by G. Benson
Damn it, that was true. Hayden took a deep breath in through her nose. It didn’t help. She was still mad. And that didn’t make any real sense, but she was.
“I have to go and eat something.” Hayden needed to leave, and that was as good an excuse as any. “I have a twelve-hour shift ahead of me.”
She walked past Sam, managing not to brush her shoulder.
The door swished shut a second time, this time behind her, and Hayden stomped up the stairs to the cafeteria, out of breath by the second landing.
Sam’s piercing green eyes didn’t leave her mind. They’d stayed cool and calm, even as color rose in her cheeks. Even as Hayden had bit at her, she still stayed composed and spoken logically.
How infuriating.
CHAPTER 10
Hayden smelled like twelve-hour shift.
And she really wanted a shower.
Five hours into her night, she’d ended up with three separate types of bodily fluids covering her from one patient. She’d had to shower and change, but still, all she wanted was another shower. One that reached scary levels of hot. And there needed to be steam. And shampoo.
And then bed.
Oh, bed.
She greeted the doorman—how did she live somewhere with a doorman—and would have taken the stairs, but Sam’s apartment was on the top floor, and Hayden was succumbing to exhaustion, the kind that itched behind her eyes and left them heavy-lidded and threatening to close at any point against her will. The elevator seemed to take forever, and she let her eyes close, the humming sound the elevator made almost dropping her into a trance.
At least Sam would have left for work by now. And Hayden could avoid her successfully until at least tonight at the hospital. Most likely for a few days, what with the night shift. Hayden hated conflict, but she hated the awkward “hi” after it more.
Also, maybe she’d overreacted. Maybe. A little.
Perhaps.
Still mad about the entire thing, though.
Despite the big, well-lit, open apartment she was about to enter, she had a weird pang in her stomach, one like homesickness. She wanted to go somewhere familiar after the oddity that was getting married and moving into a new house and that strange argument and Luce’s weird looks, not to mention the longest night shift ever. But Frank would never forgive her, and she felt bad leaving him in a strange place after only being there with him for a few hours.
Also, if Sam wasn’t there, she could pretend she was some rich person in her fancy apartment for a few hours. And that bed had been amazing. As the elevator doors opened, Hayden actually let out a groan at the thought of falling face-first on the bed and passing out; after a shower, of course.
She opened her eyes and almost fell over at the fact that Sam, framed by the elevator doors, was standing there and staring at her. Also, she looked far too amused.
“That was an interesting sound.”
Was Sam smirking? She was smirking.
“I thought of the bed I was about to fall into.”
“Ah. Long shift?”
Hayden nodded and stepped through the doors. They slid shut after her, and Sam made no attempt to stop them. “I don’t know if I’m more excited about the shower or the bed.”
Sam’s nose wrinkled slightly. “What’s that in your hair?”
“Don’t ask.”
Sam was still staring at a spot near her ear. “It looks like—”
“It probably is.”
“Charming.”
“No. It’s not charming.” All Hayden wanted was to sleep. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”
For some reason, her bluntness didn’t faze Sam in the least. “I have a conference today. It starts at nine.”
“Lucky you.”
Storming away from Sam into the apartment seemed unfair. But on second thought, screw that. She turned and fished her key out of her bag, slipping it into the lock and walking in. She glanced around—Frank was nowhere to be seen. Most likely he was on her bed, where she’d left him when she’d gone to work in the evening, his tail swishing angrily.
She went to the kitchen and put her bag on the table. When she turned around, she bit back a sigh. Sam had followed her in.
“We should talk,” she said.
Hayden didn’t think she could even stand up for much longer, let alone make words. But Sam was only a few feet away, didn’t seem to be going anywhere, and was blocking the exit from the kitchen, one hand resting on the countertop. How did she look so put together first thing in the morning? She was wearing a black, tailored suit jacket, and Hayden felt as if she’d been hit by a truck that had left behind questionable goo in her hair.
