by Anna Antonia
Not towards Risa. Never that.
Towards God, the Universe, and the cell within Konstantinov. A million times over.
Panic pressed upon the fortress of my control.
I didn’t like the way she looked at me. Risa’s unease pinched the soft curve of her mouth. She wasn’t supposed to be afraid of me. I would never hurt my sweet girl.
Risa was my life.
But she doubted everything now. Not because of a viper poisoning her thoughts, but because of me.
Anger threatened to overload my logic. I had lost so much of my time with her. Ignorant to her importance, I had treated her terribly. I had claimed allegiance to Gretchen. I had forced Risa to stand in the shadows.
Every bit of it was the reasoning of a weak and manipulated man who did it all for dubious safety.
And look where it got us both.
Betrayal was a poison rotting my mind. To know the few people I trusted in my life had collaborated to keep me ignorant, to fabricate a world that didn’t exist made me furious.
However, I didn’t have the luxury of fury.
I had to get Risa out of here. I had to take her somewhere safe, somewhere where I had complete control of who, if anybody, would be around us.
Knowing her life would never be the same would surely haunt me as soon as I stopped to breathe.
I would make peace with it later. My main priority was to deal with the situation at hand—getting Risa out of here and having the body dealt with.
In order to meet my objectives, Risa’s fear had to be contained. I would’ve preferred to have coaxed her and explained why I did what I did. I’d make it clear to her I never killed a man before, but that I didn’t regret killing that bastard.
My only two regrets were that I did it in front of her and that I killed him quickly.
I’d share that piece of information with her only if necessary.
Risa was a tenderhearted woman. She wasn’t created to view life as disposable. The humanity in me regretted this experience for her, but for now, I was committed to doing what needed to be done.
Without hesitation.
I would keep her. Safe. Mine. Bound to me.
I’d kill again and again if it meant saving Risa.
I’d make her a prisoner only to set her free.
I would do this for her. A million times over.
4
RISA
Damian tugged on my hand.
Maybe I should’ve dug in my heels and demanded better answers, but what was the point? Now wasn’t exactly the best time to talk.
Not when there was a crime scene in my bedroom.
First, we had to deal with the…well, situation. There’d have to be calls made to his legal team, Elaine—God! How would Elaine react to this news? She’d already had doubts about my suitability in his life and now this?
She’d blame me. And she wouldn’t be wrong.
Damian’s phone chimed. He waited to check until we were back in the dark living room and I was once again seated on his lap.
His illuminated face gave nothing away. However, whatever he saw apparently satisfied him. Damian turned to me and commanded abruptly, “It’s time to go.”
“Go? Go where?”
“Somewhere safe.”
“You mean leave.”
“Of course.”
Not what I expected. Things were moving way too fast and he was taking control way too easily. Worse, he left me out of the decision making.
“Wait, Damian.”
“Time is scarce, Risa. We have to go now.”
“Where are we going? We need to call the authorities first.”
“I’ll tell you once we’re in the air. The authorities have better things to do than deal with this.” He stood up and set me on my feet. “We have to go now, Risa.”
“Just a minute!”
Damian raised his brow. Clearly, I skated on thin ice. Too fucking bad. He’d lost the privilege of my perfect obedience.
Besides, this was all out of order.
Clearly, I couldn’t stay here tonight because this was indeed a crime scene, but we couldn’t just leave. We’d have to answer questions, explain what happened. Damian had a team of lawyers on staff. It was time for them to earn their sizeable salary and protect their boss.
I yanked back, but it didn’t have any effect on Damian. “Slow down. Please! You said we were flying, right? For how long will I be gone? I have a job and I need to contact my office—”
His hand tightened but his voice remained soft. Calm. “I’m sorry, Risa, but you’re not coming back here.”
No. We weren’t doing this.
He didn’t have that right anymore. He lost it—no. He threw it away. I wasn’t going to rearrange my life for him. Not when I’d just carved out a sliver for myself.
Contrary. Is this life really what I’ve wanted?
No. Not even close.
Damian is here. For me. I have him back just when I thought I lost him. Am I fighting just to fight?
I didn’t have the answer so I did what intellectually sounded right. Even if that meant asking redundant questions just to buy time.
“What do you mean I’m not coming back? For how long?”
“Permanently.”
So much for buying time. My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe what he just said.
No. No. No.
Finally, I managed to yank my hand free. “Absolutely not. I’m not leaving here. This is my home.”
Damian spun around. Even though I couldn’t see him clearly, I could feel his anger vibrating through the air.
“This is not your home, Risa. You haven’t been here long enough to call it that.”
How dared he sound betrayed?
“You don’t get to make the rules, Damian, on what is or isn’t home to me. Just as you don’t get to come in here and tell me where I am or am not going. I get I’ll need to stay somewhere else tonight. Fine. But that doesn’t mean with you.”
