by Amy Miles
He fell in love with Favianne and had planned to turn her so they could always be together, but then she’d become ill. He resigned himself to having her only a few more years when he learned she was pregnant.
I finished the letter, then read the ending once more.
This, Zack, and the other books your mother gave you, is all you have left of me. Use the knowledge wisely. More importantly, stay free. Value your right to create your own path and not be a part of a pack. Don’t make the same choices I made. Don’t join the king and don’t become a scout. Run, if you must. And above all else, never trust a werewolf. No matter how nice they seem, how convincing they are or what they promise you — it’s a lie. Never trust another werewolf.
Know that I am there with you in spirit and remember I loved you more than I could say.
Lucio Gavino De Luca
“Wow. I’m sorry.” Tears pricked my eyes. I didn’t know what else to say and couldn’t decide whether Zack’s father should be vilified or praised. Perhaps a little of both. “Your mom must’ve read this and thought it was pretty weird.”
Zack abandoned the book in his hand and moved over to sit with me on the sofa. “She thought he was quite creative for making up such wild stories for me.”
“He had a tragic life, trapped for centuries on a path he shouldn’t have chosen.” I snuggled closer in the blanket, thinking if I should adjust the thermostat now. Before I froze to death. “No wonder you’ve decided to run.”
“Which I think is why he told the story the way he did. He wanted me to know the ugly truth, so I wouldn’t make the same choices. My mom describes him very differently. The way she tells it, he was an honorable man who loved life and was always happy to spend every waking moment home with us. She was madly in love with him. Still is.” He smiled, a faraway look in his eyes.
“I remember worshipping him,” Zack continued, “and being so excited when he’d come home after a long business trip, although at the time I had no idea he was a werewolf or a scout. He spent a lot of time with me when he was home. He’d carry me on his shoulders everywhere we went. Sometimes, we’d work on the car together or we’d go fishing.”
“Sounds like maybe he was a good guy, or trying to be.”
Zack stared at the old letter still in my hands. “Or not. He was a scout, doing the king’s dirty work. Even a bad person can love his wife and son. People can get good at hiding their true selves. And my mom... Love can be blind, so her version isn’t all that reliable. Besides, he told me not to trust werewolves. He didn’t exclude himself, because he knew werewolves aren’t good.”
I dropped the papers in my lap and turned to face Zack at the other end of the sofa. “You’ll never convince me you’re not good, Zack.”
“If I was, then why did I bully Daniel the first time I caught him harassing you? He didn’t physically provoke me, but he ended up shoved up against the locker anyway.”
“You’re not bad,” I repeated.
“I’ve done bad things.” He shook his head. “I was a total ass to you when we first met and you didn’t deserve it.”
“We’ve all made mistakes or made wrong decisions, whether human or werewolf. That doesn’t make you evil. Real evil people don’t feel bad about what they’ve done and they don’t try to change.” I didn’t want Zack living with guilt when he already has so much to deal with, but I didn’t want to get on a soapbox either.
My hand had slowly curled around his, but since he hadn’t flinched and removed his hand, I left it there. “How did your dad die?”
With his other hand, he played with my pinky ring. “I’m not sure. My mom won’t talk about it. All I knew was that one day he never came home.” His gaze dropped to my mouth.
Butterflies danced in my belly and I refocused. “I can’t imagine what that must be like, to lose a parent that way.”
“Hopefully, you’ll never know.”
“I wish things were different for you, that your dad was still around and you didn’t have to run alone.”
He stopped twirling my ring and covered my hand with his. “I still miss him.”
“I’m so sorry, Zack,” I said softly.
My blanket had fallen to my waist and I shivered. His free hand skimmed my shoulder and traveled down my arm to my elbow, the warmth of his skin sending another shiver through my body.
