I thought about Izzy, how angry she must be waking up to find me gone. “I can’t just leave her without so much as a goodbye.”
He waved his hand like a magician presenting a new trick. “You already took care of that too. That note you left on the counter was very effective.”
I remembered writing her the note, but I could barely recall the words. The most important part was that she thought I left her, just up and left without a word.
Damn. I did intend to leave, didn’t I? I knew something was wrong already, maybe subconsciously, a little bit more.
“Let me take you to get treatment,” Jake said.
I met his eyes and let him see the anger I’d been keeping at bay. “I will not be going anywhere with you. What I do with my life and with whom is none of your concern, even if she is your sister. She is an adult and can make her own choices.”
“Wait a…”
“No,” I stood up and tried to muster all the dignity I usually possessed in my bespoke suits while still in my boxer briefs. “You are letting me out of this rat cage and you will give me some clothes. Talking about your sister, my health, all of it...not a single thing warranted being tased, kidnapped, and locked up like a prisoner.”
He rubbed his neck and had the gall to look sheepish now. “Some of it may have been for my benefit. I know you’re fucking my twin sister and I don’t appreciate it.”
“She’s a grown woman and if I know her, if she knew about this she’d have your balls in a bell jar under her sink.”
He laughed, and for the first time I could see her in his face. That smile was just like hers. “Well, you do know her, I’ll give you that. I don’t intend to tell her about all this. And if you tell her it will only hurt her more. You should get out and away while she thinks you’re just gone. A clean exit is open for you, just take it, Gray.”
I had no intention of taking advice from this man. In fact, I had no intention of saying another word until I was properly showered, fed, and clothed. “Take me home now.”
He nodded and stood up. I watched him carefully before following him to the door. “I’m sorry about this,” he said.
I thought he meant the kidnapping and lecture. But, he actually meant the pistol whip he gave me to the back of the head.
16
Izzy
The man across from me was not Dorian Gray. In fact, he couldn’t be Dorian Gray on even his best day. I tilted my head to stare at him at a different angle, hoping it would help. Nope. Nothing.
Currently he was on his fourth tirade about the American healthcare system. The first time I pretended to be interested. Now I wished the table was bigger so I could hide my phone under the edge to play Candy Crush. At least until I could make a quick clean getaway.
After I saw Michael yesterday he assured me Dorian often went off on his own and that I shouldn’t worry. He actually shooed me out of the pastry shop and onto the street…without a loaf of bread.
It didn’t stop the worry though. Especially because Jake had yet to call me back. He always called me within at least an hour of me contacting him. This radio silence made me fear the worst.
The world thinks twins have a sort of psychic connection. Not in my experience. Jake and I may look alike, and we definitely love each other, but we also couldn’t be more different.
I defined impulsiveness; him, logic and reason. He was always the military man and patriotic solider. I’m more of the wild-child artist. I resisted the urge to pull my phone out, instead taking a long slow drink of my coffee so I could stop smiling and nodding at this guy for a second.
What was his name? Rob, Ron, Rich…I think it started with an R.
Someone from the theater came into the café and waved. I seized on that gesture and waved back, standing and giving Rob, Rob, Rich a give-me-one-second hand. When I reached the woman, I stopped and waited silently.
She leaned to glance at my table. “Are you alright? Do I need to call the cops or something?”
I shook my head. “No please just stand here and look really concerned so I can stay here plausibly for a few minutes.”
She chuckled and ordered her coffee then schooled her features into a frown. “Is it that bad? Come on.”
“Oh I just learned more about insurance companies than I ever needed or wanted to know.”
“Why insurance companies?”
I shook my head. “Also something I really don’t want to know.”
The barista gave her the coffee and she turned to go. “Please, stay, chat. How’s the boyfriend?” I begged.
She took a sip. “I don’t have a boyfriend. Although I hear you do, and it’s not the insurance sales man over there.”
“Ok, Trish, back to work!”
I whooshed her away with my arms before I returned to the small table. “Sorry about that, work thing.”
He nodded and launched right back in where he’d stopped before I left. I lasted five more minutes before I pretended my phone was vibrating in my pocket and I had to go. He leaned in to kiss my cheek and I had to talk myself into keeping my feet planted to let him.
This is why I don’t date. Damn it, Gray. I was pissed when I’d realized we had something good before we even got to explore the options. I was pissed he left without saying a word to me about it. I was pissed that I cared so damn much that I wasn’t sleeping well.
As I stepped out of the café my phone did start vibrating. Unknown number. I swiped the screen. “Hello?”
“Hey, Beautiful.”
All the air pushed out of me like a sharp poke to an overinflated balloon. “Jake. You asshole, why haven’t you called?”
“Sorry, Iz, I’ve been busy. I didn’t mean to worry you.”
I tried to keep some of the shaking from my voice while I clutched the phone in both hands to my ear. “I wasn’t worried. More like scared I’d have to adopt your cat if you died. That thing hates me.”
“Uh huh, I’m sure that was it.”
