He shook his head once, then said, “It’s not because I’m angry.”
Why else then? she wondered, then asked, “Why are you here?”
“Because you left,” he said simply and didn’t elaborate as if the matter wasn’t for further discussion.
Still, her heart lurched. She shook her head attempting to rid herself of the hope his words spurred, knowing in her heart, he couldn’t care for her like she cared for him.
“And?” she prodded.
“Why did you leave, Liv?” he asked, ignoring her question. His eyes were bleak yet seeking, searching for something though she didn’t know what.
She hated the question because she couldn’t admit the truth—he was the reason she’d left. She didn’t possess the courage to say it, and she was too inexperienced with men, immortal or otherwise to serve her heart on a platter.
“Because I needed a…break,” she blurted a version of the truth. The same version she’d told her brother.
“From what?” he prodded but didn’t wait for a response. “From me, Liv? Did you need a break from me?” His voice had gone solemn.
Her heart nearly shattered, still confounded by the man who stood in front of her.
Yes, the answer to his question rested on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t voice it. “I…I needed a break from everything. There’s been a lot going on and I just wanted to…” She paused.
He sighed seemingly in exasperation, but the resolve in his expression never left. He came for a reason, for a purpose, and she needed to know why.
“Did my brother send you?”
He chuckled humorlessly. “No, he didn’t send me, and he doesn’t know I’m here.” He said the latter firmly.
“How did you find me?”
Instead of answering, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”
“Why does it matter?”
He clenched his jaw. “Because I care,” he said firmly in a tone he’d never used with her in the past, rough and unrelenting.
Of course, he cared. It was in his nature. He was kindhearted, always more concerned for others than himself, one of the many reasons she’d fallen for him.
“You shouldn’t care,” she blurted before she thought it through.
“I care, and I can’t stop,” he said decisively, then his eyes trailed up and down her body, causing a shiver to run through her. “Are you hungry?”
“Um…yes.” Liar, her conscience sneered. She hadn’t been hungry for days.
His shoulders relaxing, he said, “I’m starved. Do you know of any good places to eat?” Then he smiled for the first time, but the smile never reached his eyes. Still, it gave her a glimpse of the man she loved.
She nodded.
“Come. It’s on me.”
Finally, the red in his eyes dissipated. She caught sight of that blue color, but the glimmer hadn’t returned.
Chapter 7
The reunion he’d envisioned thousands of times since she left didn’t go as planned. After the endless days without her, he needed to hold her, but her reaction stopped him from dragging her into his arms. The shock then sadness streaming off of her stalled him. Now his body ached for what should have been—her body against his, her warmth even if it had only lasted a measly moment.
He spent days wondering how she’d react.
Now, he knew.
When she found him on the beach, the strength of her shock blasted through him. He hadn’t sensed fear, but her actions spoke for her, said she had been afraid of his glowing red gaze. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could’ve done to control it. His mate left him, and he spent three days wondering and worrying. The instant he spotted her, his eyes glowed. A demon’s eyes glowed for a number of reasons: any strong emotion did the trick. His had glowed with every ounce of love he felt for her.
But she didn’t know that. What she knew about demons, he’d told her because he’d taught her about other breeds. At the time, he thought it wise to leave that tidbit of information out.
Too quickly her shock morphed to sadness, that same deep-seated sadness he sensed weeks before she left. Perhaps, his fear wasn’t just a fear. Perhaps, she knew she was his and didn’t want him. Perhaps, she’d envisioned loving a werewolf and couldn’t stand the thought that her demon mate had come in search of her regardless of the feelings he knew she possessed for him.
What he wouldn’t give for a glimpse into her mind. He could ask, but he knew it’d get him nowhere. She wasn’t answering any of his questions. Go figure, he wasn’t answering any of hers.
Olivia gave him the address of a seafood restaurant on the island. He insisted he drive instead of his usual mode of transportation, materializing, figuring it would give her time to get used to his untimely arrival.
