Everyone but Javie was suffering PTSD. I had nightmares every single time I tried to sleep. They were horrible. Thousands of people reaching out to me for help as the dead closed in upon them. I stood on top of a great hill watching them panic. I turned my back when the dead reached out for them. Their screams would wake me up. I learned to hate sleeping.
Worst of all was when I got home and saw Merrick. Age had caught up to her as well. She was getting pretty long in the tooth when I became the Guardian. The power sort of reversed her age and kept her young.
She wasn’t young anymore. She had arthritis in her joints. She had surgery scars where tumors were removed. Still, she wiggled when I came through the doors. I remember sitting down on the floor with her and wrapping her up in my arms while she licked at my face.
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” I asked.
“We didn’t want you to worry,” my mom answered. “After all you’d been through, we didn’t want to add any more stress.”
It couldn’t have been easy for Merrick but she cuddled in even closer to me when she saw I was becoming agitated.
“You should spend time with her,” my dad said. “I don’t think she has too many more days left in her.”
That was some tough news to hear, let me tell you. In the end, I think she held on as long as she did because she was waiting for me. She wanted to see me one last time. My heart was breaking as I scratched her ears.
Months went by.
Merrick held on but she was just a bit weaker every day. I spend a lot of time with her. It was my turn to be loyal. I gave her treats. I helped her onto the couch when she couldn’t get up herself.
“How long were you in Ruidoso?”
About six months.
“So you hadn’t been in El Paso for around two years?”
That’s correct.
“How did you enjoy civilian life?”
It sucked. I was in pain all the time, and my dog was dying. I had anxiety attacks at least twice a week. I could barely get around on my own, and I was developing a large gut due to inactivity. I also lost all of my muscle mass due to the starvation, and with my messed up body, I’d never be able to do the running and exercising necessary to gain it back.
I saw a psychologist that specialized in PTSD four times a week. Fortunately, I was a wealthy man. Fighting zombies pays really well, by the way. I give the man credit. He tried his best with the entire team, but we were damaged goods.
I tried to put on my happy face for my wife but it wasn’t easy. She saw right through me most times. In the end, I went through the motions of living a normal life but my heart wasn’t in it. I missed the action. I missed the challenge. I hated what my life had become. I was tired of the nightmares and anxiety attacks. The power had somehow protected all of us from the worst of that shit.
I was also worried about Dudley. He rarely got out of bed. He never showered. He seemed to be falling deeper and deeper into madness. Georgie and Nick were still having problems, but at least Georgie stopped having suicidal thoughts. Javie would visit me daily. It was just a short drive for him. The military purchased a small resort in the woods for the team, but Javie was the only one that visited me at my parents.
We couldn’t work. We weren’t supposed to be seen by anyone. The days were long. I couldn’t even go to the veterinarian with Merrick. Time just sort of dragged along in our meaningless lives.
Hardin visited one day. I was shocked that Skie didn’t try and shoot him when he got out of his car.
“How are you feeling Jaxon?” He asked.
“How do I look like I’m feeling?” I answered. The truth was I was in a Hell of a mood. At that point, Merrick was unable to get out of her doggie bed. Her time was nearing. Everyone but me thought she should be put down humanely. They were probably right, but every time I went over to her, her tail would wag. I couldn’t let her go.
“Well, I’m sorry about that,” Hardin said. “I’m sorry about the way everything went down.”
“Wasn’t your fault,” I said. “You got screwed just like the rest of us.”
“I guess I did,” Hardin said. “Can we talk for a bit? Or would you rather shoot me with the .38 in the waistband of your jeans?”
“Doubt I could pull the trigger,” I said as I grabbed a seat on the steps of the front porch. I had problems standing up straight, and I disliked people seeing me all hunched over.
“It’s like this,” Hardin said after sitting next to me. “I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got but it’s not enough. I’m only treading water, and Max is going to make his move soon.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked
“He called me,” Hardin said. “He told me to watch the news tonight. He’s going public with something. When that happens, the shit’s gonna hit the fan.”
“So why are you telling me?” I asked.
“I’d like you to come back,” Hardin answered.
“Are you going mental?” I asked. “Have you seen me? I can barely walk.”
“It would just be in an advisory capacity,” Hardin said. “We need someone that thinks like a Guardian. All we have are military-minded individuals. Guardians think differently than we do. They come up with plans we could never even conceive of.”
“No,” I said. I wanted my old life back, but that didn’t mean I was going to take what was offered to me. Not after all that had happened.
“Well,” Hardin said. “Perhaps you could explain that to the man I brought with me.”
Hardin motioned his hand towards a man in his car. I turned my head to see who else was with him behind the tinted windows and was shocked to see the President of the United States himself walk towards my porch.
I didn’t get up.
The President offered his hand. I didn’t accept it.
“That’s fair,” the President said. “I certainly deserve that. Perhaps you didn’t hear how well Major Crass framed the group of you. The video evidence alone was pretty damning. Then you began shooting the Men in Black agents. How was I to know?”
“You should’ve known,” I said.
