He and Kenzie weren’t serious.
And that was a fucking lie, and they both knew it.
He didn’t know what they were going to do about it, but hell, he needed to think long and hard before he fucked things up for her and him…and his kid, for that matter.
“Tabby okay?” his mom called out, and he stuffed his phone into his pocket so he could walk into the living room.
“Yeah, I thought you talked to her like daily.” He sat down next to Loch, who shifted over slightly, giving him more room.
“Of course, I do, but I wanted to make sure things hadn’t changed since this morning. And we talk so much more often now with the wedding. I’m talking to Alex’s mother almost daily now too, even though we aren’t the ones planning it. Tabby and Alex are doing everything themselves, and since my baby girl is such a planner, she’s loving it. They’re going small, which makes them happy, and I’m just glad we’re all going to be able to go down there together as a family.” She narrowed her eyes. “Monica is letting you bring Nate? My grandson had better be able to see his aunt get married because she doesn’t get to know him as it is. I don’t get to know my grandson enough.”
Loch mumbled under his breath, and from his chair, Fox winced. When their mom went on a tear about Monica, things got ugly. Dare didn’t mind a little complaining since, hell, he missed his kid, too, but he got tired if it went on too long.
“You see him once a month, and you get to talk to him often. Soon, he’ll be doing school events and things, and we’re all allowed to go to those. Stop griping on Monica, Mom, okay? She’s great with Nate.”
“I’m not saying she isn’t. But a boy needs his father.”
He set his beer down, no longer in the mood. “He has a father.”
“I’m not talking about his stepfather,” his mother snapped before sighing. “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.”
“I know you didn’t,” he said through gritted teeth. “Auggie’s not bad.” That was as much leeway as he’d give the man that was allowed more time with Nate than he had. “But, yeah, Mom, Nate is coming with me for the wedding. Special events like that are built into to the custody agreement.”
“You need a new custody agreement,” she said quickly. “Because this isn’t working, baby. I want you happy. And now that you’re with Kenzie—”
He held up his hand, cutting her off. “Don’t bring her up when you mention custody or my kid, okay?”
“Dare,” his mother chided.
“Don’t. Just don’t. Stay out of my relationship with Kenzie. We’re still new, and the idea that you think any judge is going to want to change things custody-wise, or that Monica is going to let me have more time with my son because everyone thinks I have a girlfriend is crazy. Don’t mix up the two things I have going on in my life.” Not yet, anyway. His brain was doing that enough for everyone.
“You’re mixing up everything I’m trying to say, Dare.”
“That’s enough, Barb,” his father put in. “Let the boy figure out what he’s doing before you try to fix it. There’s nothing to fix if he’s still working it out.”
And that was one reason he and his father got along so well; his dad understood that Dare was constantly thinking and trying to compartmentalize and yet, sometimes, he couldn’t figure out how to do that until he sat back and untangled all the threads.
“I need to go,” he said. “I told Nate I’d call him, and I have work to do.”
“I should head out, too,” Fox said. “I have work to do, and I’m behind on making sure my ads guy is keeping up with his shit.”
Loch stood up, cleaning up their single beer bottles that none of them had finished. “I’ll stay until Misty wakes from her nap, then we need to leave also.”
“Now, stop it, all three of you. I wasn’t trying to push you out of our house.” His mother bit her lip, and Dare couldn’t help but lean down and kiss the top of her head.
“We really do have to go, Mom. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just want to fix things that I’m not sure I have the capacity to fix yet. Okay? Just let me be for a bit.”
“You know I love you.”
He smiled, this time knowing it reached his eyes. “I know.”
“And I worry.”
He couldn’t help the laugh that escaped. “That I know, too.”
And with that, they said their goodbyes, and he headed back to his place. While he enjoyed their family dinners, he knew that sometimes they took energy from him that he needed for other things.
Namely, figuring out what the hell he was going to do about Kenzie.
“Jesus,” he muttered to himself. How the hell had this happened? He’d been fine before she walked into his bar. He hadn’t needed to think about anything except his kid, his family, and his job. Sure, he’d go home with a woman every once in a while, but more often than not, he’d go to bed after tasting one of his whiskeys.
Alone.
That had all changed once he got to know Kenzie just a little bit. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind, nor had he been able to make the right decisions when it came to her. He should have stayed away. He never should have gotten close.
But if he hadn’t…he could have lost her.
He parked in front of his house and gripped his steering wheel. He could have lost her because that asshole David had gotten too close. He’d hurt her, and Dare had almost been too late to do anything except pull the steaming pile of shit off her.
He couldn’t even let the thought of what could have happened if he hadn’t been there enter his mind. If he did…well, he might just break his steering wheel off completely. And because he knew he needed to cool down, he went inside his house, didn’t bother to turn on the lights, and sank into the big chair in his living room. He needed to think, and he wasn’t sure he was going to like where his thoughts ended up.
Kenzie was so much better than either of the two men in her life, past or present. She was funny, smart, and had so much in front of her whether she stayed at the Whiskey Inn or moved on to something bigger once she healed from her divorce. He knew if he let himself, he’d fall for her, hard. He was doing his best not to acknowledge the fact that he might have already done so.