“Okay.” Hayden sighed and waved her hand vaguely in the air. “Talk.”
“Are you going to act like a child the entire time?” Sam cocked her head.
“Yes.”
“That’s helpful, thank you.”
Hayden closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, and tried to ignore the way her anger was flaring up again, hot in her blood. “Okay. I’m tired. Extremely. And I’m still pretty pissed off.”
Sam nodded once at that but didn’t say anything.
“So, sorry. I’ll try and not act like a child.”
“Okay.” Sam seemed to consider her words for a second. “I didn’t want to make you angry. That was not my intention. I was genuinely surprised you were shocked. I thought we had an understanding.”
“So did I. I don’t get why my family has to know.”
“But if this was about making people believe it was real, why would you think they shouldn’t know?”
Hayden’s mouth fell open to snap something back, but nothing came out. Damn. “Okay,” she finally gave in. “Good point. I guess I figured if everyone in the hospital knew, including my best friend, and we had the marriage certificate, why would my family have to?”
“Because.” Sam broke eye contact, looking somewhere over Hayden’s shoulder. “It has to be as convincing as possible.”
“Why?”
The eye contact was back, and more intense. “I don’t have to tell you that. Our agreement was clear.”
“I don’t see why I have to turn my life upside down to that extent without an explanation as to why you don’t have to.”
“You have no idea what I am doing with my life. And actually, you have to do it because that’s what you agreed to, Hayden. This is not a surprise.”
“Yes, yes. Okay. You keep saying that. But can you see why I’m mad?”
“Not really, no.”
That heat was creeping up her neck again, and she didn’t feel so tired at the flare of it. “Seriously?”
“No.” Sam was so damn calm. It wasn’t fair. Hayden felt ready to fall into a heap in hysterical, overtired tears. “I don’t see. I’m sorry for that, but I don’t understand. We made a deal. That was your part of the bargain.” Her brow creased, as if she was genuinely lost from that point on.
Sucking in a deep breath didn’t help much. “Yes. We made a deal; that was my part. I did misunderstand how deep it had to go. I should have understood that from the start, or maybe we should have talked about this all in a lot more detail.” That ring on her finger was like an anchor dragging her hand toward the floor. Crossing her arms didn’t help the sensation. “Logically, that is all true. I made a deal. But I’m still kind of pissed. Do you get that?”
Sam eyed her, lips pursed as if she were measuring her words. “I don’t get it, I’m sorry.” But her tone had lost its condescending edge and sounded sincere, if a bit lost. “I don’t because the expectations were clear.” She held up a hand as Hayden opened her mouth, and Hayden closed it. “But I can see you are upset. I acknowledge that.”
“Okay.” Hayden sighed. More would be too much to ask for, probably. “Okay.”
What else was there to say? She was still kind of pissed off. But Sam did seem to be trying. She was a conundrum, really.
“So, do we have an understanding?” Sam asked.
&
nbsp; “I guess so. I have to tell my family. Your family apparently doesn’t need to know.” That part could have held a very bitter edge. Possibly.
“As per the agreement, yes.”
“Yes, okay, I get it, Madame Logic.” Hayden flagged against the bench top, rubbing her eyes. “Aren’t you going to be late?”
Sam checked her watch. “I’ll make it right on time.” But she pursed her lips at the reminder. Right on time was probably still late in Sam’s world. She straightened her bag on her shoulder. “Are we—are we okay?”
Hayden, who had pushed herself off the counter, paused. She’d stepped closer to Sam and was surprised at the sincere gaze that was on her. The question sounded strange coming from her. Finally, Hayden’s shoulders slumped. “We’re fine.”
“Good.” She turned and walked toward the door. “Sleep well.”
And with that comment, Sam closed the door behind her, and Hayden heard the elevator door open and close. She resisted the urge to throw her bag after her. It would only hit the door and spill its contents everywhere, anyway. Then Hayden would have to do something hideous like bend and pick things up.
What had Hayden gotten herself into? She was really going to have to tell her family—her sister, her abuela, and her nephew.
