gently nipping at my lower lip and gripping tightly to my hips. It’s over quickly—Lir pulling away and resting his forehead against mine after only seconds—but it’s enough to ground both of us.
“It was the only way to protect you,” he whispers. “Things happened so quickly. I never had a chance to tell you. I would not have done it if there had been another choice. It was not my intent to abandon you.”
“I understand.” And I do. I spent so much time doubting him, so much time being angry… it’s a relief to let go of that and relax into his arms. A sense of calm acceptance flows between us, and as our chests rise and fall in sync, the wretched devastation of the bond breaking and the weeks we spent apart seem like nothing. In the face of everything we’ve been through, both together and separately, nothing matters right now but the fact that, for this moment, we are both breathing and not alone.
WATCHING HER WALK AWAY the first time was bad. This time will be exponentially worse. I do not need the link to confer with Rym on what needs to be done. The raising of his eyebrows and a quick drop of my chin convey all that needs to be said. With the askari bearing down on our location, the only choice is for him to lead them to the edge of the city and walk them out… while I wait here for the arrival of my uncle’s men. Good thing I have managed to pull myself together. Mostly.
With now steady hands I grasp Jax’s face and tilt my head down until my forehead rests against hers. “Please be careful.”
Her nose scrunches up and a hint of confusion drifts into me. “Aren’t you coming with us?”
I move my head from side to side, reveling in the subtle emotions traveling between us. I know I have been alone with no one to link to for too long when her slowly growing anger is pleasant to me.
Jax pulls away and glares up at me. “You can’t possibly stay here. Not after what they did. What the hell did I come all the way out here for if not to take you with me?”
A weak smile tugs at my lips. “I simply needed to see you, to assure myself you were safe… that it all had not been for nothing. I cannot leave.”
“Why not?” She crosses her arms over her chest and taps one foot on the ground.
“He has Stella.” Those three words barely make it past my lips before Jax grabs my collar and yanks me closer.
“Then we go get her and take her too.” She has that flare of stubborn persistence in her eyes, the one that led her to rescue her brother against all odds, the one that first led me to admire her—to fall for her—even when I thought she was human. Her fierce protectiveness, formerly reserved only for her brother, wraps around me. How quickly she goes from wanting to scream at me to wanting to hug me. That, at least, is enough to draw a chuckle from my chest. If only it were that simple.
“Vitrad has her under guard and we do not have time to do anything. His men will be here soon.” I let my conviction and worry flow through the link to underscore my words. “You have to get out of here.”
I can almost see the moment the reality of the situation makes it past her steadfast emotional defenses, slinking past the solid wall of her obstinacy and allowing her fear and loneliness to leak through. “But what about you? He’s already… What if… You don’t deserve this.”
I will survive. I had not meant to send the words into her mind, and I flinch, expecting her to recoil. But she does not.
Jax smiles and winks. You’d better. Her teeth flash out and press into her bottom lip. But what about the broken bond? Rym said there were… consequences. Would it help if you fixed it or something?
My stomach drops and I struggle to keep my despair from bleeding across to her. It does not work that way. Once a bond has been broken… it cannot be repaired. It was the only way to protect you.
She drops her hands and takes a step back, slowly shaking her head. “But you didn’t ask me what I wanted.”
I grab her hands and squeeze them lightly. “There was no time to explain. And that is still the case. I promise you I will tell you everything as soon as time stops working against us.” Dropping her hands and wrapping my arms around her, I rest a cheek against her hair and whisper my next words. “And I never had a chance to tell you before…” I love you too. “Stay safe, and when this is over…”
Jax burrows her face into the crook of my neck and nods.
I raise my head and meet the gaze of her human friend. “It would mean a great deal to me if you would look out for her.”
He smirks. “What is it with people thinking anything I say will dissuade Jax from doing whatever the hell she wants
? As it is, Jace is already going to ream me out over this little trip. Who’s going to look out for me?”
My eyebrow creeps up, and the human starts laughing.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’ll do my best.”
Against my chest, Jax’s shoulders shake with silent laughter. “Poor Flint, always given the most difficult tasks,” she says.
“Difficult? Try impossible.” Flint jerks his head toward the doorway. “First things first though—we’ve gotta get out of here. Let’s go.”
