by Trina Solet
"He won't. You two can stay here as long as you like," Alec assured him.
Cory was about to make some objection when Alec asked, "If you were never adopted, whose last name do you have?"
"I didn't know either my first or last name when I was found. My first foster mother asked the court that I be given the name of her late father, Cory Bledsoe. He died in the Korean War. She was a social worker all her life. When she retired, she became a foster mother until her health started failing."
"Are you still in touch with her?"
"No. She wasn't well. I didn't stay with her long. She died when I was still little. By then I was already with another family. There was always another family."
"But never a real family," Alec said.
"I thought I was doomed. I thought if my real parents didn't want me, why would anyone else?"
"You don't know the circumstances. A parent without a job maybe, who couldn't take care of you..." Seeing Cory shake his head, Alec said, "OK. A parent who couldn't take care of you wouldn't leave you in an empty apartment and wouldn't leave Teddy on the side of the road. I was just..."
Cory smiled at him. "I know. I've done the same thing ever since I can remember. I invented all sorts of theories and excuses. Even now a part of me is expecting the woman with the rose on her wrist to drive down that road into town. Then I would go up to her and say, 'I'm your son too. The one you left sixteen years ago.' Does any of this not sound like a fairy tale?" Cory asked with a sad smile.
The expression on his face was heartbreaking. Alec wanted so much to take him into his arms.
"Just think about how much Teddy is better off now that he has you," Alec reminded him instead of getting physical.
"He gives me so much. I just want him to smile more," Cory said.
"One of those little smiles is worth a fortune. I want to see him open up too. Tell us everything that's on his mind. Every little thing," Alec said.
"You want him to turn into a chatterbox?"
"He'll never be a chatterbox. He's like you." Saying that, Alec looked at him with an intensity that unsettled Cory. Alec made him blush so easily, but he didn't look away. He shared a long, meaningful gaze with Alec until his mom burst in asking what her only son would feed a poor, starving woman.
"What woman? Where is she? I'll give her a can of soup," Alec said, pretending to look around and out the window.
"I mean me. And you will not dare give canned soup to your only mother who gave birth to you, and nursed you, and diapered you and..."
"OK. I'll make you a sandwich too," Alec offered.
"Use the good mustard not that yellow stuff," she said.
"Only the best mustard for the mayor."
As he made his mom a late lunch, Alec thought about how lucky he was. Everything Cory told him reminded him of how much he had. Even though his father died when he was young, he was still around to enrich Alec's life. Plus his father didn't leave him because he wanted to. He fought hard and hung on as long as he could, cherishing each day he spent with his family and every new painting Alec painted for him.
While Mom ate, Cory filled her in on their shopping trip. She had only good things to say. Alec wondered if Cory could tell that she didn't care as much about the hardware store as she did about giving Cory a job. Cory took it seriously enough for both of them. In Cory, Alec was seeing the same reserve, the same reluctance to ask for anything or to make trouble he had first seen in Teddy. Cory had lived a precarious existence. He grew up not feeling safe and secure, having to watch his step. It broke Alec's heart to know that Cory's need to be good was rooted in fear and a desperate yearning for a permanent home. Now that desperation was all on Teddy's behalf. Cory worked hard and stayed helpful and good so he could give his little brother a family he never had.
Chapter 10
It had been a productive and fun day. Teddy was tired and asleep quickly. That night after Teddy was in bed, Cory wandered into the den. He hadn't exactly meant to, he just felt at loose ends. Alec was cursing at his laptop in the kitchen. Miriam was talking on the phone and watching TV in the living room.
Cory stood in the den doorway and took in the room full of contrasts. Strewn without any order, Alec's new paintings were dynamic but painted in murkier colors. On the walls were the very different paintings Alec did for his father. Tender and vivid, those paintings weren't just the work of someone younger. They were the work of a gentler hand, maybe also a gentler mind.
