by Heather Anne
"I feel so lost."
I listen as Luke, a seventeen-year-old kid who lost his older brother at the hands of his father, shares.
"My life is so fucked up and I have no one. My dad wants me to visit him in prison but I refuse. I can’t tell my mom what’s going on because she has so much on her plate. My girlfriend, Allyson, and I both feel so alone. I miss him," he sighs.
I can’t help but feel for him. He reminds me of the kids I worked with back home and I feel an emptiness in my chest. I’m not sure what's going on, but I know this kid needs a friend and I vow to myself that I will catch up with him after group. Trevor continues to go around the room and I find it hard to concentrate with Grayson next to me. His scent is woodsy and clean, like rain with a hint of something I don’t recognize, something unique to him. God, he smells as good as he looks. I can't help but glance at him out of the corner of my eye and every time I do, I see he is doing the same to me.
Trevor asks if anyone else wants to share, looking directly at Grayson, who gives a quick shake of his head. I can't help but wonder what his story is. I see pain flash across his face, from his down turned lips up to his furrowing brow and settle into his eyes. That tightness in my chest returns. I want to know his story. I want to know his pain and, for some strange reason, I want to be the one to take it away.
Trevor closes the group and I watch him approach Kristy. I go to seek out Luke, but I see that Grayson already beat me to it. I smile and think that there is so much more to him than the arrogant asshole that came into Beans earlier. He has so many layers and I want desperately to be the one to peel them all back, which is insane considering I only met him less than two hours ago. I shake my head as I start folding up the chairs.
"Sorry about that," Trevor apologizes as he takes the chair next to me and starts to fold it.
I shrug. "It's fine." It really isn't though.
"No, it's not," Grayson's voice rumbles and I almost drop my chair.
"Are you ok?" he asks.
"Fine," I say, not being able to find my words.
"It won't happen again," Trevor assures me.
"Damn right it won't. I’m going to have some words with her," Grayson stalks off towards the door before I even have time to protest. I’m left with my mouth hanging open.
"He's intense," Trevor says and I nod.
"Be careful, Skylar, he isn't in a good place."
"What do you mean?" My curiosity about who Grayson Davis is starts to rise higher.
"Not my story to tell," is the only response Trevor gives me.
When I finish stacking the chairs, I look around the room to find Luke, but I don't see him anywhere. Hopefully I can catch up with him at the next session. I wave my goodbyes to Trevor and Jenkins and head out the door, looking forward to my walk home.
I love this coastal town; the smell of the salty air, the way the ocean breeze kisses my skin is invigorating. As I turn the corner, I hear a familiar voice coming from the alley.
"Come on, Gray, Frankie said he heard you were back and was glad. Everyone missed you. I missed you," Kristy purrs and I can't help but roll my eyes as I peek into the alley. She is standing in front of Grayson and has thrown her arms around his neck.
I almost laugh out loud as I watch him take her arms off of him.
"Frankie just missed my money and you just missed my cock," he says and I feel the bile start to rise.
"Yeah, handsome, I did. Come on, let me have it, just a taste," she says and the knot in my stomach tightens.
I see her tug at the waistband of his jeans and I gasp. He hears me and our eyes lock. I can’t help the disgust that I feel for him. Something tells me he is so much better than that, but what do I know. I barely know him. Before the bitch can see me, I high-tail it back to my place.
As soon as I get home, I pet Daisy who follows me into the kitchen so I can feed her. When I’m done with that, I search through the cabinets until I find my bottle of Captain Morgan and a glass. I pour some in the glass, grab some cola from the fridge, add it to the spiced rum, and take a huge gulp. Drinking is a great plan to help get Grayson out of my head. I wish I knew what it was about him that made me want to know him.
At 8:30 on the dot, my doorbell rings. I’m showered and dressed in a tight red tank top, skinny jeans, and red peep-toe wedges. I decided not to dry my hair so it hangs in natural waves down my back. I went light on the make-up; some eye liner, mascara, and my favorite strawberry lip gloss.
