by Gail McHugh
“Is Gavin milking the cow on a farm somewhere?” She pointed at the clock on the stainless steel stove. “He’s been gone a while.”
Chad squinted, his brow slowly rising. “Hmm. He has been gone for a while.” He looked out the window at the fat drops of rain falling from the sky. “Maybe he’s taking it slow. I know he mentioned he was riding his motorcycle up there.”
“Oh,” Emily said softly. A pang of unease settled over her limbs. Her mind rushed to a conversation she and Gavin had not long ago. He’d gone into great, enthusiastic detail about how he loved opening up the bike to ungodly speeds while on the roads in East Hampton. “I’m going to call his cell and check on him.”
Chad nodded, and Emily headed for the stairs. Taking two at a time, she reached the top in seconds. Rounding the corner, she collided into Olivia.
“Well, that woke me up,” Olivia chirped. Towel drying her hair, she stared at Emily. “Why do you look all freaked out?”
Emily’s eyes flew to an arched floor-to-ceiling window visible from the hallway. She held her breath as she took in the rain falling in thick, heavy sheets. Emily rushed past Olivia, her feeling of unease growing. With a quick hand, she dug her phone from her purse and hit the button for Gavin’s number. By the fourth ring, she knew he wasn’t picking up.
“Em, what the hell’s wrong?” Olivia stood in doorway, her face edged with confusion.
Swallowing, Emily slid her phone closed. “Gavin went to go get milk, and he’s not back yet. He took his damn bike, too.”
Olivia shrugged. “Okay. It’s raining. He’s probably taking his time, chick. Calm down.”
Emily nodded. Olivia was right. For whatever reason, she was overreacting. She knew Gavin would be smart enough to not drive like an animal, however, something was off, and she couldn’t put her finger on it. Not quite a pull in her gut telling her something was wrong, but more of an emptiness slowly sneaking into her bones. As she tried to talk herself down from the cliff her mind was dangling over, the doorbell chimed through the air. Emily rushed to the bedroom window, and her heart stopped mid-beat as her eyes landed on a white and blue East Hampton patrol car. She flew past Olivia as she belted down the stairs. She came to a stop on the landing and brought her hand to her stomach as it cramped. Pain shot, ricocheting through her midsection. She curled her fingers around the railing and tried to slow her breathing, tried to slow her racing thoughts. Gavin was probably picked up for speeding. At least that’s what Emily attempted to convince herself of as she watched Chad open the door. Gavin’s full name…then the words. Although faint, they hit Emily’s ears loudly, knocking her off balance.
Lost control…
Grave…
Air lifted…
Critical condition….
Emily tried to breathe as her body instinctively sank onto the steps, her hand gripping the cold metal baluster. A flurry of chaos ensued around her, but she didn’t notice. She couldn’t. She couldn’t think or feel. Her mind slipped into a state of numbness, her ears blanking out Lillian’s crying screams. She barely registered Trevor gently lifting her from the stairs and helping her out into the warm, humid air. A heavy raindrop hit her scalp. Another, her cheek. Before she knew it, she was soaked and seated in Trevor’s car.
Green eyes staring blankly at the road flying past her, Emily’s muscles froze with fear. Rain rioted the roof as her galloping heart shook her whole body. While her mind dragged through thorny yet beautiful memories of the last few months, the cold realization sank Emily deeper into her seat. Gavin was critically wounded. What the officer said rushed through floodgates, dowsing Emily with grief. A torrent of tears spilled as a brutal headache made a permanent nest in the darkest eaves of her skull.
By the time they pulled up to the hospital, the rain had grown louder, its rhythm as steady as an applause at a rock concert. Emily threw open her door and climbed out. Mind a scattered mess, she prayed as she made her way into the emergency room. Still unable to speak, Emily listened to Trevor and Fallon ask where Gavin was. After taking some information, the nurse behind the desk pointed toward the end of a hall. Eyes glistening with tears, Emily held onto Trevor’s arm for balance as they stepped into an elevator.
“Emily, listen to me,” Trevor whispered, his voice cracking. “He’s going to be okay.”
Fallon stroked Emily’s rain-drenched hair. “He is, Em. You can’t give up hope.”