For the new paintings, the brush strokes were rougher, the colors darker. The paintings were more alive. They had more Alec in them and less of what he was looking at. They showed Cory his restlessness and energy. Their subjects were people not places. Bodies, mostly male, moved over indistinct backgrounds. To Cory's eyes, these places were dark, intimately enclosed. He wondered if those were the significant places where Alec had lived his life before coming back home. The life in those paintings made him wonder how long Alec would be able to stay in Seaview Pines.
As Cory contemplated his paintings, Alec came in with the misbehaving laptop under his arm.
"I thought you were going to flush it down the toilet," Cory said since he had heard him make that threat several times.
"Wouldn't fit," Alec grumbled then he motioned at his paintings. "I see you are admiring my boys."
"Mostly wondering who they are," Cory said though he had been thinking more about Alec than his men.
"They are all the guys I've known and, at the same time, none of them," Alec said.
"I noticed," Cory said. "You could never be a police sketch artist. I assume they're unrecognizable because you couldn't remember their faces."
"Or their names," Alec confessed. "Not everyone is meant to be remembered. The same men I don't remember, don't remember me."
"You don't know that. Who knows how many hearts you've broken," Cory accused him.
"You think there is someone out there pining for me?"
Not out there, Cory almost said as Alec looked at one of his paintings almost like he was looking into the past.
"They are like people in dreams. You can't quite remember them when you're awake," Alec said, raising his eyes from the canvas with a far away look that turned to Cory and became sharp.
"Ah, those guys," Cory said with a knowing smirk.
Alec leaned toward him a little bit to say, "I assume that these days, I have the starring role in your nocturnal activities."
"Why are you so arrogant?"
"The usual reasons," Alec said with a supremely confident look. "There is no way you're getting an eyeful of this every day and not dreaming about it." Alec gestured at himself.
"Oh, my God."
"I don't hear you denying it," Alec pointed out.
"Fine. I might have dreamt about you a few times, against my better judgment."
"Against mine too. I came here to get away from the action," Alec said and allowed a more serious expression to come into his gorgeous, blue eyes.
"Did you get burned?" Cory asked. He imagined some hot and heavy affair that ended badly.
"A relationship?" Alec said with distaste. "No way. I got burned out. I was having too much fun."
"Yes. That's a problem," Cory said sarcastically.
"It can be. I was so busy partying, I didn't notice that my life was empty."
"So why come here?"
Alec cast his eyes around the room that probably held a lot of memories for him.
"It's a retreat from the real world. I had to figure out some things, and there were no distractions here, until now." He stared accusingly at Cory.
"Sorry to intrude on your life of contemplation," Cory said. He kind of meant it too. It was to Alec's credit that he welcomed Teddy and Cory the way he did.
"You mean my life of boredom," Alec said. "Thank God you and Teddy showed up."
Cory smiled at him. Not many people would say that under the circumstances. In a lot of ways, Alec was too good to be true, or too good to last.
; "So once you have things figured out, you're going to move on?" Cory said.
"That's the plan. If it wasn't for Teddy, I would have been long gone already, bored to tears and on my way anywhere else. It wasn't bad here when I was little, but a grown man needs more stimulation." Alec's eyes roamed up and down Cory's body. It would serve him right if Cory jumped him.
To avoid his leering eyes, Cory looked around the den once again, from the new paintings to the old ones. Now Cory felt like he understood Alec a little better. The high life he had been living had disappointed him. That's why he came home. He was reaching back in time and looking for something more for his future. The first thing that came to Cory's mind was love. But maybe Alec was looking for something different like artistic fulfillment. He could see in Alec's paintings how he saw the world, how he wanted to keep it at arm's length. There was also something in them that reached out for a connection. Or that could have been only what Cory wanted to see.
*
After he was done interrogating him, Cory went to bed. Alec was left alone to think about what a difference Teddy and Cory made to his plans. They went right out the window once Teddy showed up. Alec only meant to stay in Seaview Pines until he figured out his next step. He had the vague idea of moving around until he found the right place for himself. Once Teddy entered the picture, Alec postponed all plans of leaving, indefinitely.
