I swam through the gook until I reached another opening filled with what looked like yellow spaghetti.
Aha! Just what I was looking for, a gaggle of Seth’s nerves. Auditory or vestibular, I wasn’t sure, and it didn’t matter.
I just needed a way to travel so far into his skull that there’d be no chance for him to get me out. I wriggled into a ductlike nerve, headfirst, and continued on my merry way, spelunking through Seth’s head.
For some reason, I don’t think Seth was having as much fun as I was. Periodically I would hear him moan things like NO and PLEASE and my personal favorite, MOMMY.
“I’m right here, honey!” I called back. “But you know what they say about letting an opponent get inside your head?”
After about five minutes of wriggling, I arrived at more yellowish spaghetti, and clumps of unidentifiable organs that looked important, and rather delicate. By my calculations, I was now in Seth’s brain stem, halfway between his medulla oblongata and his pons.
This was the Grand Central Station of Seth’s brain, the part that controlled his respiration, his blood pressure, his heart rate.
“Are all the brains of your species this small, Chunk Bucket? Or are you like an exception?” I yelled.
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Seth screamed.
His voice was truly thunderous in the chamber of his skull. The voice of an angry god in an evil temple.
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD NOW OR I’LL BOARD MY SHIP AND BLOW THIS PLANET TO DUST!” he screamed.
And that was different from what he had intended to do in what way?
“You want me out of your head?” I said.
“YES!”
“You sure?”
“YES!”
“Say please.”
“PLEASE!”
“Okay,” I said. “If you insist. But you won’t like it. Ready or not, I’m coming out!”
Chapter 89
I LET OUT a thunderous trumpeting roar, and I mean that literally. My tick legs thickened as my body bulged, expanding at an amazing rate.
Seth had begun to shriek for his MOMMY again.
Then my head hit the ceiling of something spongy, and I slid through tissue and membrane with a wet pop.
I blinked in the suddenly bright sunlight, raised my glorious trunk to the sky, and trumpeted again.
Yes, trumpeted!
I’d transformed myself into a glorious elephant! One the size of Chordata.
I towered there for a moment, feeling my elephantness, feeling the power and might and wisdom of everything that was hopeful and alive about Alpar Nok.
Seth was lying on the stone beneath me, and well… wow. Seth wasn’t doing too well. Euphemism. Look it up. Where his head used to be was basically a pool of pale-colored slime.
This piece of garbage who had nearly destroyed my planet had had a large head for sure. But even his head couldn’t contain a full-grown elephant.
I trumpeted again, and the kids from Earth and Alpar Nok leaped to their feet, cheering.
The remaining alien commandos stood there in shock as I morphed back into myself.
“You there,” I said to the largest and nastiest-looking of them all.
“Me?” The creature cringed, fearfully pointing a claw at himself.
“Yes, you,” I said. “What’s your name?”
“Krothgark.”
“Krothgark, I haven’t decided if I’m going to let you live or not. Would you like to influence my decision?”
“Yes,” Krothgark said. “Very much.”
“Then do yourself a big favor and unchain those kids,” I said. “And those kids. And those. All of them.”
“You got it, sir. Right away, right away. You heard the man,” Krothgark said, smacking one of the horse-head soldiers next to him. “Unchain the children.”
When I looked up I saw that people were streaming toward me. I gave Bem and his sister, Kulay, high fives as my uncle pinched both of my cheeks.
“Woooh,” I heard Joe yell from somewhere in the happy crush. “Yeah, baby! We’re going to Disney World.” Leave it to Joe.
“You’ve saved us,” Grandma Blaleen said as she hugged me tightly.
Then Dana had her arm around me too, and nothing had felt so good to me in a long, long time.
“You’re…” she sobbed. “You’re…”
“Still alive?” I said. “Of course. How could I let us die?”
Just then, a human girl came running up to us. She had flaming red hair, lots of freckles-very pretty. “I was held captive on that terrible spaceship,” she said. “Thank you for saving me. I’m Phoebe Cook, the real one.”
She had something tucked under her arm. “I found this on the ship. I thought it might be important.”
My laptop! I reached for the computer containing The List of all the other alien scum I had to destroy, but before I could say a word to Phoebe, Dana did.
“It’s very nice to meet you, Phoebe. I’m glad you’re all right. Now you should go back and celebrate with your friends. Daniel is with me. Bye-bye, Phoebe. Scoot along.”
Chapter 90
IF I THOUGHT the first feast at my grandma’s was something, I hadn’t seen anything yet. There were twelve straight days of dancing and music, celebrating, eating, storytelling, you name it. Except that you couldn’t possibly imagine a blowout party on Alpar Nok, could you?