Lost control…
Grave…
Air lifted…
Critical condition….
Emily shook her head, her words stuttered. “You hea…heard what the off… officer said.”
Fallon pulled her into her arms, holding her tight. When the elevator opened onto the ICU, Emily’s blurry vision zeroed in on Gavin’s parents, Colton, Olivia, and Jude talking with a doctor. Emily wanted to run to them to find out what was going on, but her body was frozen. Her feet wouldn’t move. Her arms hung to her sides as cold as icicles hanging from gutters. With Trevor’s aid, Emily stepped from the elevator. A deep sense of nothingness slithered through her chest as she slowly started for the group. The crisp, hospital air was loosely laced with the smells of ammonia and sickness. A chill shot down Emily’s spine as her gaze drifted into several patients’ rooms. Lying motionless with blankets drawn up to their necks, most were unconscious. As she approached the group, Emily could see the fear in Chad’s eyes and it made her tremble. Her heart smashed, vibrating her body.
Lillian swept Emily into her arms, her tears soaking through Emily’s top. “Oh, God. My baby. My baby boy. They’re not sure if he’s going to make it.” Lillian’s crying hammered though Emily’s head, and her despair sliced right through Emily’s heart.
“What happened?” Emily asked, barely getting the words out. With tears streaming down her face, she turned to the full-faced doctor. “There has to be something you can do. He’s going to”—Emily choked back a sob—”he’s going to be a father.”
The doctor released a soft sigh, shoving his large hands into his pockets. “The motorcycle came out from beneath him in front of the Mill House Inn on Montauk Highway. He was thrown against on oncoming vehicle.” He shook his head, his voice bleak. “We just finished up doing a CT scan on him. Though he was wearing a helmet, he’s sustained severe injury to his brain, and he’s non-responsive right now. We’re trying to control the swelling, and we’re going to do everything we can for him, but it doesn’t look good. He has a punctured lung, three broken ribs, a broken femur, and internal bleeding in the abdomen. The surgeon will give you an update after he’s out of surgery.”
Emily felt her body go limp, felt her heart rip away from her chest. Sobbing uncontrollably, her legs slack beneath her, she leaned into the embrace of Trevor who was trying to hold her upright. However, his arms felt weak as he too struggled to keep himself together. Shaking, Emily made her way into a small waiting room. She sank into a chair, cradling her face as she rocked back and forth.
This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t real. She refused to believe just hours before, her and Gavin’s lives were complete, and now she could lose him. Their son could lose him. The thought of Noah never knowing the wonderful man his father was shook Emily’s faith in all she’d ever believed in. With tear-soaked eyes, she slowly lifted her head and looked around the room. Faces pale with fear, not a single person in Gavin’s life held a glimmer of hope in their expressions. Emily watched Chad hold Lillian, his grief burning a hole in Emily’s mind. Seated next to a small coffee machine, Olivia rested her head against Jude’s shoulder, her tears falling in streams down her cheeks. Emily swallowed as she dragged her gaze to Colton. Standing alone in the corner, arms crossed, he stared at the floor, crying silently.
Emily broke out into a cold sweat as images of what she and Gavin were supposed to be, the life they’d spoken about, slowly melted away. The clock on the wall ticked, its second hand sinister and ugly with each stroke of movement. Over the next few hours, everyone waited to hear a word. Light wa
s fading from the damp sky by the time the surgeon entered the waiting room. Everyone jumped to their feet.
With eyes as empty as a dusty glass found forgotten on a windowsill, he began to speak. “We were able to stop the bleeding in his abdomen for now, and we’ll keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn’t start again.” The surgeon paused, drawing in a slow, deep breath. “We had to perform an emergency craniotomy to relieve the pressure off the brain. The next forty-eight hours are critical. In the meantime”—he looked at each of them—”I feel its best you spend as much time with him as you can right now.”
There was a moment of silence long enough for Emily to feel the quiet undertone of despair coating the room. But it broke as Lillian fell into Chad’s arms, her cries screeching from her throat in puffed out heavy breaths. Emily’s heart started throbbing in her chest so hard her fingers shook. As she watched the surgeon walk out, fog trapped Emily’s mind. She sank into her chair, covering her face. She knew she couldn’t see Gavin yet. She couldn’t. The truth was, fear gutted her. It surrounded her, anchoring her frozen. She felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked up into Gavin’s father’s eyes. Dark shadows of grief painted his face.