Seaview Pines might not be his kind of place, but it was perfect for Teddy. He wasn't a demanding kid. He was happy just to sit and draw, and he liked it when they explored the countryside. Since Cory arrived, all of his favorite activities centered around his brand new big brother. If he got to watch TV with Cory, sitting close with his big brother's arm around him, he was happy. He leaned against Cory and fought to stay awake. When he fell asleep and Cory tried to carry him to bed, he woke up right away. Alec didn't have any luck with that maneuver either.
And Alec never would have guessed that a little kid would be so nice to have around. Of course Teddy was a quiet kid with artistic aspirations. He wasn't some brat bent on raising hell like Alec used to be, with Ian egging him on and setting a bad example. Alec could see the two of them as children running, shoving, fighting, and breaking things. It was a wonder the house survived their rambunctious childhood.
But the house was a solid, old thing. Generations of the Benchley clan had lived there. The battered old furniture complemented it, still solid after so many years. Wood that had been rough once was smoothed down by age and use. Sharp corners got rounded off. Every decade added more rustic beauty to these relics of harder times, when everything was done by hand. It was like some kind of testament to what was meant to last. The house and everything in it were in contrast to the life Alec had been living.
Like he told Cory, that life had been fun. Dazzling him with pretty distractions and noise, his old life seemed full to the brim. It was in the early dawn hours after a wild party that things had become clear to him. Through the alcohol induced fog that distorted his vision, Alec observed what surrounded him. The party was dying all around him. Semiconscious bodies were reclining in every position. Alec was no different, but he wanted to be. He wanted to be alive and himself, and live his life fully. As he sat against a wall, coming to this realization, he wondered if he would remember it in the morning, or late afternoon, whenever he happened to wake up. Already drifting off, he told himself not to forget.
Alec had always assumed that he was living the life he was meant to live, the life of the body. It was rightfully his however meaningless and empty it might be. Bodies piled up behind him, naked, hot and interchangeable. Forgotten names mixed until there was only noise. Sometimes even faces eluded him. Then he had felt the emptiness crawl inside him, hollow him out. That terrible feeling told him that he had to get away and figure things out.
So far he hadn't gotten anywhere. No answers came to him. His old life haunted his dreams, calling to him but not offering anything new. He put those visions on canvas, trying to exorcise them and also give them meaning. These were the images that crowded his mind until recently. Now Cory was taking over, pushing aside the faceless men, climbing into Alec's bed to claim him as he slept.
It was a good thing that the Cory of his waking life was better behaved or Alec wouldn't stand a chance. As it was, he couldn't help teasing Cory whenever he got the urge. Alec loved watching him blush. When his hazel eyes blazed, he was a vision. As long as Cory kept rebuffing him, Alec felt safe playing around. It was like lighting a match then blowing it out before it singed your fingers. The only problem was that Cory had a secret fire burning inside him. Alec had seen flashes of it and drawn back so he wouldn't get burned. If Alec fed that fire, it would mean trouble for both of them.
Chapter 11
In the short time he had been there, Cory was already seeing Teddy transforming in front of his eyes. His step seemed lighter, and he looked around more than when he first met him. When he smiled, Cory could see all the adorable gaps in his bottom teeth. His smile lit up Cory's world, and he wanted to give him a million reasons to smile.
Cory found that Teddy didn't mind if he held his hand when they went places. He never took Cory's hand on his own though. Cory didn't take it personally. Teddy probably just wasn't used to it.
Today they were just walking through town on their way to pick up a few things at the store. After they stopped to say hi to the ladies at Carla's, someone called out, "Hey, Jimmy." Hearing the name, Teddy caught his breath and turned. But then he lowered his head and wouldn't look up when Cory tried to talk to him.
