by V, Krissy
Dad clears his throat and says to Caleb “Thanks son for everything you have done for Tasha, you are always welcome in our house” he puts his hand on Caleb’s shoulder.
Caleb says “Thank you for letting me be a part of your daughters life, as I said to you both last night she’s my forever” he reaches across and takes my hand.
“Are you sure you’re ok Tasha” Mum says.
I nod my head “Yes I am, I’m sorry about last night, I think everything came to a head with the letter and I started going back over everything in my dream”
We talk about nothing in particular and then Caleb says that he has to go home and change, he is off to see his parents later today. I said I would take him back to his apartment to collect his car, so when I’m changed I say goodbye to Mum and Dad and then I drive him into town to his apartment. When we arrive there, he gets out “You know you can come with me to meet my parents Tasha, I’d love you to” he smiles.
“I know Caleb and I’d love to, but I’m not really in the right frame of mind after last night, tell them I’ll meet them soon ok” he smiles at me and then leans into the window and kisses me hard. “Take it easy today Tasha, you know where I am if you need me” I watch him walk over to the lift to go up to his apartment and when he is safely in the lift I take a deep breath and drive out of town. I stop at a coffee shop on the way and buy a latte to take with me, I’m going to need all the strength I can get to help me through today.
I drive for about 20 minutes more and I pull into the familiar driveway. I sit in the car for a few minutes breathing heavily and trying to find the strength to do this.
I slowly step out of the car and walk up to the front door, I put the key into the lock and slowly open the door, when I walk in I close the door behind me and I lean up against it. I walk into the house where I had so many good times and as I walk through from room to room I recall the laughter and fun that we had, me and Felix. I remember him chasing me around the dining room table and me laughing so hard that he caught up with me. I remember the time when we had sex on the kitchen counter, I walk over to that counter and run my hand along the surface, taking in all the memories.
I take a sip of my coffee and then I start to walk up the stairs, I remember when Felix pushed me down the stairs and I hold on tight to the banister railing. I walk up the rest of the stairs and then slowly walk to our bedroom, my heart is racing and I start to feel palpitations, I take a few breaths and then I open the door.
As soon as I step into the bedroom, I have flashbacks of the fun we had before we got married and then the first time we came back to the house after the wedding when Felix carried me up the stairs and made love to me for hours.
I stand in the middle of the room and then look around and as I turn around the bad memories start to flood back to me, the forceful sex, the sex during the night when I was on my sleeping tablets and then the last night we had together. I back up against the wall to steady myself as I think about what happened that night. I don’t want to remember, I don’t want to think about it.
I slowly walk out of the bedroom and down the stairs. In the kitchen I find a lone bottle of brandy and pour some of it into my coffee. I take a big swig and then go into the lounge to sit down in the armchair.
I lean my head back on the chair and think about what I’m going to do. I reach into my back pocket and take out the letter Felix left me. I hold it in my hand and then put it on my lap. I take another drink of my coffee and then open the letter, then I take another swig and take the letter out of the envelope, then I take another swig and unfold the letter.
I put my coffee on the table and then pick the letter up in my shaking hands.
Dear Natasha
My beautiful wife. If you're reading this then I succeeded in releasing you from my clutches. I'm sorry for what I did to you and I hope you get some peace from this letter.
I've always been a possessive and jealous person way before I met you, it's always was a problem whenever I was dating. When I met you I wanted you so badly that I reined it in and managed to suppress the possessive feelings that were raging in my brain. I did really well, until the day we got married. That is when I changed, that is when we changed. That is the day the monster started to take over.
Do you remember the years, months, even days before the wedding? We were so happy and I loved you to distraction. We had so much fun and if that could have been our forever then we would have been the most amazing family. I wanted to have your children, I wanted to be your everything.
We were good for a few years, our honeymoon was one of the best times in my life, the other was when I was standing at the altar and I turned to see you walking towards me in your beautiful dress. You were the most beautiful person in the world, but I had to go and spoil it.
When we were at work that fateful day when everything really changed and the monster within me started taking control, I tried to fight him, I really did Tasha, but he was too strong. The other guys in the office were talking about what they would love to do to you and instead of being proud that you were my wife and that they were never going to get the opportunity, the monster told me it was your fault. You had dressed provocatively for those guys in the office, I know it's not true but he was so powerful in my mind that I believed him. I tried to fight him during that first week when he appeared, but he kept taking over more and more of my mind.
I know how confused you were and how much I hurt you emotionally and physically. When we went out for Luca's birthday and I saw you talking to Mr. Hunt, I saw you give him a piece of paper which I assumed was your number and the monster inside told me that you were moving on, that you didn't love me anymore. I wasn't prepared to hear any reasoning from you and I'm so sorry for what happened next.
I never wanted to hurt you and I know that I did, my apologies will never be enough for you to forgive me. What happened the last night we were together was unforgivable and I thought that I had killed you. When you passed out I started to panic, the monster had full control but there was a small part of me that knew I needed to protect you, so I moved you into the bathroom and locked the door. I did this for your safety, but I didn't know if you were alive at all. I rang Luca because I needed his help and I needed to protect you from the monster inside me. When I didn't hear you move I trashed the room and then I cut myself to stop me from hurting you. I wanted it all to be over, I wanted you to have your life, a life where you are treated the way you should be, like a princess.