I open the door to Lauren, who is holding up a bottle of tequila, and she looks incredible. Her long blond hair is pulled to the side in a perfect fishtail braid and she’s wearing a yellow maxi dress, her face basically free of makeup.
"You look amazing!"
We both say it at the same time and laugh as we make our way through the open floor plan of my cottage to the kitchen. She places the bottle of Cuervo on the breakfast bar and eyes the Captain Morgan along with my almost empty drink.
"You had a bad day, too?" she giggles, rummaging through my fridge to grab a lime as I pour myself another Captain and Coke.
"Day was great, evening not so much." I take a swig of my drink, loving the spiciness of the rum mixed with the sweetness of the cola. I’m already a little buzzed.
"Want to talk about it?" She asks as she pushes the salt towards me.
I lick my hand and pour some salt on. "I don't think I really can, it has to do with group," I explain.
She nods, passing me a shot and lime wedge. "Well, let’s not think about it about then. Cam and the boys are playing, so let's concentrate on drinking and dancing." She clinks her shot glass with mine.
I lick the salt, down the shot, and wince as the amber liquid burns down my throat. I suck on the lime and shake my head when she goes to pour me another. "No thanks, I’m already a little buzzed, I’m going to finish this," I say, holding up my Captain and Cola, "and then stick to beer for the rest of the night."
Lauren does two more shots as I grab my bag and throw my keys in it. Looking at my phone, I see it's already nine. "We better get going," I encourage her along. “I can’t wait to hear them play!"
She blushes. "Yeah, I love watching Cam up there."
"What's the deal with you two anyway?" I ‘ve been asking this since she first mentioned him when she got here a few years ago, though I have never received a straight answer.
"Honestly? We’re friends, but it feels like more," she admits as we walk down the beach road toward Biggies.
"Do you want it to be more?"
She shrugs. "I don't know if I’m ready for whatever more there is."
I know there is more to the story but she is saved when her phone chimes. She looks at the text message. "That’s Amy. Her and Jeffers are there and they got us a table. The band is just starting. They’re playing on the deck," she smiles.
It's unseasonably warm for May and there’s a slight breeze - a perfect night to be dancing outside. "Awesome," I say.
We walk into Biggie's and notice the bar inside isn't too crowded. We order a bucket of Coronas and as we head out to the back deck, I stop in my tracks as I hear the most haunting voice I have ever heard, singing Take Me to Church by Hozier. The voice is gravely yet soft, and I close my eyes, letting the words and the voice consume me. Everything feels so familiar, it’s like the song is being sung just for me. I open my eyes, and when I find the source of the voice, I gasp as I see Grayson Davis holding the microphone and looking right at me.
Son of a bitch.
Chapter Seven
Fucking Kristy. I swear that bitch is out to ruin me. The minute she mentioned Frankie, my mouth watered and all I could think of was scoring some OxyContin. I know she had some on her and it took everything in me not to ask her for some.
That feeling only got stronger when Skylar witnessed Kristy trying to suck my dick. The look of disgust on her face is something I never want to see again. Ain't that some shit right there? Me. Grayson Davis, who doesn't give a fuck about anything ot
her than being numb, is bothered by what some chick I barely know thinks of me.
Stopping at the liquor store on my walk home, I grab a fifth of whisky. Probably not a wise choice for someone who literally just got out of rehab, but alcohol was never a problem unless I mixed it with pills. Since I promised Landon I would try, and I really want to see my niece, there’s no chance of me using, at least not for the night.
I get home and head into the downstairs bathroom. I haven't used the upstairs bathroom or master bedroom since Lainey died. I untwist the cap and take a few swigs, relishing in the familiar feeling of warmth the alcohol gives me. Immediately I feel relaxed and not as much on edge as I was earlier.
I turn the water on to steaming, take one more swig, and hide the bottle under the bathroom sink. Hiding the whiskey may show signs of a problem, but really, it's because I don't want to hear shit from Landon. Beer I could get away with, but hard liquor I need to stay away from in front of my brothers, at least for now. I make quick work of getting undressed and get into the shower.