Cory couldn't wait to tell Alec and Miriam. Once he and Teddy got back to the house, Cory waited until he got Alec alone in the den. Miriam was out of town until late, and he didn't want to give her the news over the phone.
"I think we may have a name. Someone called out Jimmy, and Teddy turned," Cory told Alec simply.
Alec set down the brush he was holding and took a deep breath.
"Did you try calling him that?" he asked.
"Not yet. I'm so used to calling him Teddy. It seems weird. But I'll try it out," Cory said.
"A first name won't help us find out where he came from. Even if Teddy... I mean Jimmy. You are right. It is weird. Even if he was speaking, he might not be able to tell us his full name. A lot of little kids don't know their last names."
Cory nodded. He was sure they would find out more from him soon. It wouldn't be long before Teddy or Jimmy started speaking. In his heart, Cory could feel the approaching moment. Whatever was holding him back didn't seem like trauma. Teddy sometimes looked sad, but there was no sign of any terrible fear. He didn't have many nightmares. Except for his need to have a look around and check that everyone was still there, he slept pretty well.
Cory went to find Teddy on the porch. For a while he just looked at him, then he sat down next to him.
"We heard a name today in town. Someone said Jimmy. Is that your name?" Cory watched his face carefully.
Teddy looked uncertain.
"Would you like me to call you Jimmy?" Cory asked, but Teddy's expression didn't change.
Later, when Alec was giving him a reading lesson, he wrote out the name Jimmy for him. He had Teddy ... Jimmy write it too.
That evening, Cory was using Alec's laptop in the kitchen. That's when Teddy or Jimmy came up to him with a drawing in his hand. It showed trees, a house, and most importantly, two figures. One was big and the other small. Underneath it said "Brothers". The letters were written in orange crayon, crooked, the lines a little shaky, but it was the most beautiful thing Cory had ever seen. He hugged his little brother and said, "Thank you" a million times. With tears in his eyes, Cory looked at the drawing again. He noticed that in the corner, it was signed Teddy.
Cory took Teddy so they could proudly show the drawing to Alec. Seeing it, Alec hugged him then kissed the top of his head. He praised Teddy and told him, "You did a great job drawing your big brother. That's exactly what he looks like."
In the
drawing, Cory's legs were uneven, his arms too short. His feet, his hands, and his head were too big. His smile was even bigger that his head. That part he got right.
"That's me exactly," Cory had to agree.
Teddy looked skeptical but still happy to hear it.
Once he had sent Teddy to go get ready for bed, Cory turned to Alec.
"I guess he likes the name you gave him better," he told Alec, showing him the signature. Then he asked, "Do you think that's what I should call him?"
"I am no expert, but there it is." Alec pointed to the name Teddy.
At bedtime, Alec left them alone to sort out this Teddy/Jimmy issue. As Teddy was climbing into bed, Cory crouched in front of the kid whose true name he wasn't sure about any more.
"Hey. Which do you like better Teddy or Jimmy?" He then repeated the names slowly to judge his reaction. When he heard the name Teddy, his eyes brightened. When he heard Jimmy, he frowned uncertainly just like before.
"Teddy, it is," Cory concluded. He tucked him into bed, then kneeled on the floor next to him. As usual, he told him a bedtime story from his own childhood, a little piece of himself he wanted to share.
As he watched Teddy close his eyes to go to sleep, Cory wondered about that other name, Jimmy, and what it meant to his little brother. To Cory, it had always seemed important to know his real name. Teddy was happy to be Teddy, and Cory was glad he had chosen to keep that name. It seemed right, like an extension of who he was.
He waited until Teddy was asleep to leave him. When he went into the living room, he found the new drawing displayed next to the first photo of them as brothers. It made Cory smile all over again. As he lingered there, he noticed the framed photographs of Alec's family. The first photo to catch his eye was one of Miriam holding a newborn, who could have been either Alec or his brother. The infant was red faced and crying while his mother looked much younger but exhausted. She had a soft, loving look in her eyes as she looked down at her baby.
