by M. K. Gilroy
He paused and stiffened his resolve. Then relented: “Only an hour—and not your usual definition of an hour!”
She reached up and gave him a kiss on the cheek and then frowned.
“What are you worrying about now, Margaret?”
“That white shirt. I know you will snack at Steve and Betty’s and I don’t want you flying all night in a shirt with a stain on it. Actually I could live with it. But I know it will bug you the whole way over and you won’t be able to sleep on the flight, which was the point of taking the redeye.”
Roger smiled and walked over to his briefcase. Even retired, he couldn’t travel without it. He snapped the clasp open and held up a folded white dress shirt.
“I’m ready for anything that comes my way tonight. Even if it comes with raspberry sauce and whipped cream.”
“You always are prepared Roger.”
12
Three Hours Earlier
She took a warm bath, not hot, for the baby’s sake and safety. She ate something even though she wasn’t really hungry. She walked around her apartment a couple of laps. She was cuddled on the couch hugging a heating pad to her abdomen and watching “Elf.” Her doctor told her to expect Braxton Hicks contractions. It didn’t mean the baby was coming. They were normal in the weeks before the delivery date. She still had two or three weeks to go.
Where are you Brad? I want to read an email from you. I want you to make me smile. I want you to tell me I’m beautiful because after seeing Erica and Danielle I don’t feel very beautiful right now. Tell me you’re safe.
She felt another contraction. Lower. She felt pressure on her pelvis. It was sharper, stronger this time.
Call my doctor? She said to call if I had any concerns or questions. Any. But should I be concerned? She told me this was to be expected.
Elf’s girlfriend and half-brother started singing, “You better watch out” in front of Central Park. His father’s wife joined in. She didn’t have a very good voice. Holly thought a traditional carol would have been better, but still liked the movie. She would watch “White Christmas” next. It was cheesy but she watched it every year. She and her mom used to sing the “Sisters” song together. She felt sad that she wouldn’t be with her mom for Christmas.
First time ever.
On cue her phone chirped. She saw “Mom” on the inbound call data.
“Hi Mom.”
“So how is the mother-to-be?”
“Just watching a movie.”
“With friends?”
“Not really.”
“So no?”
“Nope. I’m alone. But I’m doing good.”
“I know how being alone feels. That’s all I was trying to tell you before you—”
“Don’t start Mom. You’ve said all this a hundred times. And by the way, you’re not with me at a time like this either.”
“I can’t believe you said that Holly. I’ve been there for you your entire life. And you know I’ll be up there when it’s time for the baby to arrive. I wouldn’t miss that for the world. But I can’t afford to drive back and forth six hours with what I make.”
This is where she tells me how hard it was to be a single mom and making ends meet without a college education.
“Mom. I know. And I appreciate all you’ve done for me. I told you, I’m doing fine. I needed a night alone.”
“I’d be there if I could.”
“I know.”
There was awkward silence.
Why can’t she accept I married Brad?
“What are you doing tonight Mom?”
“I just got home. I’m going to heat up some leftovers and watch ‘White Christmas’ and go to the Christmas Eve service at church.”
“Well our evening won’t be too different. I’m going to watch ‘White Christmas’ too. And I’m sure we’ll both sing along with Bing and Danny when they sing ‘Sisters.’”
“I might have to call you back for that.”
“Do! I … I miss you Mom.”
“I miss you too Holly. I don’t know why I can’t let things go. And I’m not going to nag you. I do like Brad. I just wanted you to be in a better place when you got married and started a family than I was.”
“I know. And I understand. I do. But I also know I did the right thing. Even if he did get deployed to Afghanistan and even if I did get pregnant way ahead of schedule.”
“You’ll be a great mommy, Holly. Better than your mom.”
“Mom …”
“I’m going to start crying, so I’m getting off now. I’ll call you back when they start singing and I can be better company.”
She didn’t apologize and I didn’t apologize. But I think we got a little closer to saying a few things that need to be said if the ice formed around our relationship is going to melt. Maybe tomorrow. It’s almost Christmas after all. Christmas is the season of new beginnings. New life.
13
Two Hours Earlier
The rage was abating, but not yet gone as tears of grief flowed freely. He pulled into a corner parking lot, blinded by streetlights and the broken floodgate from the corners of his eyes.
It was only an hour ago that it had happened. When it did, he cussed and yelled. He rattled the door. He stomped around the entire house, looking in windows. He didn’t care who saw him or heard him. He shouted at God in Heaven in anger; and then in supplication.
He heard nothing in response.
Probably because I couldn’t stop yelling.
He had finally got back in his pickup and hit redial over and over on all three numbers: Jan; Leslie; Jonathan. He drove away screaming, “I want my kids!” at the top of his lungs the entire way.
My attorney will be in touch with her attorney. She can’t do this to me. She has no right. I’ll make her pay.
He finally shouted himself out by the time he was home.
The envelope taped on the front door of the house he used to call home had his name printed neatly on it, with a note inside.