The President looked at me. He really looked at me.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re right. I should have known. What happened to you and your team was unforgivable. I wanted to talk to you myself, I really did. My protection detail, however, thought that would be too dangerous. I have failed you, Mr. McQuaid. I will never make that mistake again.”
“The man came here to personally apologize, Jax,” Hardin said. “That has to count for something.”
“Maybe,” I said.
“It’s not for me,” the President said. “The world needs you. If Major Crass is correct, the former Guardian wants to unleash this plague upon the entire world.”
“If things go bad, I’ll help you boys out,” I said. Now leave me be. My dog’s dying.”
I left them on the front porch, and I went inside to go sit with Merrick. Her tail wagged once again. I got comfortable next to her doggie bed, and she lifted her head up and rested it on my lap. I stroked her ears, and whispered that I loved her.
I forgot entirely about the President and Mr. Hardin.
Max made his move at around 9 p.m. I’m not sure how he managed to get the video to the news station but inside of ten minutes every station we turned to was covering the story. My family gathered around the television as the anchorwoman set up the clip.
The video showed Max sitting before a desk. I was happy to see that his nose was still pretty messed up. He also hadn’t recovered from the burns Dudley had given him. His hair was gone. The flesh on his scalp was an angry red, and in some places it peeled away from his skull. I could see that in addition to his metal cheek, he also had a partial metal skull. I then remembered bending my Ti-lite as I stabbed him, and I figured he was probably thoroughly armored beneath his skin.
“Hear me now, citizens,” Max purred in his weird voice. “I am the man that shall bring about the apocalypse. I a
m the man that shall create a new world; a world forged in my image. Abandon your weak. Forget about your former lives. There will be no law I do not create. Cities will fall. Governments will crumble. The dead will walk the earth. In the ashes of civilization I will rise, and you will follow me. I am the Monster. My legions will march in three days.”
Somebody cursed. I think it was Skie.
The phone rang. My mom answered it.
“Jax,” my mom said. “It’s Mr. Hardin.”
I took the phone.
“Did you see that?” Hardin asked.
“I saw it,” I answered.
“The son of a bitch is going to attack the borders with an army of zombies,” Hardin said. “He’s going to break them out and let the plague spread.”
“We kinda expected that, didn’t we?” I asked.
“I didn’t truly believe it,” Hardin said. “The possibility was there, but I didn’t really believe it. Who would want such a thing?”
“A madman with an ego,” I said. “Do you know where he’s going to attack?”
“Yes,” Hardin answered. “The same place you used to escape the city. He called me just a bit ago to invite me to stop him.”
“What happens if his army of zombies crosses into New Mexico?” I asked.
“They’re gonna go nuclear if that happens,” Hardin said. “They have a new warhead they want to try out with a large fallout range. If they don’t kill them in the initial blast, they’re hoping the fallout finishes the job. Basically, it’s everything we were afraid of. I have one chance to stop him. If I fail…let’s just hope I don’t fail. Hold on a second.”
I heard Hardin talking to someone in the background but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.
“This is getting pretty bad,” Hardin said when he got back on the phone. “A number of foreign nations have already begun closing their borders to the United States. They’re hoping that by cutting us off, the outbreak won’t spread to their countries.”
“I can’t say that I blame them,” I said. “I doubt it will work, but they probably feel the need to do something to protect themselves.”
“Hold on another second, Jax,” Hardin said.
I waited once again while he discussed things with someone in the background.
“All right,” Hardin said. “I need to go. Tomorrow begins the evacuation of all the neighboring areas inside the fallout zone. I need to make sure nothing in the evacuation proceedings will interfere with what I have going on.”
“Good luck,” I said.
“Thanks,” Hardin said. “Let me meet and discuss some strategies with the higher-ups. Then I’ll swing by and see what you think about everything. I’ll also have your family removed from the area to a location of your choosing.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Sounds good.”
Truth is I was barely paying attention at that point. Seeing Max again had an effect on me. My thoughts were chaotic. I went over to check on Merrick. She gave her tail a slight wag but she didn’t lift her head off her pillow.
I scratched her ears, grabbed my cane and limped my way to the front door. After opening it, Skie called out to me.
“Do they still want your help?” She asked.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Shouldn’t there be a new Guardian by now?” She asked.
“I guess so,” I answered, “but there isn’t. Miriam’s not sure what happened.”
“Close the door,” my dad grumbled.
“I’ll be back soon,” I said and closed the door behind me.
This is where things get weird and unexplainable. Outside a storm was brewing in the distance. The wind had picked up, lightning was flashing in the sky. By morning, the weather was going to be nasty but at that moment the storm was a ways off. There was only a slight drizzle.
I made my way down a nearby path and into the woods. I didn’t bring a flashlight. I didn’t need one. The moon and stars were bright enough to light my way. At some point I went off the path and ventured down a valley in an effort to get out of the wind. It wasn’t really smart of me. I was going to have a bitch of a time climbing back up the hill.
The ground was littered with pine needles. My feet were crunching as I made my way through them. I could hear the wind whistling in the trees above me. I had no destination in mind. I just wanted to wander until my head was clear.