Breaking contact, he took the papers from me and set them on the coffee table. Then he nudged the blanket aside and captured my hips, pulling me down so I lay flat. He hovered over me as if suspended in midair. My gaze locked onto his. I held my breath, waiting as he gradually eased his weight over me. Our lips a breath away, he closed his eyes and slowly inhaled, then opened them again and met my gaze.
Was Zack waiting for me to meet him half way? He’d already rejected me and told me he couldn’t get involved. Knowing that, if I encouraged him, wouldn’t I deserve the heartache that would surely come?
But I couldn’t look away.
“Autumn,” he said, so quietly I assumed if it was my imagination. “You’re not helping.”
“You want help?”
“Yes,” he pleaded.
To me, that was as good as his blessing to do as I wanted. As he wanted. I rose to meet him and nibbled his bottom lip. He moaned, which was all the encouragement I needed. My hands snaked under his loose T-shirt, my thumbs exploring the center line that separated his stomach muscles and led to his chest. He chucked off his shirt and returned to me.
I let my fingernails skate lightly over his shoulder blades and down his spine. He swooped and our tongues entwined, igniting a fire in my belly. I ached, wanting so much more, but then he eased off me just enough to separate our mouths.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said in a hoarse voice. “You’re supposed to have better control than me. You’re a girl.”
It wasn’t just that he’d ruined our moment. Again. He’d compounded his crime by saying something stupid. Regardless what came out of his mouth, it still equaled another rejection.
I squeezed my eyes shut and shoved him away. “Didn’t you learn anything from last night?”
His brows furrowed.
“Did I try to stop you up in my room when we were half naked? No, I didn’t. Here’s a clue for you: Girls like it too.” I gave his shoulder a jab, then rose from the couch and stomped toward the stairs to the thermostat. Even though I was too hot now.
“I’m sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Let’s go for a run and work off some of our, uh, energy.”
† † †
“This time, I won’t forget. When you bark twice, I’ll turn around,” I assured Zack as we distanced ourselves from my house and went deeper into the forest.
“I won’t need to bark. I’ll talk to you telepathically,” he reminded me.
“You can do that in your wolf form?”
“Sure. Everything’s almost the same. When we’re wolves, we’re still just as aware and intelligent. But it’s duller, like having a few beers. In my human form, I don’t want to kill a rabbit and eat it raw and I do care about showering and stuff. As a wolf, none of that matters. I chomp down on a fresh kill and I’m in heaven.”
“Too much information, Zack,” I chided, mentally pushing away the image of the bloody animal.
“Don’t worry. I try to resist. I’ve gotten too paranoid someone will go hunting for whatever they think is killing the wildlife. I don’t want to get shot at.”
“Let’s go.” I bolted. I didn’t know Zack’s normal routine, but I intentionally expended double the energy I usually did. Ideally, once I got home, I’d be too tired to lust after Zack or do anything about it if I did lust.
After a hard run, Zack barked twice and this time I remembered to turn around. He dressed and we strolled down a path toward the empty field that led to my house. Unsure who may pop up in the woods, I spoke silently. “If I’m a shape-shifter, why don’t I morph?”
Zack froze, his jaw muscle going tight as he held up his
index finger against his lips and squinted. The breeze picked up and I smelled him.
Get up in a tree, as high as you can. Now! he shouted into my head. My heart banged around in my chest, and I shot upward. In a flash, I was there, viewing Zack from above. He slowed his movements, plucking a leaf from a tree and rubbing the smooth, waxy surface. “Daniel. Nice of you to come by for a visit.”
“Where is she?”
“Who?” Zack asked.
“Don’t mess with me. I can smell her.”
“You’re not smelling Autumn. You’re smelling her scent. It’s actually me you smell.” Zack flashed him a cocky grin.
Daniel’s hands balled into fists. “No, it’s too strong. She’s close by.”
“You think I’d bring a human on a run and let her see me morph? Whoever turned you should’ve clued you in on the rules by now. Look around if you want though. Keep in mind that I’m staying at her house these days and she’s incredibly hot.” Zack grinned. “Can you think of any reason why her scent would be all over me?”
