by Kimbra Swain
“I’m sorry,” I said. I didn’t know what I was sorry for, but I hated to see her like this. She grabbed my arm pulling it away from her face.
“You don’t get to say you’re sorry now, Jamey,” she said.
I backed away from her. She was right. I didn’t deserve any moment with her. Ever. “You are right.” Sticking my hands in my pockets, I backed down one step. “Thank you for being a lovely date.”
“Hardly. Thank you for dinner,” she said. She turned to open the door but looked back at me. Once last chance, Chump.
“Jamey,” I said.
“What?” she said.
“You asked who I am. I’m Jamey. At least, it’s who I want to be,” I said.
“Good. He’s the one I like the best,” she said.
I felt pulled back toward her. My fingers want to touch her face again. I stepped back up. “I need someone to remind me of that every once in a while. Kelly tries, but I don’t listen very well.”
“You don’t listen to me at all,” she said.
“I could,” I offered. She cast her eyes down to the ground and switched her weight between her feet. That vulnerability. I realized that I’d never seen it before in any of her pictures or the reports on tv. It wasn’t in the newspaper articles. It was for me. She kept leaving herself open for me. Taking that last step between us, my fingers found their goal again. My thumb brushed her soft skin. Her eyes were wide, and she gulped. She was attracted to me despite knowing everything about me. It wasn't believable or possible. But I knew that look. I had already given in to her. I might as well admit it. “It has to be you.”
I saw the protest about to come out of her mouth. I didn’t want to hear it, so I covered it with a kiss. My other hand found her face. I didn’t linger. The last thing I wanted was to cause her to panic. Her breathing was rapid, and her body shuddered next to mine. She cut her eyes side to side. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Never know who is watching,” she said. She’d lived the years since taking over Malone under constant scrutiny. She couldn’t take a moment for herself.
“Then invite me inside,” I said.
She shook her head. “I can’t,” she said.
“Just to talk,” I said.
“I’ve heard that line before, Jamey,” she huffed out a short laugh.
“I mean it,” I said looking into her eyes.
She whimpered again, and I knew she was going to let me inside. “Okay, but don’t do that again. Please.” She opened the door, and I went in with her. She shut and locked it behind me. Taking off her coat she hung it up in the closet. I took mine off and laid it on the chair near the door for a quick getaway if this went badly.
“Why?” I asked.
“Why what?” she asked walking into the next room.
I followed her into the kitchen. She started up the coffee pot. “It’s late for coffee,” I said.
“I need to sober up a little so I don’t make some horrible decision,” she said.
“I think the wine has set in, and you can’t help but tell the truth,” I said.
“Probably,” she huffed the small laugh out again.
“You liked it,” I said.
“Liked what?” she asked. I plopped down at the kitchen table and watched her wait for the coffee impatiently.
“You know what,” I played.
“Jamey,” she said my name harshly. It made me smile. Maybe we could fight. Now that I was inside, angry sex was a very good possibility. I tried washing the thought of that out of my mind, but I just couldn’t. The demon in my pants protested, and I sighed.
“I need coffee, too,” I said. “But for the record, I liked it.”
“Shut up,” she said. I laughed. “No, seriously. Shut up.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I replied. She groaned. The tension between us went from wanting to kill each other to humping each other’s brains out. I was okay with the latter. She wasn’t.
The coffee finished brewing, and she poured me a cup. After fixing herself one, she sat down next to me. “Yes, I liked it,” she grinned. She was back in control.
I sat back and looked at her. “Well, then, I look forward to the time you let me do it again.”
She looked at me sideways. It was cute. “Let you? I didn’t let you the first time.”
“Yes, you did,” I smiled sipping my coffee. She sat her cup down on the table, and I took the opportunity to grab her hand. I missed clamping down on her wrist. In a flurry of motion, she yanked away from me so hard she fell out of the chair. “Oh, shit, Alexa, are you okay?” I stood up to help her. She backed away from me along the floor. Her back hit the cabinets. The attack took over. Gasping for breath, she waved her arms at me trying to get me to stay away from her. I saw my sister for an instant. Pushing me away. I lost Hailey. I wouldn’t lose Alexa.
