That meant the only intimacy he’d shared with another guy were the few kisses he and his high school boyfriend had shared more than two years earlier. He didn’t think Alex would mind, but it made him uncomfortable. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Did Alex expect him to do anything? They hadn’t even kissed yet, but Calvin knew he wanted to. He was just afraid it might mean something more, that Alex would take it as a go ahead, or as acceptance of something. Of what, Calvin wasn’t even sure.
He jerked in surprise when Dallas patted his hand. “Do you want to talk?”
“That’s what we were doing,” Hamilton grumbled.
Dallas rolled his eyes. “Fine. Do you want to talk to me about it?” he asked Calvin.
Calvin shrugged. He kind of wanted to, but he also didn’t. He didn’t want to seem like a prude, or clueless, even though that was what he was.
Dallas sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know Alex very well, but I do know him some. I met him when he brought Nuallan in. You know what happened?”
Calvin nodded and took a sip of his orange juice. “Alex told me.”
“So you know what Alex did for Nuallan. He was there every step of the way, even though Nuallan was a prisoner. They were already friends when Nuallan tried to kill himself, but they became even closer after that. Alex barely left Nuallan’s side, and he helped Nuallan get better. He helped him get his brother back, and he made sure Nuallan’s mate was a good guy. I don’t think Nuallan even knows about that. Alex is very protective of him, and I think it shows what a good man he is.”
Calvin licked his lips. “Do you think... do you think I’m like him?”
Dallas frowned. “Like Nuallan?”
“Yeah. Alex told me everyone thought they were mates and that they were surprised when Nuallan met his mate.”
Dallas hummed under his breath, and Calvin let him think. He wanted to know the truth. Alex had told him he’d never loved Nuallan as anything more than a friend, but wasn’t that what every man would tell his mate? Would he confess it if he’d wanted something more from Nuallan? Was Calvin just a replacement? Was Alex so ready to accept him because he couldn’t have the man he loved?
“I think you’re similar in some ways,” Dallas finally said. “You’re both shy and quiet. I also think you’re very different from him, though. You’re more open to relationships, although that could be because of what Nuallan went through. You’re stronger. Not as scared. And while I understand why people thought Nuallan and Alex were together, I believe Alex when he says they weren’t. Besides, Nuallan found his mate.”
Calvin sighed. “I know that.”
“But you don’t want to be a replacement.”
“How do you do that?”
Dallas smiled. “Do what?”
“Manage to find out what I’m thinking.”
“You’re fairly easy to read, and I know the situation you’re in. It’s not that hard.”
Calvin nodded and looked at his plate. “So what do you think? Am I a replacement?”
There was a pause, and Calvin thought Dallas was going to say yes.
He didn’t.
“No, I don’t think you are. I think that yes, maybe Alex was drawn to Nuallan because he was fragile and needed a friend, and that maybe he sees some of that in you, too, but I don’t think he thinks of you as the next best thing. I know it’s hard to convince yourself of that, but give Alex a chance, Calvin. Give him time to prove you’re who he really wants.”
Calvin had known he was going to do that from the beginning, no matter what he thought. He’d never really had a family, and now he had one, or he could have one, if he gave Alex a chance.
Dallas and Hamilton had welcomed Calvin, and he knew they’d always be there for him. It was only part of what he wanted, though. He wanted a real life. He wanted a job, a house, a family, and he wanted a man to share his life with.
He could have all that, but he’d need to open up to Alex, to welcome him into his life. To build a life with him.
He needed to push the fears away—the fear of being kicked out again, the fear of Alex using him, the fear that everything good that was happening to him right now would eventually disappear and leave him alone on the streets again.
He wished it were that easy, but it wasn’t. He hoped he’d manage anyway.
* * * *
Alex waited in front of Kameron and Zach’s house. He could have gone in, but he wanted to be there when Calvin arrived. His bat itched to shift and fly to find their mate, but Calvin was still unsure about them, so Alex refrained. He hoped things between him and Calvin would change in time, but he didn’t expect them to change fast. He didn’t want them to anyway.