He wasn’t the man for her. They’d both known that going in, hadn’t they? She’d needed to use him to heal, and he’d needed to use her to feel. That was all they needed. They’d known it would be temporary. They couldn’t do anything more than that because that wasn’t what they’d agreed on.
And if he kept telling himself that, maybe it would be true.
The doorbell rang, and he frowned then cursed when he remembered that Kenzie was supposed to come by after handing over the reins to the night shift.
Fuck.
He wasn’t in any state to see her, not when his head wasn’t on straight, but he couldn’t just leave her outside, waiting, either. He wasn’t that much of an asshole.
When he opened the door, she stood on the other side, a small bag in her hand. Neither of them had been brave or ready enough to leave things at each other’s houses. They’d only been together for a few weeks, and they were doing their damndest not to talk about the state of their relationship.
They were making so many fucking mistakes by not just talking to each other about what they wanted. But since he didn’t know what that was, maybe it was the best thing he could do.
“Hey,” he said, taking a step back so she could walk in. “You look nice.”
She smiled and looked down at her normal work skirt and top. “Thanks. You saw me in this earlier when you stopped by to work on paperwork with Claire.”
He shrugged and leaned forward to kiss her. It was meant to be a soft brush of lips, but at the first taste of her, he couldn’t stop the moan that escaped. They were both breathless by the time he pulled away and took her bag with him, gently sliding the strap from her shoulder.
“You still look good.”
“Well, if that’s how you’re going t
o greet me after I wear the same outfit for ten hours, I might just have to do it again.”
Again. Because they were going to see each other again like this. Because this wasn’t just a fling. This was something more.
And damned if he knew what to do about it other than keep going and try not to fuck it up.
His phone buzzed in his pocket as they made their way into the living room, and he pulled it out, frowning. “It’s Monica.”
Kenzie’s eyes widened. “I hope Nate’s okay.”
He did, too, but the fact that Kenzie’s first thought was about Nate did something to his chest. “Monica? What’s wrong? Is Nate okay?” Dare didn’t usually call for a couple of hours, so it was weird to have her call him.
“He’s fine. Sorry to call now and worry you, but I wanted to talk to you when Nate wasn’t in the room.”
Shit. “I’m glad he’s fine,” he said more for Kenzie’s benefit than Monica’s. When Kenzie immediately relaxed, he knew he was once again in dangerous territory when it came to his innkeeper.
“What’s up?”
“I know you’re supposed to have Nate next weekend, but can we switch? Auggie has a family event coming up, and Nate needs to be there.”
No the fuck he didn’t.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s a family picnic for his work, Dare.” She sighed, and he knew she was about to talk to him like he was a damn twelve-year-old instead of the father of her son. This was one more reason why he’d never married her. She might be a good woman and a better mom, but they didn’t fit. Never had, and he had been too dense and focused on his job to notice that earlier.
“Auggie needs us to be there. Everyone is bringing their children, and it is a great way for the higher-ups to bond.”
“Auggie isn’t Nate’s dad,” he growled out.
“Jesus, Dare. Get a grip.” She started to rant, and Dare pinched the bridge of his nose.
Kenzie gave him a worried look and went to the fridge, pulling out two beers. When she handed it to him, he gave her a nod, thankful that she wasn’t saying anything since his relationship with Kenzie wasn’t a conversation he really wanted to have with Monica just yet. Yeah, his ex knew about Kenzie in theory, but when even he wasn’t sure what they were to each other, adding complications to the mix would only make things harder for everyone. At least, for now.
“You know, Monica, I would have been fine changing weekends if you’d have given me a heads-up earlier. Hell, you know I want any time I can with Nate. But two days before I’m supposed to finally have time with my son? I don’t fucking think so. This picnic sounds like it’s been a thing for a while now, and you’re just now telling me? That’s not my problem.”
“Nate.”
“No, I’m not done. You’re not changing our Christmas plans either. You’re not taking him away from me because you need to make your husband look good.”
“Why is everything a fight with you? I’m letting you take my son all the way to freaking Colorado, and I didn’t put up a fuss.”
“First, he’s our son. I’ve been there since the beginning. I didn’t walk out on you, Monica. You walked out on me. Don’t put this all on me.”
Monica made a loud growl that sounded more like a screech, and he knew she was trying to keep from saying something they’d both regret. She’d done it when they were dating, and it had always annoyed him. Now? He knew it was the only way she could keep her temper in check.
“We’re not getting anything figured out right now. We keep coming up to this wall where you want more time with him, and I don’t want to end up hurting either of you when I’m figuring things out. So why don’t we talk when I pick up him after your weekend. Or something.” She paused. “I don’t know how to continue what we’re doing, Dare, because I don’t want to hate you, but fighting over weekends is making me act like someone I’m not.”
He frowned. “So you don’t want to change my weekend, after all? Is that so you can have Christmas?” He cursed inwardly at his sharp tone. “Shit. I didn’t mean that to sound so accusatory.”
