by Nicole Locke
A curve to her lips, she murmured as she sat up and he schooled his features.
‘The inn is completely quiet,’ he said. ‘You could go undetected to your room.’
‘Aren’t we...?’ She pulled her knees to her chest, and looked forcibly at him. ‘I know what happens with men and women. I know there’s more.’
He’d hated himself in the past. Felt shame his brother carried a burden that was never his.
He was the one, who was vile, and tainted on the inside. Each burning pulse of Devil’s blood through his heart a reminder of his past, of how he could never truly have her.
She smiled at him, a glow to her skin, to her eyes. An inviting warmth. She was happy, and he wanted more with her.
From the firm line of her jaw, and her piercing eyes, she wasn’t going to let him simply walk away as he needed to. As she needed him to.
So he’d have to do more than merely leave. He’d have to take away some of her happiness. To do so, he’d lie to her. A mercenary lies all the time; this should be no different.
She was different.
He couldn’t do it. How could he be cruel when they shared so much? Cold sweat sheened and ice flowed under his heated skin. He turned the craving for her inward until it pained him. He needed to suffer. Outwardly, he needed to pretend that he could leave her.
After all they’d shared, he must lie to her to keep her safe...from him.
‘This was all pretend, remember?’ he said.
‘I...no, it was real. I know it was.’
He shrugged. ‘Because I gave you pleasure? You’re only one of the many women I’ve lain with. I gave them all pleasure.’
She frowned. He stood, his body racked with need, with want for her. He watched her eyes stare blatantly at his need.
‘But you didn’t lie with me. I didn’t get to touch you or—’
Each word she gave slashed his insides, all phrases he said burned his throat. He wanted her touch, wanted so much more. But she was determined, and he needed to keep her safe, from Reynold, from him. So he forced his words out, like they were knives. ‘Why would I want that?’ He almost sneered at her scarred hand.
Then he yanked on his tunic. Shocked he could get it over the knives he’d buried in his own heart. Wrapped his belt around him, tightening it until it felt like a noose around his neck. His shoes he merely picked up. His body suddenly too weak as if the bits of leather and lace were boulders ready to crush him.
He wanted to be crushed and hung and stabbed as Helissent then said, ‘So all those words about my scars. All your...kisses, and touch, what were they?’
‘You know how curious I am. I wondered what your skin felt like, how it would respond. And you satisfied that curiosity.’ He shrugged. ‘Maybe I am no different than those men Rudd introduced you to.’
She gasped then, her eyes sheening in the flickering light. Her shoulders jutted back, her chin raised as if he’d rejected her.
He had to reject her. He couldn’t stay here. He wanted to show her what she meant and he made it all worse. She made it worse by asking for more.
He clenched his eyes—no, this wasn’t about her. It was all his fault. She didn’t know how much worse it could be if he made love to her.
Kissing, touching and tasting her wasn’t the first mistake he’d made in the heat of a moment. He’d done that in London and it cost him his life.
He wouldn’t stay and be the cost of hers.
When he got to the door, he stopped to see her one last time. Even sitting vulnerable and exposed, she looked steadily at him. He still couldn’t tell the color of her eyes. And as his gaze lingered, he could barely grasp the emotion behind them.
Then he closed the door, knowing that all that waited for him was disappointment, regrets and death. Maybe he could beg Reynold to torture him before his death. He deserved far worse.
* * *
Helissent sat for only a few moments after Rhain left. The cold dampness of the room amplified now though the torch flared brighter with the closing of the door.
It was quiet, like those caves behind Agnes’s hut. Earlier this evening, she’d sought sanctuary here, but no longer did the room feel comforting.
It was good she didn’t need comfort any more. Quickly standing to dress, Helissent felt a lightness and a determination she had never felt before.
With Rhain’s last words, she should have felt hurt, but couldn’t. Not when he’d given her a gift no one else had ever given.
He had made her believe with his touch and kisses that she deserved more than her shame. Just as the innkeepers showed her love, just as she carried on because of that, she would find a way for Rhain now. Despite what he said, the cruelty of his sneer. When he looked back at her, she saw the truth in his eyes.
It was him that needed comfort. He said those words because...oh, she didn’t know why, but she knew she didn’t believe a word he said in the end.
She loved him. Of that she was certain. He needed her and she’d been willing to give herself to him.
He needed peace, needed the warmth she gave him. What she didn’t know was why. She desperately wanted to know why.
He said he didn’t deserve her, but he was wrong. Somehow, some way, it would be her turn to show him.
Chapter Nineteen
Rhain walked in the dark morning mist. Two days. Two muted days where he’d avoided the inn and avoided the markets. Kept away from anywhere Helissent could be.
He’d failed her; couldn’t face her. Coward that he was. What could he do or say? There were no words or actions to make it better. Not when his only action, to leave her, was the right thing to do.
He should have walked away in the garden. Should never have sought her company. Certainly should have closed the door when he saw her in the cellar.
