His lips were curled slightly, his hands clutching the pillow she’d slept on. She thought about last night, when she’d detangled herself from his embrace to retrieve her silk headscarf she always kept in her purse. His eyes were open when she’d come back to bed with the floral fabric wrapped around her hair to protect it. She’d wondered if he’d make a comment, because her spare scarf wasn’t exactly glamorous. But he’d smiled and gently swiped his fingers along the material above her ear, then he’d closed his eyes and was asleep again in seconds.
Watching him as he slept in this morning, she rubbed her chest at the ache there, thinking that this could be the Ethan everyone saw, if only he let go of the guilt. If only he saw himself the way she saw him.
Carefully, she padded from the bedroom, retrieved her camera from the hall closet, and tip-toed back. He hadn’t moved an inch. She dug her camera out of her bag and fiddled around with the settings before holding it up to her face and squinting in the viewfinder.
This was where Lissa was most comfortable. This was how she communicated, through her pictures. This would be how she showed him he deserved happiness. She clicked a couple of pictures of his sleeping form and then paused, waiting for him to wake up. His nose twitched, and she covered her mouth to stifle a laugh as he settled again.
She held out her hand above him and snapped some photos blind for another angle. She took all kinds of shots all around the room in different light. When her shutter fell silent, she breathed deeply. Then she packed up her camera and put it back in the hall closet. She’d go home, study and edit them, and show him the best pictures of himself. She wasn’t sure he’d appreciate waking up to a camera ambush.
After a quick trip to the bathroom to remove her scarf, she walked back into the bedroom to see ice-blue eyes open and alert. He hadn’t moved, but he tracked her as she crossed the room and climbed into bed beside him.
His body was like a furnace, especially when he wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her against him.
He hadn’t spoken yet, so she didn’t speak, either, instead allowing him to cocoon her in the warmth of his body and the sheets. They were both still naked from the night before, and while watching his eyes for a flinch, she ran her fingers over the scars along his neck and shoulder. He didn’t move at all, and as she went lower, her palms sliding on unmarked skin, she saw he was hard.
She wrapped her hands around it and stroked. His hips jerked, and his lips parted.
“Do you want me to take care of this?” she asked, skimming her lips over his jaw. He opened his mouth as if to talk, but instead nodded. She stroked him again and then stopped. “I will if you agree to go out to breakfast with me.”
He immediately frowned and his eyes blazed. She already missed his peaceful expression. “Excuse me?”
“Breakfast, then video games.”
His frown grew deeper until it was a mammoth groove in his forehead. “Are you blackmailing me?”
She didn’t want to hole up in his apartment, which he’d said he’d been doing for years. She wanted him to get out and enjoy life. “Yes, I am.”
“You are an evil witch.” She let go of his cock, and he groaned. “No…”
“Then promise me we can go out for sausage gravy and biscuits.”
He made a face of disgust. “No.”
“No?”
“I will not eat that. I’ll order something proper, like an omelet.”
She grinned and wrapped her fingers around his shaft again then nuzzled her nose into his neck. “So is that a yes?”
“It’s a yes,” he mumbled as his hand skimmed her naked hip. “No changing the terms on me. Breakfast, then video games.”
She pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the skin of his neck, where it was scarred. He didn’t even notice, because she was stroking him at the same time. “Okay,” she whispered.
With a stretch, she reached for a condom from his bedside table, opening the package, and then rolled it down his cock. He was breathing hard, his abs flexing as he lay on his back and watched her.
She rose up onto her knees, straddled him, and slowly sheathed him with herself. His eyes fell closed on a moan as she sat fully onto him. His hands fluttered at her hips before settling at her thighs, his thumbs digging into her skin. “Lissa.”
She bit her lip, because even though they’d had sex last night, he was still a lot to handle, especially in this position. But damn he felt good, and he felt even better as she began to rock her hips.