I hit my knees before her and held my hand palms up out to my sides. “Alexandra, you know I won’t hurt you. It’s just me.” She shook her head, but I pressed closer. She opened her mouth to scream, so I stopped moving forward.
“You want me to call Sebastian?” I asked pulling out my phone. She shook her head. “Okay. Okay. You’ve got to give me a little leeway here.” Clinching her fists over and over, she whimpered as tears streaked down her face. With just my fingertips, I touched her cheek. She didn’t lunge away, so I moved up to her side laying my hand flat on her face. I touched my forehead to hers. This attack was much worse than the one at the bar. It was when I clamped down on her wrist. The implication frightened me. Flashes of the picture of her with Ryland LeBlanc’s hand wrapped around her wrist, and I knew he’d done this to her. Whatever it was. He did it.
“What’s my name?”
“Rat bastard,” she managed to say.
“Nope. That’s not me. What’s my name?”
“Mr. Elliot,” she said as the breathing settled. I felt her heart pounding in her cheek.
“Alexa, who am I?”
“Jamey.”
“Yes, I’m Jamey,” I said brushing her tears with my thumb. “It’s the wrist, right?”
She nodded.
“Okay. Now that I know. I won’t ever do it again. I promise. I would never hurt you, baby,” I said. She groaned and leaned into me.
Twenty
ALEXA
As his hand closed around my wrist, I felt my chest explode. No, not now. It was involuntary. The attack rushed upon me. I couldn’t hold it back. No breathing techniques. My efforts to hold it back were in vain. It was like it used to be right after it happened. Jamey’s warm hand around my wrist, but flashes of Ryland’s cold paw clamping down on my freedom. My life.
He talked me through it playing his name game. Tonight, he was Jamey. I wanted him to be Jamey all the time. “I need to get off the floor,” I said. I was cold, and all I wanted was my warm bed. He crouched on his feet wrapping his arm under mine and the other under my legs. He lifted me off the floor. It had been so long since someone held me. Since I let someone hold me.
“Which way,” he asked.
“Up the stairs. But you can put me down,” I said.
“Shut-up,” he said softly. I buried my face into his neck. I felt the goosebumps ripple over his flesh. I drank in the deep sandalwood scent of his cologne.
“Last door on the right,” I said softly.
He walked into my room and sat me down on the edge of the bed. I reached down to unzip the boots. He put his hand over mine and looked into my eyes. “I’m going to help. That’s all. I promise,” he said. I believed him. I wanted to trust him.
Slowly he unzipped each boot and laid them next to the bed. “Second drawer,” I said. He turned to the drawer and pulled it out. I kept long pajama pants and t-shirts in there. He pulled out the ones on the top and handed them to me. He turned his back to me, waiting for me to undress. I slid out of the dress and pulled the shirt over my head. Carefully, I put my feet on the floor to test my balance. I seemed to be in control, so I slipped into the pajama pants. “
Okay.”
He turned around with pain in his eyes. This man made me weak. Vulnerable. I wanted to cry my eyes out. He knew I was insane now. Clinically. I’d kept it buttoned up tight, except twice now, and both times he was there. I squeezed my eyes shut fighting the tears. I felt his warm hand on my cheek again. “Go ahead and lay down. I’m going to sit in that chair over there. Make sure you sleep.”
“No, Jamey, you don’t…”
“Sorry, that’s the way it’s going to be,” he said.
I curled up on the bed as he covered me up with a soft blanket. He kissed my hair, then backed away to the chair. He pulled his shoes off, set them beside the chair, and laid back. “Goodnight, Jamey.”
“Goodnight, baby,” he said.
Twenty-One
JAMEY
I watched her sleep most of the night. Thankfully she didn't seem to have any nightmares. I dozed in and out, but tomorrow would prove to be difficult considering I'd spent the night in a chair. It wasn't what I had planned.
