I agreed we could wait for the self-proclaimed goddess. Wiz smiled.
“Good. Maybe we could get Mr. Vanir to join us to talk about the old days. He and I had quite a battle once, when I was an adventurer.”
Now that I want to hear.
And I’d certainly like to know how she went from an epic battle to friends with that guy. And now that I was thinking about it…
“Hey, what’s with this ‘old days’ business? How old were you when you became a Lich?”
“I was twenty.”
Huh.
“I see. I guess that is about how old you look. So how long has it been since then? I mean, how old are you now?”
“Twenty. I haven’t aged since becoming a Lich.”
“No, but I mean…”
“I’m always going to be twenty, no matter how many years pass.”
“A-all right.”
She didn’t seem to want to pursue the subject, so I decided not to press her.
You weren’t supposed to ask a woman’s age, anyway.
Then suddenly Megumin spoke up from ahead of us. “I have been meaning to ask you, Wiz. Are there others in the Demon King’s army beside you who can use Explosion? I mean…any other large-breasted young women?”
Well, that came out of left field.
“No, as far as I know, I was the only one in his army who could use explosion magic. But I haven’t been to the castle for a very long time, so it’s possible someone else came in after I left…”
“I see. That is good to know.” Megumin breathed a sigh of relief.
Except that wasn’t good at all.
“Hey, what do you mean ‘large-breasted young women’? Don’t just end the conversation like that. Explain it to me, too.”
“You are such a… Well, it’s nothing important. One of the reasons I came to Axel was because I had heard there was a female spell-caster there who could use Explosion. I guess that must have been Wiz.”
“Hmm. And what do the big boobs have to do with it?”
“You could at least say ‘a woman with big boobs’ or ‘a well-endowed spell-caster.’ Anyway, she’s the person I’m measuring myself by. I hope to meet her one day…”
“…Measuring yourself by? You mean, like, in terms of bust size?”
“I shall kill you now.”
I shoved my hand against Megumin’s forehead to keep her away as she threw herself at me, staff raised.
“Huh…? I could swear I just saw someone I knew…”
Wiz was looking toward the most hot-springs-dense part of town. I followed her gaze and saw…
“Okay, Megumin, Wiz! Let’s zip on out of town, fire off our spells, and see some sights!”
The vision of him inspired me to hustle the two of them out of there.
The guy Wiz thought she recognized was the one having a suspicious conversation in the bath the day before.
Now I was sure: If Wiz knew him, he was unquestionably connected to the Demon King.
Please, stop already! I’m just a totally normal, totally weak adventurer with no powers or anything! Please, please don’t let me get dragged into anything else dangerous!
“That is a good idea. We should go sightseeing once I have released all my pent-up explosive energy for today. Wiz will help us stay safe. Let us find a monster and explode it!”
“Oh, Mr. Kazuma, there’s no need to rush! …Hmm, who was that, anyway?”
I couldn’t let Wiz and that guy run into each other. I couldn’t say quite why, but I was sure it would be trouble.
3
Maybe it was because of the abundance of pure water in this area, but as soon as we got out of Arcanletia, we found a vast forest.
“Let us go to that forest! I’ll bet there are scads of monsters there! Let’s hunt some of them! Come on, quick!”
Wiz and I followed after the unusually bloodthirsty Megumin.
I activated my Sense Foe skill, and what do you know? Sure enough, I detected plenty of monsters in there.
“Boy, the place really is crawling with them. Actually, it seems like they know we’re here. I wonder why they don’t attack us.”
I could sense them, but I couldn’t see them.
“They’re probably cautious because we just came out of Arcanletia,” Wiz said. “Most of the people who come from the city are Axis followers, so… I’ve heard even monsters keep their distance from them.”
Axis disciples must be the loneliest people in the world.
“Or…it could be because I’m here. It’s possible they avoid Liches instinctively.” She gave a sad smile as she said that.
I do have a tendency to forget that Wiz is actually one of the generals of the Demon King’s army, even if a rather lackadaisical one. She might not look like much, but you don’t get a job like that for no reason.
I also recalled how when Beldia showed up, and then again with Vanir, the weaker monsters near town stayed hidden, keeping clear of our powerful visitors. It was entirely possible they were keeping their heads down, intimidated by Wiz’s power.
I had been living in Axel for a while at this point, but I had never heard of any monsters actually invading the town. I wondered, a bit surprised, if it had something to do with Wiz living there.
“Hrm. Well, no choice, then. I will just find a spot over there somewhere to perform my explosion. I so wanted to take out some monsters, and perhaps raise my level to boot…”
After this obnoxious pronouncement, Megumin began intoning her magic.
She had a huge amount of magic power in that little body.
I still couldn’t fathom how someone could be powerful enough to use a spell like that and then waste it in a field someplace. I honestly believed there was a variety of ways to use it that might have benefited society.
As I mulled over this, Megumin finished her preparations.
“Explosion!!”
She really had chosen a random place. A magical blast blossomed, shaking the air and rumbling against the earth.
Trees were uprooted, the ground heaved, and with a swath of destruction, Megumin left her mark on the forest.
The woods filled with noise as the sudden tremors sent every bird scrambling out of every tree.