Why the hell was I arguing with him about this? My attention needed to be elsewhere, but I couldn’t let it drop. Damian was completely taking over my will and I wouldn’t allow it to happen.
Not now and not like this.
Whiplash ahead. Why are you really doing this? To stand up for yourself or to punish him for not wanting to keep you?
“You’ve said quite enough.”
“Really? Well, I don’t—”
“You’re wasting our time, Risa. I cannot indulge you in this. Now I’m going to give you the option of leaving here on your own two feet or not. It’s up to you. One. Two.”
Why’d he have to train me so well? Already, my heartbeat sped up in giddy thuds. My will craved complete submission to his. Thank God he didn’t know about us or what I’d done for him.
Or how much he made me beg for his vicious attention. Or how much I miss it.
“No.”
5
One dark brow rose up. “No? In regards to this, love, that word is not an option for you.”
A shiver snaked down my spine. Dammit. What was wrong with me to get turned on by the promise of that threat? One would think I hadn’t learned a thing tonight.
“You can’t just tell me what to do, Damian. At least give me a reason why!”
“The dead man is the reason.”
“But I live here. That man is…was…an intruder, right? It’s not our fault. The police will investigate and then—”
“It’s not safe for you.”
“Why?”
Damian paused, his gaze gone opaque. I couldn’t read him. He was terrifyingly blank. Then he answered and I wished I hadn’t asked anything.
“Because the same people who shot me in the head and left me for dead sent him for you.”
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
My worldview crumbled. Damian couldn’t be in danger. Not like that.
It wasn’t an accident. You always knew it wasn’t. No matter what Elaine said or implied. You were j
ust deluding yourself because the alternative…
Sweat broke out on my forehead. The room dipped and swayed. I had to get myself together. Regardless of what happened in my bedroom and even earlier in his hotel suite, Damian deserved my full attention and focus.
I didn’t know what I could do, but I had to try something. Anything. I couldn’t fall apart.
“Okay.” My voice shook. Wiping my hands down my thighs, I said with a calmness I certainly didn’t feel, “That’s why we need to call the police. And Elaine. In fact, I need to call her first.”
I went for my landline when Damian stopped me with a hand on the wrist.
“No, Risa. You can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because it doesn’t work that way. My people are on route to fix this.”
Fix this? What the hell did that even mean? Lawyers. He has to mean lawyers.
My body eased again. “You’ve got your law firm on top of this? That’s good. I mean, it’s clearly self-defense but I wouldn’t want you dealing with the police without legal representation.”
Once again Damian smiled at me as if I was an adorable pet doing a cute trick. Like sitting up on my back legs and begging. Which I was because he couldn’t really be considering…
“No, Risa. That’s not what I mean. It’s going to be handled. That’s all you need to know.”
“You’re going to cover it up.”
Damian clarified. “Dispose of a problem. The body will be gone and no one will ever know.”
No. He couldn’t mean this. He really, really couldn’t. I had to make him see reason.
“How the hell are you going to move a body? What about the carpet and the walls? There was a lot of blood, Damian. It went everywhere. Trace evidence will nail you.”
“No one but us will know. You’ll get your deposit back, Risa. I promise.”
He was entirely too nonchalant. Terror for him turned my veins to ice.
“You can’t do this. You’ll get caught and then they’ll believe you’re guilty of murder. They won’t believe he was an intruder or part of the people who hurt you if you cover it up. They’ll just see a wealthy man who thinks he’s above the law. You have to understand this, right?”
His brow crinkled with affection and a good dose of amusement. The image of being a silly dog performing a sillier trick didn’t leave me.
“The police will never know.”
I was one more denial away from hysteria.
“You can’t get away with murder, Damian! Everyone always gets caught! Especially the ones who think they won’t!”
“People get away with every day, little girl.” His soft tone hardened slightly. “I won’t answer any more questions, Risa. Not until we’re in the air.”
“But—”
“Enough! My patience is finished!” he snapped in a voice colder than the death he’d dealt. “You understand why I can’t leave you alone. Now stop arguing and let me protect you.”
There was no point in arguing further. Seeing he awaited an answer from me, I grudgingly said, “I understand. After tonight though—”
“You’re not in charge of this. You’re not going to control it. Accept that.”
“Damian—”
“No. I already warned you. Come now on your own two feet or I’ll carry you out. Either way you’re going with me and staying. I mean it, Risa.”
Mute, I bit my lip and jerked a nod. I knew when to push and when to retreat. Now was the time for the latter.
“I’ll walk on my own.”
“Wise choice. Wait here.”
Damian went back to my bedroom and brought back my purse. He handed it to me. “You have your phone, right?”
“Yes.”
“Give it to me.”
Wary but curious, I fished it out and handed it over. Damian turned my phone off and placed it on the coffee table.
“This stays here. I’ll get you a new one as soon as it’s clear.”
“Is something wrong with this one?”
I didn’t expect him to answer me, but Damian was full of surprises tonight. And not necessarily good ones.
