“It’s already on the bed.”
“I could bring you one of mine.”
“Then you’d be cold.” She was sure he was freezing, standing there next to her bed, his feet bare and nothing on his head. Were his long johns warm enough?
“I could stay here until you got warm.”
She shivered, felt colder than ever. Was he suggesting they share the bed? That was impossible, but she couldn’t interpret what he said any other way. Words jammed in her throat. Part of her wanted to tell him to leave, that he shouldn’t be in her bedroom in the middle of the night, but the words wouldn’t come out. Another part of her, one she hadn’t had to face until now, wanted to invite him to warm her bed with his presence. That part of her didn’t pretend that what it wanted wasn’t scandalous. It just didn’t care.
“I won’t stay all night.”
He shouldn’t stay even one minute, but she couldn’t say that. The thought of him warming her bed had deprived her of the power of speech. The blood was pounding in her ears so rapidly it drowned out the howling wind. She could only look at him, waiting for him to make a decision. She felt like a silly, spineless girl, and she hated it, but the conflict inside her was paralyzing. Everything she’d been taught she ought to do and feel stood in direct opposition to what her body and soul longed for. Regardless of her decision, she would lose something valuable.
Jared made the decision for her. “This house wasn’t built for weather like this.” He approached the bed. “I think the bed is strong enough to support the two of us.”
Having spent the last four years sleeping with a husband she didn’t want to touch her, Laurie had taken the left half of the bed out of habit. Jared crawled into the right side.
For several minutes, they lay there, neither speaking nor moving. Laurie couldn’t tell whether she was hot or cold. Both temperatures raced through her, one after the other.
“We need to be closer to share warmth.”
She knew that, but she was powerless to move. How had she become such a nonentity? She had opinions. She had desires. She could think. She could speak, though apparently not right now.
Jared moved closer until their shoulders touched. “Did you have blizzards this bad in Kentucky?”
She nodded her head, even though she knew he couldn’t see in the dark.
“We never did in Texas, but the winters in Virginia were worse than this. We sometimes slept back to back to share body heat. Do you think we ought to do that now?”
Her head nodded without consulting her or her heart, which was beating so rapidly it felt like it might burst from her chest.
Without waiting for her answer, Jared turned over and backed up to her. She might as well have backed up to a hot stove. The places where his body touched hers felt like they’d been set afire. Yet cold shivers caused her to tremble. She was petrified with cold fear and aflame with a churning hunger.
“You’re still cold.”
How could she explain that she was too hot and too cold at the same time? It didn’t make sense even to her.
“I’ll turn over so you can back up to me.”
The bed quivered under the weight of his body as he turned over and moved closer to her. When she felt his hand on her shoulder, she reacted awkwardly.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I just want you to back up against me. It’s probably the only way to keep warm when it’s this cold.”
She didn’t know whether she moved—she didn’t think she did—or whether Jared moved closer, but their bodies touched, and his heat suffused her entire being in a great wave that drove every vestige of cold from her. Jared had put his arm on her shoulder. She was in his virtual embrace. She lay perfectly still, afraid to breathe, afraid of what might happen if she did.
But was she really afraid? Would she have allowed Jared in her bed if she were? Those were daunting questions because they called into question her basic nature. Was she the kind of woman who would allow a man who wasn’t her husband to make love to her?
Maybe not, but she wanted Jared to make love to her. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t married to him. Did he want to make love to her? Why would he be here if he didn’t? It wasn’t that cold.
The movement was only slight, but even through the heavy homespun she was instantly aware when his fingers began to move against her. His touch was so slight it felt more like a feather, but it was as clear to her as if it had been an angry grasp. She lay still, wondering what he would do next. Noah had never touched her like this, had never made love to her. She didn’t know what men wanted. Should she continue to lie still—or did he expect her to do the same to him? Naomi could have told her, but Laurie had never dared ask for fear she wouldn’t have been able to endure another day with Noah.
Jared’s feathery touch moved down her arm to her elbow, then up to her shoulder. Shivers ran through her, but they had nothing to do with the cold that filled the room. When his hand opened and lay upon her shoulder, her stomach turned over. The tips of his fingers pressed against her, then relaxed, pressed again, and relaxed. The effect was soothing, calming. Her breathing came a little easier, but her heart raced faster than a cow pony chasing a runaway steer. Should she lie still and pretend she wasn’t aware of what he was doing? Should she say something? If so, what? Should she turn over and face him?
“Do you want me to stop?”
Jared’s whispered question shattered the paralysis that gripped her. She could no longer remain silent, pinned down by questions she was afraid to answer. Jared had made it easy for her. All she had to do was say yes.
She moved her lips, but the word—she couldn’t be sure what it was—was inaudible.
“I don’t want to stop,” Jared whispered. “I’ve wanted to do this since the moment I met you. You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Your husband must have been the most envied man in Cactus Corner.”
To be thought beautiful by a handsome man, to be desired by him, filled Laurie’s heart to overflowing. A feeling of gratefulness, so great it kept her speechless, caused tears to come to her eyes. She brushed them away, afraid if Jared knew, he’d think she was unhappy. She hardly knew what she felt, but she was positive it had nothing to do with unhappiness.
