“Yeah, Kill,” she panted as her fingernails dug into my chest. “Right there. Just like that, baby.”
“Remember what I told you?” I asked on a warning, sitting up to bite at the delectable flesh of her neck.
“I don’t come on your hand unless you give me permission.”
“Good girl.” I moved fast, shifting our position so my face was in her cunt and hers was eye-to-eye with my cock. “You can come while I tongue-fuck you, as long as you don’t stop sucking me.”
Then I buried my face between her thighs, sucking her lips into my mouth at the same time she swallowed me down.
It took everything I had not to thrust deeper down her throat as she moaned and writhed against my mouth, slurping and licking me like a goddamn lollypop. My hands rounded her hips and ass cheeks until my index finger teased at the tight little rosebud. She let out a muffled shriek when I penetrated that first ring of muscles and proceeded to come all over my face, which made her take me even farther down her throat. That set me off.
My cock twitched over and over as she swallowed every spurt of my cum.
When we both finished, Gina collapsed on top of me, resting her cheek on my thigh with a contented sigh. I’d just come so hard the back of my skull felt like it had blown off, and all I could think was, Christ, I love this girl. And, I really fucking hope this doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Gina
New York
We were finally stateside. Thank you, God!
I’d loved every second of exploring other continents, but I was ready to be back in my own country, because that meant only a few more weeks until we returned to Seattle. I missed my mom like crazy. It was a tangible, excruciating ache that only grew worse the longer I went without seeing her. After Madison Square Garden, the guys had a three-day break before heading along the Eastern seaboard to Virginia, Philly, DC, North Carolina, Georgia, and Florida. Then we headed west, closer and closer to home with every show.
What I hadn’t told Killian yet, though, was that I planned to fly back to Seattle for two of those three days. Lucille had called the day before, and Mom’s agitation had been pretty bad that week. I needed to go see for myself how bad things were. I wasn’t really sure how he was going to take that news, but my gut told me it wasn’t going to go over well.
We hadn’t discussed “us” per se, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t feel the intensity of whatever was building between us. It was in his every touch, every glance. He never voiced it, but I could see something deep in his eyes every time he looked at me. And while he seemed to be fighting some pretty strong demons, I was falling for him more and more every day. That only made it more difficult to pretend like we weren’t intimately acquainted whenever the other guys were around. It was bad enough that Declan knew; I didn’t want Mace and Garrett to find out and lose their minds. Like I’d told Kill, I depended on this job.
Maybe this break between us would be good.
I just had to figure out how I was going to tell him that I was flying out in less than twelve hours.
“Hey, Lu,” I said into the phone. “Sorry for calling so late. It’s the first free moment I’ve had all day.”
“Girl, no problem! Glad to have you back on home soil. It’d be even better if you were here.”
“That’s actually why I’m calling. The band has a short break for a few days after the show tonight, and I’m flying home tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s been too long. I need to see her, and the doctors don’t have a reason for the high agitation. Maybe—” My throat bobbed as I swallowed back the lump of emotion and hope that suddenly formed. “Do you think that… well, maybe it’s because I haven’t been around?”
Lucille’s voice grew compassionate as she replied, “I think maybe you’re right, child. I would be willing to bet she misses her girl something fierce.”
“Then it’s settled,” I said firmly, trying to mask the tears welling inside me. “I’ll be there tomorrow.”
“Lookin’ forward to it, darling. You can fill me in on all your jet-setting adventures.”
“You got it.” I quickly hung up and stuffed my phone in the back pocket of my jeans. When I turned, Killian was standing in the doorway of the room I’d escaped to for privacy to make my call. “Hey.”
“Where you goin’, Thumbelina?” he asked, not bothering to hide the fact that he’d been eavesdropping on my call or the displeasure of what he’d overheard. It wasn’t exactly how I planned on telling him, but no time like the present, right?
“Seattle. It’ll only be a day or two. I need to see my mom. She hasn’t been doing well lately.”
The blank, impassive mask he’d been wearing slipped off, and concern shone in his eyes. “When do you leave?”
“Um….” I wrung my fingers in front of me and chewed on my bottom lip. “Tomorrow. I got the ticket a few days ago.”
His chin jerked back into his chest, and I could see that beast of his slowly waking. “A few days? Jesus, Gina. How long’s this been going on? And why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because it’s not your problem.” The words spilled out before I could do anything to stop them. Just like that I’d reverted to my old self, the girl who carried all her struggles alone instead of leaning on others.
“Not my problem? Are you fuckin’ kidding me?”
“Kill, I—”
Sarcasm ran though his words like poison, and I could see all over his face that I’d offended him. “Christ, Gina. If all you were looking for these past several weeks was a fuck buddy, you shoulda let me know.”
“Killian, stop,” I demanded. “I didn’t mean it. I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry. I just… I’m not used to having people care. It takes some getting used to.”
The fight drained out of him before my very eyes. “It’s all right. Tell you what, how about I go with you?”