I'd arrived early last night so that I could speak to Sebastian. At the time, I honestly thought part of me still intended to screw her over and screw her in the process. As I watched her sleep, I hated myself for it. I knew that to get to her, I would have to put him at ease. I had seen something in both of her brothers that I could use to my advantage. They both wanted her to be in a relationship. Happy or just laid didn't seem to matter.
So, I came over, professed my undying love for her to Sebastian, and swore to never let anyone hurt her including myself. That seemed to be all it took. All lies.
But after the tense moments at dinner, she still gave me her hand. I knew then that I was full of shit. Love is a strong word, but I liked her very much. I decided to get over all my apprehensions and just see where it took us.
Of course, even coming to that conclusion, I still wanted to take her to bed with me. I thought we both needed it. Unfortunately, I didn't know her trigger. My sister had one too. If you touched her neck in any way, Hailey would lose it. I should have known to ask Alexa. Not that she would have told me.
Which made me wonder what LeBlanc did to her. If I ever met him, I’d kill him for doing that to any woman. Not just Alexa. I supposed my morals weren't the best, but I'd never forced any woman to do anything. I wondered why Sebastian didn't kill him.
I heard the door open downstairs, and the house alarm disabled. He was back. I sat quietly in the chair watching her. She never stirred. He looked in the room at her, then at me. Standing up quietly, I met him in the hallway.
He didn't even have to ask. I knew he wanted to know what happened. I gestured for him to follow me downstairs.
“What did you do?” he growled.
“We were back here after dinner, and I reached for her hand. She moved and my hand ended up on her wrist,” I said. I tried to make it sound as innocent as it was.
He ran his hands through his hair and sank into the couch. “Was it bad?”
“Worse than the bar. Look, I've dealt with this kind of thing before. You could have told me the trigger,” I said.
“Don't you dare accuse me of causing this! I never should have left,” he said.
“Actually, you need to leave more often. She's strong. She pulls herself out of most of them. Eventually, she won't have them anymore,” I said.
“Thank you for staying with her,” he said.
I leaned on the wall and shrugged. “Felt like I had to.”
“You can go. I'll be here when she wakes up,” he said.
“Fuck that,” I replied, as I headed back up to the chair.
It wasn't long before she woke up. Green eyes locked with mine. She groaned and covered her head.
“Good morning to you, too,” I laughed.
She peeked from under the cover and said, “You are still here.”
“I promised to stay. Sebastian is home,” I said.
“And you still didn't leave?”
I stood up and walked to the edge of her bed. She watched me closely. I sat down on the edge. “We talked about trust. I want you to know that I keep my word.”
She reached out from under the covers and took my hand. “You asked me what it would take. Time. It will just take time,” she said.
I squeezed her hand. “I've got a few minutes,” I said. She giggled.
“Now you can get out,” she laughed.
I grabbed my shoes and shut the door behind me as I left. For the first time in my life, I'd taken a woman to bed and didn't have her. It was foreign to me, and I felt off somehow.
“Want some coffee?” Sebastian said as I hit the bottom step.
“Sounds good,” I said. Walking over to the coffee pot, I served myself. Earlier I texted Kelly to bring me a change of clothes. “My cousin is bringing me some clothes. I didn't know how long she would sleep or when you would return. I hope that it's okay that I told her how to get here.”
“Sure. That's fine,” he said as he ate a bowl of fruity cereal. “Want some?”
“No, thanks.”
“Don't hate on my cereal,” he said.
“Not hating. Just trying to maintain my figure,” I said.
He laughed. “You should come back to the gym,” he said.
“That's where I've seen you!” It finally dawned on me that I’d frequently seen him at ATL gym. Or his brother. But never together.
“Damien work out there too?” I asked.
“Yes, but we don't go at the same time,” he said.
“I do need to get back into it,” I said. Now that my financial situation was settled, mostly. I could renew my membership. I'd never been the muscle that the Malone twins were, but I enjoyed a good sweat session.