Fair or not fair, right or wrong, the kids are going with us to see my parents in Ohio. I know you are trying to pull your life back together and whether you believe it or not, we are all pulling for you. Our children love you and don’t want to see you hurt. But I don’t want to see them hurt any more than they already have been due to circumstances they didn’t create. I believe they need to be with extended family, including cousins, in an environment you can’t provide right now. I’m sorry for not talking to you ahead of time but I didn’t think it would go well and I didn’t think the kids’ best interest would be served by us fighting. We will be back on the 29th and I will bring the kids over. Merry Christmas—and I mean that.
What can I do?
Possession is nine tenths of the law. In this case 100%.
Nothing. I can do nothing. Just like every other area of my life. I’m helpless and hopeless.
As much as he wanted to keep on storming he knew she was right. Jan’s parents had a wonderful home on acreage outside of Columbus. His kids loved being there. They loved being with their cousins.
He looked at the little turkey he bought. There wasn’t much else to go along with it. They would be feasting nonstop for the week.
Don’t just sit here. Do something.
Joe knew Dennis had pulled the night shift. He had three kids and a wife at home. Joe hoped Dennis knew how lucky he was to have them. And he was about to get luckier.
If he stayed at home, he would undoubtedly feel an old, familiar, caressing tug to head down to the liquor store or a bar if he could find one open. That’s what got him to where he was in the first place. He still carried his AA chip in his pocket. When he remembered to touch it he found himself calmer. Problem was he didn’t remember to touch it often enough. So he careened through life in a rage. He didn’t believe in magic, but he knew that chip meant the first step in getting his life back. The problem was he was so far away from where he’d been. And one step at a time was taking him forever. And there we
re some things he would never have again. Jan and the kids. That ship had sailed.
Sober for five months. I wouldn’t have thought of a drink if I had the kids, he thought bitterly.
Now it’s all I’m thinking about.
Call Dennis and take his shift. Tell him, “Merry Christmas, you owe me one.”
“Joe, St. Joe, St. Joseph, you have made me a hero with my wife—and that makes you my hero. I owe you buddy. I really do. I’ll do something for you in return. I promise.”
“I got one more thing for you Dennis,” Joe had said.
“Yeah?”
“Do your kids like turkey?”
Dennis couldn’t believe his luck. He thanked Joe over and over when they met to transfer custody of the turkey from Joe to Dennis.
That made Joe happy. Maybe the happiest he had felt in a long time. But now he was blubbering in a 7-11 lot.
Thankfully a call came in from dispatch. He got his assignment and shifted into park.
My wife … my ex-wife is right. It’s about the kids. She done me wrong. So wrong. But she’s so right. And I guess I had the chance to do one good thing today after doing so many bad things.
I didn’t know she was pregnant. I swear I didn’t know the girl at the coffee shop was pregnant. It shouldn’t have mattered. But I worked it out for Dennis to be with his family. And I gave him and his family my turkey. Is that a new start?
14
One Hour Earlier
She stabbed the red off button. Again.
No answer from Douglas. Straight to voicemail with Donny—he had left his phone turned off. No confirmation Douglas returned home and no confirmation Donny stayed home.
Does Douglas not know what is at stake with our son?
The light over Eduardo’s room lit up. She padded down the hall and opened the door briskly.
The six-year-old was whimpering. His mom was wiping his brow with a cool washcloth. Regina walked over and looked at the monitors. His vital signs were great. He would be moving to the children’s wing of the hospital as soon as a room was prepared for him.
“What can I get you, Maria?”
“The pain seems very bad again,” Eduardo’s mom told him.
The problem with young patients was knowing how to manage the flow of the pain meds. With adults you gave them a PCA, the trigger for an electronically controlled intravenous infusion pump. The program wouldn’t let them overdose, but patients could determine when they needed another shot of analgesic to deaden the pain.
Adults may claim kids are demanding, but that wasn’t the case with pain management. They were confused or forgot what to do.
Regina looked at the precious little boy, trying to stifle his tears, but not totally succeeding.
She added a small dose to his drip and caressed his forehead and then his hand. She wanted to give him a hug, but that would not be a good thing to do with second-degree burns. Nothing was tougher to treat than third-degree burns, but nothing hurt more than second-degree burns.
She and Douglas were going to stop with two, then she was pregnant with Donny and that was a good thing.
Eduardo looked at her with grateful eyes. It had been a long time since she had seen that expression in her own baby boy’s eyes.
He was last. Youngest. Littlest. Maybe we spoiled him. Maybe we should have stopped calling him Donny a long time ago. But everyone called him Donny. Except for the three friends he had picked up in middle school. They called him Dog or Big Dog.
She cringed every time she heard it.
She asked Eduardo’s mom a few questions, told her they would be moving to the children’s ward any time, and reminded her to hit the call button if she needed anything. Anything.
She got back to her desk and saw she missed a call. Douglas. He had left a message.
“Won’t be able to talk for an hour or two. Trying to connect with Donny. Will talk soon. Love you baby.”