“Okay but really, are you alright? Is ‘busy’ code for classified or…”
“I actually can’t talk about it right now, Iz. But I’ll fill you in really soon.”
“How soon?” I whined. “I miss you and I haven’t talked to you in what feels like days.”
He laughed, that comforting magical warm laugh. “It’s been like forty-eight hours Iz, calm down.”
I walked slowly toward my apartment and conceded. “Ok, fine. But I expect you to call me back soon.”
“See you soon, Iz.”
He hung up and I stopped to spend a moment frowning at my phone like it was to blame. No, it was me. I’d been in a mood since Gray left and then my brother wasn’t calling. Like everything conspired against me at once. Even the actors at the theater were trying to test my patience at every turn. Constantly complaining about rehearsing at the studio space instead of the theater. Like I could fix the flooding and mold issues.
Romeo had already threatened to quit twice and Josephine… I massaged my temples at the thought of my ultra-diva. If Josephine didn’t stop throwing up after every meal, there wouldn’t be anything left of her to fit into the costume on opening night. I’d taken to trapping her in a scene after she ate on set so that she couldn’t get away to puke. It wasn’t the drama; it was that I didn’t know what to do to help her beat her illness. I’m a producer and so not equipped for that.
As I walked home, I thought about Jake. He’d always seemed so solid in his choices. The military all the way and then when he got into the Navy SEALs it was the same level of joy as when I was asked to come to Paris to work with the theater. But I didn’t feel that same sense of commitment he did. Every night I wondered if I was meant to be something else, do something else, go somewhere else.
It was never about the job. I loved producing plays. And no matter how much work or drama went into creating a play, opening night always somehow fell together. Almost by divine ordinance. Once the crowd stands and cheers, tears often shining in some eyes, I’d get
that overwhelming sense that the stage is where I belong.
But outside of that single shining victory I often wondered why the hell I put myself through traveling around the globe, dealing with sick and insane actors, also the occasional billionaire or two. No one was ever like Gray though. Something about him felt different. More comfortable, like my brother, solid and certain in his convictions and character.
I wanted that level of certainty in my life. Instead I moved all over, dated men who didn’t call, friends who didn’t call…hell, no one ever called when they were supposed to.
A sense of melancholy lingered and I could feel it’s dark grip trying to lull me in a deep funk. Usually they lasted a couple days. I was not going to let Dorian Gray throw me into that mess. No.
I marched all the way home thinking about donuts, fresh coffee, and Dorian’s mouth on my neck. It was sad to think about him being gone but the time we shared had been lovely. No doubts about that.
I made it to my apartment and focused only on the good things. Coffee came first. I dropped my bag on the countertop and shuffled around the kitchen to brew a cup. In the mood for something bitter, I found my dark roast and started the hot water.
At least I could do coffee right.
My phone vibrated inside my bag and I snatched it out of the opening before it could tumble out on the granite. Another unknown caller.
“Jake?” I answer.
“I told you I’d talk to you soon.”
“You’re such an idiot. You could have just told me you call me back in a minute.”
I hopped up on the counter and swung my legs to knock my heels against the cabinet. “So, tell me what’s been going on. Why haven’t you been able to call?”
“Well, I can’t tell you everything but I can tell you that I’ve been traveling. That’s why I wasn’t able to call you back before. I’m actually in another country now.”
“Yeah? Which one?”
Static and shuffling came through. “Jake?”
“Iz, you know I can’t tell you anything that specific.”
“I know, just testing your commitment to our national security, of course.”
He laughed. Oh I missed hearing that laugh in person. “When will you get to take leave? Maybe you can come visit and we can go to the wine country or to the beach.”
“Which beach do you want to go to?”
I shrugged even though he couldn’t see me. “I don’t know, but I’m sure between our super smart selves we can find one far enough away. Hell, we can take a train to Italy, where I know there’s at least a thousand miles between here and us.”
Another laugh. “You know how I love those Italians.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes.
“Wasn’t your last boyfriend Italian?”
“And my last girlfriend. They were a couple actually. Happy to take in a lonely soldier on leave traveling alone for the holiday.” His tone was all innocence and sweet male guile.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“Hey, we all got what we wanted out of the bargain. No complaints on any side. They both call me from time to time and invite me back.”
“Back to where?”
“Tuscany. Excellent wine there, too.”
I shifted on the counter and tucked my feet up under my legs. “Okay then it sounds like we have a plan. You just need to take some leave and get your butt to France.”
He made a noise like he was considering his choices. “I don’t know Iz, it’s kind of hot in France this time of year.”
“Not any hotter than Italy, dork.”
“Okay, okay, I guess I’ll get myself to France. It has been a while since you and I spent any real time together. Of course, after we visit you might not want me anywhere near you for a while.”
“Huh? What does that mean?”
A soft knock came at my door. “Hold on Jake I’m going to put the phone down, someone is knocking.”