But something in him wanted to make it right, to ease the pain he saw in her hazel eyes when he walked away. Show her how much she was worth. What a fool to show her the way he did with kisses, with his tainted body. He had to stop. It was the only way to show her what she meant to him. How he would never hurt her.
But by stopping, he made it worse. She lost that light, that belief in herself.
And he ached for her. Past the tension and need racking his every nerve, his very blood. The kisses he could never steal from her again still seared. The courage and softness of her skin fevered him. Anguish bit at his heart.
It was of no comfort that he wouldn’t live long like this. Not when he remembered the last look she gave him before he closed the door.
He found Nicholas checking the perimeters of the inn. At this time of the morning, only the bakers were awake and, unfamiliar with York, Nicholas strolled slowly through the thin grey light. Rhain pulled his hood tighter against the heavy mist and hurried to catch him.
‘Couldn’t sleep,’ he said, purposefully striding noisily up to Nicholas. Part of his friend’s sight was diminished, but not his hearing, and he was fast on dagger throws. The longer they were away from London and Guy’s death, the more alert Nicholas had become. It was no surprise to see him up this early, walking around the buildings and checking the security.
‘I slept fine enough,’ Nicholas replied. ‘It’s when I’m awake that I remember the trouble tailing us.’
Rhain couldn’t seem to forget. Days in York and no sign of Reynold or his men.
With Nicholas’s words, it seemed the wait was over. ‘You didn’t just wake up. You heard something.’
Nicholas gave a curt nod and they walked to a darkened corner of a building. ‘Just now. I was here to receive information, but it’s not news you’re wanting to hear.’
Rhain’s eyes went to the inn where Helissent slept and his eyes professionally scanned the narrow mid-terrace structure for weakness, or any signs of danger.
‘It’s not her you should worry about,’ Nicholas said drily. ‘It’s you.’
‘If Reynold’s near, I have to worry about her. The man’s as rich as the King, he doesn’t have to be near to send someone to kill her.’
‘He said he’d give her safe passage.’
Only to York, which wasn’t enough for him. ‘But not keep her safe.’
‘He doesn’t truly want her. This is personal for him. He’s going to want the man who killed his brother.’
‘It’s personal for me, too.’
Nicholas exhaled. ‘Does she know that?’
‘No, and she won’t. I was kind to one other creature and look what happened to her.’ He wouldn’t risk Helissent by being close to her again. Reynold could kill her with as little thought as Guy had the dog.
‘This conversation is moot anyway.’ Nicholas looked over his shoulder. ‘He’s here, a little over half-a-day’s ride outside the North Wall. He’s holed up in a country house with some fortification. It’s so well lit at night, you could probably see his men walking the perimeters simply by standing on top of the wall there and looking for mass movement.’
Foreboding flooded Rhain’s veins, but not surprise. He’d been waiting for the time he’d meet with Reynold. But how he was about to meet him was a surprise. He always imagined Reynold would attack by stealth or by force. Not sit like a king upon his throne and wait for the attendance of the man he would soon behead.
The ramifications of Reynold’s comfort and protection weren’t lost on Rhain. No, the only thing he lost was any time left. Unerringly, his eyes went to Helissent’s building. ‘Not even hiding.’
‘No, he expected you travelling north to Edward’s camp. Probably has been comfortably whiling away his time until you travelled his way.’
Reynold was daring; he’d give him that. He had to respect a man who didn’t hide. He rubbed the hilt at his side. ‘It’s not even arrogance that he displays himself, is it?’
Nicholas shook his head. ‘The moment we left London this was all set. By the time York’s gates were closed behind us we were firmly in his trap.’
‘Just me in his trap.’
‘Are we still arguing this? I was there, too.’
Nicholas was right. It was a vain hope that Reynold would be a reasonable man and let Nicholas live. Unlike Guy, Reynold’s reputation was calculating, cold, but rumors weren’t facts. The fact was: Nicholas was present when he had gutted Guy.
Still Rhain did hold to one hope that might be possible. ‘Not the others...not Helissent. They weren’t anywhere near us that night.’ Which meant Reynold, without losing any pride, could let them go.
‘True, it’s not about them or her. But it’s not up to just us either, because we can’t kill him by ourselves.’
‘Then we plan to go around him. He’s has too many men; we are more mobile. Maybe backtrack south.’ He could wait out Reynold for as long as it took.
Nicholas held out his arm and unfurled his left hand to reveal a small crumpled note. ‘Remember that secret meeting I had with the secret source?’
Rhain took the note. ‘It wasn’t a secret?’
‘He never showed. I was met by one of Reynold’s men.’
Rhain read the one sentence. Then read it again before he, too, curled it tightly in his fist.
‘So Reynold’s declaring his wait is over.’ All his intentions to ensure his men into Edward’s profitable employ were lost.
They could find their own employment and yet, for mercenaries, they were loyal. He wanted to do better by them. Perhaps he could give them enough money to compensate for this one extremely ill-timed lack of good judgement.
