by Alexa Riley
Around eleven I got the first one.
Penelope: You still awake?
Me: Da.
Penelope: You didn’t say goodbye.
Me: I made sure you were safe.
Penelope: That’s not the same thing.
Me: I will say goodbye to you from now on.
Penelope: You’re very agreeable.
Me: For you, I would agree to many things.
Penelope: Send me a picture.
Me: Almost anything.
I smile at the words, knowing they came from her.
I push out of bed and walk down the hall to the gym again. If I can’t settle my mind, I’ll hone my body. The room must have been two bedrooms at one point, but a dividing wall was taken down to create a large workout space. Floor-to-ceiling windows span the length of the room, showing a view of the garden separating my house from the main one. Right now, it’s bathed in moonlight, and though it should be eerie, it’s peaceful.
I don’t turn on the overhead light. Instead I let the glow of the moon cast shadows across the floor as I walk barefoot over to the pull-up bars. I’m dressed only in black boxer briefs, but I don’t need anything else for what I plan on doing.
I walk over to the long steel beam and jump up, gripping it with both hands. My feet are maybe an inch off the ground and I’m only about a foot from the window. I spread my hands wide, working the muscles in my back and shoulders more. I begin to pull my body up, the burn across my chest and abs tightening. I count out, and after about twenty I feel the sweat start to trickle down my spine. I should stop, but I keep pushing myself, willing the image of those green eyes to stop haunting me. I grit my teeth and grunt, looking beyond the glass and into the trees.
I stall myself halfway into the next rep when I catch a glimpse of something moving. I let go of the bar and drop down to my feet, scanning again to see what it was. It may have been an animal or a trick of the light, but I could have sworn I saw a flash of red.
Stepping up to the glass, my heavy breath fogs up the view. I wait for what seems like a long moment, watching the steam disappear, and as it lifts, I spot her. She’s on the edge of the trees that separate the yards, sitting on the edge of the small fountain. Her dark red hair cascades down her back, and her bare shoulder glows in the moonlight. She’s wearing a tank top with shorts, and her long, creamy legs are tucked under her. I can see the edge of her delicate toes, and I lick my lips. An ache, deep inside me, longs to kiss her there, to kiss every little curve of her body and caress the hidden secrets beneath her clothes. I’ve never wanted something so innocent for myself. Before Penelope, I wouldn’t have dared ruin something so perfect and pure, but my desire for her is outweighing any honor I held.
I press my hands to the cool glass and whisper the only name she should ever be called. Krasotu. As if she hears me, she turns her head, and her eyes search for me. She can’t possibly see me in the dark, but in my heart I hope that’s what she’s doing.
After a moment she turns away, and I ache for her eyes to be on me again. I want to fall to my knees and beg her to look at me for all eternity. I shouldn’t want her, I shouldn’t feel pain in my chest at the mere thought of her. But I am uncontrolled when it comes to her, and I can’t stop myself.
I turn and go to my room, grabbing a T-shirt and a pair of loose shorts on the way. The cotton clings to my body as it soaks up the sweat, but I don’t have time to stop and think about it. I hurry, thinking that if she is a dream, any moment she’ll disappear into the night and I’ll be left with a hole in my chest, a space only she can fill.
By the time I make it outside, my feet are wet from the damp grass. It’s then I notice I forgot to put shoes on. I don’t bother to go back and get them as I walk around to the fountain, anxious to see if she’s still there.
Like a wish from a dream, she’s in the same place. The soft light across her body only highlights her beauty.
“It’s late,” I say, breaking the quiet of the night.
She gasps and turns around, as if shocked to see me standing here. “What are you doing here?”
Her words are not cruel, but they still cut me. Does she not wish for me to be near her? Maybe coming outside to join her was a mistake, even though all of my instincts demanded I go to her.
“Sorry,” she says, shaking her head. As if she knows what I’m thinking, she smooths over her words. “I mean, how are you here? You look like you got out of bed. But you’re sweaty.”
Her eyes roam down my shirt and then to my feet. Her slow perusal of me makes me want to flex my chest to impress her, like some lion in the wild preening for his mate. I want her to feel desire when she sees me.
I can see the barest hint of a blush as her gaze lingers on me, then she lifts her eyes to meet mine.
I take a few steps closer and walk over to the fountain and sit on the edge with her. Not close enough to touch but close enough that my chest isn’t hurting.
“Your parents insisted I stay in the guest house. At least until the end of your school year.”
“Oh.” She turns her head to look in the direction of the house. She stares at the exact spot where I was standing before, and I see her eyes narrow. She looks back to me, but she doesn’t say anything further.
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” I ask, and I see a small smile pull at her lips.
“I couldn’t.” She shrugs. “I had a lot on my mind.” Before I can ask her what, she turns the question to me. “Why are you awake so late? Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
“I don’t sleep much.” I reach out, running my fingers through the cool water of the fountain. “I was working out and I saw you.”
When I look at her again, I see her lick her bottom lip and bite it before nodding. The pain is back, but this time it’s lower than my chest. Much lower.