“You might have been tracked through your phone. I don’t know for sure but I’m not taking a chance.”
I didn’t have to ask why anymore.
Once again, Damian took me by the hand. We exited the apartment on silent feet. Seeing that I couldn’t convince him to call the police, now all I focused on was Damian not getting caught.
I prayed we wouldn’t pass anyone. I resented the cameras I once appreciated when I moved in. I wished there was a way to avoid them. If anything, I wished Damian was a bit more nondescript. He was so striking, so tall, that no lawyer would be able to convince a jury it wasn’t him leaving the scene.
I also couldn’t help but notice that instead of walking by my side, Damian kept himself in front. Looking down, I saw a small bulge in his coat pocket. I knew then that was the gun.
My gaze strayed to it with morbid curiosity as we made our way to the elevator and down into the garage. I was scared of it but not him. Strange that…
“The security here is unacceptable, Risa. Even if tonight hadn’t happened this way, you’d have to move. Immediately.”
I swallowed an inappropriate snort of nervous laughter.
“That’s pretty much what Elaine said tonight.”
Damian didn’t reply. Instead, he scanned the area until we got to a shiny black rental. He unlocked the door and lifted me inside the SUV. Tense, I watched him round the front, all the while scared someone would jump out and attack him.
Attack him? No, he wouldn’t get attacked. He would get shot in the head.
Again.
I shivered, feeling my stomach churn.
Who did this to Damian and why?
6
Damian got behind the wheel and made short work of turning on the vehicle. He glanced at me and waited until I finished clipping my seat belt before doing the same.
It was a little thing but it reminded me of when we first met. I swallowed the ache in my throat. Similarities between this Damian and my Damian would continue to bleed through the longer I stayed with him. I simply had to get used to it and not attach anything deeper.
Easier said than done.
We left the parking garage without incident and drove to the airport in silence.
I had no choice but to trust Damian when he assured me the dead man’s body would be removed cleanly. Otherwise, I was going to break down in tears and lose my mind.
Fear became a smell. A taste. It was the sweat on my brow, the sourness in my mouth. It was the heartbeat kicking against my eardrums.
It can’t be undone. This is real. It can’t be undone. It. Can’t. Be. Undone.
I kept my focus on the cars around us, hyper-vigilant to any that even remotely resembled a police cruiser. How could I keep them from taking him from me?
How?
I wanted to hide Damian, far from this world of police, law, and jurisdiction. Morality was a luxury I no longer had. He was in danger of being ripped away from me and there was nothing I wouldn’t do to keep him. Whether he liked it or not.
It seems we’re more alike than I ever imagined.
The miles rolled by this way when suddenly Damian asked, “Why did your parents name you Risa?”
“What?”
“Why did they name you Risa?”
My heart beat harder against my chest. It couldn’t be…
Damian is probably just making polite small talk. He has no idea I tried to share the story on our first date.
But what if?
Turning to him, I tried not to let my excitement show. “That’s an odd thing to bring up. Why are you asking me that now?”
Not looking away from the road, he pressed, “Risa, answer me. Please.”
Could he even imagine the significance of what he asked? He wouldn’t have known about our first date. Only the pre-Switzerland Damian would know about it.
That couldn’t be him anymore. Nothing had been able to bring Damian’s memories of me back. I doubted anything ever would.
Heart full of hope and mind steeling myself against the inevitable crash, I answered softly, “My dad named me after a planet in Star Trek.”
“Why?”
I licked my lips. I didn’t want to talk about this. I wanted to talk about why he asked me the question in the first place. Which would only bring me more pain, like digging my nails in an open wound.
Ugly, bloody, and self-destructive.
“In the story universe, Risa was a pleasure planet.”
Damian turned his head, mouth quirked in question. “He named you after a pleasure planet?”
“It’s not like that. Not entirely. Risa was a planet where the characters could go to unwind and forget about their worries. It was a peaceful planet where no weapons were allowed. The ultimate vacation spot.”
I cleared my throat.
“Uh, since my parents conceived me on their honeymoon, my dad thought it was fitting. And my mom let him have his way because she liked the sound of my name. Uncommon but pretty. We also have the same number of letters in our first names and so…yeah.”
It was so much more romantic when my parents told the story. Still, I didn’t have time to ponder the quaintness of my naming. Not when I dangled on a wish that Damian was finally beginning to remember me.
Even if he didn’t realize it.
My heart feels like it’s going to fly right out of my chest just from the hope of it.
Damian seemed thoughtful. “It is fitting.”
“You think?”
“Yes. No weapons allowed. Peace. Pleasure. An escape from reality. Your name is prophetic. I should’ve let you complete your answer instead of interrupting. It was rude of me. I apologize.”
My heart seemingly dropped to my stomach before bouncing up into my ribcage. Excitement drummed along my spine. I heard my blood pounding harder in my ears.
Were his memories finally breaking free?