When I saw you were alive I was ecstatic, but as I lay in the hospital I had so much time to think and I realised it didn't matter how much I loved you, the monster would always win. I couldn't put you through that again and I knew what I had to do.
I know you will be the first person to find me, that was not a last ditch attempt at hurting you, it was my last chance for you to see that I was setting you free, letting you live the life you deserve.
I know that you will hate me and I understand that, I even want you to hate me because I wasn't a nice person and I would have only got worse. Babe I love you and I did this for you.
Remember our vows Natasha? "Til Death Do Us Part"
Yours always
Felix
WOW! Where do I start, that letter just blew me away. I sit in the chair for hours just thinking of the letter, thinking about our relationship from the start through to the end. I think about our wedding day, about how my life started to change that day and then I think about the sacrifice Felix made for me to be happy.
I don’t hear my phone ring, but I’m sure it must have done and I just didn’t hear it because I’ve been gone for such a long time. I look at my phone and see I have 5 missed calls from Caleb, 4 from Mum and Dad, 4 from Kammie, 2 from Luca and loads of text messages asking where I am. I don’t reply to any of them, I just need some space to think about what Felix wrote in the letter. I stand up from the armchair, walk around the house making sure everything is in order. Then I walk to the front door, turn arou
nd and face the rest of the house and say “Goodbye Felix, Goodbye Felix and Tasha, Love you, you’ll always have a place in my heart.” I take a deep breath and then I walk through the door for what I hope will be the last time. I lock the door and walk slowly to the car, climb in and drive away, I don’t look in my rear view mirror as I leave that part of my life behind.
Chapter 65
I TAKE THE SCENIC route home, via the Clifton Suspension Bridge, this is one of my most favourite spots. When I get home I can see Caleb’s car and Luca’s car outside my house, what is going on?
I park the car and run to the front door, I open it and walk in.
When I get into the kitchen I freeze, everyone is staring at me. Mum, Dad, Caleb, Luca and Kammie, they are just staring and then Caleb comes over to my side so quickly I didn’t even see him move! “Tasha where have you been, we’ve all been so worried about you, we looked for you everywhere” he pulls me into a hug.
Then Mum comes over and takes me from him “Baby girl are you ok? You look so pale” she hugs me too.
I stand back and look around the room, there is so much love looking at me. “I’m fine guys honest, but I need a few drinks” I walk over to Dad, give him a hug then sit down at the kitchen table. Everyone follows suit and sits around the table, they are all waiting for me to speak.
Dad brings out the brandy, vodka and whiskey and places it in the middle of the table with a few mixers, then he gives everyone a glass says “Help yourself guys I think we might need this” and he sits. Again everyone looks at me, so I speak.
“When I left Caleb back at his apartment I went over to my house to read the letter, I thought it might help. I wandered all over the house remembering my life as it was, the good memories and the bad memories together. I went into the kitchen, found some brandy, put it in my coffee that I had brought with me, then I sat in the lounge and read the letter. Luca did you read it before you gave it to me?” I ask.
He shakes his head “No Tasha, it wasn’t mine to read”
“If you don’t mind I’d love to read it to you all, is that ok? I think it would help to explain Felix’s actions, not that he should be forgiven, but it goes some way to explain everything”
Everyone nods their heads. “Caleb, do you mind if I read it to everyone?” I don’t want him to feel uncomfortable.
“Tasha, I trust your judgment and if you feel we should all listen to it then read away, do you want me to stay or shall I go?” he is obviously uncomfortable.
“Caleb, me and you are so different from me and Felix, I want you to hear this too because this has really helped me.” He nods his head at me.
I unfold the letter and take a drink of my brandy and then read the letter to them. Luca nods his head when I read the part about being a possessive and jealous boyfriend, Mum nods her head when I read about being happy before the wedding. Nobody does anything when I read the rest of the letter, when I finish I look up and I see tears in everyone’s eyes, even Caleb’s.
No one says anything for a few minutes, then Mum says “That was beautiful, he knew how he was hurting you and wanted to do something about it, even if it was drastic he did the right thing for you baby girl.”
Luca says “He always was jealous and possessive, I wondered how come he wasn’t with you, he was obviously trying to suppress those feelings”
Caleb says “I can understand how he felt and why he ended it the way he did, I can totally understand his love for you Tasha, he was a good man in the end”
We all sit in silence for a while longer and I pick up my glass and hold it in the air for a toast, everyone else follows suit “to Felix”, we all clink our glasses and take a sip. We then sit at the table talking, laughing and drinking. After a while Mum gets up and orders a take away and when it comes we stay sitting at the table drinking and laughing. Before long its midnight and Luca and Kammie stand up to say they need to go, Mum says they can stay but they say no, they’d prefer to go home. Caleb stands up and says he will go with them to save getting another cab later.