“Phew! Shall we go back now? I will need a ride, of course.”
The perpetrator of the massive blast was calmly lying facedown in the dirt.
She seemed so sure about that piggyback ride. For a moment, I considered leaving her there.
“You need a ride every time. Can’t you use your magic a little more efficiently? Here, I’ll give you some of my MP, so get up and walk.”
I used Drain Touch to transfer some of my magic. Maybe I didn’t transfer enough, because Megumin still wobbled noticeably when she stood.
Then she checked her Adventurer’s Card, and a smile came over her face.
“Ooh, it seems I caught several unsuspecting kobolds in that blast. They’re listed in the space for monsters I defeated today.”
…Uh-oh.
Weren’t we just talking about how my level was the lowest of all of ours right now? And it still was, even though I had gained two levels after our battles with the Lizard Runners and the Dashing Hawkites. Maybe I should use the skill points from those levels to get a decent attacking skill that might help me level up even more.
I was still ruminating on the possibilities when:
“…Hmm? Something’s coming this way. And fast, to judge by Sense Foe.”
“Oh? Perhaps it was drawn by the sound of my explosion.”
Whatever it was, it was approaching from the depths of the forest. Even with my Second Sight skill, I could see only a dark shape.
Wait…
I knew that shape.
This was a monster that coexisted with weaker creatures like goblins or kobolds. It basically looked like a saber-toothed tiger covered in black fur.
“Haaaarrrrr!”
It was the natural enemy of the novice adventurer: the Beginner�
�s Bane.
“Wiz! Wiz! You gotta do something!”
“Snipe it, Kazuma, snipe it!” Megumin cried. “There is still enough distance—you can stop it!”
“I left my bow with the rest of my equipment back at the hotel!”
“If I ever said you were reliable, I take it back! If that is your attitude, you will be lucky to be half my level!”
“Moron! Who got that thing’s attention in the first place?! Maybe I oughta just Drain my magic right back and leave you here!”
“Calm down, both of you! I’ll handle this somehow. You both just keep back.” Wiz stepped forward as if to protect us both.
I decided to do what little I could, using Create Earth to make some sand I could throw in the creature’s face.
Megumin stood close behind me.
Wiz showed no sign of using magic, despite the onrushing Beginner’s Bane.
“Hey—hey, Wiz? Wiz?”
“Oh no!”
Before our eyes, the Beginner’s Bane jumped on Wiz.
The monster was as big as a cow; it easily pinned her to the ground.
As Megumin shouted behind me, I raised my hand and prepared to use wind magic to blow dust into the thing’s eyes…
““Huh…?””
The enemy on top of Wiz was suddenly sound asleep.
She crawled out from under it. I would have expected her to at least be scratched up from when the monster first attacked her, but there was no sign of injury.
“Now I remember,” Megumin said. “Liches only take physical damage from magical weapons. And they have the ability to inflict a variety of status conditions on their opponents beyond their basic ability to drain HP and MP. Poison, paralysis, sleep, and curse. Wiz didn’t even need magic to deal with this enemy.”
Wow. Liches are really something.
Aqua might be able to make her translucent, and Vanir might be able to fry her—but those things seemed so irrelevant now.
“Phew… Well, shall we head back?” Wiz brushed the dust off her clothes and smiled.
4
When we got back to town, there was a huge crowd right in the middle of the leisure district.
“What’s going on? Is there an event or something?”
“I wonder. Given this is a tourist town, perhaps they have some performers or something to entertain visitors.”
Megumin and I, our interest piqued, made our way over.
“…Oh, that’s Lady Aqua. What’s she doing there?”
Aqua stood smack in the middle of the crowd.
What was she up to? She stood on a wooden box, holding something that looked like a megaphone. Next to her, Darkness was bright red and trembling from embarrassment.
I recognized the object in Aqua’s hand as an item enchanted with wind magic, but what was she doing with it?
As if to answer my question, Aqua began shouting.
“My beloved Axis followers! The Demon King is working to destroy this city even as we speak!”
Darkness hung her head in embarrassment.
“How, you ask? He has poisoned the city’s hot springs! I have confirmed that many baths have already been affected!”
Had she spent the entire morning just going to hot springs?
“What are you talking about? I was just in one of the hot springs, and I’m fine,” an onlooker said.
Aqua nodded assiduously and replied, “That’s because I’ve been around to each one and purified it. All the baths in this area are safe. But this isn’t over yet! That’s why I have a request for all of you. Please do not go in the baths until this incident is resolved!”
That set the crowd muttering.
Aqua poked Darkness, standing next to her.
On the verge of tears, the Crusader twitched as if she was about to say something, but then she kept quiet.
An old guy pulling his vendor’s cart along commented, “Miss Priest, this is a hot-springs town. And it’ll be a ghost town if you tell everyone not to go in the baths.”
“He’s right. Why would the Demon King poison our bathwater, anyway?”
The people began whispering among themselves.
“It’s—! Because he wants to get rid of this city’s tourism industry, so the Axis Church won’t get any more money! That’s right! The Demon King is afraid of you Axis believers! I promise this is not just something I’m making up because I’m bitter about being the only one who can’t go in the baths! Now, honorable Axis followers—!”