For hours and hours, total strangers came up and embraced me. My arms were sore from shaking hands. And my cheeks, from being pinched. I was told that I met every single inhabitant of Alpar Nok. Twice.
At one point during the final fireworks show-really, this was the final-I found my grandma and sat her down for a heart-to-heart.
“Let me help you rebuild the city,” I said. “Where do we start? When?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You’ve done enough here, Daniel. You have to go back to Earth. Finish the work your parents started. And I’d go now, if I were you. Make the Outer Ones take you and the rest of the abducted kids back. Before those blackguards can think about it, and do something deceitful and treacherous.”
“But when will I see you again?” I said. “Will I see you again?”
“Of course you will, Daniel,” she said. “In your dreams, in your mind’s eye, and always in your heart.”
“One question,” I finally said. “Seriously now. Are you a doctor?”
She shrugged. “Gardener,” she said.
Epilogue
KISSING THE EARTH WITH MY DRANG AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF
Chapter 91
THE SUN WAS JUST STARTING to set as we crossed a cornfield near Huxley, Iowa, where I had the Outer Ones drop us off after we’d delivered the last of the abducted Earth children safely home. I was watching the departing spaceship when I almost tripped over a football lying in the grass.
You wouldn’t think that a scuffed-up, oblong ball with NFL written in jazzy script under its laces could actually fill a person with unbridled joy, but I almost started crying.
Something good had just happened. I was back on Terra Firma, and I’d missed it like crazy, more than I ever could have imagined.
This is my home, I realized. I love it here. It’s a great, great planet.
I bent and lifted the football.
“Joe,” I said, hefting it. “Go long, my man.”
Willy, Dana, Emma, and I cracked up as we watched Joe run. Fewer things in life are funnier than watching Joe-Joe put the pedal to the metal. When he got about eighty yards away, he yelled back.
“I’m open, Daniel! Throw it! Chuck it! Montana to Jerry Rice, Brady to Randy Moss, Brett Favre to anybody!”
“You call that long?” I yelled at him.
Joe kept running, and talking. About four minutes later, when he was basically a blip on the horizon, my cell phone rang.
“This long enough for you, wise guy?” Joe said, breathing heavily into the phone.
“That’ll do it,” I said, and let the football fly. It made a hissin
g sound through the golden, early evening sky as it spiraled toward Joe and the sun. I was glad there weren’t any passing aircraft, because I had to put some arc on that sucker.
Joe was standing about half a mile away. We burst into loud applause as he caught it and then got knocked onto his butt.
“Now that’s what I call a catch, Joe,” I said as I ran up and saw my bud sitting smack-dab in the middle of a cow pie. Willy was punching his thighs, he was laughing so hard.
“And check it out,” I said, pointing toward the field behind Joe. “We’re not the only ones impressed.”
Chapter 92
THERE WERE COWS in the field, a herd of black-and-white Holsteins. Joe’s mouth went wide as the moo-cows stood on their hind legs with their hooves at their waists.
With a little help from me, of course. My last trick of this story, I swear.
“Give me a J!” I yelled.
“Moooo,” the cows bawled, and made a J with their front hooves.
“Give me an O!”
The hooves made an O.
“Moooo!”
“Give me an E!”
Thirty Holsteins bent sideways, their front hooves and one rear hoof extended. Very cool to watch.
“Mooooo!”
Even Emma, who rarely approved of doing anything with animals except setting them free, looked like she was about to wet her pants with the excitement.
The grand finale of the routine came as they assembled in a four-base cheerleading pyramid. The two Holsteins at the top had extended their hooves skyward.
“What does it spell?” we all yelled out.
“MOOOOO!” the cows bawled as they did these totally impossible cheerleader jumps and basket catches and back handsprings.
My sides were aching from laughing so hard. It was good to be on Terra Firma. And to have my powers again.
“Be afraid, aliens,” Dana said, hopping up on my back, pumping her fist at the sky. The sun was dipping over the rise of the country road in front of us. I began to run faster and faster and faster. You wouldn’t believe how fast.
“Be very, very afraid!” I screamed to this blurring, wonderful world of ours.
About the Authors
JAMES PATTERSON is the author of the highly praised Maximum Ride novels and of bestselling detective series featuring Alex Cross and the Women’s Murder Club. His novels have sold more than 140 million copies worldwide. He lives in Florida.
MICHAEL LEDWIDGE is a novelist who has coauthored two #1 bestsellers with James Patterson. He lives in New York City.
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Dangerous Days of Daniel X Page 12