“Come on,” he mumbled, holding out a shaky hand. “We’ll all go in together.”
“I can’t,” Emily cried, unable to keep her voice from cracking. “I can’t right now. You go ahead. I just need a few minutes.”
Chad nodded pensively. Unshed tears clouded his eyes as he walked away, wrapping a supportive arm around Lillian’s waist. Emily watched the grieving couple walk into the hall, her heart shredding with their departure. Head hung low and shoulders slumped, Colton followed them.
In seconds, Olivia was at Emily’s side. She tenderly wiped tears from Emily’s cheek. “Don’t give up on him, Em,” she whispered, her voice strained with fatigue. Blinking her bloodshot eyes, Olivia shook her head. “He needs you right now.”
Longing filled Emily’s chest. She didn’t want to give up on Gavin; she knew she had to stay strong for him and their son. But somewhere in the back of her mind, hideous whispers told her otherwise. They screamed Noah would never see Gavin’s warm, loving eyes. He’d never feel Gavin’s spark, the way he lit up so many around him with a simple smile. Their poison warned of years dragging, one right into the next, with nothing but sorrow for the man she’d loved more than she loved herself. She silently begged them to stop their barrage on any hope she had left.
Trevor and Fallon stood, pulling Emily from the attack rumbling in her mind. Trevor cleared his throat and, with his arm over Fallon’s shoulder, moved toward Emily and Olivia. Face splintered with grief, he shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m taking Fallon back to the house. She’s going to keep an eye on Timothy and Teresa so Melanie can come up to visit.” He paused, his eyes weary and broken. “Em, you need to eat. Let me pick you up something on my way back.”
Emily shook her head. She couldn’t wrap her mind around anything, not even eating. “I’m fine.”
“Jude and I are going to grab something from the drink machine.” Olivia kissed Emily’s cheek and stood. “We’ll be back in a few.”
Emily nodded, able to tell everyone needed a minute to gather their thoughts. Mentally depleted and alone, Emily dropped her head into her hands, gasping against the pain. As she prayed to a God she was no longer sure existed, in that moment, a small flicker of hope shot through her. A flicker of what made her and Gavin one, what solidified them as two complete souls meant to be, washed over her.
Standing, she slid her trembling hands from her face, sucked in a deep breath, and started for the door. Upon emerging from the waiting room, her heart slammed as she slowly made her way down the hall. Stopping a few feet away from Gavin’s room, Emily was nearly brought to her knees by Lillian’s cries. Emily’s stomach knotted, as a faint but noticeable contraction rippled through her, pulling the air from her lungs. Pushing through the pain, she entered the room.
With the view of the love of her life obstructed by the view of his family standing by his bedside, Emily watched silently, her hand over her mouth as she listened to Lillian speak to Gavin. She spoke of the first time he called her mommy and how that’d made her feel. Through tears, she trilled about his first day of school and how he’d clung to her legs, scared to get on the bus without her. She explained that though her heart had been crushed for him, she was proud when he let go and got on. Lillian broke down when she begged him to wake up so he could feel the same joy when his son let go of his hand on his first day into a very scary world.
A quiet sob ripped up Emily’s throat, her body shaking from her fear of him missing so many beautiful memories. Countless seconds, hours, minutes, days, and years their son would need him. Sunrises and sunsets he had yet to share with Noah, explaining what it means to be a man, a real man. Little League, Boy Scouts, first date, prom, graduations, his first love, his wedding. Every morsel of life’s precious gifts that he’d miss if he didn’t pull through this.
A nurse walked into the room, breaking Emily away from dreams that may never happen. Dreams slipping away. She watched the middle-aged woman quietly check beeping monitors, replace clear, fluid-filled bags on Gavin’s IV, and jot something onto a chart. Colton stepped back and caught Emily’s gaze. As he approached her, she shivered at how much he’d looked like Gavin.