He knew Calvin hadn’t fully believed him when he’d told him he was okay with taking things slow, but he really was. They were both so fucking young, and Alex hadn’t expected to meet his mate just yet. He’d wanted to, but then every shifter did, even those who didn’t realize it. It was engrained in their DNA to want to find their other half.
Alex had never really given it much thought, though, at least not until recently. He really did want to take things slow, to date Calvin and to get to know him before they decided to take any steps forward.
He just wished Calvin would believe him. At least he didn’t seem to have problems spending time with Alex.
The sound of someone coming his way made Alex look up. Calvin stumbled into the clearing where Kameron’s house stood, and he wasn’t alone. Dallas was close behind him, laughing at the way Calvin had almost fallen face first on the path.
Alex straightened and smoothed down his jacket. It was ridiculous, but he wanted to look his best, both for Calvin and for Dallas. Because Dallas wasn’t just the pack’s doctor right then. Alex knew Calvin lived with him and his mate, and while they might not be related, he didn’t doubt Calvin considered them his family.
That meant Alex needed Dallas to like him. He wasn’t sure where the man stood with him exactly, but he hadn’t seemed to dislike him when they’d met. Of course, that first meeting had been unconventional to say the least, what with Nuallan being wounded and bleeding out, but Alex had talked to Dallas a few times since then, and they’d gotten along just fine. He just hoped they continued to do that now that he was kind of dating Dallas’ kind of adopted son. God, this was enough to give Alex a headache.
“Alex,” Dallas said when he got closer.
Calvin trailed behind him, and he blushed when he looked up at Alex. Alex grinned at him, feeling lighter and like the day was brighter than it’d been only seconds before. Damn, he had it bad already. Calvin would have him wrapped around his little finger soon if Alex didn’t try to stop himself from falling hard and fast. For some reason, he didn’t care.
Dallas cleared his throat, getting Alex’s attention again. Right. Alex hadn’t answered when Dallas had said hello. “Dallas. How are you?”
Dallas arched a brow. He looked amused. “I’m fine. How is Nuallan?”
Alex couldn’t help the smile spreading on his face. “He’s fine. Happy. It’s a good look on him.”
“Ethan is good for him, then?”
“Yeah.” Alex couldn’t deny he’d been wary when Ethan and Nuallan had met. He’d wanted to protect Nuallan, but that had been the one situation where he couldn’t, since Ethan was Nuallan’s mate.
But Ethan was a good guy, and he was what Nuallan needed. He was protective, but not as much as Alex was. That gave Nuallan enough space to grow, to step out of his shell and live.
“Right. I need to talk to Kameron, so if you’ll excuse me,” Dallas said. He nodded at Alex, smiled at Calvin, and climbed the porch steps.
Alex waited until he heard the front door open and close to step closer to Calvin. Calvin swallowed, hard enough for Alex to notice. He watched Calvin’s Adam’s apple move, and he wanted to lick it.
“Hi,” Calvin said in a soft voice.
“Hi,” Alex sai
d back.
They stood there, in front of Kameron’s house, looking at each other. It was awkward, and it strongly reminded Alex of his first attempts at dating. That had been with girls, and it had held a hint of fear that his old alpha might intervene, but apart from that, it felt pretty much the same.
It made him laugh, and Calvin’s eyes widened. Alex shook his head and held his hand out. “Sorry. I’m not laughing at you. It’s just, well, this.” He gestured between them. “We’re supposed to be perfect for each other, yet we’re so awkward.”
Calvin smiled. His shoulders relaxed just a bit, and Alex mentally patted himself on the shoulder. Maybe he wasn’t as bad at this as he seemed to be. “Yeah, I guess we’re awkward. I’m just not sure how to behave with you.”
Alex was surprised Calvin had admitted that. “You should behave exactly like you want to.”