The feel of his lips on the back of her neck was such a shock she started violently; his kisses sent shivers racing through her body like a thousand shooting stars. She knew he would not stop now. It was only the beginning.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I won’t do that again.”
Fear that he would be a man of his word unlocked her lips. “It didn’t hurt. It’s just that no one has every kissed me there before.”
“I find that hard to believe. Your neck and shoulders would do justice to a goddess.”
Laurie didn’t know anything about goddesses—they sounded like something pagan to her—but she hoped they were beautiful. She very much needed to feel beautiful.
“My mother says a woman should never expose her neck and shoulders.”
“Not unless she wants to drive men insane.”
“I wouldn’t want to do that.” She paused. “Does it drive you insane?”
“Very nearly.”
She was certain it was wrong to be pleased, but she was starved for the kind of appreciation he was giving her. Nor could she deny that she wanted more.
“How? Why?” She hardly knew what she was asking.
“It’s how any man would feel when he beholds extraordinary beauty that he can’t have. It’s like a starving man being forbidden to approach a table laden with his favorite foods.”
Laurie wasn’t sure she liked being compared to food, favorites or otherwise, but she liked the sentiment behind it.
“Men are faced with things they can’t have all the time.”
“That just makes them want them all the more. It’s like forbidden fruit.”
Back to food again! What did he think she was, a ripe peach or a plump melon? Much more of this, and she would turn over�
�to tell him to go back to his own bed.
His laugh was a soft rumble. “I’m sorry. I thought I was good at talking to a woman, but I’m making you sound like something to be served on a platter. Believe me, I’m more likely to think of you as someone to set on a pedestal. You’re perfect.”
Laurie knew she wasn’t perfect—Naomi was smarter and Sibyl was more elegant—but she liked that he thought so. Jared was kissing her neck and shoulders again. She wanted him to kiss her lips, but she knew that turning to face him implied acceptance of what he was doing, of what she was certain he wanted to do. She wanted it, too. Otherwise, why would she have allowed him in her bed? But she was afraid.
Why?
She wasn’t afraid of what people would say. Once they found out she’d spent the night at the ranch, they’d probably think it anyway. It certainly wasn’t out of loyalty to Noah or deference to Norman. No, she was anxious because she was fearful she wouldn’t live to up Jared’s expectations. He was probably so experienced he would be appalled at her naivety. He wasn’t going to stop unless she asked him.
And she wasn’t going to ask him.
“Your neck and shoulders are beautiful, but I’d much rather kiss your lips. I haven’t stopped thinking about that since this morning, and I’d very much like to do it again.”
There it was. She must either stop now or go forward to the end.
Hoping she wasn’t about to make the second biggest mistake of her life, she turned over.
Jared smiled and gave her a quick kiss. “You’re so beautiful I sometimes find it hard to believe you’re real.”
“I don’t know why. I’m here. Besides, I’m not that beautiful.”
“You are to me.”
“I’ve never driven anybody insane.” Well, maybe Noah, but not for the same reason.
Rather than try to persuade her she was wrong, Jared kissed her. Laurie decided that was a more convincing argument. Certainly one she enjoyed more, enough so that she kissed him back. His reaction wasn’t what she expected. He drew her into his arms and kissed her so hard she was sure he’d bruised her lips. She didn’t care. From that moment, it was impossible for him to do anything wrong.
Jared could kiss her all night and it wouldn’t make up for the barren years of her marriage. She was ready to do just that, but it quickly became apparent Jared wasn’t. His embrace had brought them into full body contact, making it impossible to ignore his erection that pressed against her thigh. Jared didn’t give her time to worry about its size or the heat it ignited in her own body.
He covered her with kisses. No part of her face, neck, shoulders, or arms was neglected. It was as though he was afraid he would leave some part of her unkissed. Laurie put her hands on either side of his face and pulled him up until she could look into his eyes. “I want to kiss you, too.”
“That’s the easiest wish I’ve ever been asked to grant.”
Without removing her hands, Laurie drew Jared to her and kissed him. It was the first time she’d ever kissed any man other than her father. It was just as wonderful as she’d hoped it would be. His cheeks were covered with stubble, and his abundant hair looked to be at war with itself, but his lips were warm and firm. She couldn’t get enough of him. It was the most wonderful feeling she’d ever experienced. She wanted to cover his face with kisses, but he stunned her by thrusting his tongue between her parted teeth. When shock caused her jaw to slacken, his invasion was complete.
Now she knew she was dreadfully unprepared to make love to this man, but she wasn’t going to admit it and give up. If he could do this, so could she. When she attempted to invade his mouth, his tongue parried her attempt. They jousted, first attacking, then retreating, then attacking again. While their tongues were locked in battle, their bodies struggled to find unison. They pressed against each other. The more desperate the battle of their tongues, the harder they pressed against each other. Finally, Laurie fell back exhausted by the intensity of their kisses.