I set the phone on the counter, hopped off the edge, and went to the door. I didn’t have a peephole but my doorman was supposed to ring me if anyone showed up. Come to think of it he’d been failing at that task for some time.
I opened the door and froze.
“Hello, Sis.”
17
Izzy
I blinked trying to clear the tears from my eyes. They slid down my cheeks in hot streams as I threw myself into Jake’s arms. He wrapped himself around me, pulling me close. He smelled like Jake, my Jakey. The only family I had.
I pulled back for a second just to look at his face before burying my ear into his chest again as I squeezed him tight.
“Let’s go inside, Iz,” he said, gently walking me backward into my home and then closing the door behind him.
I leaned away from him. “You bastard, don’t toy with my emotions like that.” I punched him in the shoulder so he’d remember next time.
He let me go and I reluctantly let him go too. “What are you doing here?”
Instead of crowding around the door I led him into the kitchen and grabbed another coffee mug from the cabinet. He watched me, smiling. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head at the same time. “It’s just been a while since I’ve seen you. I missed you, Little Sis.”
I poured coffee in both mugs and then handed him the other. He never took cream or sugar, drinking it black like I did sometimes.
After he took a couple tentative sips he backtracked to sit on the stool off my small kitchen bar. “Sorry I couldn’t tell you I was coming. You know they don’t let us talk about when we are traveling or where.”
“What if I was busy, or if you came on opening night?”
He smiled and I wanted to touch the deep dimple in his cheeks. “Not a chance. I know you better than anyone, and I know your schedule. Opening night is a couple weeks away still. Besides, I’m not here for long. Only today. Then I have to get back to work.”
“Only today? The day’s almost gone. Why didn’t you come by this morning?”
He bit his lip and I knew something was wrong. “What is it, Jake?”
When he sat the mug down and rubbed his hands across the tops of his thighs, and I knew something was really wrong. “Jake, you’re starting to scare me.”
“Maybe you should put that coffee down,” he said before he swiveled on the stool and gestured for me to take the other one.
Once I’d settled I eyed him warily. He pushed my bag and things toward the other end of the counter, out of reach. “Jake, what did you do?”
He released a long heavy sigh and shifted toward me so our knees lined up. He was the same height as me so I could meet his eyes square on. They looked frightened.
“Jake, what did you do?” I asked again with a little more force.
Seconds passed in heavy silence. I didn’t recall him every giving me this look of apprehension and shame.
“You know that guy you asked me to look into?”
Dread began to build in my belly but I held it with tight reigns, praying Jake didn’t kill him or worse.
“Well, I learned something about him. Then after I sent you his details I saw that you deleted the email without even looking at the pdf file.”
“Yes, I deleted it. He told me everything I wanted to know.”
“He didn’t tell you everything, Izzy.”
“Okay, so what? We’ve known each other a very short time. I don’t expect to know all his secrets right off the bat. Especially since I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to be with him. I wanted to keep things casual.”
“They didn’t look casual, Izzy.”
My mouth dropped open and I clamped it shut once I realized. “Have you been spying on me?”
“I got on a plane after our conversation. I’ve been spying on Gray, not you.”
I wanted to slap him. My own twin brother, treating me like a child. “I’m a thirty-year-old woman for fuck’s sake. I don’t need you to rough up my boyfriend, or sex partners, for me.”
He flinched at the word sex partner and I knew he would. I’d thrown it in there just to torture him. “What did you do, Jake? Besides betray my trust?”
I slid off the stool and began to pace alongside the bar. If I sat and looked at him the entire time he recounted his story I might murder him. And the cleanup would be hell. The big question echoing in my head was why he felt the need for such a dramatic step. I’d had many boyfriends, and even sex partners, in the past. He’d never flown around the world, or wherever, to spy on them.
“Why did you do this?” I asked, not looking at his face, still pacing.
“I only did it because this guy is insane. And I’m not talking normal person insane, actual freaking certifiably insane. You didn’t read the report and I was worried, so I came out to make sure you were alright.”
“By stalking the guy I was sleeping with. How does that tell you if I’m alright?”
He shifted off the stool and pulled a squished roll of white paper from his pocket. I snatched it out of his hand with a glower.
The papers had a bunch of test result numbers printed on them. I read as I paced back and forth, barely catching some of the scientific jargon underneath an assessment, “I don’t know what this says, Jake. Just explain it to me.”
He shifted forward, sliding both feet off the rungs of the stool onto the floor. “It means your boyfriend’s brain has reached its breaking point. He’s been hallucinating. All the crap about him thinking you’re the reincarnation of that girl he killed, none of it’s true. You don’t look anything like her. His mind is breaking and he latched on to you as some sort of reality handle.”
I narrowed my eyes and stepped back from my brother. The one solid foundation I’d possessed my entire life seemed to be crumbling around the edges. It wasn’t all this crap about Gray that bothered me. It was him being in my city without telling me, without coming to me. Him lying about where he was and not calling. Him stalking the guy I was sleeping with. None of it made any damn sense.
One Shade of Gray Page 10