“You didn’t send me a picture.” Her playful smile makes my blood race, and I want to give her a thousand pictures, anything to keep that look on her face. “Maybe I should take one now.”
“It’s too dark,” I say, looking around, trying to find a way to control my body.
I see her phone beside her and watch as she picks it up and points it at me. I don’t look at the camera, though. I only look at her. Her long red hair over one shoulder, the edge of her jaw and high cheekbones. She’s more beautiful than any painting I’ve ever seen, and I could stare at her for eternity.
“There. Now I can add your face on my contacts. I hate not having a picture to go on the little bubble.”
“Bubble?” I ask, confused by her statement.
“Yeah, here.”
She scoots over right next to me, the side of her body pressed firmly to mine. If I were to wrap my arm around her, she would be enveloped in me, blanketed in my scent. Something primal inside my soul wishes for this, wants to rub my body against hers in a way that marks her as mine. I have to close my eyes tightly to collect myself.
“See, all my contacts have pictures, and before, yours was just a little white bubble. Now there’s you. Well, a dark you, but still. It works.”
“It’s not safe for you out here tonight, krasotu.” The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. But that doesn’t make them any less true.
“Why? Our backyard isn’t safe?” She looks around skeptically and then back to me.
I don’t know how to tell her that I’m the threat. That everything about her is pulling me in and I don’t know how much longer I can control myself. There is a need building, and I can feel the charged air around me grow still. There is only one way to stop this madness, and it’s to push her from me. I must put an end to the smiles she gifts me. I don’t want to hurt her, but I know my words will.
“You are a young woman, and you have no business being out this late. Your parents would disapprove, and as your security, I de
mand you leave here and go back to your room.” I stand up and take a step away from her.
The pain that flashes across her eyes is almost enough to break me. I open my mouth to take it all back, but she stands up and puts even more distance between us.
“Nobody asked you to come out here and tell me what to do. I was fine until you showed up.”
“That makes two of us, krasotu.”
She clenches her jaw, and I long to run my thumb across it, to ease the pain I’ve caused her and to tell her this is only to protect her, to protect the both of us. But I don’t. Instead I remain where I stand, begging her silently to run from me.
“Don’t call me that.” Her words are sharp as she turns and walks away. But halfway to the house, she looks back over her shoulder. She opens her mouth to speak but changes her mind.
I would give everything in my possession to undo what I just did. I have more money than most people dream of, but it means nothing to me. The only thing that matters is the light in Penelope’s eyes, and as she walked away I saw it fade. A piece of me wanted this to happen, knowing it was for the best. But the rest of me is screaming in agony.
As I walk from the fountain and back into the guest house, I think about the look on her face. The light in her eyes that I love had dimmed, but it wasn’t gone. It wasn’t finished. And as I get into bed and read our earlier text exchange, I know that I’m not, either.
Chapter Seven
Penelope
“What are you doing?” Pandora asks as she walks into her bedroom. She drops her bag on the floor and books spill out.
I’m running on her treadmill. Running always clears my mind, but today that doesn’t seem to be working. The hole that I’ve felt in my stomach won’t seem to close. I feel like I’m a ball of anxious nerves, and I don’t know what to do with any of it. I’m always the happy one. I never let anything get me down. But today sucked, and I can’t keep on the fake smile I’ve been rocking all day. I’ve tried to pretend Ivan’s words didn’t bother me, act like I didn’t let a man so easily take my heart and crack it.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” I snap. She raises her eyebrows and holds her hands up in a silent question. I know what she’s asking. She likes to run on the treadmill, and I love running outside. But going outside means I need to take my guard with me, and I’ve been avoiding Ivan all day as best I can.
When he was waiting to take me to school today I didn’t slide into the front seat. I went straight for the back, even sitting behind him so I couldn’t see him as well. So I couldn’t stare at his tattoos and trace them with my eyes. So I wouldn’t try to reach out and touch him. I didn’t say a word when I stepped past him into the school building. I remained quiet the whole time, which is very unlike me.
Though I did go look to see if he was at the bench today at lunch. He was, so I stayed inside and went to the cafeteria. Why was he at the bench? He’d made it clear last night that he was better off without me in his life and that he was fine before I entered it. I thought he liked me. It doesn’t make any sense. The worst part is that for some reason I thought this man would never hurt me. He’s a protector, but he let himself cause the harm. The ache still lingers strong with no signs of lessening.
Something about him drew me towards him. I felt like he needed me. I wanted him to need me.
“You ready to talk about it now? I see you’ve dropped that fake smile,” Pandora says, flopping down on the bed, clearly seeing through my act today though she hadn’t called me on it until now.
I pull the string on the treadmill and jump off. Pandora moves over on the bed, and I fall back next to her. Her hand slides into mine.
“He doesn’t like me,” I tell her.
“Bullshit. Everyone likes you. Sometimes it’s a little annoying.”
Pandora isn’t a people person. I walk into a room and talk to everyone. She avoids everyone like they have the plague.