Then…
“There you are! Hey, you! What did you do to the hot spring at my hotel?! It’s turned into regular hot water!”
From beyond the crowd, a man stood glaring at Aqua. Probably the owner of one of the hot springs. Along with him were several other guys with alarming expressions.
“You were right—she is here! Grab her, everyone! She’s been playing an awful trick at all the hot springs—she turns them into plain water!”
“Yeah, maybe she’s the one the Demon King sent to try to destroy our town!”
Sigh.
How did she expect to help the city if she went around sabotaging all the hot springs?
“N-n-no, I’m not! There’s a reason for this! Please, listen to me! Those baths I purified, there was poison in them! I admit, I might’ve gotten rid of the special minerals along with the poison—but it was all to help you…!”
“If that’s true, you could have at least said something to us! Anyway, there’s no way you could purify so many baths! Word is, you waited until there was no one there before you got in the hot springs. Then you snuck in and changed our bathwater for regular water!”
“N-n-n-no, I didn’t! If anyone had seen me doing my purification, they might have realized who I really am! And then there’d be an awful commotion—!”
This was not good. She was going to say something she shouldn’t at this rate.
“Hey, Megumin, Wiz! Let’s get out of here before those two notice us! Just pretend we have nothing to do with this!”
“What?! Are you simply going to let this continue? I think you are the only one with any chance of helping—say something to them!”
“Lady Aqua looks ready to cry! Mr. Kazuma, if this keeps up—!”
As they spoke, I looked over at Aqua.
One of the hotel owners began shouting. “I’d say there’s already a commotion! And it’s already awful! So who are you, really? Maybe an agent of the Demon King?!”
“Huh?! N-no! Come on, Darkness, don’t just sit there—say something! Just like we discussed! You say, ‘O Axis Church! Axis Church, please help us!’ Don’t be shy—say it!”
“A-Axis Church, p-please…,” she whispered, red-faced in front of the massive crowd of onlookers.
I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.
“Argh, fine! I’ll reveal my true identity here and now, then! O honorable Axis disciples! My name is Aqua! Yes—Aqua, goddess of water, the very deity you revere! My sweet believers, I myself have come to rescue you!” she announced from the top of her box.
The crowd, which had been simply watching until that point, went dead silent.
“…Okay. Time to go. Quick, Megumin.”
“…This will not do. I thought perhaps this situation could be resolved until a moment ago, but I was wrong. Let us get out of here!”
“W-wait! Mr. Kazuma? Miss Megumin? What about Lady Aqua and Miss Darkness…?”
As Megumin and I started sneaking away, a wave of taunts rose from the crowd.
“Pshaw! What a scoundrel!”
“Sure, she has blue hair and blue eyes—but the gods still won’t be happy that she’s pretending to be Our Lady Aqua.”
“Throw her in the lake! If she’s really the goddess of water, she won’t mind!”
“Waaaah! Stop! It’s true! I really am a goddess!”
“Oh! R-rocks…! St-stop throwi—! Aqua, get behind me…!”
““………””
“Hey, where are you two going…?” Wiz as
ked. “Lady Aqua is…!”
As the crowd began to stone Aqua and Darkness, Megumin and I made our escape.
We took the long way around to get back to our hotel. By the time we arrived, Aqua was already there.
“Waaaaaaahhh!!”
Apparently, she had been crying the entire time. Had she even stopped crying since she arrived?
“L-Lady Aqua, here’s some warm milk. Have a sip and t-try to calm down a little…”
Wiz was trying to comfort the weeping Aqua in the middle of the big room where the girls were staying.
Nearby, Darkness was contentedly sipping some black tea, somehow looking refreshed despite all the scratches and cuts covering her.
They had been stoned and ridiculed—one more reason for our pervert to love this town.
Maybe we should just leave her here.
“It’s too muuuuch! I’m trying so hard to help everybody! How could my own followers throw rocks at me?! Waaaaah!”
“Lady Aqua, p-please calm down! Your holy power gets stronger when you’re agitated, and I might start to disappear…!”
A frantic Wiz was trying to offer some hot milk to Aqua. She glanced at it and sniffled.
“…I want wine.”
“You aren’t actually that upset, are you?”
Aqua looked up at me, her face a little clearer now that Wiz had shuffled downstairs to get some alcohol.
“That doesn’t matter. There is definitely a plan afoot to destroy this town. Several of the hot springs I visited were very polluted. If any guests had gotten in those, they would have gotten sick or worse.”
“Aqua,” Darkness said, “I trust your skills as a priest if nothing else, and if you’re so insistent about this, I’m sure it’s true. But if you can’t even say who did it, what’s the use?”
“She is right,” Megumin said. “Why not just report it to the Adventurers Guild or the manager of the hot springs and let them handle it?”
At that, Aqua ground her teeth in frustration. This involved the Axis Church, and she probably wanted to handle it herself.
I knew how she felt about her followers, but given how they had just treated her, why bother saving them?
“Oooh… But if this goes on, my sweet little followers will…!”
You Good-for-Nothing Quartet Page 11