He watched her with his lips parted, eyes half lidded. “So beautiful.”
She braced herself on his chest and ground onto him harder. She could change the angle in this position, so the head of his cock hit her just right. He helped, too, as his thumbs drifted between her legs and rubbed her clit. She wondered what she looked like.
When she came, he wasn’t far behind, and he rolled them gently onto their sides before pulling out and disposing of the condom.
She reached up and brushed his hair out of his eyes, and he greeted her action with a small smile. “I don’t know if this is good for me.”
“If what’s good for you?”
“Getting used to this. Last night and this morning have been some of the best I’ve had in years. When are you going to realize there is a man out there for you who smiles more and laughs all the time and enjoys going out in public?”
Oh, be still her heart. She shook her head. “Maybe that’s not what I want.” He scoffed, but she wasn’t done. “No, you don’t get to tell me what I want and what I don’t want. First of all, I haven’t had the desire to spend time with anyone in a while. I live with my brother, and I work, and I’m happy with that. I’m fine being alone. So you have to understand that I’m choosing to be with you. Every time we’ve seen each other, I never felt like I couldn’t say no. You’ve respected me then, so respect me now to know that I have my own mind. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t fucking be here.” When she was finished, she was breathing hard and that was definitely a rant she’d gone on. She winced, hoping Ethan didn’t take offense, but instead, after a brief pause, where he did nothing but blink at her, he smiled. A large, E-Rad-reminiscent smile.
He pressed a kiss to her lips. “I don’t believe in fate or any of that bullshit, but, Lissa, you were sent to me for some reason. Most people take a look at my scars and my scowls and they placate me. You don’t do that. You tell me the truth, and you don’t sugarcoat, and fuck, but you’re a breath of fresh air.”
She ducked her head, her cheeks heating. “There’ve been men who didn’t like my honesty or bluntness. Or bossiness.”
He cupped her cheek, his expression tender. “Those weren’t men. Those were boys, and they didn’t know what a gem you are.”
Tears threatened, but she blinked them back. What if she or someone had said that to Rona. Would she still be alive today? Pushing back the stab of guilt, she rose up on an elbow. “Okay, so you ready for your breakfast now?”
He hesitated for a second, still studying her face, then nodded. “Sure, let’s get on with it.
…
Ethan stared at Lissa’s plate, which was covered with an off-white goopy mess. “That looks like someone ate a steak and drank a gallon of milk and then vomited it up onto a plate.”
She paused with the fork halfway to her mouth, then she dropped it back down and pointed a finger at him. “You will not ruin this breakfast for me. You’re just jealous because you ordered a whole plate of bland.”
“It does not taste bland.”
“It’s an egg white omelet! Who eats stuff like that?”
He shoved a forkful in his mouth and mumbled, “Me.”
She raised an eyebrow then picked up her utensil and resumed eating. She made an exaggerated moaning sound as she chewed. He shook his head, unable to hide his smile.
“You want some?” she asked.
“What is it?”
She huffed out a breath. “How can you live in Pennsylvania and not have
had sausage gravy and biscuits?”
“Probably because it looks like vomit.”
“Quit saying that.”
He pressed his lips together.
“So it’s gravy with bits of sausage in it and they pour it over biscuits. I like it with a lot of pepper.”
He took a sip of his coffee. “I like it on your plate and not mine.”
She laughed, the sound of it warming him more than coffee ever could. “Fine, be like that. I’m just happy you’re here.”
He leaned forward and cleared his throat. “Me, too.”
She smiled and dug back in to her plate.
He was happy, too. After the night they had, where he’d spilled his guts, he hadn’t expected this to be the outcome. Them laughing over breakfast after several rounds of really good sex.
Despite the loss of her sister, Lissa was full of life, and patient, and so brutally honest he finally stopped guessing if she had ulterior motives. She actually wanted to spend time with his grumpy ass.