Calvin bit his lower lip. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. What do you want to do right now?” Alex prayed it was something that involved touching. He didn’t need much. Handholding, possibly a kiss if he could get away with it. He just wanted to touch Calvin in any way Calvin would allow him to.
Calvin shrugged, the blush on his cheeks deepening. Alex might have thought it was because of the cold, but he at least knew that Calvin was shy. “Aren’t we supposed to go see that house?”
Alex was a bit disappointed, but he pushed the feeling away. “Yep. We need to go get the keys from Zach. Then we can go.”
Calvin nodded, and Alex turned around to climb the stairs. He left his boots on the rack by the door and walked in, keeping the door open for Calvin. He didn’t bother taking his jacket off once Calvin stepped in. They weren’t staying for long anyway.
Alex walked toward the kitchen, knowing that was where he’d more likely find Zach. Something brushed against his hand and he shook it, but there was another brush seconds later, and when Alex looked down, he smiled.
Calvin was walking close enough their hands brushed together, and it would take almost nothing for Alex to take his hand. He waited for Calvin to do it, though, and his smile widened when it finally happened.
Calvin’s hand was trembling just slightly, and Alex squeezed it as they entered the kitchen.
Zach was at the table, nibbling on a cookie and watching some cooking show on TV. He looked up when they came in. “What, you didn’t even take your jacket off?”
Alex shook his head. “We’re just here to get the keys.”
Zach pouted. “I knew you were just using me for my house.”
Alex’s smile widened and he patted the top of Zach’s head. “You’re right, that’s the only reason we’re here.”
Zach chuckled and got up, walking to the counter and opening a drawer. He rustled through the things in it for a few seconds, made a triumphant noise, and turned around, a ring with two keys hanging from his finger. “Here you go.” He held one of the keys up. “This one is for the front door, the other one for the back door.”
Alex held his free hand out, and Zach dropped the keys into it. “Thanks. We’ll bring the keys back later.”
Zach nodded. “I hope you’ll keep them, actually, but I’ll be here. Oh, before I forget, Kameron said you could take a few days off if you wanted to.”
Alex definitely wanted to, but he wasn’t sure the pack could afford it. “I’m supposed to be on shift tonight.”
“I know, but we can do without you for a few evenings.”
“You’re sure?”
“Of course I am. You need some time with your mate, and if you need more days if you decide to move into the house, you just need to ask.”
“Yeah, okay. You know you can call me if you need me, though, right?”
Zach rolled his eyes. “Of course I do, but really, stop worrying. We have plenty of enforcers around, and some of the pack security younger recruits are starting to take surveillance shifts.”
“You want kids to take my job?”
“None of them can fly, so you’re safe.” Zach’s gaze flicked to Alex and Calvin’s joined hands. “Now go. Go see the house, and if you like it, you can have it.”
Alex already knew he wanted to move there, but he wanted to know what Calvin thought about it. They might not move in together anytime soon, although he hoped they would, but he wanted Calvin to like it too. They would end up mated sooner or later, after all.
Chapter Four
Calvin looked at the small cabin in front of them. He’d already seen it when they’d come to Nuallan’s house the day before—Nuallan’s house was right in front of it, and Calvin knew that if he turned around, he could see into Nuallan’s living room without trying too hard.
He wasn’t sure living so close to someone would be nice, and this was Nuallan they were talking about. How was Calvin supposed to live so close to Alex’s best friend when he wasn’t even sure what Alex really felt for Nuallan? He knew what Alex had said, but he wasn’t sure he believed it just yet, no matter how much he wanted to.
“What do you think?” Alex asked from Calvin’s side.
“It’s... pretty.” And it was. Calvin could almost see how it would look in the summer, with flowers in front of it, maybe even at the windows.
“Pretty? That’s all you think about it?”
“I haven’t seen the inside yet.”
Alex nodded and pulled Calvin to the front door. They climbed the porch steps and Alex let go of Calvin’s hand to unlock the door. He pushed it open, and the scent of fresh wood and paint greeted them. Calvin peeked inside.