Seeing Max again royally screwed me up. This was the man that had my wife shot. This was the man that wounded my teammates and nearly beat me to death. I wanted to kill him. I really, truly wanted to kill him. I may have missed being the Guardian before, but that was nothing compared to what I was feeling as I walked through the forest.
The rage I felt as I left my dying wife in the hospital was back. It began in my heart and crawled through my veins. I began thinking about the nightmares I’d been having. I had failed everyone, and more people were going to die because I wasn’t strong enough to hold onto my power.
I hated myself.
I did. I hated the weakness in my body. I hated the lurching shuffle I was forced to walk. I hated not being able to stand up straight. I hated the ugly, damaged nose I saw in the mirror every morning.
Most of all, I hated Max.
I entered a clearing of green grass. It was an almost perfect circle. I walked to the very center of it and stared up at the moon. I could hear thunder booming in the distance. The sounds rumbled and spread throughout the forest.
I looked in that direction. I watched the lightning flash, sharp etches across the sky. The anger, the hate, and the self-loathing washed over me. I felt their menace as my useless fingers twisted against the grip of my cane.
I imagined what I’d do to Max if I wasn’t a broken man. Different scenarios flashed across my mind. Each of them grew more violent. Each of them ended with his death. I gnashed my teeth as a soft drizzle turned into a downpour that soaked me to the bone.
I remembered holding my dying wife in my arms. I remembered the beating he gave me. I slammed my cane to the ground. I was trembling. My back was hurting me. My leg was threatening to give out. Even my skeleton ached. The pain only fueled my rage.
A final image of holding my bleeding wife in my arms, and I could take no more.
“FUCK YOU!” I screamed out to the nighttime sky. “I gave you everything! I risked my life! I saved people, and this is how you leave me?”
The rain came down even harder. Lightning began to flash above me.
“I fought my heart out for you!” I screamed. “Where are you when I need you the most? Where are you? You coward; you took everything from me!”
Lightning arced down and lit up the forest. Thunder began to grumble out a menacing warning, but I would not be denied. Not even when the lightning touched the ground only ten feet away, creating a small fire that burned despite the rain.
“I am the Guardian!” I screamed. “I’m not finished! I want it back! I want my revenge!”
Again the lightning touched the ground, and again after that. The hair on my arms was electrified and standing straight up. The clearing was almost glowing, and my rage was spent.
“I was a fool for doing your work,” I grumbled, and limped away.
Now, I’m not sure how I got my powers. Maybe it was some mysterious entity. Maybe it was a Sasquatch. Maybe it was an alien. Maybe it was God. Maybe it was Mother Nature. I don’t know. Miriam doesn’t know. Nobody knows, but I’ll tell you this, whatever being was responsible finally started paying attention. They also seemed to be a bit pissed off.
More lightning strikes hit the ground in front of me, one after another. I was a bit worried at how close they seemed to be getting. I even backed up a bit but it did me no good. The fourth strike hit me square in the chest.
It wrapped me up in its electrified grip and squeezed the hell out of me. I was shaking and screaming. I levitated eight feet from the ground. All I saw was the bluish-white charge. I wondered why the strike was lasting so long. It should have hit me an
d vanished. Instead, the damn thing was sticking around to torture me.
Blackness.
I woke up in my bed with no memory of walking home. I felt hung-over. Maybe I had a few drinks, I couldn’t remember. Skie wasn’t in the bed.
I couldn’t find my leg brace or my cane. I grabbed a decorative walking stick and used that instead. I made my way out into the kitchen. Everyone had gathered there. All of them were looking sullen.
“Is it Merrick?” I asked.
“She’s suffering now, Jax,” Skie said. “It would be cruel to keep her any longer.”
I left the room and went to my dog. There was no tail wag to greet me. Her eyes were open but she couldn’t focus. Tears filled my eyes. I sat down beside her.
“After all the things we’ve been through,” I said. “Who would have thought?”
I started petting her. She didn’t even look at me. I talked to her. She didn’t respond. Her breathing was labored. Her mouth was hanging open. Skie was correct; keeping her any longer would be cruel.
“What do you think?” My dad asked.
It took me a bit before I could answer him without blubbering.
“Let me take a quick shower, and we’ll go.”
I don’t know why I wanted a shower. Perhaps it was because I smelled like burnt hair. More likely it was just my way of delaying the inevitable.
“You’re not supposed to go out in public,” my dad said.
“I don’t much care about that right now,” I said.
Reluctantly, I left Merrick’s side and limped my way to the shower. My heart was breaking. I’ve lost dogs before; it sucks tremendously. Skie tried to hug me. I brushed her off gently. I wanted to be alone with my grief.
In the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror. My cheek scruff had gotten a bit charred. I took the clipper, and ran it over the stubble, cutting off the burnt tips. After that I wet my hand and washed away any loose clippings still clinging to my face. My hand ached like a son-of-a-bitch.
As I turned on the water to the shower, my face began to itch terribly. I assumed my skin was just sensitive around the burns, so I pushed my face under the warm water of the shower. The itching intensified. I also felt a tremendous pressure in my sinuses.
Broken (Book 3 of The Guardian Interviews) Page 31