Hands in his pockets, he stared at her a beat before speaking. His voice was a shaky whisper. “He’s so in love with you, Emily. I know the little bastard’s trying to punch his way out of whatever he’s in right now just to be with you.” Lips trembling, Emily sucked in a shuddering breath as Colton gathered her in his arms. “He is. I know he’s fighting. He’s too stubborn not to.”
“I hope he is,” she choked out, clinging to him. “I can’t lose him.”
Lillian joined their embrace, her whimpers ringing through Emily’s ears. Chad stood silently behind his wife, his eyes smothered with grief. Lillian held Emily’s face. “You need time alone with him. We’ll be in the waiting room if you need us.”
Emily nodded, missing the gentleness of her touch as they walked out. With a shaky breath, she took a tentative step forward, her heart sinking immediately. Gavin’s strong chest rose and fell in rhythm with the ventilator pumping oxygen into his lungs. Another step closer and her eyes dripped with tears as she observed his head wrapped in white gauze, a dapple of blood soaking through the material. His injured leg was hoisted up in some kind of sling. Breathing heavily, she reached the bed and touched his hand. There was warmth but no movement.
Not a twitch.
Not a flutter.
Nothing.
God. All Emily wanted to do was kiss him, but she couldn’t. The tube in his mouth prevented her from doing so. She wanted to pull him from his pain, but she wasn’t sure where to touch him. His body was covered in wires connected to the monitors flanking the bed. Unable to resist, she leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his black and blue bruised cheek. Letting her lips linger, a tear fell from her eye to his face. It slid down the side of his nose, almost as though it was his tear.
And that’s when Emily really lost it.
“Please, Gavin, you can’t do this to us.” She brought a hand to his cheek, her body trembling as she sobbed. “You’re the reason I’m breathing. I’m carrying the child our love created. Remember? The love they make movies about? That’s us, Gavin. Our past is imperfect, but our future’s breathtaking. You can’t leave me. You can’t. I need you. I need your bottle caps and twenty questions. I need your wiseass comments and that stupid look you give me when I try to cook for us. Please. God, Gavin, please fight. Fight for us. Fight for Noah. There’re too many things I won’t be able to teach him without you.” Rain gurgled in a drainpipe outside the window as she waited for a sign. For a whisper of life. For anything that said he heard her, felt her.
Again… nothing.
“God, please. Please…” Her cries trailed off as she buried her face against his shoulder. The strong
shoulder Gavin had so many times before tossed her over. She breathed in his musky scent that had made her dizzy for him the first time he was close to her. As she thought of every spoken and unspoken word they’d shared, her body jerked as an alarm suddenly sounded. Her eyes flew to one of the machines, its screen rapidly flashing red. Emily swallowed and stumbled back when a nurse ran into the room.
“I’ve got a Code Blue!” she yelled as she quickly unhooked the tube from Gavin’s mouth. Screwing another in, she squeezed a bag over his mouth, manually pumping air into his lungs. “I need someone with a crash cart in here, stat!”
Eyes wide with horror, Emily heard the Code Blue called over the speakers as another nurse flew into the room. Frantically, the woman unsnapped Gavin’s hospital gown and pulled it down. She pressed against his chest, hard and fast. Emily tried to breathe as another nurse tore in, dragging a cart with a machine on it behind her. Crying, Emily’s vision blurred, voices muting, garbled in slow motion.
A male’s voice hit the air. “What’s his status?”
“V-fib,” one of the nurses replied, continuing to press against Gavin’s chest.
“Prepare to shock at two hundred joules.”
After two large stickers were placed on his skin, another voice said, “Preparing to shock. All clear?”
Shaking uncontrollably, Emily watched the workers surrounding Gavin back away from the bed.
“All clear.”
Thump… Gavin’s body jerked…
Emily took a shuddering breath.
A second, a minute, an hour… Emily didn’t know how long had passed. She couldn’t think, couldn’t move. Eyes glued to Gavin, her heart raced as she prayed his would continue to beat.
Thump… Gavin’s body jerked once again…
The chaos around him continued as they proceeded to pump air into his lungs and press with vigor against his chest. Emily felt her back hit up against the wall, her mind a freight train of emotions as she cried out in hysterics, vaguely aware of Colton at her shoulder, trying to guide her frozen body out of the room.