The lie was spreading, and it left her sick. They would benefit from this too, though. Hayden would have more money to send them. But a giant lie was what had set their lives on a doomed course years ago, one that had shattered everything from under them.
But really, could this one do any harm?
Everything was starting to feel fuzzy around the edges. She climbed into the shower as soon as the water was hot, steam billowing out from behind the glass door in waves. It was like heaven, and she stood under it, wavering for longer than she meant to, her fingertips pruned when she finally climbed out. She pulled on an oversized shirt and underwear, tugged the heavy curtains over the window, set her alarm, and crawled under her covers.
She groaned again. Loudly. It felt so damn good. The bed was warm. The blanket was thick.
She had to tell her family.
But that was future Hayden’s problem. Current Hayden’s eyelids were filled with lead. When she felt a thump at the end of the bed and heard the padding of tiny paws, she didn’t open her eyes as she pulled the blanket up off herself and held it up until she heard scurrying. Frank’s warmth pressed into her stomach in a tight ball. She dropped the blanket back down and curled around him. His purring was barely muffled.
Sleep was like a wave, tugging her deeper until it was all she knew.
~ ~ ~
Four shifts of night shift always flew by.
All she did was work, go home, sleep, wake up like the dead, eat cereal at five in the afternoon, go to work, go home, maybe have a beer at nine in the morning, because, for Hayden, it wasn’t really morning. Then it was sleep, repeat. The shifts were always busy; the staff were always bordering on loopy, but interesting things always happened.
The bonus? Hayden didn’t really see Sam. She was gone by the time Hayden arrived home, and Hayden was heading to work by the time Sam was leaving it. She saw her once when Sam was called for a consult and Sam had obviously stayed late.
That was interesting.
“So, you’re really married to her?” Tasha asked, her eyebrows so high up her head Hayden thought they might launch into space.
“Yup.” Hayden said it happily and kept checking lab results on the computer. She’d better look happy—no, ecstatic. That was what she was going for.
“I heard. And I saw the ring on your finger. I mean, I knew you’d been seeing each other outside of work. People were talking about it. And one night I saw the two of you looking cozy in a bar. But married?”
Choosing bars near the hospital had paid off.
“Yup,” Hayden said. “Married. Lawfully wedded and all that.” She glanced up. “And yes, I know it’s fast. When it’s right, it’s right, you know?”
She’d practiced that one in the mirror. Perfected it, really.
Tasha’s smile was a little uncertain. “Yeah, I guess so. Well, congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
It was one of many such congratulations she’d received, all with that tone that said the person couldn’t really believe they were actually saying it. The ring had been eyed, and not long after someone from surgery had come down and whispered something to someone else, which meant Hayden had made herself look giddy and joyful, and eventually someone brave finally asked, and wham. It had spread faster than news about a new flu.
Everyone was clearly skeptical. Most didn’t really care. They weren’t overly involved, and Hayden knew from experience that to them it was merely an interesting bit of gossip that they moved on from quickly when they heard something new. Hayden and her super-fast wedding got replaced as soon as the director of the hospital was charged with fraud. Luce kind of eyed her between shift changes, but neither of them really saw each other much when one of them was on night shift. Mostly they sent stupid messages and humorously captioned photos back and forth. Night shift sucked them in, and all anyone could do was buckle down until it was over.
Which Hayden was so ready for, as was Tasha, if the bags under her eyes were any indication.
“Actually, I’m due for my break. I’ve called for a consult, so if Neuro turns up, I’m sure you won’t mind taking it.” Tasha winked. “There’re unused beds everywhere.”
Hayden wrinkled her nose. “Ew, Tasha. This isn’t a medical drama on TV.”
“Well, just saying it’s been done before.”
“Well, it won’t be this time. It’s two in the morning. The Neuro consult won’t be Sam.”
Tasha gave her a weird look. “She’s the on call tonight.”