Besides her directions, the drive to the restaurant was quiet. When they reached a small establishment near Black Beach, he opened her door and led her inside. The hostess seated them on the outside patio near the ocean. He pulled out a chair, and she sat.
She waited until he took a seat across from her before she spoke. “Cain, what are you doing here? Doesn’t Lucas need you?”
Wishing she’d stop questioning his reasons, his gaze on the menu in front of him, he muttered, “I’m on vacation.”
“Really?” She sounded doubtful.
“Yeah, a much needed one. Haven’t been on a vacation in…” He looked up to her and admitted, “Well, I’ve never been on vacation.”
“Why here?”
Eyes narrowing, he replied firmly, “Because you’re here.”
Looking uncomfortable, she glanced away.
His gaze hardened further, then he asked, “Do you want me to leave?” He didn’t know why he bothered to ask because there was no way in hell he’d leave. Still, he supposed a part of him wanted to know.
Her gaze landed on his again.
When she didn’t answer, he asked, “Did you have plans with someone else? Am I crashing a hot date?” Some of the anger the thought sparked leaked into his voice, despite his attempts to sound nonchalant. Is it with a werewolf? Cause I’ll kill the bastard.
On cue, her eyes went wide, and her face flushed, tinting her cheeks a lovely rosy shade.
God, how he’d missed that, even the simplest of things, watching her face flush.
She swallowed visibly then, finally, she shook her head.
He released a breath then smiled and said, “Good.”
Looking down at her menu, she asked, “How long are you on vacation?”
He shrugged then admitted, “As long as it takes.”
Her head snapped back up, those crystal clear blue eyes under her furrowed brows met his. “As long as what takes?”
As long as it takes for you to love me, he thought.
Pausing, he analyzed her expression and demeanor realizing she continued to cower away from him and flinch every so often.
What had happened? What had changed? Days ago, they’d been friends, good friends, who joked, laughed and teased often. There had been no uncomfortable silences, and no imaginary walls causing the cold distance that existed between them now. There had been trust, respect, attraction and love, on his part at least.
“Why do you look scared of me?”
She looked away from him then said, “I…I—”
“You’ve never been scared of me before,” he pointed out, interrupting her.
Meeting his stare again, she said, “If you were reading me, you’d know I’m not scared of you. I’m uncomfortable…I’ve never seen you like…” Her gaze scanned him from top to bottom, then she finished, “…this.”
Like I went through hell and back in three days? Because you never left me before.
Even as he thought it, guilt and remorse washed over him because in that moment, he realized he was screwing up his second chance.
Reaching for her hand, he clasped it in his. The small touch was meant to comfort her, but the instant he felt her soft smooth skin, it soothe
d him. “I’m sorry. I’ve been through a lot the past several days. Hence, this much needed vacation.”
Her eyes softened and saddened simultaneously, she asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
The tension in his shoulders dissolved. Because her eyes gave her away, because he knew she cared, he found himself genuinely smiling for the first time in days. “It’s my burden, Liv.”
The waitress placed their drinks on the table and took their orders. Though he hated to do it, he knew he had to. He released her hand then took a sip of whiskey and felt the alcohol burn down his throat, partially soothing his nerves.
Hoping to rid them both of their moods, hoping they’d overcome the barrier, he asked, “What have you done since you’ve been here?”
She sipped her martini then said, “Nothing, really, just catching up on sleep.”
“We should go dancing tomorrow night.”
Her eyes widened, a soft smile spread across her lips. “Really?” She couldn’t keep the excitement from her voice.
He chuckled, loving her reaction to the simple invitation. “Yeah, you love dancing.”
“How did you—”
“I remember from that night we danced.”
“Oh,” she replied.
The sadness returned. He heard it in her voice, read it on her expression and the emotion struck him anew. He barely controlled the need to cringe, hating the emotion altogether.