Daniel stiffened, took a step closer and hissed, “I warned you that I wasn’t finished with Autumn.”
“She’s mine now. Stay away from her.”
I knew Zack was only trying to get Daniel to give up on me, but Zack’s words she’s mine now sent a thrill through my bones anyway.
Daniel growled.
“Careful.” Zack angled his body to better dodge an attack. “I’ve been a werewolf my entire life. Which means I’ve had eighteen more years than you to build up strength.”
“I’ll take my chances.” Daniel backed up ever so slightly, like he was about to spring.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“I’m disappointed in you, Daniel.”
From the cover of the tree, I scanned the vicinity for the body belonging to the vaguely familiar voice. The next moment, he appeared beside Daniel — the man we’d seen at the dealership dressed in black. But today, he wore faded jeans and a T-shirt. Zack had said he was a scout and had probably been the one to bite Daniel. By his presence now, I guessed Zack was right.
“There’s a time and place for everything but I say when and where.” The scout held perfectly still just before his hand struck out. The force of the blow lifted Daniel off the ground, sending him crashing into a tree trunk. “I could end you as easily as I made you. Do not force me to remind you again.” He motioned for Daniel to come, then turned on his heel and strode away.
Daniel rose and followed, his eyes shooting daggers at Zack over his shoulder. When I was sure they were long gone, I dropped to the ground.
“It’s getting crowded around here,” Zack told me silently. “We need to find a new place to run,” Zack said as we headed back to my house.
“So you’ve been morphing since you were born?” I asked, pretty sure I’d heard Zack tell me a different story.
“No, just the last couple years.” He moved a branch out of the way for me.
I hurried past him, avoiding the end of the branch. “That’s not the impression you gave Daniel.”
“I told him the truth. He can take it however he wants. I learned that from you.” Zack flashed me a grin. “But I’d probably still be stronger, because I’ve got two years on him.”
“You think that makes a difference?” I sidestepped to avoid an overgrown tree root.
He shrugged. “I would think so.”
We arrived at the field and took off running to my house. Once home, I wasn’t sure I had the energy for anything but a quick shower and maybe a few pages of reading. Zack retrieved his blanket and pillow from the closet while I disappeared upstairs.
Energized after my shower, I changed into a tiny pair of flannel shorts and a spaghetti strap tank, then headed downstairs for water. The scents of soap and shampoo wafted from the bathroom and tickled my nose. Zack was lying on the couch, his hair wet and disheveled. Yum.
Propping his top half up on his elbows, he eyed me as I hit the landing.
“Everything okay?” I asked, wondering what the chances were of making out with him again.
“Yeah, sure. Just winding down.” Zack looked around the room, anywhere but at me. “I was about to call it a night.”
“Is the couch okay? Need anything?” I passed through the living room toward the kitchen doorway.
“I’m fine, thanks.” Avoiding my gaze, he reached to the floor and picked up a book.
I was about to step into the kitchen when I caught him staring at my legs, so I paused.
His eye twitched. “Do me a favor and put on some real pajamas, okay?”
Biting my lip, I pretended to mull it over, then scrunched up my nose. “I have to cover up and you get to run around with that six-pack exposed?”
“I get hot at night.”
I couldn’t have agreed more, which made me want to throw myself at him. Jolting back to reality, I trudged to the kitchen and poured a glass of water. Not wanting to appear desperate, I did my best to keep my eyes off him.
Who was I kidding? He looked too good not to get my fill. I wanted to drink him up. Glass in hand, I stood in the doorway between the kitchen and living room and observed him while I sipped the cool liquid. He studied me, leaning against a pillow with his hands behind his head. From where I stood, I could hear his breathing change, his heart speed up.
My veins hummed just looking at Zack. Instinct told me that if I pressed, he wouldn’t resist. But I didn’t want him that way. I wanted him to want me without reservations. Most of all, I didn’t want to be rejected again.