Part of him knew what she was doing—getting him to get out of the house. He’d told her he rarely ventured out. But while it irritated him when Grant did it and concerned him when Chloe did it—when Lissa did it…he appreciated it just a little. That might not have been fair to Grant and Chloe, but he couldn’t help how he felt.
Lissa did it for him. In bed and out. He wouldn’t have passed up seeing her face light up as she ate her breakfast or her polite smile while she thanked their waitress.
It felt natural to come out to breakfast with her. He’d expected to be so ill at ease he couldn’t eat, but he’d managed to scrape his plate and was now on his second cup of coffee.
When Lissa pushed her mostly empty plate away and rubbed her stomach, he laughed softly. “Had enough?”
“Oh, I’m going to need to do some extra cardio after that meal.”
He tapped his chin with a finger. “Hmm, I happen to know a really great cardio plan.”
She hesitated then lifted a corner of her mouth. “Oh yeah?”
“It involves no clothes and typically some sort of penetration.”
She sputtered. “I knew that was coming, and it still made me laugh.”
“Well, there aren’t many where that came from, so don’t get used to it.”
She rolled her eyes and took a sip from her coffee mug. She set it on the table and wrapped her hands around it, then tapped a ring on her right hand on the ceramic. “So, what’s your sister like?”
The unspoken, “the one who’s still alive” hung in the air between them.
Ethan swallowed and debated whether he wanted to talk about this. Lissa didn’t give him an out, didn’t say, “Only if you want to talk.” She stared at him steadily and waited. He blew out a breath. “Her name’s Chloe. She’s a software debugger, which means she pokes holes in the software security so companies know where the problems are. She’s really smart and has the biggest heart. She’s engaged to Grant, whom you met.” She nodded. “And she’s very, very happy. And that’s all I ever wanted for her, was to be happy. She took the death of Samantha hard, like we all did. My parents and I had a falling out, and Chloe put a lot of that on her shoulders, thinking she needed to get us all back together.” He shook his head. “But that’s not her responsibility, to keep our family together. It was blasted apart, and I don’t think it will ever be put back together the way it was.”
Lissa hadn’t taken her eyes off him. “Of course it won’t be put back together the way it was. There’s a piece missing. It’s all about finding a new normal. A new way to talk to one another and understand triggers.”
Lissa had a way of speaking that didn’t make Ethan bristle. Her words weren’t a lecture; they were a shared experience. He shifted in his seat and cocked his head. “How so?”
She blinked, as if she hadn’t expected him to respond favorably. “After Rona died, we all blamed ourselves, I think. When she was alive, we all thought the other was watching her, and in the end, none of us had been giving her what she needed. We didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. We didn’t want to let one another down, so we closed ranks.” She broke for a sip of coffee. Her hands trembled slightly as she placed the mug back on the table. “We were all hurting and it wasn’t easy, but we made sure we spoke. We stayed honest with one another about how we felt. My brother and I moved in together. We were both between leases, so it worked out. We see my parents every week for dinner. It’s not always easy, but we’re committed.” She gazed at him. “What happened between you and your parents?”
He swallowed, the thought of his parents causing a flare of pain between his eyes like it always did. “I blamed myself, and they blamed me, too. Instead of working on the relationship, I shoved them away further. I think…I think it’s mostly my fault, the chasm that’s there now. And at this point, I’m not sure it’s fixable.”
“Do you want to fix it?”
“Of course. My parents have flaws, like everyone, but they are good parents. And they don’t deserve this broken family. That I caused.”
She shook her head. “I’ll tell you now, they’re not going to forgive you until you forgive yourself. I believe that with all my heart. If you come to them like this, they’ll see you exactly how you see yourself, and I’m sure that will be painful to them. They lost a daughter, and now they lost you. You see that, right?”
He did, but it was easier said than done. He rubbed his forehead, trying to soothe away throbbing pain. Dredging up all of this was exhausting. It was why he avoided talking about it and why he hadn’t gone to therapy.