I lather my hair with shampoo and, as I wash down my stomach, a red-headed beauty with gray eyes and a slamming body enters my mind, and my cock hardens instantly. I start pumping myself slowly as I think of Skylar's sweet voice. My strokes get faster with more pressure as I think of how her ample tits looked in her tight t-shirt. I start to feel my balls tighten as I imagine her nipples a light rose color with my mouth sucking and nipping. I imagine the sounds she makes as I glide my hand down her toned stomach and into the front of those hot as fuck yoga pants, across her wet heat.
"Fuck," I cry out as I come all over the wall of the shower. I’m panting and my body is shaking from the force of my orgasm. I haven't come that hard from just my hand in a long time and I know the source - Skylar. I need to get that chick out of my head. I would ruin her like I do everyone and everything else in my life. She’s better than that. She’s better than me. She deserves more than the nothing I can offer her.
I’m glad I’m singing tonight. Usually we get our pick of chicks when we play and I plan on picking the hottest one I can find. I brush my teeth, throw on a black t-shirt, fitted jeans, and my Chucks. I grab my phone and cigarettes and head out the front door to wait for my brother.
When we arrive at Biggie's, the deck is already starting to fill up. Carson approaches me.
"Hey bro," we give a one-arm hug. "Glad to have you home," he smiles.
"Glad to be back, though I’ll be happier when detective douche gives me my keys back," I grumble and Carson laughs.
We set up the equipment and since we have time before we go on, we sit at the table in front that we have reserved for our friends. A waitress comes over and places a bucket of beers in center.
"On the house, boys." She smiles and walks away, but not before giving me the dirtiest look.
"What's her problem?" I ask, and my brothers bust out laughing.
"You don't remember?" Carson starts laughing harder and Landon grabs a beer as he composes himself.
"Last time you were here, you tried to get her to go home with you. “He’s holding in his laughter.
I’m still clueless.
"What, is she a lesbian?" I ask, totally not getting it.
Carson barks out a laugh. "With her twin sister."
"I did not!" I try to remember, but I have no recollection of any of it.
"Yeah, you told her that twins were on your sexual bucket list." Carson starts laughing again.
I shake my head.
"I don't even have a regular bucket list, let alone a sexual one, but I think I’m going to make one." I smirk as I reach for a beer.
"Gray," Landon looks at me, warning in his eyes.
"I told you, it’s fine. I don't plan on getting drunk and if I stay away from the pills I’ll be fine. Like I told you, it's when I mix pills with booze that cars get wrapped around trees."
Landon sighs. "Just don't get shitfaced."
"I won't." I take a sip of my beer and look around. "Fuck!" I see an unwanted blonde approaching our table.
"Hey boys," Kristy's sickening voice pierces the air. I want to shrink into my seat as she runs her clammy hand up my arm.
I shrug her off. "What do you want? Haven't you had enough rejection for the day?"
Both Landon and Carson raise their brows as she speaks.
"Oh you didn't mean that, you only said it because of her," she scrunches her face.
I laugh. "No, it was because of you and whatever bullshit you and Frankie have up your sleeve. I’m not interested in what either of you have to offer anymore," I get up and make my way to edge of the deck and light a smoke.
I need to get away from her. The thought of her sucking my cock doesn’t appeal to me anymore, but I can’t stop thinking about the pills I know she has. I know that Frankie is putting her up to this. Dealing for him on the side was a great way to ensure I had my pills twenty-four seven.
I can feel a cold sweat start to form and I know it's the withdrawals. I’ve been feeling them a little bit here and there. Not as intense as the few days I went without in rehab, when that chick got kicked out. Between the whiskey I had before I left the house and the beer I just downed, I have a nice buzz going on.
I see the waitress approach the stage with two buckets of beer, putting one on each end. I kindly ask her to remove one and to bring a couple of bottles of water and my brothers look shocked. I just shrug. I’m trying. Trying to be a little better but not so dry to where I can feel. Whatever happens I can’t feel. It will kill me before the drugs do.