“Well, sweet dreams.” Gulping the rest of the water, I set the cup on the counter and sprinted up the stairs.
† † †
Zack dropped me off at his house the next day after school and went to work. Once I finished my homework, I asked Cara and Favianne if they needed help with anything. They didn’t. Bored, I rifled through Zack’s backpack in search of notes that would tell me his assignments. I found them and did all his homework, fairly sure he’d get an A on everything. I checked in with Cara again and she asked me to set the table. As I placed the last plate, I heard Zack arrive in the Mustang.
“Honey, I’m home,” he called out as he came through the door.
I chuckled. “Supper’s about ready, dear.”
When dinner was over, we spent some time with his mom, then gathered our things and went to my house.
“Why don’t I morph?” I asked, leaning against a wall in the living room. Zack had the couch. I could’ve taken my dad’s recliner, but even that was too close. Too comfortable. The temptation to flirt with Zack was too much.
“Everyone’s different. I started noticing changes when I was sixteen. This was right after my mom quit working, because she kept getting sick. It was stressful having a job, doing the grocery shopping and everything else while worrying about my mom. From what I’ve learned so far, stress can bring on the first morph. It was another two weeks before I turned into a wolf though.”
I recalled the first day I’d noticed changes. I’d just learned we’d be moving again and then I’d gotten grounded. The next day, I had the run-in with Zack, then Gina got pissed off at me and later Daniel douched it up at my expense.
“You must’ve completely freaked the first time you morphed,” I said.
“It was strange,” Zack agreed. “But I had so much energy and this wild urge to… I don’t know. One time I took off running and in my mind I was a wolf. I needed to be a wolf. And an instant later, I really was. It felt natural. Instinct, I guess.”
I didn’t feel any of those things, except the extra energy and the running part. “I haven’t had the urge to morph.”
“You probably won’t. Shape-shifters are different. Relax. It’ll come.”
I shook my head. The sooner I learned to change into a bear or some other dangerous animal, the sooner I could protect myself. “I’d like to try now.”
“Go for it.” Zack pointed to his temple. “It’s all in here.”
“Wh
at if I can’t change back? I’m afraid I might get stuck.”
He chuckled. “Not gonna happen. If you can change once, you can change again. Once you morph, you’ll see.”
“Okay, here goes nothing.” Focusing everything I had into being a wolf, my body heated up and a tingle that felt like it might turn into a headache traveled up the base of my neck.
“You’re trying too hard,” he said after a moment. “Think soothing thoughts and picture a specific animal. Visualize it. Be it. You have to know you can do it.”
I imagined myself as a wolf. I am a wolf… a wolf… a wolf. I opened my eyes and held out my arms. They were blurry, almost translucent. It felt… like I was meant to morph. Peaceful.
“Yes,” Zack whispered. “That’s it.”
My arms steadied and became normal again.
“Sorry. I guess I distracted you. Try again. This time I’ll be quiet. Go on,” Zack coaxed.
I focused again, the exact same way. The vibrations started, only this time, more controlled. Then, my body became lighter, almost weightless. Suddenly, I stood on all fours and the world appeared a lot different. Black and white, mostly. Ugh. I wanted to run now, but couldn’t in the living room. I felt trapped and claustrophobic.
I thought about being human again, and the next moment, I was.
I felt the chill across my naked flesh and screamed. Zack gaped as I hunched over to cover myself. “The least you could do is look away,” I hissed.
He turned around.
“You could’ve warned me.” Snatching my clothes, I disappeared behind the recliner and threw on my shirt. My pants weren’t on yet, but Zack couldn’t see beyond the furniture. “You can look now.”
“Kind of like when I was barking for you to turn around and ended up having to dress in the bushes. Twice.” Zack raised a brow.
“Okay, Zack. Now we’re even,” I said, zipping up my jeans and sitting next to him on the couch. I was so irritated that I knew nothing could possibly happen between us now. Which made the close proximity to him totally safe.