Even though over the last five months he watched her, constantly learning everything he could about her, there was so much he didn’t know. Like the sadness that came so unexpectedly, so quickly. It wasn’t the first time. Weeks ago, her moods began to shift, sadness coming suddenly. What went on in that head of hers? Why did she keep it from him? Repeatedly sensing it in her caused havoc in his soul, shredded pieces of it little by little. Because he’d sensed it so often, he was sure he had no soul left, sure he was damned.
He did what he always did when it came. He tried to fix it, ease it or erase it altogether. “We don’t have to go if you’re not up for it.”
“No, I just…” She paused, took a deep breath then admitted, “I hate remembering that night.”
He remembered that night well because he’d seared it into his mind, because he loved that night. The night of the Guardian meeting, the night she’d seen him for the very first time.
After the meeting, after seeing her and being unable to hold her, talk to her, he’d been disillusioned and contemplative. Because he was guarding Jocelyn, he ended up in a bar in Manhattan, talking to Jocelyn about nothing important, but the entire time he’d been trying to come up with a plan, a way to get close to Olivia. He hadn’t needed one. Half an hour after they arrived, Landon and Olivia had, sealing his fate.
That night, he’d gotten to talk to her and dance with her, though her brother protested. That night, he’d even proved he could care for her. During their second dance, a group of Malums had attacked, dropping a make-shift bomb on the dance floor. He’d pushed her out of harm’s way, risked his life and almost died doing it, but he’d saved her. He remembered that night fondly because even thinking he would die, right before everything faded away he knew she would live. Knowing she would, knowing his last act on earth was saving his mate as the darkness engulfed him, he smiled. He was glad when he woke the next morning, but had he died, he would’ve been content.
Because of all of those reasons, hearing her say she hated that night made panic claw him. “Why?” Because you met me?
She took another a sip of her martini as if summoning the courage to respond. With each second, his heart drummed louder until finally she said, “Because you almost died.”
Releasing a breath, he smiled. “Yeah, but it was still a great night. I met you. I danced with you.” One of the most memorable nights of my life, he left unsaid.
“But you almost died trying to save someone you barely knew,” she pointed out, sounding so sad.
“It was worth it, and I would do it again in a second,” he said quickly.
The sadness in her returned, then looking resigned, she said, “I guess you’re used to risking your life for other people because it’s part of your job.”
Silently cursing, he clenched his jaw, then took a deep breath wondering why she couldn’t understand what he meant. She was very smart, he knew. She spent all her spare time in her library, yet she never seemed to grasp his compliments.
“It’s part of my job, but that’s not why I’d do it again.”
The waitress neared with their food and set their entrées in front of them. The whole time, he watched Olivia, waiting for her next words.
When the waitress left, she took her first bite then asked, “Have you talked to Landon or Joce?”
She changed the subject, completely disregarding his words. So typical, it was predictable. She did it all the time, but now, more than ever, it made him think she knew the truth—that she was his and chose to ignore it. The reason she left. Why she ignored every one of his compliments and pretended he hadn’t said them. The worst part was he couldn’t do much about it. For the time being though, he had to get them back to where they’d been.
“Joce, yeah,” he answered, belatedly.
“Was she really upset I took off?”
“I think she understands.” I don’t, he thought then asked, “You’ve called since you got here?”
“Today. Landon was upset, but…” Her words trailed off then she took a bite of food.
“It’s only natural. He’s your brother. He cares.”
“No, it’s my fault. Because of the way I left. I just…I knew if I discussed it with him he’d never let me come alone, so I left in the middle of the night, only left a note.”
He nodded, unwilling to speak, so she would continue.
“It’s more than that, too,” she said, sipping her martini.
She shrugged, and he could tell she wouldn’t say anymore unless he asked. He placed his hand over hers again. “You can tell me, Liv,” he urged. “Anything and everything, you know you can trust me. You know I won’t tell anyone.”