Rather than being exhausted, Jared was energized. He covered her face, neck, shoulders, and arms with more kisses. It was as though he couldn’t get enough of her to satisfy him. More demanded still more until she thought he would consume her. She wanted to do the same to him, but she was unable to summon the energy—or the desire—to combat him. She knew there was more, and she knew that Jared would share it with her.
She was shocked when he unbuttoned her nightshirt and covered her breasts with his hands. But her body wasn’t shocked. It, rather than she, wrapped her arms around him like she never wanted to let go. It, rather than she, pressed hard against him, causing him to push back until their flesh felt like it had merged. His hands cupped her breasts while his lips covered them with kisses. When he took her nipple into his mouth and sucked gently, a moan escaped her. She’d never believed such feelings were possible, but they had to be because they were happening to her. When he took her nipple between his teeth and nipped it, her moan became a shout that sounded equally of pain and exquisite pleasure.
Jared drew back abruptly. “Did I hurt you?”
It was difficult to collect her thoughts enough to answer. The words wouldn’t come out, so she shook her head.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No.” The thought of him stopping was more frightening than anything else. “It’s good,” she managed to say. “I just didn’t know what to expect.”
“Didn’t your husband kiss your breasts?”
This was no time for the truth. “Not like that.”
“Then he was a fool.” Jared kissed each breast and suckled each nipple. “They’re magnificent. You’re magnificent.”
There was no need to answer, for Jared had turned his attention to her abdomen, scattering kisses down one side of her body and up the other. Laurie squirmed with pleasure. She was amazed that her whole body seemed to be capable of giving her this unforeseen pleasure. How could Noah not have known? Why had he denied her such pleasure?
That thought vanished almost before it was complete, for Jared had placed his hands under her buttocks and pressed her firmly against his arousal. The groan that tore from him seemed to come from the depths of his soul. In a series of quick movements, he removed her nightshirt and she lay naked before him.
She didn’t know what to do. She’d imagined being in this position, but it had never happened.
“You don’t have to be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”
She hadn’t realized her body was rigid. She attempted to relax, but between the cold and apprehensiveness, it was a nearly impossible task. Her mind’s eye followed Jared’s hand as it moved down and along her thigh, over and between, until it paused.
“Open for me.”
First she had to relax. Her body was as rigid as stone. She told herself there was nothing to fear. While Sibyl never spoke of what passed between her and Norman, Naomi made no secret that she enjoyed making love with Colby. Laurie was sure it would be as good for her with Jared, but she had to relax and let it happen.
She closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on how wonderful it was to have a man love her body, to find it beautiful, to want to make love to her. She had wanted this for years, had been afraid it wouldn’t happen. Now it was, and she would know what Naomi said was one of the most wonderful experiences of her life.
Gradually her body relaxed enough to allow Jared’s fingers to enter her. Anxiety and discomfort caused her to tense and utter a tiny gasp, but Jared didn’t pull back this time. Instead his finger moved deeper inside her and began to caress her with gentle, unhurried strokes. Gradually all feeling of discomfort left, taking with it any anxiety and giving way to wonder and expectation.
A kernel of heat started to grow and expand until it spread to her entire body. Rather than feel cold, her body seemed to radiate heat. Wave after wave swept over her, each hotter than the one before. A second finger penetrated her. Maybe a third—she didn’t know—but it didn’t matter. She was on fire and no longer able to remain motionless or
silent. Her body moved from side to side as a series of increasingly loud moans escaped her. She hadn’t expected this mixture of pleasure and discomfort. It was almost as though pain had become pleasure. Then Jared did something, touched something, that nearly lifted her off the bed.
She cried out, then reached down and gripped his shoulders so fiercely he grunted.
Before she had time to recover, he moved up and entered her.
A second later he pulled back with a startled oath.
Nine
Laurie’s euphoria vanished like vapor into the air, and fear returned like a suffocating blanket. He felt the same way Noah did! He found her body offensive. She should have known not to believe everything he said.
“You’re a virgin!”
“What?” She knew what it meant, but she didn’t know how he knew.
“You never slept with your husband. Why?”
All hope that the last four years could be erased from her mind disappeared. There was no point in lying or telling half stories. “My husband never made love to me. He said it was because he found my body offensive. He said I was unfeminine and insisted I wear clothes that would disguise my body as much as possible.”
There was a moment of dead silence during which the last of Laurie’s hopes died.
“Was the man insane? You’re not only beautiful, you’re the most feminine woman I’ve ever met. My God, there must have been something wrong with him. What did your parents say?”
“I never told them.”
Moving back to her side, Jared rolled up on his elbow and looked down at her. “Why not?”
“My father forced me to marry Noah because he was convinced I would get into trouble if I stayed single any longer.”
“And your mother allowed that?”
“She agreed.”
Jared took her in his arms, pulled her to him. “If I ever meet your father, I’ll be tempted to knock him down. I have no doubt your looks caused many a man to think things he wouldn’t put into words, but your character is too pure to be swayed.” He kissed her gently. “You’re crying. Why?”
To Love and to Cherish Page 14