Jax nods and unwraps her arms from my waist. “Okay.” Her shoulders slump, and she will not meet my eyes. Before she can get very far, I reach out and use one finger to raise her face to mine.
“Knowing that you are safe is what keeps me going and gives me hope. Stay that way.” My other hand cups the back of her head and pulls her forward so I can press my mouth against hers.
This kiss may have to hold me over for a while, so I waste no time in darting my tongue out and pushing it past her lips. Her soft gasp that follows brings a possessive rumble from my chest, and I move my hand from her chin to her hip, drawing her into my body as close as I can. Behind me, one of her hands finds the bottom of my shirt and—Perhaps I should have mentioned the sensitivity of the—her soft fingertips brush against the scales on my lower back, scattering my thoughts and sending jolts of pleasure all the way out to my fingertips.
My knees almost give out and it is all I can do to keep the two of us upright while Rym starts chortling in the background. “Uhh…”
Jax steps back with wide eyes. “Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”
That blasted cousin of mine snorts and opens his mouth to speak before I send a glare his way. “No, I am fine. You did not do anything wrong,” I say.
“Are you sure? You look—”
Next time. I will explain then. Do not worry. I would have warned you sooner, but I simply did not expect it to have that much of an effect without the bond.
Her eyes are still squinting at me, and the subtle thread of her suspicion weaves around me. “Effect?” Whether it is my slowly heating face or Rym’s continued laughter, the pieces come together for her and a wide smile breaks across her face, lighting her eyes and sending amusement through the dhama. She taps one finger against my chest. “Well, alien boy—”
“We have to go now,” says Rym, all traces of laughter gone from his tone. “One of the units is getting close.”
I straighten my shoulders and nod. “Go then.” I gather every bit of love and comfort I can muster up and send it to Jax with a soft smile. Be safe. Then I incline my head to the human—Flint. “Farewell and good journey.”
“Yeah, uh, same to you.” He has his head tilted to the side and is studying me—not in a hostile manner, just a measuring one. Whatever he sees must satisfy him enough for him to give me a slight lowering of his chin. From what I know of him, he has always been honorable to Jax and someone even her brother trusts to protect her, but it does not make it any easier for me to see her grab his hand and follow Rym out the door.
I maintain my link with her as long as I can. Nothing deeper than a subtle surface skim, simply letting her emotions and thoughts flow around me and offering up mine in return. The connection is a comfort I have been without for far too long, and it is severed much too soon—but also just in time.
As the warmth of the link is replaced with the cold bleakness of being alone in my own mind, my uncle steps through the doorway, flanked by four of his personal guard, the Vi’askari. I have to clench my hands into fists to prevent the shaking from coming back. The time spent in my uncle’s “lab” has not been helpful for my mental state. But it is not fear that fills me. Far from it. It is a burning rage. And it takes me three deep, cooling breaths to push it down.
“Where is she?” Vitrad rocks back on his heels with his hands laced together behind his back.
“I do not know to whom you refer.” My words portray my practiced lack of emotion.
He is five steps forward and backhanding me across the face almost before I can blink. The blow catches me in such a way that my teeth cut into my cheek and the taste of blood slowly fills my mouth. The four other E’rikon in the room stand unmoving, their faces carefully blank, as I run my tongue over my teeth and spit blood onto the floor, inches from Vitrad’s boots. I pull my shoulders back and stay silent, meeting my uncle’s glare with one of my own.
He breaks first. “The lovely Miss Mitchell. I know she was here. Did you not realize that, with her unique genetics, she creates a disturbance in the barrier when she passes through?”
I blink slowly to clear my eyes and give myself a chance to process this new information. Did Rym know about this? Was that why he was so willing to fetch her after he convinced his father to let me out of the research facility? Was it a trap for her all along? No. If that had been the case, my cousin would have let Vitrad’s men arrive here with no warning. But still, she can never come back here. Vitrad knows too much, and next time I am certain the askari will be much quicker to respond. And since I cannot leave, that means the chances are good I may never see her again.
Just when I had begun to think there was hope, my uncle has managed to crush it. I grit my teeth and swallow, an attempt to compose myself, before responding.
Too bad it does not work very well. My voice cracks the slightest bit when I say, “She is gone. And she will not be back.”