She sighed heavily then admitted, “When I was two, our dad was killed during the vampire werewolf war. Less than a year after, our mom died. Doctors said it was from a broken heart, from losing her male. I didn’t take any of it well.”
His eyes widened. Though he’d known her father had been killed during the war, he hadn’t known her mother followed such a short time later.
“Landon is four hundred years older, but I was just a baby. I was terrified I’d lose him too, so I wouldn’t let him out of my sight. I would latch onto him and go everywhere he went. If he tried to leave without me, I’d cry bloody murder. If I woke up and he wasn’t around, I’d suffer awful panic attacks, wail and scream until I threw up. It lasted until my pre-teen years. Even after that, I needed to know where he was at all times. He is my brother but acted like a father. He never complained and treated me like a princess no matter what he had to do, his responsibilities with the pack. He didn’t care. I was his number one because I needed him.”
She paused and gazed away from him and toward the ocean. Two emotions streamed from her at once: overwhelming guilt and fierce admiration—for her brother, for everything he’d done for her.
“He’s overprotective because of me. He sheltered me and kept the realities of our world from me because he thought I couldn’t handle it, but the fact is there was a time when I couldn’t even handle being away from the only relative I had left. On some level, I encouraged his behavior. I can’t ever repay him for what he’s done for me, and I can’t express how much it means to me, but I am over a century old now. I’m not afraid of the things I used to be afraid of, but I am afraid of living in a self-created fantasy.”
And there it was again, remorse gushing from her, and he finally understood why. She regretted not being strong enough, causing her brother to shield her from the realities of life.
“No one knows the sacrifices he’s made mo
re than me. It’s why I don’t fight him.” She laughed humorlessly. “Well, I suppose I should rephrase that. When I found out all he kept from me about the Guardians and the war, I did fight him. I was angry, really angry in a way I’d never been before. I grew a temper and took it out on him. Honestly, looking back now, it wasn’t just him leaving me out of things. It was the fact he was so lucky to have found his fated and he denied her. You remember. That was around the time we met. After that, he started to include me in our breed’s affairs and even let me join the council.”
Pausing for a moment, then she said, “Still, I feel like it’s not enough. I know there are still things he keeps from me, and I want to be more involved. I want to date and—”
Date? His heart slammed against ribs, so hard he thought it had cracked open his chest.
His mate couldn’t date. He wouldn’t tolerate it. His palms beginning to sweat, he fisted the napkin on his lap. Breathing deeply, he asked, “Don’t you want to wait to find your male?” He hoped his voice didn’t sound as panicked as he felt.
Lifting a brow, she asked, “Have you waited?”
He held her gaze for several moments then finally, unwilling to lie, he shook his head.
Despite the fact he hadn’t bedded another woman since he’d found her, he hadn’t waited before that. He’d taken pleasure in women hundreds of times, never searched for his mate, never thought twice about the fact she could’ve been waiting for him. When Olivia was alive and within a fifty mile radius of him, he’d slept with numerous women and the knowledge tormented him. He shouldn’t feel like he’d cheated or slighted her in any way, but the guilt was undeniable. She’d been right under his nose, and he hadn’t bothered to look.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“For what?”
For not looking for you, he thought, instead he uttered another truth. “For your loss, for losing your mom and dad at a young age, I know how you feel.”
Lifting her brows, she asked softly, “Do you?”
He nodded then reluctantly admitted, “I was orphaned at a young age.” He paused wondering if it was worth confiding in her knowing she’d pity him, knowing it’d only serve to further prove how different they were. “In the demon plane, there was a war much like the one brewing now. Lucas’s father taught and urged my kind to control their demons. He believed we could control ourselves and not live in fear of our demons taking over, and he was right. However, some disagreed. They preferred being reviled by other breeds. They preferred being feared. We called them Hellions. They killed Lucas’s family. We recently discovered his twin, David, is responsible for the rise of the Hellions as well as the rise of the Malums in this plane.”
Awaiting Fate Page 5