Won’t be able to talk for an hour or two? Trying to connect with Donny? Where is Donny? What is going on? Something’s gotta change.
She hit the speed dial for Donny. Still no answer. She punched red and repeated with Douglas. Straight to voice mail.
I’m going to scream.
She looked down the hall and saw a doctor and two new nurses coming toward her station.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“You been busy tonight?”
“It’s been light. Real light.”
“Well that’s about to change.”
“What’s up?”
“Have you heard the sirens?”
“Not really.”
Regina had lived and worked around sirens for more than twenty-five years so she never heard them anymore.
“We’ve got a fire about fifteen miles from here; the warehouse district downtown. It is going to be one of the biggest fires this city has ever seen.”
“Arson?”
“Probably.”
“Any estimates on how many people will be coming our way?”
“Thankfully the fire is still nonresidential and all the business are shut up for the night, but we are being told some people are going to lose their homes before Christmas morning. Doesn’t effect us, but it’s going to be bad. St. Elizabeth’s is one of three hospitals that the injured will be sent to. We expect most to be from the fire department.”
Oh, dear Lord.
She looked at her phone. Using it was about to become non optional.
I hope you know what you’re doing Douglas. And Donny, don’t you dare leave that house.
15
One Hour Earlier
“Roger, relax, we have plenty of time to make our flight.”
“We’re supposed to check in for international flights two hours early.”
“They aren’t going to bar the gates if we’re a few minutes late. We’ll be there 90 minutes early.”
“How fast do you think I can drive in these conditions?”
“The weather report didn’t say anything about snow this evening. Just relax honey.”
“We’ll be lucky to get there an hour ahead of the flight. And I wish this was just snow. Even a heavy snow. It’s more like a misty ice,” Roger grumbled.
“You always get uptight before a big trip. In fact, you were always a bear the last few days before family vacation. I was hoping you planned this one late enough that you would relax and enjoy yourself today.”
“I’m not uptight. And I’ve enjoyed myself until now. But we agreed we would leave Betty and Steve’s two hours ago.”
“Don’t look at me. We were both having fun. You were your usual charming self—not a grizzly bear. I even forgot how much I missed the kids and grandkids and any other problems. For a few moments anyway.”
“We don’t have any other problems. And I’ll admit, it was fun tonight,” Roger said grudgingly. “Okay. I’m relaxing. Kind of. I’ll stop barking.”
“I thought bears growled, not barked.”
“What now!” Roger yelled as the car fishtailed through a curve.
A few quick right and left touches on the wheel and the car straightened out.
He opened his mouth and blew out loudly, no longer holding his breath. Margaret’s hand was locked like a vice on his upper arm.
“You can breathe now too,” he said.
“Okay, we’re not going to be ninety minutes early,” Margaret said. “So slow down please. And don’t worry. We’re not the only ones who are going to be running late. And it is the last flight of the day. So we’ll make it fine through check in and security.”
“Are you sure you have our passports?”
“Yes Honey,” she said, patting her coat pocket.
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Margaret. I’d be a mess.”
“You would do fine.”
He snorted.
“I’ll take my share of the blame.,” Roger continued. “We should have left Steve and Betty’s two hours ago and it was just as much my fault. I hate g
etting off schedule. I hate being late.”
“You always have. We’ll be right on time Roger. Don’t worry.”
It’s going to work out, Roger thought. But I hate that time period when you still don’t know that for sure. Things always work out.
He looked over and smiled at Margaret but she was looking out the window.
This not being with the kids really does have her down.
16
One Hour Earlier
She woke with a start.
She yelped as she felt a clinching that would not let go.
Did I wet my pants?
Holly had fallen asleep on the couch. She had turned the TV off and was listening to a Jim Brickman Christmas CD when she drifted off. She wasn’t a jazz fan, but Brad gave it to her as a stocking stuffer last year.
She realized she couldn’t have wet her pants. There was too much … too much … wet.
“My water’s broken,” she gasped.
She stood up as quickly as the baby would let her. I have to get to St. Elizabeth’s. Holly had her travel bag ready to go.
I wish Brad was home. I wish he’d sent me an email and told me he still loved me.
She felt like she was wading through mud. Every movement was sluggish—a dull effort laced with sharp pain. Her friend Gwynn from JavaStar said she would drive her to the hospital when it was time. But Gwynn was going to head out of town to see family early evening. She was probably hours away. The baby wasn’t due for two weeks.
Why didn’t I think about my little guy coming early?
Call a cab?
She felt a moment of relief from the pain and decided she could make the short fifteen-minute drive. She had practiced this numerous times. The car would be freezing. But there was no time to delay. She waddled to the bedroom and pulled up her stretch pants with a grunt of pain. She shrugged over her loosest sweatshirt, not so loose anymore. She aimed her feet and got them into boots with fleece lining. She pulled on her purple cold weather parka that wouldn’t zip up all the way anymore, picked up the small travel case, and started down the steps. Halfway to the bottom she had to stop as another contraction seized her.