"You ready for this?" Carson asks as he hands me Camden's guitar.
I nod as he gets behind the drums and Landon straps his bass around his neck. Carson gets the crowd going by introducing us and adding that I’m filling in for Camden who will be on later. He beats the drums and we start off with Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry and the crowd goes nuts.
We play a little bit of old stuff, some newer stuff, and I nod to Jeffers and Amy as I see them approach our table. We go right into Take Me to Church by Hozier. I have my eyes closed and I’m letting the song consume like it usually does. The lyrics hit me in such a way.
As I’m nearing the end of the song, I feel my skin prick and I open my eyes to see Skylar standing by the door. Her eyes are closed as she takes in the music. I can tell by the way her head rolls back and her body starts to sway slightly that she is just affected by this song as I am. When she opens her eyes and they lock with mine, it's like an out of body experience. In that one moment, we are connected.
A scowl forms on her face when she realizes it’s me singing and I can't help but smile, knowing that she’s affected just as much as I am. Carson takes the vocals on the next song and I watch as she follows Lauren to the table where Jeffers and Amy are. My eyes narrow as she gives Jeffers a kiss on the cheek. She looks up and, seeing the look on my face, smirks at me.
This girl is going to be the death of me. I can't get her out of my head but I can't let her in either. I have never felt so attracted to someone, ever. Maybe I need to get her under me in order to get her out of my mind. Fuck. Now my cock is hard on stage. I shake my head and continue to sing with my brothers.
When I sing Riptide, I see Lauren grab Skylar and they both get up and dance close to the table. I can't help but watch the way she moves, the sway of her hips, the jiggle of her tits in the tight, red tank top she is wearing. As she leans into Lauren and sings along to the lyrics, she looks up at me and gives me a genuine smile. My chest constricts. Something in my gut tells me that she has the power to change me.
Chapter Eight
I’m having a blast. Despite the fact that the bane of my existence is shooting daggers at me from across the bar, even though her arm is draped over some sleazy looking guy with slicked back hair. He smiles a crooked smile and I shiver at the creepy feeling he gives me.
I make my way back up to the table and see that Camden has joined Jeffers, Amy, and a few Amy's friends from the local college. I
grab another beer out of the bucket and down half of it. I sit down since I’m starting to feel more drunk than buzzed.
Looking back up to the stage, I watch Grayson like I’ve been doing all night. It's like he's magnetic and I can’t help but be drawn to him. He starts singing Demons by Imagine Dragons and I swear that man is signing directly to me. He saunters across the stage, his hazel eyes boring into mine. It's like he's trying to convey a message to me and I’m not sure if I want to know what it is.
He's telling me he’s broken, that he has many demons and that I should stay away from him. I don't think I can though. He is enigmatic and intriguing and I want to know what his demons are. I want to know everything about him, but I already know he won't let me. He doesn't seem the type of guy to get to know people. He seems like he's the one and done type of person.
"He's good isn't he?" Camden asks, nodding to Grayson.
"Yeah, he's incredible," I say, not taking my eyes away from Grayson as he finishes the song.
As the crowd goes crazy when the song is over, Grayson announces they are taking a break. I turn to the table and everyone is staring at me; Camden shaking his head.
"What? He has an amazing voice," I try to save myself, but I know by the narrowing of Lauren's eyes that we’ll be talking about this later. I feel a little bit of hostility between Cam and Grayson when he approaches the table. He grabs a beer from the bucket and looks at me, ignoring the disdain on Cam's face.
Grayson tips his beer towards me. "Skylar," he says then walks away towards a group of women who look like they are all ready to jump him.
I roll my eyes and down the rest of my beer before grabbing another one.
"You know him?" Lauren asks.
I shrug. "Met him earlier."
"Did my brother hit on you when he got coffee earlier?" Landon laughs and I must turn beet red because Cam scoffs.
"I love my brother, but seriously Skylar, he's not a one-woman man if you know what I mean. You’re a sweet girl, but trust me, my brother is anything but."