Vitrad laughs with his mouth open and runs the tip of his tongue over his lips like a hungry predator. “That is too bad. But I will have her, Steliro. I am positive I can find some… incentive for her to return.” He leans forward until he is speaking directly into my ear. “How was it to feel the link, only to have it ripped away again? Convince her to return—to work with me—and I will let you keep her. You have my word.”
“And what good is your word? When you have turned us into nothing but hatemongers and—”
This time he uses his kitu to put yet more power into his blow. He strikes me hard enough to loosen a few teeth and fill my mouth with blood again; I stumble back and fall to the ground. I push up onto my elbows, wipe away the trickle of blood from my nose, spit onto his boots, and look up at him with what I am sure is a morbidly green grin.
“It is bad form to lose your temper like that, Uncle.”
Vitrad springs before I have a chance to scramble to my feet. His fist slams into the side of my head and knocks it down to the concrete with a load crack. He starts kicking, and I curl into a ball. It is no use trying to fight back. In my weakened state, I am no match for him. So I simply wait for his fit of temper to pass, squeezing my eyes shut and blanking my mind.
The first time he beat me, I did fight back. That was right after I broke the bond—a last-ditch effort to thwart his plans to turn Jax into a weapon. When Vitrad found out what I did, he was enraged, and I felt the full brunt of his fury. I was much weaker for the second beating—after spending a few days locked below ground without food and water—but still I tried to maintain some semblance of control, even if it was only evident in how long I was under the kiun before passing out.
It was not until he threatened Stella’s safety that I stopped fighting back.
Now, though, the threat to Stella has been lifted. He portrays her as his doting niece—he insists that she go with him almost everywhere—and by using her to generate sympathy with my people, he has taken away his own ability to use her against me. He cannot touch her, and I know it. Still, it is too late for me. Vitrad is fully aware I have no useful information for him, that since I broke the bond he can no longer get to Jax through me. At this point I believe he simply likes to see me bleed.
This rabid animal that takes out his anger on my body is not the uncle I grew up with. He is not the person who played with me as a child, who laughed at the dinner table with my parents, and who grieved his bondmate’s loss, surrounded by my entire family. He is not even the inflammatory but pragmatic military leader I once knew. Behind closed doors, in the presen
ce of only his most trusted, he is not even E’rikon. As he rails against the world with his fists and his feet, his Vi’askari look away from the physical violence he inflicts on me. It is not something our culture condones, even against those they call traitor, and they refuse to admit something could be wrong. But I will say what they will not.
My uncle was not always insane, but he is now.
THE QUICKEST ROUTE OUT of the city leaves us on the opposite side from where we need to be and with no fancy ship to get us back to Peter’s. Of course. What else could I possibly expect? And Rym had to stay behind, leaving me and Flint to make the long trek on our own. Although to be honest, I’m grateful for that. It gives me time to think, and I damn sure need that.
I’m silent while I walk, my thoughts swirling through my head too quickly for me to concentrate on any single one. The farther I get from the city, the farther I get from Lir, the more my head tries to tell me I’m an idiot for believing anything he said. But my heart disagrees. I saw him. He looked awful. He couldn’t have faked that. And the facts are so much stronger than the tiny niggling doubt my brain is relying on.
Flint turns around and walks backward, facing me. “So… anything you’d like to tell me about?”
“Yeah,” I say. “How about that branch?”
His brows furrows for a moment and then the back of his head smacks into a low tree branch. He scowls at me as he rubs his head and turns to face forward. “I meant about the whole bonding thing,” he says, falling in step beside me. “Looked to me like you had no problem linking with him. How come you can’t do it with Jastren?”
“I don’t know.” It’s the truth. I really have no idea why I can’t link with my grandfather. Originally, I thought it had something to do with what I did to Rym, some sort of alien telepathy burnout, but obviously not. When I linked to Lir it was like coming home, a soft and steady comfort I hated to leave behind.
My questions might not be answered, but I know Lir didn’t betray me. Or at least I think I do. That little voice in the back of my mind is still whispering its doubts. Either way, the constant ache in my stomach from guilt over missing him has almost disappeared, and my mouth curves upward into a real smile for the first time since… well, a long time ago.