The stairs stood right in front of the door, a small hallway on its left that probably led to the kitchen, if the house was similar to Nuallan’s. An arch opened to the right of the stairs, and Alex disappeared into that room, leaving Calvin alone.
Calvin swallowed and stepped into the small entrance. For some reason, that single step felt like a huge one, like Calvin was doing something that would influence the rest of his life.
He closed the door behind himself and briefly closed his eyes. Even if this did feel like a big step, it really wasn’t. Calvin didn’t have to move into this house. He didn’t have to do anything he wasn’t ready for. Alex just wanted his opinion on the house. That was all.
He nodded to himself, grateful that Alex had left him alone for a few minutes, and looked around. The entrance wasn’t big, but then the entire cabin was on the smaller side. Even if Calvin did end up moving in with Alex, they wouldn’t need much space. The three bedrooms would be more than enough. Calvin might even be able to use one as a study of sort, to keep his drawing supplies when he finally managed to buy some.
Instead of going to find Alex in the living room, Calvin went to the left, toward the kitchen. There was a small bathroom at the end of the short hallway, and Calvin ignored it in favor of the kitchen.
It was on the big side, definitely big enough for Alex and Calvin. There wasn’t much in it, just the counters and appliances. A big island stood in front of the counters, and Calvin could imagine eating most of his meals there. There was some space for a small kitchen table by the back door, but the island would fit more people.
Calvin walked to the back door and looked out the window that made up the upper part of it. The snow was already starting to melt, but he knew it might snow again. The white stuff made everything look softer, slower, and he wondered if this was the landscape he’d see for the rest of his life. Was it what he wanted? Was Alex what he wanted?
“What do you think?” Alex asked from behind Calvin.
Calvin jumped and turned around. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s fine.”
“So? What do you think?”
Calvin looked around the kitchen again. “It’s nice.”
Alex nodded. “Obviously, this is the kitchen. I think you saw the bathroom next door, and the living room is on the other side of the house, along with a small office. I ha
ven’t been upstairs yet, but if it’s like Nuallan’s place, there are three bedrooms, one with its own bathroom and the other two with a shared one, and a small laundry room.”
Calvin nodded. “It’s enough for you, right?”
“More than enough. I don’t know what we’ll do with three bedrooms.”
“You could ask Zach to see other houses.”
Alex shrugged. “Nah. I like this one, and I like being able to live close to Nuallan and my brother.”
Right. One of Alex’s brothers lived in the same clearing, in one of the other two houses. That might make things a bit weird, although it wasn’t like Calvin could be sure. He didn’t have brothers, or sisters, for that matter.
“Besides,” Alex said, “I’m sure I can find a use for the other bedrooms. I can keep one of them as a guest room, and the third one could be a bigger office or something. Come on, let’s go see them.”
Alex grabbed Calvin’s hand and pulled him along. He looked a bit like a puppy, excited and eager, and Calvin couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on his own lips. Seeing Alex like this made him look less threatening.
Alex didn’t try to look threatening, but he kind of was anyway. He was big and muscled, and he looked like he knew what he was doing and what he wanted from the world. It was probably due to his past and his job, but it was intimidating no matter the reason.
Right then, Alex looked younger, though, and it made Calvin almost as excited as Alex seemed to be. It also helped him relax, and some of his fears for the future started to dampen. Why was he afraid of Alex not giving him a choice? Alex wouldn’t do that. He wasn’t the type.
Alex hurried up the stairs, Calvin right behind him. They burst into another hallway, and Alex pushed open all the doors. Calvin peeked into all three bedrooms. They were just as empty as the rest of the house, but he knew the one on the left of the stairs to the front of the house would be perfect to draw. The light would be great, and it was smaller than the other two bedrooms.
“I was thinking this room would be a good master bedroom,” Alex said, pointing at the bigger room.
Gillham Pack 19 - Calvin Page 6