That sounded nice. Really nice. And a part of me wanted to jump on his offer. I hated to admit it, but I was scared of what I’d find when I saw my mom again for the first time in months. But the other part of me demanded I go alone and put some distance between us for a while. Things were getting complicated. I needed a chance to breathe, to clear my head and figure out what the hell I was doing. I was in love with a man who was never going to love me back. I needed time away to let that realization sink in.
“I think I should go by myself.”
“What? Why?”
“Because, Kill. We’ve practically been living on top of each other for the past two months. I just need a little break, that’s all, a couple days back in my own world.”
His face went hard, the muscle in his jaw ticking as he clenched his teeth. “Hate to break it to you, but this became your world the second you signed on to be our goddamn assistant. You can’t just walk away whenever it suits you. There is no half in/half out.”
“You know what I mean,” I muttered, blowing out a frustrated breath.
He pushed off the door and came farther into the room. “No, I don’t. So why don’t you spell it out for me, ’cause I’m obviously too dumb to catch your meaning.”
Now it was my turn to get mad. “I never said that,” I snapped. “You’re putting words in my mouth.”
“Then fuckin’ say what’s on your mind!” he demanded. “Stop tiptoeing around it.”
“I just need some space!” I shouted, my agitation boiling over and getting the best of me. “Why do you have to make everything a goddamn fight, huh? I need a break. Is that too much to ask?”
“You mean from me. That’s what you’re too much of a coward to say, isn’t it? You need a break from me.”
“Yes!”
Our shouted argument had apparently drawn the attention of our friends, because Tate burst into the room just then. “For the love of god, you guys fight more than feral alley cats! What the hell is it this time?”
“Nothing,” we both mumbled
at the same time, shooting each other death glares.
Tate let out a disgruntled sigh and pressed her fingertips into her forehead. “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you two, but you’re gonna have to put this argument on hold, ’cause the guys hit the stage in less than five. Let’s get ready. And for the love of all that’s holy, can you please try not to murder each other before this tour’s over?”
We nodded, but in the back of my mind I was silently thinking, I won’t make any promises.
The sun was barely rising over the horizon when I dragged my luggage out of the hotel and into the back of the private car that would be taking me to LaGuardia. Needless to say, things had remained chilly between me and Killian for the rest of the night. No, that’s not right. They’d been downright frigid. We didn’t speak to each other once after the show, and I’d bowed out of the after party, choosing instead to go back and try to get some sleep before having to wake up at the butt crack of dawn in order to catch my flight.
Only, sleep wasn’t possible. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured the hurt expression on Killian’s face when I told him I needed a break from him. It was as if the image was burned onto the backs of my eyelids. I spent all night tossing and turning, guilt and shame eating a hole in my chest. Truth was, I wanted him with me. I always wanted him with me. But that feeling wasn’t healthy. The tour was coming to an end in just a matter of weeks, and neither of us had said a word about what would happen after.
My stomach twisted into knots every time I thought about it. It was like reaching the end of a story you wanted to last forever. I couldn’t shake the sense that everything was going to change, and I needed to come to grips with that.
I was so tired and so heartsick that I didn’t even realize where we were until the car came to a stop. When I finally got my bearings and looked out the window, I saw the private plane we’d been flying around in for more than two months.
“Um, excuse me,” I called to the driver. “My flight’s out of LaGuardia.”
“Change of plans, ma’am. Everything’s been squared away.”
With no choice but to climb out of the car after him, I followed closely as he carried my bags up the steps into the plane.
“What the hell?” I sputtered when I saw Killian lying back on one of the benches with his eyes closed and his arms propped behind his head. “What are you doing here?”
“Mornin’ to you too, Thumbelina,” he grunted as he sat up.
“You hijacked my trip?” I asked in disbelief as my heart sang with joy.
Leaning back against the bench casually, he lifted his booted feet and rested his crossed ankles on the seat across from him. “You gave me no choice. If I hadn’t come along, you’d have taken the next couple days to talk yourself into putting a stop to what we have goin’ on. I couldn’t let that happen, ’cause I really fuckin’ like what we have goin’ on.”
My stomach started doing flip-flops at the same time my chest grew uncomfortably tight. I somehow managed to remain calm as I crossed my arms and asked, “Yeah? And what exactly is it you think we have going on, Kill?”
Dropping his feet to the ground, he rested his elbows on his knees and stated plainly, “Well, I can’t say for certain what you’ve been feeling, but I’ve spent the past couple months fallin’ in love with you. I’ll be honest, it scares the holy hell outta me, but the feeling won’t go away, so I’m done fighting it.”
Giddiness and fear grabbed hold of my heart and squeezed so tight I couldn’t breathe. All my thoughts had unspooled like the ribbon in an old cassette tape, rendering me totally speechless.
After several seconds of me standing frozen, staring at him with a dumbstruck expression, Killian could no longer take my silence. Rising to his feet, he closed the distance between us and took my face in his big rough hands. “Say somethin’ baby. I’m kinda losing my mind right now.”
My mouth opened and closed like a guppy. “I… shit.”
The atmosphere grew thick and tense. “What? What are you thinking?”
“Shit! This is not good. Like, at all.”