I roll to my side, looking at her. “How come the first guy I want—”
Pandora cocks an eyebrow at me.
“Okay, okay, I mean really want—more than flirting and school or whatever, really want—doesn’t even want to be around me?”
Maybe it’s karma. Pandora always joked that one day someone was going to break my heart.
“I have no idea, to be honest with you. I can’t read him. He seems to always have a blank scowl on his face. But I haven’t been around him much.”
I drop back down on the bed, looking up at the white ceiling.
“It’s for the best.” She squeezes my hand. “Penelope, that man is dark. He’s been through shit. I’m sure that if he told you about it you’d cry and be sad for weeks. You’re soft and sweet and all heart. You need someone who can give you those things back.”
“I touched him the other day and he flinched. He said he only knows pain from touch,” I tell her.
“Fuck,” she mumbles.
“Mom and Dad wouldn’t bring him around us if they thought he was bad.” I don’t know why, but I still feel the need to protect him, stand up for him.
“I’m not saying he’s bad. I’m saying he’s broken.” She knocks my shoulder with hers. “I mean, he has to be broken, because no man can ever withstand your charms.”
I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me.
“Mom and Dad head out for date night?” I ask. They always do date night on Friday. I never cook on those nights, so Pandora and I just snack on stuff instead of making a whole meal.
“Yep,” she confirms.
I sit up, letting go of her hand.
“No,” she says before I can even get off the bed.
“Come on. I need something to get me out of this funk.” Also to keep me distracted so I don’t keep checking my phone in hopes he will text me. Tell me he didn’t mean what he said. Ask me to come to the backyard.
“No,” she says again flatly and doesn’t move.
I put my hands on my hips and stare at her. “This is going one of two ways.”
“Fucking shit,” she mumbles, sitting up. I want to go out and do something, and I clearly don’t want Ivan around. She knows that. So that means we’re sneaking out. She can come willingly or she’ll follow me. But we both know she’s not letting me go alone.
“Fine.” She rolls off the bed and stands up. “Dancing?” she asks, and I see a small smile pull at her lips. She pretends to hate when we go dancing, but she loves it, and we haven’t been in a while.
“God, it’s been forever.” I smile, feeling a little lighter.
Pandora and I have always loved to dance. I don’t think we’re any good at it, but we like to jump around and sing as loud as we can to the music, and neither of us care if we make fools of ourselves.
“Okay, I’m getting ready!” I half-scream, running from her room excitedly.
“See you in two hours,” Pandora grumbles, making me laugh.
“I’ll be fast, I promise. It’s already ten,” I shout from the other room, flinging open my closet doors.
I grab a gray dress that I know will look great with my hair. I toss it on the bed then run out of my room and towards my mom’s. I burst out laughing when I see Pandora already in Mom’s closet holding up a pair of black knee-high boots.
“Mine.” She holds them to her chest like I might snatch them from her.
“I’m going for these.” I grab a pair of black Miu Mius that have diamonds on the heels. They’ll not only be easy to dance in but will also go perfectly with my dress.
I turn, dashing back to my room and tossing the shoes next to the dress. Pulling my hair up, I take a quick shower and then get out, rushing to get ready. I towel off and pull my hair down. I don’t need to do much with it. I apply some makeup then slip from the bathroom and throw on a matching strapless bra and panties.
>
Pandora opens my door, leaning against the frame as I pull the dress over my head and straighten it out. It’s Grecian-style and ties on one shoulder and bunches at the hip, but it manages to hug my curves perfectly. After I put my shoes on, I turn to look at Pandora. She’s dressed like always. Except for when she has to wear a school uniform, she’s always in all black. Black boots, tight black pants, and a tight black tee. I know we look the same, but I always feel like black does nothing for me. But with her, I swear it makes her eyes even brighter and her hair a more vivid color.
“You look hot,” I tell her. She shrugs like she doesn’t care if she does or not.
“That dress is short.”
I do the same shrug she just did. It is a little short, but I don’t care. I look at myself in the mirror, and Pandora comes to stand next to me.
“No way are they going to ID us,” I say, looking over at her for confirmation.
“Let me go first when we get there.”
“Got one in mind?” I ask. She always has a club she wants to go to.
“Yep,” is all she says, making me smile.
“Let’s do this.”
I pull out my phone and call for a car. We make our way back towards Pandora’s room and go into the bathroom. Pandora slides the little window open and jumps out easily. I take my heels off and toss them out the window then climb up. She helps me jump down, and it’s like we’ve done this a thousand times. Maybe we have.
Pandora’s crazy ass somehow figured out how to disable the alarm on her bathroom window a while back, and no one has seemed to notice. We make our way along the house and hurry when we get to the driveway. I pull out my emergency gate key and slide it in, then Pandora and I grab and pull open the heavy gate. We open it just enough to slip out before locking it again. We hurry down the street, where we see our car waiting at the corner.
We jump in, giggling, and I yell at the driver, ”Go, go, go!” I’m acting like someone is actually chasing us. He takes off, and the tires squeal, making us burst out laughing again.