Lissa reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “I think that was enough deep thought for the morning, don’t you?”
He was grateful for her perception. He cleared his throat and clasped his hands on the table in front of him. “Yeah, I, uh, think I need to shoot some things on screen now.”
She laughed. “Video games it is then.”
Chapter Thirteen
The breakfast conversation lingered in the background as they played Aric’s Revenge back at Ethan’s house. At first, Lissa had worried she’d overstepped, pressed too hard. But while Ethan was subdued, he seemed thoughtful.
As time went on, he loosened up a little more, talking to himself about the game, and she swore she was in the same room as E-Rad. Well, she was in the same room as E-Rad, just an older version.
She liked this one better.
The current E-Rad spoke with less bravado and more facts. Showed off less and analyzed more. He spoke about the game’s patches, how they improved play, and how to get the most out of the game.
He was so fascinating to listen to that she was barely paying attention to her own player and walked in front of Ethan’s dragon just as he flamed up a house. And her with it. “Oops,” she said with a wince. “That’s no good.”
“Lissa,” Ethan growled.
“What?”
“You offed yourself! Pay attention.”
“I am paying attention.”
He shot her a look.
“I am! I’m paying attention to you, because you’re more interesting than this video game.”
His fingers stopped moving and they stared at the screen as a house burned. He didn’t look at her as he spoke. “My sister said my inner E-Rad was re-emerging.”
“She’s right, but this is E-Rad 2.0. A more mature version. I like you better now. You got on my nerves sometimes before.”
He turned to her slowly with a grin. “Oh yeah? Tell me please.”
She tapped her fingers on the controller. “You used to do that pistol thing. When you killed a main guy. It was pompous.”
“Pompous?” his voice rose.
“Pompous. And your winking was sleazy.”
He threw back his head and laughed. “I happened to like my wink.”
“Sleazy,” she repeated.
He tossed his controller to the side and rose from his spot on the floor. Lissa fell onto her back on the couch as he climbed
over her. With a quick flick of his fingers, the button on her jeans was undone, then her zipper was down, and his hand was inside of her panties.
She arched her back and moaned as a finger pressed against her. He licked his lips and gazed down her body. “Sleazy, huh? Is this sleazy?”
She gripped the armrest behind her with both hands and bit her lip as he dipped a finger inside of her. “Shit, Ethan.”
“I love how you respond to me. Right now, you’re panting already, spreading your legs as far as you can because you know I’ll make you feel good. You know I’ll make you come so hard on this couch that you see stars.”
She cried out as another finger joined the first. The heel of his palm pressed against her clit as he leaned down and nipped at her jaw. “One touch and you’re so wet for me. You want to know what makes me happy, Lissa? This. You. And me. Breakfast and video games and my fingers deep inside of you. That’s what makes me happy. This is fucking living.”
She gasped as he pressed harder, thrusting his fingers in and out of her, his thumb now stroking her clit. “This makes me happy, too,” she said breathlessly.
His lips were at her ear now. “I’d be even happier if you came. I’m going to watch you, memorize every emotion on your face, every sound you make.”
She reached down and gripped his wrist, grinding against his hand as she felt the orgasm start. “Oh shit.”
He pulled back immediately, those blue-flame eyes on her. “That’s it. Come for me.”
She didn’t need the command, because it was already starting. Staring up at him, the orgasm rocketed through her, a fire that spread out to every limb. When she collapsed back onto the couch with a slump, panting, Ethan’s fingers were still inside of her. He pulled them out slowly, and without looking away, sucked them into his mouth. She watched as he licked them then leaned down and took her mouth in a hot, wet kiss.
When he pulled back, there was a smirk on his lips. She reached for his pants, but he jerked back. “I’m okay.”
She frowned. “But you’re hard, and I need to do something to pay you back for that amazing orgasm.”
Leveling the Field (Gamers) Page 10