Shit. How had Hayden not known that? Oh, right. The avoidance. “Oh! Yeah. I assumed she’d send a pleb.”
“Right. Anyway. It’s for a patient in bed four. MVA, looks like a bad concussion. Has had a scan and needs the review.” Tasha updated Hayden in more detail and gave a quick overview on her other patients in case they needed anything while she took her break.
“No problem.”
“Enjoy your honey.” Tasha flounced away.
Of course, Sam took over twenty minutes to arrive. She walked up to the nurses’ station, scrub cap on and no lab coat. It was another decorated one, this time light blue and covered in tiny stethoscopes.
Sam was such a nerd.
“Hello,” she said. She put her elbows on the nurses’ station, and Hayden looked up at her from the other side.
“Hi.” Hayden glanced around. No one was really paying attention, but you never knew. They smiled at each other. Sam’s eyes softened with the gesture. She was pale, smudges under her eyes. It was always so obvious when she was tired. “I didn’t know you were on tonight.” She kept her voice low.
“It was an emergency cover.” Sam smothered a yawn. “I was not prepared for it.”
“Clearly.”
“Did someone need a consult?”
“Yeah, my coworker. Here’s the folder. Car accident.” Hayden updated her on the status, making sure to tell her everything Tasha had said. She pulled up the scan on the computer, and Sam came around the nurses’ station to stand behind her and look at the image.
“Hm.”
And then Sam was leaning forward, her hand planted on the desk next to the mouse, her fingers against Hayden’s. Sam’s head was next to Hayden’s and her chest against Hayden’s shoulder blade.
Softness. And a very subtle perfume. Or was that a subtle soap?
Sam’s cheek was almost against Hayden’s ear.
She was too tired to comprehend this.
“Hayden,” Sam murmured. “Someone, who I assume knows you, is watching us. Blonde hair. Nurse.”
“That’s Tasha. It’s her patient whose scan we’re looking at.” Hayden kept her own voice low.
“She was watching us. I thought this was appropriate. Am I wro
ng?”
“No.” Hayden cleared her throat. “No. This is… This is what married people would do.”
Okay, so it had been a few months since Hayden had…well. Or maybe more than a few months? And when Sam turned her head a touch, her lips brushed Hayden’s hair as she spoke into her ear.
“Then you need to relax.”
Goose bumps erupted down Hayden’s back. This was weird and uncomfortable as hell.
Hayden took a deep breath and tried to make her shoulders loosen. The movement pushed her back further against Sam’s chest.
This was utterly ridiculous. She’d sit with Luce like this. Or most other people in the ER. Okay, there would always be fewer lips near ears and chests pushing against her shoulder blades. But this was just like being affectionate with a friend, right?
She forced her lips up and turned her head back toward Sam. Their eyes ended up inches apart. “Better?”
Acting. She could act. That was all any of this had ever been.
“Much.” Sam’s eyes were vibrant in the fluorescent light of the ER. It was never dark here, no matter the time of day or night. “Now, have a look at the scan.” Hayden turned back to her, her ear brushing Sam’s cheek. “What do you see?”
Hayden moved the mouse, flipping through the images. “A bleed.”
“Good. Do you think it needs surgery?”
Hayden didn’t feel like she was being patronized. But she did feel as if she was being tested. She wasn’t a neurosurgeon or a radiographer. She narrowed her eyes, concentrating on the image, flicking through the fine slices. “Yes?”
“Is that a question or an answer?”
“An answer. She needs surgery.”
“That she does.” Sam straightened, and cold air swirled around Hayden’s neck. “That nurse is the patient’s?” Hayden nodded, not trusting her voice for some reason. “I’ll see you at home.”
And Sam walked away to Tasha, who really had been skulking near a treatment room and watching them.
So yeah, night shift was a weird world.
By the end of her fourth shift, Hayden was looking forward to being back in the land of the living. She’d read the studies. She knew night shift workers plain didn’t function as well as other people. But it was part and parcel of the job, and there was always the relief to look forward to when it was over.