Chapter Thirty
Killian
It felt like someone just took a goddamn sledgehammer to my chest. How could I have read the situation so fucking wrong?
I slowly lowered my hands to my sides and took a step back, my pride charging to the front lines in an effort to protect my bruised and bleeding heart. “My bad, sweetness,” I said in a gravelly, sarcastic voice. “Didn’t realize me loving you was such a goddamn inconvenience.”
“No!” she shouted, rushing at me like a bull. “No, I didn’t mean it like that!” Her arms twined around my waist like she was holding on for dear life. “It’s not an inconvenience. You’re not an inconvenience.”
Even though her words from a minute before cut like a blade, I couldn’t help but touch her, not when she was so close. Resting my hands on her hips, I asked, “Then you wanna explain your piss-poor reaction to me telling you I love you?”
She stepped out of our embrace and took my hand, leading me back to the bench where we sat side by side. “I’m falling for you too.” And just like that, all the air expelled from my lungs. Moving on primal instinct, I scooped her up and pulled her onto my lap, fisting her hair and forcing her lips to mine in a hungry, claiming kiss.
She followed my lead for a handful of seconds before struggling against me. “No. Wait. Kill, just… just hold on. There’s more I need to say.”
“You can say it after I’m buried inside you,” I grunted, trying to get back to her mouth.
“Please,” she begged. “This is important.”
At her beseeching tone, I loosened my grip and sat back far enough to look up into those gorgeous eyes that never failed to take my breath away. “Okay.”
“I don’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to falling for men,” she admitted. My insides turned to ice at the thought of her with someone else, but I did my best to keep it in check. She opened her mouth to speak again, but before she could get the words out, the pilot’s voice interrupted us. “Sir, ma’am. If you wouldn’t mind buckling in, we’re just about to take off.”
Despite wanting to keep her in my lap for the rest of our lives, I reluctantly allowed her to climb off. We moved to the row of seats across from us and strapped in. The plane started down the runway a minute later, and when I turned to look at her, I saw her skin had gone pale. Her eyes were big and full of so much sadness, I could practically feel her pain.
“Baby,” I whispered, placing my fingers under her chin and forcing her gaze to mine. “Talk to me.”
“I….” She squeezed her eyes closed, her throat working on a swallow. “I’m not a good person,” she finally stated in a voice so low I had to struggle to hear. When I tried to object, she lifted her hand to silence me. “Please, just let me get this all out.” She waited for me to nod before continuing. “Remember how I told you I wasn’t home when my mom had her stroke?” I gave her another nod. “Well, what I didn’t tell you was that I wasn’t home because we’d gotten into a huge fight, and I stormed out. I… I was dating this guy back then….” She paused just long enough to curl her bottom lip in disgust. “I thought he was the one. I was so totally over-the-moon gone for him that I refused to see what he really was. But my mom knew. She’d already been through it. My dad bailed on us when I was so young that I don’t even remember what he looks like, and she was scared that I was going down the same path she’d gone down with him. When she tried talking to me about it, we got into this yelling match and I said the most terrible things to her before I stormed out.” Tears brimmed in her eyes before breaking free and trickling down her cheeks.
“The last thing I said to her before packing my shit and going to stay with my boyfriend was that I hated her.” She choked back a sob that cut me to the bone. Reaching out, I took her hand in both of mine, holding tight. “I didn’t even mean it! I could never hate her. I was just being a brat, but I’ll never be able
to take it back.”
I couldn’t stand it any longer. Unbuckling her seat belt, I lifted the armrest between us and pulled her against me, curling my arms around her as she cried. “Shh. It’s okay.” I did my best to soothe the gut-wrenching guilt she’d been carrying all these years. “It’s okay, baby.”
“I-I’ve apologized so many times, Kill. But… but what if she can’t hear me? What if she’s not in there anymore, and the last thing she’ll ever remember me saying to her was that I hated her?”
Her tears drenched the fabric of my shirt, her sobs causing my arms to convulse around her. I’d have given anything in that moment to take her pain away. I’d have given my life to make her feel better.
“She’s still in there, sweetness,” I stated with conviction.
She pulled back with a sniffle, staring up at me with red-rimmed eyes. “Y-you really think so?”
“I know it down to my soul. She’s still in there. She heard you and she knows how much you love her, baby.”
Gina’s head came back down on my shoulder as her chest rose and fell with a deep exhale. We sat in silence for a minute or two. I refused to be the one to break it in case there was more she needed to get off her chest.
Eventually, she spoke again. “You want to know the funniest part?” she asked, acid dripping through her words in a way that indicated what she had to say next wasn’t the least bit funny. “After it happened, I tried so hard to take care of her all on my own. I didn’t want to put her in a home, you know? I wanted to take care of her myself. I owed her that much. Hell, I owed her my life. But it was so hard. I didn’t know what I was doing, and everything I tried only seemed to make things worse. He got tired of not having me at his beck and call. He was so used to me dropping everything any time he crooked his finger that, when I couldn’t do that anymore, he got bored with me.” She let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Didn’t even take him a month to get shot of me and move on to someone else.”
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