“I know you didn’t, and because we’re fighting all the time over Nate’s time we’re….we’re not doing good. We need to talk. Soon. Because this isn’t working.”
Dare’s blood went cold at her words, and he knew if he wasn’t careful, he might just lose everything he had.
“We’ll talk when you pick him up.” He did his best to keep his voice casual. Light. Because if he said something that pissed her off, it could ruin everything.
She hung up after saying goodbye, and he looked down at his phone, his mind going in a thousand different directions but none of them making any sense to him at all.
“Dare? What’s wrong?”
“I…I have no idea.” He met her gaze, and she leaned over the counter to grip his free hand.
“What can I do?”
And that was the thing. He didn’t know. He didn’t know what was going to happen when he talked to Monica, and having Kenzie here when he felt so…off just reminded him that he didn’t know what he was doing when it came to her either.
His paths were coming to an intersection, and if he weren’t careful, he could lose everything—things he hadn’t even known he wanted.
And because he had no idea what to do, he let his thoughts go to the back of his mind and focused on what was in front of him. Putting down his phone, he leaned forward and kissed Kenzie softly, the island between them making it hard for him to touch her but that distance was needed.
“You’re doing it,” he finally answered as he pulled away. “You’re here.” And though that might just be the problem, he didn’t push her away.
Instead, he walked around the counter and held her close, knowing after everything that had happened recently, sometimes words weren’t useful and falling into each other was the only thing you could do. Because Dare had fallen for Kenzie. There was no denying the heavy feeling in his chest anymore.
He’d fallen for her when he promised himself he wouldn’t. He was no good for her. She deserved far better, but now, he wasn’t sure he could go back.
He just hoped he wasn’t making yet another mistake.
Because the last time he’d done that, he’d lost Jason.
And everything else around him.
Chapter 15
Nate rolled on the grass in front of him, giggling like mad as Kenzie took a photo with her phone. She smiled, laughing with him, and his son just ate it up. Dare leaned back against the porch railing, watching them both as he tried not to imagine what this could be like in a few years if he still had Kenzie in his life.
They’d made love all night and into the morning after he figured out what that twist in his heart meant. And then he’d done his best not to think about it—something he was getting far too good at when it came to the important things in his life. They’d both worked and spent time together and acted as if they hadn’t crossed an invisible line into who they were now as a couple rather than who they’d told themselves they’d be. There wasn’t anything casual about them, and from the long looks they gave one another, they both knew it.
He wanted to tell her he loved her, wanted to shout it to the world, but at the same time, he wanted to let it settle over him just a bit longer. He hadn’t known what this emotion felt like for someone other than his family before, and he was worried he was going to screw everything up. And he had a feeling if he let himself just be, he might lose her. She still wasn’t fully out of her ex’s clutches, and Dare would be damned if he let his feelings confuse or hurt her any more than she already was.
But before he could let his thoughts once again go down a path that made his head hurt, his phone buzzed. The readout was a familiar number that shocked his system every time he saw it, though it had been a long time since he had.
“This is Collins.” He answered the way he had on the force, and his tone must have caught Kenzie’s ear. She gave him a questioning look, and he shook his head, motioning ov
er to Nate, who was still rolling around and giggling like mad. She nodded over at Dare before going to play with his son, and for that, he was grateful.
“Dare, good to hear your voice, man,” one of his former colleagues said. “Damn good to hear your voice.”
“You too, Steve.” And that was true enough. While Dare missed those he’d worked with in the past, he liked his new life and job even more than he had being a cop. Some jobs weren’t for everyone, and while he valued his time on the force, and was grateful for the paths he’d taken, he was content—perhaps more than content—with his life now.
Huh, interesting.
“So, anyway, I just wanted to give you an update on those letters you dropped off.” Dare stiffened, his jaw clenching, thinking of Jesse and her daughter.
“What do you know?”
“We looked into the kid and his family, and while the boy definitely needs to talk to someone, it wasn’t malicious. We didn’t see any true intent to do harm. The mother is sending the kid to a new therapist and wants to ensure you that she’s going to do everything she can to get him the help he needs.” Steve let out a breath. “Honestly, Dare, it looks like a kid who’s hurting and doesn’t know who to lash out at with his feelings, but he has no intent to do so with his fists or anything physical. He broke down into tears, man.”
“He wrote Jesse, Steve. I don’t care if that kid cried.” That was a lie, but he still wasn’t ready to forgive.
“I know, man. And we took it seriously. From what we could tell, once we talked to the kid, he took it seriously, too. We’re not done watching him because, fuck, you don’t mess with one of us or our families, but we really don’t think this kid means you harm.”
Dare sighed, slightly relieved but still worried. “That’s good to hear but…”
“But we’re not letting it go completely, don’t worry. We’re not going to let anything slip through because we want to think the kid is safe.”
He talked to Steve a bit longer, his head not really into catching up with people that were no longer in his life, not when he was looking at the way Kenzie and Nate laughed with one another.
Whiskey Secrets Page 15
