by Joe Muto
63 Did I mention the yelling?
64 This reputation has dogged him throughout his career, as Marvin Kitman recounts in the entertaining biography The Man Who Would Not Shut Up: “He was so unbelievably cheap, another coworker on Inside Edition recalled, that he had a party at his house in New Jersey, and on the invitation to the staff, he wrote ‘CASH BAR.’ And no one went.”
65 A cynical person might think that it was part of some kind of massive tax dodge. Luckily, I’m not a cynical person, and I also have no idea how taxes actually work, aside from confusedly groping my way through TurboTax once a year. Anyway, some worthy charities are getting lots of money every year, so honestly Bill does deserve kudos for that.
66 Where’s the birth certificate, Ann?
67 I never did hug her, since I was afraid I’d snap her in half. She’s even thinner in person than she appears on TV, almost brittle-looking.
68 Did I mention this wasn’t a very well-thought-out plan?
69 Honestly, at this point I’m starting to lean toward the latter explanation.
70 Aka, Reginald VelJohnson, the actor who plays Bruce Willis’s cop buddy and later went on to play the father Carl Winslow, in the classic 1990s sitcom Family Matters.
71 See what I did there?
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Contents
Disclaimer
Epigraph
PROLOGUE: The Beginning of the End for a Middling Cable News Career
CHAPTER 1: Slacking Your Way to Success and Shame
CHAPTER 2: I Coulda Been a Contender . . .
CHAPTER 3: When Rupert Met Roger
CHAPTER 4: Paradise by the On-Air Light
CHAPTER 5: A White Devil in Brooklyn
CHAPTER 6: Red Bull and Kool-Aid
CHAPTER 7: Moonwalking into the Light
CHAPTER 8: Crime Does Pay, But Not Particularly Well
CHAPTER 9: The Calling
CHAPTER 10: Radio Days
CHAPTER 11: Stand and Deliver: Rage, Ridicule, and Sexy Ladies, Twice a Week
CHAPTER 12: Loofah, Falafel, Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off
CHAPTER 13: I Loved You in A League of Their Own, You Far-Left Loon
CHAPTER 14: Fox-Flavored Sausage
CHAPTER 15: I Think He Said the Sheriff Is Near
CHAPTER 16: Rhymes with “Cat Bit Hazy”
CHAPTER 17: Take Me Out to the Buffet
CHAPTER 18: The Mole
EPILOGUE: What Have We Learned?
Acknowledgments