The doorbell rang. “I'll get it,” Sebastian said. I couldn't wait until Kelly saw him. He was exactly her type.
I heard her explain who she was and why she was here. Giving them a moment, I waited while she spoke to him. He invited her in, so I got up to meet her.
“Morning, Kelly,” I said to her. She walked past him with wide eyes.
“Oh my god!” she mouthed. I laughed.
“Elliot, guest room is down the hall to the left,” Sebastian said watching her walk by. His eyes grew as big as saucers. The big guy liked what he saw. She linked her arm with mine dragging me down the hallway.
The bedroom had a small bathroom. I started stripping out of the clothes I'd worn all night.
“Okay, he's so hot!” she whispered.
“He has a twin brother, so if Sebastian isn't interested you could try for Damien,” I said.
“Or both,” she added.
“Good grief,” I cringed. I liked good sex, but Kelly leaned toward the kinky kind.
“How was last night?” she asked.
“Not what I expected,” I said.
“You are here,” she said.
“Yes, but…” I realized that I didn't want to talk about it. Even with Kelly. I shook my head and shut the bathroom door to take a quick shower. “Go talk to Sebastian.”
“Okay!” she said brightly.
I stood under the hot water longer than I intended, but my muscles were sore from sitting in the chair all night.
I got out and dressed quickly. Drying my hair with a towel as much as possible. My hair generally went where it wanted. I didn't bother with it much. The suit I had Kelly bring to me was one of the new ones I had bought with Alexandra’s money.
The black Tom Ford coat was sleek and trim. Just the opposite of the Armani’s that she liked. I didn't think of that when I asked Kelly to bring it. There was no way I was letting her go to meet Abrego alone. I had a score to settle there.
I put the jacket on to hurry as I buttoned my shirt underneath heading toward the sound of Sebastian and Kelly’s voices. She giggled at whatever he was saying. I passed the stairway. It darkened with a gorgeous figure floating down the steps.
The long charcoal skirt past her knees with a wide black belt. The black shirt had a delicate lace and a ruffle at
the neck and lace for the entire sleeve. Tall black heels. She wore basic pearls in her ears and around her neck.
“Nice suit,” she remarked.
“Thanks. Tie or no?” I asked.
“No,” she said stopping me from buttoning it up. She finished it for me. Her delicate fingers laced each button one by one never touching my skin.
“My boss bought it for me,” I said.
The light twinkled in her eyes. “Sounds like a really great boss,” she said.
“I should thank her,” I said.
“Yes, you should,” she whispered.
Stepping toward her, I put both hands on the wall just beyond her. Our bodies almost touching. I leaned in over her lips, and said, “Thank you, Miss Malone.”
As calm as I had ever seen her, she raised up on her toes, and her lips met mine. She pulled away after a moment but sucked my bottom lip between hers. It took everything thing I had not to nail her to the wall. “You are welcome, Mr. Elliot,” she whispered.
“Alexa, we should go…” Sebastian screamed thinking she was still upstairs, but before he finished the sentence, he turned the corner to see me leaning in on his sister.
“Morning, Bastian,” she said.
“Sorry, but you don’t want to be late,” he said.
“Thanks, Dad,” she replied.
“Just one minute,” I said without looking at him. He walked back into the kitchen.
She searched my face for a moment and waited for me to say something else.
I swallowed. “Alexa, I cannot let you go to this lunch with Abrego alone. I know your brothers will be there, but I want to be there, too. This was my fuck up. I need to be there even if you are the one resolving it.”
“First of all, Mr. Elliot, as we discussed before, you don’t let me do anything. Secondly, I cannot cause a scene. We need to finish this quickly and quietly. After what they did to you, could you sit there without saying a word?”
“Yes, if it meant that I was there to help you if that monster laid a hand on you. Alexa, I will tell you everything about the deal with Abrego, but please I need to go with you,” I begged. Her eyes flared again, but it quickly subsided.