However, killing Guy wasn’t his only lack of judgement. What would become of Helissent? He’d brought her to York. The innkeepers were overjoyed with her. She could have a happy stable life here. Just not with him. His time was up.
‘He may leave her alone,’ he said.
‘He may,’ Nicholas said, his words agreeing, his tone heavy with doubt.
‘By tomorrow night, I’m a dead man.’
‘Without a doubt,’ Nicholas confirmed.
If he was dead, so was Nicholas. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said for the thousandth time.
Nicholas laid a heavy hand on his shoulder. ‘What did I say about taking in stray dogs? There will always be trouble. But this time, Reynold will be taking us in. Whatever happens, at least we can give him some trouble to remember us by.’
Rhain clasped the top of Nicholas’s arm. ‘Like a couple of stray dogs, then.’
* * *
Helissent could not catch her breath, could not move her legs. They didn’t feel like they had the strength to hold her up much longer.
No, the only thing that did that was the building she leaned against, but even that was poor support. When Rhain and Nicholas continued their walk, she slid to the ground.
She had been returning from the kitchens, leaving her bread to prove in the warmth, when she heard their voices on the other side of the building. Her bread was safe.
But she wasn’t, and neither was Rhain or Nicholas. The damage was done. Damage. Danger. So much danger.
Rhain had talked of what happened with the puppies. That Guy had a powerful brother after him. He’d warned her to stay away from him.
But she thought some solution could be found without...death. But Reynold had come for Rhain.
Stray dogs did cause trouble. She understood a bit now the joke between Rhain and Nicholas. Somehow they meant themselves.
How she didn’t know. Both of the men were silent on their pasts, but there were snippets on Nicholas’s as if he, too, had some personal pain he was trying to overcome.
If she knew Rhain and his band of mercenaries at all by now, she knew this. He protected strays.
She was one of them. Homeless, he took her in, protected her, fed her. Just as he did that feral pregnant dog. Just as he did the men he worked with, the men he called his friends.
Men, scarred, burned and damaged, just like her. She lifted her hands before her. One roughed from work, but passable, the other...the other had held her sister.
She had nightmares still of that ceiling falling. Of clutching her sister’s hand, while the smoke overtook them both. She hadn’t let go, not ever, and that was why it was badly scarred. The healer always told her she was lucky she could move it.
Maybe she was lucky. She was alive and Rhain needed her. At least now, she knew how to show him he deserved more.
It was a risk, and one she needed to take. What had Rhain called Reynold? A madman, with more slices, burns and intentions to kill than any other man he had met.
Well, she was a woman who had suffered worse and her intent was to save Rhain.
Chapter Twenty
‘I trust the trip wasn’t too arduous.’
Helissent pivoted towards the voice coming from the darkness of a long unlit hallway. A very male, self-satisfied voice.
For the last hour, she had stood in this antechamber, too terrified to take advantage of the rich furniture or appreciate the numerous stacked books that the room boasted.
She couldn’t see who addressed her, not even a shadow, but she lifted her chin and gave her most level stare. ‘There was a surprising ease to the whole affair.’
Getting out of York’s gates was far more troublesome than gaining access to Reynold’s grounds. After asking many questions, she was directed to the grand manor house that was surrounded by guards and a newly spiked fence and gate.
There was no traffic on the road to hide herself and by the time she approached the house four stone-faced men flanked her, took the burden of her packages, her cakes and the purse of silver she’d stolen from Rhain’s room.
‘What happened to your cakes?�
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‘What makes you think I had any?
‘Your reputation precedes you.’
‘Your soldiers took them.’
He gave a tsking sound that reverberated in the dark hallway. ‘Pity, I would have liked to taste such confections. I have heard much about them.’
Cold. Arrogance. But it was his self-satisfaction that kept Helissent cautious.
Of course, he knew more than she did. This man had spies everywhere. However, it didn’t matter that he knew because she had one certainty. He threatened Rhain and she meant to stop him.
‘I could make you more.’
Her eyes adjusting to the darkened hallway, she could just make out a shape of a tall, lean man. He leaned one shoulder against the wall and his ankles were crossed. A confidant cat to her mouse.
‘That is a most generous offer. Do you do this to prolong your life?’
‘You won’t kill me.’
‘Your cakes are that good?’
‘Because my being here doesn’t accomplish what you want.’
He stood straight now, but still in shadows.
She sensed he didn’t do it for the same reason as Rhain. This man before her liked the sunlight. His voice was too refined and relaxed. It reminded her of hot summer days.
‘And you know this how?’ he said.
‘I just do. Just as I know you’ve been standing in that darkened hallway almost as long as I’ve been standing in this well-lit room.’
He paused. It had been a guess, but since she arrived she’d felt as if eyes were upon her. She was used to people watching her. It was almost like another sense such as sight, hearing, taste or touch.
‘You know we can find out more about each other simply by sitting like civilized people in the chairs here.’
He watched her, but why she didn’t know. He knew almost everything about her. What did he expect to find by observing her? The only thing she could think of was her scars. He wanted to see her scars before she saw his reaction to them.