Mum says he can stay if he wants, he looks at me and I nod my head “Jean if you’re sure you don’t mind then I would love to stay and look after Tasha” he smiles at her.
She gives him a hug “You’re always welcome”
We go to the door with Luca and Kammie to say goodbye, they both give me big hugs and Luca shakes Caleb’s hand “I’m so glad you’re ok Tasha, I thought once you read the letter you would be worse because I thought he would have said something to upset you”
We wave them off and Caleb puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me in close “I love you Angel, you were so brave today, I’m so proud of you” he kisses me on the head and then we turn and go back to the kitchen. Mum has tidied everything away and we say goodnight and go upstairs. It feels strange to bring Caleb into my bedroom, I know he stayed the previous night, but this is different, we both undress and climb into the bed. He is wearing just his boxers and I have just my panties on.
He pulls me into his body and hugs me tight, I roll so I’m facing him and he is lying on his back, I wrap my leg over his and my arm across his chest. This feels like heaven. I sigh and kiss him on the chest, he pulls me closer and kisses me on the head “You are so brave Angel, do you know that? I admire you so much”
“Thank you for understanding Caleb, I feel so much better after reading the letter. I hope it means we can move on in our relationship” I kiss him again on his chest.
He moans “Angel don’t start something we can’t finish tonight, anyway your Mum and Dad are probably outside listening, I don’t want to do anything that will upset them”
I giggle “Yeah you’re right” he pulls me in and kisses me and I can feel myself drifting away.
When I wake up in the morning I can feel Caleb behind me snuggling into me, I love waking up with him behind me. It just feels so natural, like it was always meant to be. I smile and wiggle my bum closer into him.
“Tasha you better stop that right now, I can just about deal with you being close to me, but I can’t deal with you grinding against me”
“Sorry Caleb I couldn’t help myself” I giggle again.
“That’s it Tasha I’m getting up now, I really can’t deal with giggly Tasha when we are under your Mum and Dad’s roof” he laughs as he gets out of the bed. He puts his clothes on and stands at the door “Are you coming down with me Angel or are you going to stay there giggling?”
“I’m coming with you” I say as I get out of the bed, I think I forgot I only had my panties on until I see his mouth drop open “Oops sorry Caleb” I say trying to be coy.
He just laughs and waits until I’m dressed. We go down stairs together and Mum and Dad are in the kitchen. We have breakfast and then Caleb says he has to go home because he has to go away for a couple of days and needs to tie up a few loose ends and pack for his time away. I walk him to the door and we hug and kiss like we will never see each other again.
“Caleb it’s only a couple of days you know” I say touching his face with my hand.
“I know Angel, but I feel so close to you right now and don’t want to leave you after yesterday” he kisses me on the mouth very gently.
“I love you Caleb and I am going to miss you so much”
“Me too Angel” I watch him walk to his car and drive off. I stand watching for a while and then I turn and go back into the house.
I spend the rest of the day negotiating with the estate agents on the house, they have an interested party and I want to push the sale through as quickly as I can, I need to move on and find my own place. Caleb has some apartments he can rent me until I decide what I want to do.
Chapter 66
I GO TO WORK on Monday and it’s a really busy day and just before I leave I receive an email from Caleb’s secretary, Suzie, asking me to attend a ball on Friday night as Caleb’s partner. I have mixed feelings when I see this email, firstly I’m excited because I love dressing up and going to balls, secondly the l
ast ball I went to was the one when Felix attacked me and thirdly I’m a little bit pissed that Caleb didn’t invite me himself, but I guess he had his reasons. I reply and say that I would be delighted to go.
Caleb is still away on Wednesday and I arrange to leave the office early to meet Kammie so that she can help me pick a dress. We are not going drinking like we did the last time – that didn’t end up well. We go to Cabot Circus Shopping Centre because they have some great shops and we can have dinner later when we found something. We went round lots of shops and eventually I tried on an emerald green dress in Ghost, it is slinky and sculpts my body. It is bias cut with a diagonal waistline which shows off my curves really well. The back is open to half way down my back with a bow at the base. It screams vintage style and I love it, I hope Caleb does too.
We stop at Café Rouge for dinner and we have a great chat about Felix, Caleb and Luca and not an alcoholic drink in sight.
When I get home I just have to show Mum my dress and she loves it. She thinks it will be beautiful. I’m so happy right now.
When I get into bed I text Caleb.
“I went shopping for a dress for the ball tonight, I hope you will like it, I love it”
“I love anything you wear Angel, you are beautiful in everything”
“You’re just biased Caleb, but thank you ha ha”
“No I’m not biased you are beautiful inside and out. I’ve missed you this week, it’s been really hard not to see you. I know we talk on the phone but it’s just not the same”
“Me too, when will you be back? Can you get back any sooner?”
“I won’t be back until I collect you for the ball, I’m sorry Angel. I wish I could be there right now! I would kiss you all over and hug you so tight”
“I think I would do exactly the same to you Caleb, I miss you”
